Backroads Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 So, I am a people-pleaser. I often feel obliged to tell people what they want to hear. The result is I can be wishy-washy. Any suggestions for dealing with this personality flaw? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted June 19, 2014 Report Share Posted June 19, 2014 I don't think being a people-pleaser is a personality flaw. I often act the same as you. The only time I would see it as a flaw, is if I'm lying and generally not behaving with integrity. For example, if a friend is bashing the church, I'm not going to agree with my friend. I will defend the church. But, if it's something as benign as what to do for a girl's evening out, I usually don't have a strong opinion one way or the other, and will go along with what she wants to do. I'm just happy to get out of the house and actually doing something. Jennarator and Backroads 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzie Posted June 20, 2014 Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 So, I am a people-pleaser. I often feel obliged to tell people what they want to hear. The result is I can be wishy-washy. Any suggestions for dealing with this personality flaw? How would you define being a people-pleaser? You define it as trying to make people comfortable and happy? Or you define it as pleasing others at all times no matter what?. If the second, when did you start doing it? How it makes you feel? Finding the root of the issue is very important in order to modify behavior. Often times, it is done because we seek the approval of our family members, colleagues and friends and we don't realize our worth, could it be because we don't feel appreciated and by pleasing others, we feel others will like us. Often times, unfortunately this leads to people taking full advantage of us. I can only suggest to realize that it is okay to make others happy but it is not okay to try to please others all the time just because they ask you something and you cannot say "no". It will cause you to be angry and hold grudges. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NeuroTypical Posted June 20, 2014 Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 Practice being like Kristoff. Frozen: "Sleigh Ride Scene" He later uses this information to explain why he doesn't trust her judgement. He actually says "I don't trust your judgement". And it's not insulting, or unrighteously judgmental, or bad. I know it's a movie and all, but there really are people like Kristoff out there who can be grounded and firm and reasonable without being self-righteous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted June 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 I'm not sure when I started doing it, but my tendency is to say and do what people want to hear. Every time I get sick of it and reply with a simple "no", it's nothing but an eruption of drama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted June 20, 2014 Report Share Posted June 20, 2014 I'm not sure when I started doing it, but my tendency is to say and do what people want to hear. Every time I get sick of it and reply with a simple "no", it's nothing but an eruption of drama. Give me a million dollars. Say no and there...will...be...DRAMA!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dahlia Posted June 22, 2014 Report Share Posted June 22, 2014 Every time I get sick of it and reply with a simple "no", it's nothing but an eruption of drama. Don't engage in the drama. If it is face-to-face, walk away. If by phone, hang up. I had several relativs that were so drama-inducing, they should have been on Broadway. Eventually, though, they stopped bugging me, when they knew all they would get was 'no' and I refused to deal with the drama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted July 18, 2014 Report Share Posted July 18, 2014 So, I am a people-pleaser. I often feel obliged to tell people what they want to hear. The result is I can be wishy-washy. Any suggestions for dealing with this personality flaw? A few things: 1) Serenity Prayer - you can't control a thing about other people so don't try.2) Fugetaboutit - Now that you learned #1, if someone doesn't like something, then hey, their issue. No matter what you do, you will never please 100% of the people, so why waste energy trying.3) Decisiveness - Now that you learned the first two steps, have an opinion, make a decision and then stick with it unless someone has a better argument. You do it already with your child. But then, I'm not nice. Maureen and Backroads 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bytor2112 Posted July 18, 2014 Report Share Posted July 18, 2014 Sounds like you are just really nice.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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