Couldya, wouldya

[Wingnut]

Family history is something that's important to me.  Particularly important are the stories and people, not the dates and facts.  I enjoy learning new things, and hearing new stories.  I tend to have some amount of reverence for items that have been in the family for a long time, or that have a significant personal history attached to them.

 

Would you consider selling a family piece that was specifically gifted to you?  It could be for a number of reasons: maybe you aren't particularly attached to the item, maybe you need the money, maybe you're just purging your belongings, maybe some other reason.

 

Why or why not?

 

Does your answer change depending on what the item is (jewelry, furniture, book, etc.)?

 

Does your answer change if it's an item that is expected to be passed on sometime in the future (like maybe there's a tradition attached to it), versus a gift that was given just to you?

 

Does your answer change depending from whom you received the item?

[Just_A_Guy]

I'm a lot like you (and a bit of a pack rat by nature anyways)--I keep almost anything. Furniture, I'm more willing to give away because of the sheer inconvenience of keeping it (assuming it isn't useful in its own right). But pretty much anything else will have to be pried from my cold, dead fingers.

[Guest]

I am very very sentimental when it comes to things like that. I'd have to be in a pretty desperate situation to sell a keepsake. 

[Iggy]

Once upon a time I was very sentimental regarding items given to me by my blood family. Then my oldest brother tossed my belongings out during a move he made, without contacting me (I was one day away via plane trip) and for a year he collected money from me to store said belongings he had tossed.

 

Then I married a man who along with a variety of abusive ways, gave me and took away from me everything I had. The clothes on my back and in my closet. The dishes I selected for our home, furniture - mementos from my family. Pictures I salvaged that I had taken with the kodak camera my parents bought me when I turned 10. Nothing was mine according to this man. It was all his, as I was. 

 

I am remarried to a kind and generous man. He has nothing from his previous life either. Except the memories. His youngest brother destroyed every thing from their childhood home. EVERYTHING - even their mother. 

 

The ONLY material, tangible thing I have retained are the *Good* dishes that us kids bought for my Mom and Dad for their 25th Anniversary. They aren't all that valuable or even unique. They are the Currier & Ives set that Safeway offered oh so many, many years ago (1966). Each week they offered part of the set for cheap if you purchased $XX of groceries. My three eldest siblings conspired with their friends parents - when they shopped at Safeway, they bought the featured items.

 

So, it was that Mom was buying and so were us 4 older children. By their Anniversary in Oct- they had a set of 24 place settings PLUS 2 sets of salt, pepper, sugar, creamer, butter dishes, and three sets each of the serving bowls, round and oval platters, tea pot and coffee (chocolate) pot.

 

I have a set of 8 - my youngest brother has a set of 8 and a young family in the town Mom was living in, who had their home burn down on them as they were in the hospital having their first baby - they have the last set of 8. 

 

I no longer have the extra long crotchet table cloth Grandma made Mom for that same 25th Anniversary. 1st husband burned it in a drunken rage. 

 

We buried Mom with her wedding ring. Dad hadn't worn his in decades- it was too valuable to him to be worn at work - my oldest sister *borrowed* it, had it re-sized and wore it all the time. Since she was cremated- who knows who has Dad's heavy Black Hills Gold wedding ring??? The jewelry that was worth anything that Grandma had - I made sure that her son's got them. They had bought it originally for her when they were in the Marines - it was fitting that they and their wives got them back.

 

The cultured pearls she had, went to all of the granddaughters. I got her two black hills gold wedding rings. Two husbands, two rings. They are so fragile I seldom wear them. 

 

The only thing I have that is worth anything is the genealogy I have gathered. Don't know who on my paternal side is going to inherit that. Will just have to see who is motivated to do the work.

 

I would like to have my mother;s Singer Treadle Sewing Machine back. Us older girls decided to give it to Mom's greatgrandaughter - she doesn't want it, I do. THAT is sentimental to me. 

[pam]

I have a few items that a re very sentimental to me.  Mainly from my grandmother.  Some are just cheap vases and plastic flowers that she always had that were given tome.  I still display them because my grandmother had them in her house and they are memories I have of her.

 

I even have a pair of overalls stashed away.  I never saw my paternal grandfather in anything but them and I asked for a pair of his overalls when he passed away.  They mean a lot.

 

I have my dad's favorite flannel shirt.  I'm planning on putting it in a jersey box and hanging it.  

 

I inherited my grandmothers sewing machine and hutch.  The kind that the machine folds down into the hutch when not in use.  It still had all of the thread, needles, bobbins just as she had them.  I won't let anyone use any of the items and they stay the way they are.  That's one of my memories of her.

 

At some point I will inherit the piano that has been around since I was about 8 years old.  It's memories and it's something that I want to keep in the family.  So I've been promised it.  

 

Now what will happen to these things when I'm gone I don't know.  I don't think any of my kids will have the same thoughts about these things that I do.  But for me at this time, they are items I could never get rid of.

[Guest]

My family has a Family Museum... yep.  We have items there from the 1500's... the place has been robbed a few times and very important pieces lost.  What I find interesting is that the older the stuff gets, the more valuable it becomes to the family - it's like we are trying to hold on to mementos that accompany memories that we feel we need to pass to the next generation so the stories keep going.  Sometimes I ponder how Mormon and Moroni must have felt trying to preserve the history of his people in those precious plates...

[Quin]

Family history is something that's important to me.  Particularly important are the stories and people, not the dates and facts.  I enjoy learning new things, and hearing new stories.  I tend to have some amount of reverence for items that have been in the family for a long time, or that have a significant personal history attached to them.

 

Would you consider selling a piece that was specifically gifted to you?  It could be for a number of reasons: maybe you aren't particularly attached to the item, maybe you need the money, maybe you're just purging your belongings, maybe some other reason

- Yep. Not usually lightly, but I have in the past, so I have to consider that I would do so in the future.

 

Why or why not?

- it's a series of ratios between

- sentiment : monetary value. I tend to keep things that are cheap and sentimental long after I sell things that are expensive and of no sentiment.

- portability : monetary value. Size enters into it in a huge way. Small things like jewelry, letters, etc. I'll hold onto long after I sell furniture. Regardless of value. I'm also constitutionally incapable of disposing of photographs. Even my own (pushing 100k), much less from a century ago when photos were once or twice in a lifetime. I've uploaded over 1000 photos into Ancestry dot com. Front and back, since (can you tell) my family tends to blather on... Not just names of who is in it, but details of other kinds, as well.

- beauty : ugliness. I'm sorry. But if I personally find it ugly, draining, or depressing (and unable to be reupholstered or similar)... It's gone.

- General Usefulness : General Decoration. I both own and use my great grandfather's hammer & metal measuring tape from WWI. As well as a 200 year old toy box (whose lid will smash fingers, and I'm not altering that), and a whole bunch of other things. Especially prepowertool tools. They're practically indestructible, easy to mend, and wicked accurate. They also tend to be pretty. But even if uglier than sin, if they're useful, I hang onto them. I've had people horrified that I'm actually using museum quality pieces in my everyday endeavors. Man. They were made to be used every day. They are only museum quality because they ARE used (and therefore maintained). I'll also keep things that are of no use to me whatsoever, purely because they are decorative. While that goes into beauty:ugly, like many of these which have multiple checks... it's a different ratio.

- money : family. I have a tendency to offer (free) any item I own before I sell it. This is actually a family rule, but I periodically break it. Hence the "tendendency". If I need $200 for my son's medicine I'll offer if people want to buy XYZ before I sell it, but I need the money. One way or another. Half of my family is quite wealthy, so they get furious with me over this... Because they honestly cannot understand a world in which I've already had the utilities off for several months, much less not being able to afford necessary medicine. They see my asking for even token payment on an item as an insult of the worst kind (even worse than letting something go outside of the family). I understand where they are coming from, but I've also got a kid who needs to breathe. If they'd like to buy his medicine and have the item gratis, they're welcome, but this kind of polite fiction is not allowed. A few (especially of the older members ) completely understand this, and will slip me cash, with the tacit understanding that I neither sell the object nor give it away. I'll do that. I won't sell it and therefore have 400 instead of 200. The only pieces that don't fall under this umbrella are items that have been offered and turned down. Once everyone has a chance to say "That's special to me! Mine!" and doesn't... It can be sold at will by the possessor, no hard feelings. Ah. Family politics.

 

Does your answer change depending from whom you received the item?

Yep. Absolutely. It completely changes my ratios.

______

The ones I didn't answer individually are answered in there somewhere. The only one that enters into my "keep/discard" you didn't mention... Is imagination. If I can imagine a thing might be useful, wanted, beautiful to someone, etc... Even if I don't find them to be, and no one else wants them, I generally still keep them. My grandfather kept all the old cameras. For over 50 years. No one in my family in 3 generations -including him- had an interest in photography. Until me. So I got a box of ancient to modern cameras (including a Leica worth more than my car!). Because he had the imagination to think that someone, some day, might love them. So I try to pass that forward. Hence a whole lotta cartography equipment, not to mention all kinds of odds and ends that I personally find quite worthless. But the huge eyes and gasped breath makes 20 years (to date) of storing what I consider junk to turn them into treasures.

[Quin]

As an addendum... Because I COULD sell everything I own, and make probably 20-50k... I don't accept church funds/help.

It drives my bishop insane. But my family considers ownership to be stewardship, unless you bought it yourself.

If I were to actually garage sale (auction) "family" stuff, 99% of it would be gone before it went to auction by family tradition (if I offered it to anyone who wanted the care of it). So Od only get about $500 in total, if that.

But because in theory I could accept the consequences (I'd be disowned by most of my family) and not offer it first to my family ... I won't accept church help.

I'm probably going to lose my house.

But I bought that myself.

I will lose my house before I sell things I have stewardship over.

I won't lose my son.

I'll sell things for medicine, but not for comfort, or pride.

[applepansy]

I will hang on to keepsakes until we become so destitute that we have to have money for food.  And even then I would try to sell whatever keepsake to a family member along with the written story behind it.  :)

[Blackmarch]

Family history is something that's important to me.  Particularly important are the stories and people, not the dates and facts.  I enjoy learning new things, and hearing new stories.  I tend to have some amount of reverence for items that have been in the family for a long time, or that have a significant personal history attached to them.

 

Would you consider selling a family piece that was specifically gifted to you?  It could be for a number of reasons: maybe you aren't particularly attached to the item, maybe you need the money, maybe you're just purging your belongings, maybe some other reason.

 

Why or why not?

 

Does your answer change depending on what the item is (jewelry, furniture, book, etc.)?

 

Does your answer change if it's an item that is expected to be passed on sometime in the future (like maybe there's a tradition attached to it), versus a gift that was given just to you?

 

Does your answer change depending from whom you received the item?

If it was the only way to help another family member out i would or ifi could find no possible way of keeping it, then i would. Otherwise i would not sell it.

[dahlia]

I think it depends on the item and how I can work it into my current living arrangements. I've seen too many Hoarders shows with places stuffed to the rafters with dead parents' and grandparents' stuff because no one could part with it. I've told my son to pick a few things he wants and feel free to get rid of the rest. He's under no obligation to be buried under my stuff just because it was mine.

 

I guess my mother has most of our family's keepsakes. I know I don't have them. When it is time to divide them up, I'm not going to argue over who gets what or if something is sold because, since they haven't been part of my life, they don't mean much to me. I might take a couple of small things from what she's saved as well as her own estate and call it a day.

 

That said, my husband didn't leave much behind. We gave away most of his clothes, keeping a few items for ourselves, and kept the few nicknacks he had. What I won't get rid of is a collection of Army documents, some old resumes, and the few cards I have left from him. I can see what he was doing at different parts of his life, some before I met him, see how silly he was with the cards he selected, etc. I also have a set of imitation pearls that he gave me when Barbara Bush's pearls and the dress for success look was in. They aren't expensive and the finish has rubbed off of some, but I asked for them and he got them. That didn't happen a lot.   I told my son to keep them.

[Wingnut]

I guess my mother has most of our family's keepsakes. I know I don't have them. When it is time to divide them up, I'm not going to argue over who gets what or if something is sold because, since they haven't been part of my life, they don't mean much to me. I might take a couple of small things from what she's saved as well as her own estate and call it a day.

 

This is where I am right now, really.  My great-grandfather passed away about seven years ago.  (Technically he's my great-step-grandfather, but he and my great-grandmother married when my grandfather was less than 10 years old, I think.)  I had a good relationship with him when I was a child, and I was fortunate enough to be able to attend his funeral on the other side of the country.  About a year later, my parents gave me something that they found as they had been going through his effects.  It was a gift meant for me, from his mother (my great-great-grandmother), who passed away when I was 6 or 7 years old, but who I vaguely remember.  It was something that she had for many years (nearly half a century, in fact), and that she left specifically for me, though I never received it until I was 26 years old.  As such, the only meaning it really holds for me is that it's a family piece that should feel important, but I'm not actually terribly attached to it.  I think it would fetch a decent price, and I just was thinking about the idea of selling it.

[Just_A_Guy]

In that situation, Wingers; I probably wouldn't sell it in my lifetime--for guilt, if no other reason. But is there a local historical society or trade/hobby group (depending on the nature of the item) that might be interested in taking it as a "long-term loan" and putting it on display? That way you don't have to worry about storing it.

[FiveNine]

If a family item has been gifted to me I would feel the need to continue on the gifting to my daughter when she is of age. We have several items that have been handed down between generations in my family, naturally I would want to continue that tradition.

[Wingnut]

In that situation, Wingers; I probably wouldn't sell it in my lifetime--for guilt, if no other reason. But is there a local historical society or trade/hobby group (depending on the nature of the item) that might be interested in taking it as a "long-term loan" and putting it on display? That way you don't have to worry about storing it.

 

It's a piece of jewelry, so storage isn't an issue.  And it's probably not interesting enough to go on display.  :)