I have messed up everything

[Mikey9]

This is a continuation of the thread: Broke the Law of Chasity, if admins want to delete this thread because its basically about the same matter i advice you to not do it because the situation is worser than it was less than a month ago plus some other things. After this thread i have no interest in discussing this matter again because i want to feel happy and truly repent again. So this is my story. If i recembles someone from you ward please try to ignore it.

 

I were baptized over a month again and i were so happy and looked forward to church on sundays, and evertime the missionaries visited me it was highlight of they day and everything was perfect.

 

Until about 21 days ago or something when i fell into Pornography and Masturbation and since then i have relapsed like 12 times since then. I have known i must tell the Bishop if this happens but i dont have the courage for it, i have gone to church, pretended nothing has happened, received the Aaronic Priesthood, paricipated in the sacrament without confessing to my Bishop.

 

I am so ashamed of this because i have betrayed The Bishop and everyone else in my Ward, i wasnt also completely honest on my Priesthood Interview about this especially and so.

 

If i tell the Bishop he will know i have betrayed the True Church of God and participated in Sacred Rituals when i had sinned much and lied to him. If i tells him he will without a doubt withdraw my privileges, the missionaries will probably understand why because i cannot participate in sacrament and i will be forced to sit in a couch outside the sacrament meeting room and feel ashamed of my actions while everyone will look at me.

 

I really needs advice because i dont know what to do and this has gone too far know!

[estradling75]

It appears that nothing has changed from what you stated here.  http://lds.net/forums/topic/54057-broke-the-law-of-chasity/#entry777061

 

The advice and information we can give you will remain the same

[Mikey9]

It appears that everything has chanched because since the former thread i have received the Aaronic Priesthood, relapsed like 10 times and participated in sacrament, lying under Priesthood Interview.

[estradling75]

No it has not...

 

You are still letting fear dictate your actions...

 

The advice will always be go to the bishop... confess and work on becoming clean.

 

The longer you wait the greater power you let fear have and the longer you carry the burden of guilt and lack the companionship of the Holy Ghost.

 

Call and set up an appointment right now.

[MrShorty]

I will agree with estradling, the advice is still the same.

 

If it helps, I am reminded of this article written by LDS therapist Mark Chamberlain: http://markchamberlainphd.blogspot.com/2010/10/want-porn-out-let-wife-in.html Obviously it is specifically addressing married men, one of the key ideas he brings up is this: It sometimes seems that part of what drives this habit/compulsion is the need to keep it secret. In cases like this, part of breaking the habit is finding a good "accountability partner" who can receive your confessions. The theory is that, as you break away from the need to keep it secret, you can break away from the need to do it (or at least better manage the need). Obviously, since you are not married, this is not going to be your wife, but your bishop could fill a similar role, or a parent, or a reliable friend.

[Mikey9]

Okay, okay, i will do it as soon as possible but i need just 1 more advice please.

 

How should i explain this and why i say this after receiving priesthood and not before and will not the missionaries ask me why i didnt take the sacrament?

 

Its one thing to tell the bishop but to let half the people in Ward is too much.

[Lakumi]

As not a Mormon, I certainly never talk to a Bishop about anything, and even if I was completely against the idea of the law of chastity (I'm not but we can pretend I am) you believe in it, and it's clearly hurting you.

I mean I could give some spout about not caring about it, live life for you-all that craziness but ultimately you yourself stated the right course of action.

 

Are you looking for an out somehow?

[estradling75]

Okay, okay, i will do it as soon as possible but i need just 1 more advice please.

 

How should i explain this and why i say this after receiving priesthood and not before and will not the missionaries ask me why i didnt take the sacrament?

 

Its one thing to tell the bishop but to let half the people in Ward is too much.

 

 

Again its fear ruling you.  Fear of what other people think.  It is no one else business on why you don't take the sacrament.  If people seen and make a judgment then that is their sin not yours.  If they are rude enough to ask feel free to not answer or be very vague.

[Mikey9]

Thank you. I will say something like this to the bishop on Sunday: I havent kept all the commandments and i have been ashamed to tell you this and i am sorry for not telling you on the priesthood interview but that was like 3 weeks ago and something has chanced since then and i wasnt ready then and i should have told you but i am not used to this and i am new to the church. Sorry anyway. 

[Jane_Doe]

This is a continuation of the thread: Broke the Law of Chasity, if admins want to delete this thread because its basically about the same matter i advice you to not do it because the situation is worser than it was less than a month ago plus some other things. After this thread i have no interest in discussing this matter again because i want to feel happy and truly repent again. So this is my story. If i recembles someone from you ward please try to ignore it.

 

I were baptized over a month again and i were so happy and looked forward to church on sundays, and evertime the missionaries visited me it was highlight of they day and everything was perfect.

 

Until about 21 days ago or something when i fell into Pornography and Masturbation and since then i have relapsed like 12 times since then. I have known i must tell the Bishop if this happens but i dont have the courage for it, i have gone to church, pretended nothing has happened, received the Aaronic Priesthood, paricipated in the sacrament without confessing to my Bishop.

 

I am so ashamed of this because i have betrayed The Bishop and everyone else in my Ward, i wasnt also completely honest on my Priesthood Interview about this especially and so.

 

If i tell the Bishop he will know i have betrayed the True Church of God and participated in Sacred Rituals when i had sinned much and lied to him. If i tells him he will without a doubt withdraw my privileges, the missionaries will probably understand why because i cannot participate in sacrament and i will be forced to sit in a couch outside the sacrament meeting room and feel ashamed of my actions while everyone will look at me.

 

I really needs advice because i dont know what to do and this has gone too far know!

 

 

First of all, take a deep breath.

 

Second, feel a giant hug from God.

 

Third: repeat steps 1 & 2 over and over.

 

God loves you last year, last month, and today.  Yes, you've messed up (we all do), that's why Christ's atonement exist and why the scarament in administered every week.  Now that you've (hopefully) calmed down, you can take steps to have (and keep) Christ in your life.  

 

Remember, the bishop isn't the person who decides whether or not you get into heaven.  What the bishop is a person to help you along your course there.  Don't let embarrassment keep you from getting the help you need!  

 

I assure you, you're not the first person to have these issues--- in fact your bishop has probably talked to >10 different people with this same issue just this month!  Again: Don't let embarrassment keep you from getting the help you need!  

 

Go, talk to the Bishop!  Get on your knees and talk to God and Christ!  Let them help you!!!!

 

(Note, if you do need to take some time off from passing the sacrement you can just sit in the pews like everyone else, there's no need for you to get kicked out of the room.  And if some gossip has nothing better to do that think "Oh Mickey's not passing the sacrement- he must be a horrible person!", well then severe shame on that gossip!!) 

[skippy740]

2 Timothy 1:7

 

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

[Quin]

Okay, okay, i will do it as soon as possible but i need just 1 more advice please.

 

How should i explain this and why i say this after receiving priesthood and not before and will not the missionaries ask me why i didnt take the sacrament?

 

Its one thing to tell the bishop but to let half the people in Ward is too much.

It may not come to that.

If it did, and there is a time that you need to abstain...

Most people won't notice.

Of those who do, most won't care.

People skip sacrament for LOTS of different reasons, only some of them in disciplinary action.

I suggest you

- talk to the Bishop

- read "The Telltale Heart" by Edgar Allen Poe.

- contemplate the aphorism "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" when you start spinning out of control.

Q

[Guest Silarias]

Talk to the bishop.  He will not condemn you.  He will help you hold yourself accountable for your actions so that you can repent; that part of why he asks you not to participate in sacrament ordinances or take the sacrament, besides spiritual worthiness.  The bishops are literally judges in Israel, and they help their flocks.  

 

If people ask why you're not participating in ordinances, you don't have to tell them or lie to them.  Tell them you have a personal issue and leave it at that; it's none of their business.  You can still sit in the chapel; if someone asks you to pass the sacrament, just tell them no and leave it at that.

 

Also, the root of this isn't between you or the bishop, or you and the missionaries.  It's between you and Heavenly Father.  You have to be willing to have a true change of heart; that's what repentance is.  Confession and saying sorry are big parts of it, but you have to change yourself.  Let the Atonement work through you.  God through Jesus Christ's sacrifice forgives.  I used to have a masturbation problem too, and I know it's scary to talk to the bishop, but I sucked up and did it anyway.  Multiple times.  It took me a while to learn that it was between me and Heavenly Father, and I eventually did stop and was able to progress.

 

Keep in contact with your bishop and those you trust as you work through this.  Our Church leaders are there to help us, not condemn us.

[Mikey9]

The only thing im worried about if he will get disappointed at me because i lied under the Priesthood Interview.

[Mikey9]

Is it okay to approach the Bishop just before sacrament meeting?

[Guest]

Mikey... read everything you posted in here.  Then come back and read what I have to say.

 

You know you sinned.  All the posts you have posted... and I'm pretty confident in the ALL... is about what people think of you, what the bishop might do, what this and that will do to you... everything... is ALL about your self-preservation in the eyes of other people.  They are not your judge.  GOD IS.  Throwing away your eternal progression for the vanity of mortal acceptance is exchanging your pearls for beach sand... not even... exchanging your pearls for swine dung!

 

You are not ready for repentance.  Repentance requires HUMILITY.  A broken heart and a contrite spirit.  You must desire to please Heavenly Father more than your desire to evade mortal consequences.  When that desire is in your heart (and this comes from loving God with all your heart, mind, and strength), then it wouldn't matter if you are going to get paraded in the city square with little kids throwing tomatoes at you.  You will bear that consequence to be back in the graces of the Father.  Because, really... would you exchange saving yourself for 12 hours of tomatoes in your face - or even a month, a year, a decade of daily tomatoes...for your eternal joy?

 

So... go talk to the bishop and ask him to help you gain that strong testimony to desire to please Heavenly Father above mortal pleasures... stop asking questions about when to talk to the bishop, what the bishop is going to say, what other people are gonna think, do, whether they'll look at you funny at sacrament... STOP. You're exchanging your pearls for swine dung.  Go call the bishop at anytime you find the courage to talk to him.  ANYTIME.  24/7. That courage may not hold.  If he can't talk to you, he will tell you and then he will set up the proper time for you and the die is cast.  It will become a little bit easier to just follow through. 

 

When you've found that desire to love God with all your heart, mind and strength, you can go on with the repentance process... and you will see that gaining that testimony and gaining that love for your Heavenly Father will help stop you from going back to that addiction... so that, the next time you think about consuming porn, you can sing The Spirit of God and the love for God will suffuse you and kill that desire for porn.

[yjacket]

One thing I have realized in life is that a significant portion of our fear of others deals with how we perceive others.  We think to ourselves, they would never to xyz, they are so good, they would think poorly of me if they knew what I did.

 

As we get older we realize that everyone has messed up to some extend.  Only one has ever lived a perfect life.  Everyone else has sinned.  And one speck of sin, no matter how seemingly small will prevent us from entering into His presence.  Your sins are not any greater or smaller than anyone else.  Some sins require more penitence and time to recover simply because of their consequences . . .some sins require a lifetime of penitence (i.e. murder for one).

 

We were all put on this earth and because of our mortality we will sin, it is inevitable.  The liberation from sin comes in realizing that Christ suffered for all of them, for me individually.  It is in our realization that He paid the price, His blood will cleanse us that we must come unto Him to be cleansed.  We will continually mess up, but the point is to honestly be striving the best possible, to be doing as many of the things that He has commanded.  To prove to ourselves that we are worthy to be in His presence.

 

Worrying about what others will think is a fool's game, because frankly everyone else has their own sins to worry about and the Lord has said, "let he without sin cast the first stone".  It is only important to worry about what God thinks and what we need to do to be right with Him.  When you are more concerned about God than man, then you will be on the road to salvation.

[CiVi]

The Atonement doesn't have a deadline. Yeah, it's terrifying to talk to your bishop about something you did wrong, but you have to realize that things can only get better from there. The longer you wait, the worse you will feel; but once you talk to him and truly commit to the repentance process, then it is ALL behind you. Repentance isn't about just admitting guilt, it's about healing and getting closer to humility and perfection!!! And if there is any Church where you will NOT be condemned for making mistakes by your leaders, it is THIS ONE. As a convert, I'm continuously astounded by how readily members admit to past sin and how many have turned to the bishop at one point or another with blatant honesty about what they did wrong. But that's because they don't have to be ashamed any longer. Because the Atonement and your participation in it makes any weakness or mistake into a future advantage. Moreover, out of all of the experiences I've ever heard shared- anonymously or not- I have never heard of anyone ever feeling shame or regret about going to their bishop. It is always portrayed by the Church and by the people who have gone through it as a spiritual victory, which it is. So start honoring your status as an irrevocable child of God and priesthood holder and work up the courage to open up to your bishop. This is a matter of your soul, and there is only one way to win. Future you will love you for it.

[omegaseamaster75]

Is it okay to approach the Bishop just before sacrament meeting?

Call his executive secretary and set up an appointment. He has plenty of people bugging him just before sacrament.

[Mikey9]

When he asks me on Sunday how im doing i will say: Not sp good and: Can we talk? Then i will take the consequences.

 

I have been free from P*rn and Mas*ur 11 days now. At least thats something.

[Mikey9]

omegaseamaster75: I agree but in my parish there is only 150 active members or so and the Bishop is more occupied before sacrament meeting than before.

[Mikey9]

Now i have told my Bishop about it and know i am free and can enjoy life again. Bishop said that skip sacrament was not necessary as a disciplinary action but rather its a thing you choose if Heavenly Father likes the idea that you should participate in the sacrament.

 

For the first time in 40 days or so i am free.

[FiveNine]

.