Confidentiality


Louloudi
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I spoke to my Bishop about some personal problems which I understood to be in confidence... he then also assured me that it was in confidence and wouldn't leave the room.

 

However, he has gone and spoken about it to others in the church - RS president for definite, without telling me this or asking my permission.

 

I had a suspicion that he had spoken to someone else a while ago about something I had said, but thought I was just being silly, but this time she clearly knows the stuff I spoke to in private with my Bishop.

 

I'm so angry that he has done this.  I told him that I find it hard to talk and trust and then he does this.  I'm sure it was an attempt to help support me, but in my opinion telling others something confidential without my consent is going too far.

 

This has just made me feel worse.  What should I do?  Is this how conversations with the Bishop go?

 

Also, I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks which, at times, makes attending church and participating fully really difficult.  Ive been told that I just need to "put some effort in" and I'll be okay.  It's like they just don't understand that it isn't about effort and I am really trying my best, but anxiety prevents it a lot.

 

Today I really miss my old church, Anglican, and just feel alone and unsupported.

 

People just assume that I am not trying and am being silly - it's more than that.  But, they have made me feel useless and childish for the way I feel - even though I know I have no control over it.

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Also, I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks which, at times, makes attending church and participating fully really difficult.  Ive been told that I just need to "put some effort in" and I'll be okay.  It's like they just don't understand that it isn't about effort and I am really trying my best, but anxiety prevents it a lot.

 

It likely they don't understand. Unless one has experienced a psychological issue themselves (or has been close to someone who has) at some point or received some sort of training or education it's generally hard to understand beyond a nebulous intellectual level. They simply lack the frame of reference to accurately put themselves in your position.

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It might depend upon the nature of what you told him.  There are certain things that are under the stewardship of the Relief Society President, such as church welfare among a few others, It may have been an error in judgement on his part, and it may have been a necessary action to getting you the help you need or requested.  Without more information it would be impossible to speculate with any accuracy as to what exactly might have happened.

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I spoke to my Bishop about some personal problems which I understood to be in confidence... he then also assured me that it was in confidence and wouldn't leave the room.

 

However, he has gone and spoken about it to others in the church - RS president for definite, without telling me this or asking my permission.

 

I had a suspicion that he had spoken to someone else a while ago about something I had said, but thought I was just being silly, but this time she clearly knows the stuff I spoke to in private with my Bishop.

 

I'm so angry that he has done this.  I told him that I find it hard to talk and trust and then he does this.  I'm sure it was an attempt to help support me, but in my opinion telling others something confidential without my consent is going too far.

 

This has just made me feel worse.  What should I do?  Is this how conversations with the Bishop go?

 

Also, I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks which, at times, makes attending church and participating fully really difficult.  Ive been told that I just need to "put some effort in" and I'll be okay.  It's like they just don't understand that it isn't about effort and I am really trying my best, but anxiety prevents it a lot.

 

Today I really miss my old church, Anglican, and just feel alone and unsupported.

 

People just assume that I am not trying and am being silly - it's more than that.  But, they have made me feel useless and childish for the way I feel - even though I know I have no control over it.

 

 

Hello!

 

I wanted to let you know that I know how you feel. I very directly have experience with panic attacks and anxiety. Now, thanks to the wonders of modern medication, my anxiety is under control.

 

But for years, I had issues with 'Night Terrors' - Waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, heart racing. In fact, I once went 7 days without sleep because I'd start to feel fear the moment I closed my eyes. I was okay during the day, except that I'd get irritable and confrontational when my anxiety levels started to rise.

 

I guess that'd be a 'Fight or Flight' thing. I chose fight.

 

I also understand how hard it can be to talk about. I was pretty much a stalwart guy. Very few people would have guessed I struggled with anxiety. I grew up in a military household, so I had good posture. I joked with people. I was a bit of a social butterfly. I was always worried someone would think that my anxiety was 'All that I was'. I'd stop being the funny, generally empathetic, fun to be around guy and be 'That guy with anxiety'. I didn't want to be defined by a single thing, so I didn't share that with anyone up until about a few years ago when I started to get more confident.

 

I tell  you this just so you know that I can absolutely see where you're coming from, and so you understand that I understand how despairing it can be to suffer from anxiety - How it feels like an insurmountable mountain and how you just want to crawl under the covers some days and not come out. And because of this, I want you to know absolutely that what I'm about to tell you is true.

 

You're not really mad at your Bishop.

 

You're feeling lost and lonely and afraid. Your Bishop did something against your wishes in an attempt to help you. This has let you latch on to that as a means to push him away and the church, because the church is very hard for someone with anxiety. You feel betrayed and angry, yes, but that makes it easier to push him away because it's so hard to confront things.

 

You don't have to be afraid. The church is here to help. You're loved and you're not alone. Lemme know if you want to talk. I really do get it. 

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You know when you go to confession or speak to a catholic priest? That's confidential. In the case of confession a confidentiality that is maintained no matter what you confess.

 

Speak to an Anglican priest, yep that is confidential but in certain cases of abuse and illegal actions can be broken.

 

Speak to an LDS bishop they may say it is completely confidential they may not but it isn't in any way confidential. They can tell any one they please. RS president, elders quram, stake president, their wife and possible the milk man. They may also tell no one. 

 

I was like you shared something really personal with the bishop after being prompted by him I had gone to speak to him about service opportunities in family services. To his credit he never said it was confidential but next week RS president makes an appointment to speak about it. There was no ill intentions but it is a bit cringe worthy knowing that my problem was being shared around.

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You know when you go to confession or speak to a catholic priest? That's confidential. In the case of confession a confidentiality that is maintained no matter what you confess.

 

Speak to an Anglican priest, yep that is confidential but in certain cases of abuse and illegal actions can be broken.

 

Speak to an LDS bishop they may say it is completely confidential they may not but it isn't in any way confidential. They can tell any one they please. RS president, elders quram, stake president, their wife and possible the milk man. They may also tell no one. 

 

I was like you shared something really personal with the bishop after being prompted by him I had gone to speak to him about service opportunities in family services. To his credit he never said it was confidential but next week RS president makes an appointment to speak about it. There was no ill intentions but it is a bit cringe worthy knowing that my problem was being shared around.

 

Welcome back  :)

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I think if you go to the bishop looking for help and he doesn't have the ability he kinda needs to seek consul from people who can help. Otherwise it is a bit pointless and your issue isn't going to get solved and I am sure he will feel frustrated as I genuinely believe the vast majority of bishops are good people who want to help. 

 

Seeking consul is obviously very different to gossiping or sharing info that doesn't need to be shared. If this is what you feel has happened I would suggest you say to him dude I think you were out of order and if he ignores you go further up.

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Also I think we need to bare in mind that bishops/priests from other faiths are trianed in things like this as it is their vocation. LDS bishops are just called appon to do the job as well as their day job and to continue their family life. I know I had noticed the difference between my old anglican priest and the church bishop. But as I said mostly they want to help 

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Confession to a Bishop is indeed a confidential matter and the sins are not shared with the membership. That said, in matters of serious transgression, the Bishop may inform the appropriate Quorum or auxiliary leader if the member is going through some kind of discipline so that the member is not called upon for prayer etc. No details or why's are given, just that Brother or Sister such and such should not ..... There are occasions when the Bishop may give further details if necessary to help the member.

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