hesitant to be sealed to husband

[kymormon]

I have been married 6 years and for the first few years of marriage my husband struggled with alcoholism. This created other problems such as cheating, abuse ect. Anyway he has stopped drinking and wants to go to the temple. He is doing great going to church, home teaching ect. I should be so happy and I'm not. I don't know why but I feel myself backing away from church. My motivation to go to the temple is not there and I feel like a horrible mother and wife what's wrong with me?!

[estradling75]

Sounds to me like you are struggling to forgive.

 

From what you say in your post its easy to see how his alcoholic, abusive and cheating ways hurt you.  Repeatedly.

 

That can be very hard to overcome.  Your husband sounds like he has been moving forward with repentance and that is good for him.  But it does not sound like that harm and hurt he did to you has been addressed.  A sad fact of sin is when we do it, doors can become closed, opportunities lost, families destroyed.  Your husband might have done this to your family.

 

You are going to need to forgive him, but sometimes it is easier to forgive once we have put distance between you and him, and even then it might take years or a life time.

 

The question you have to answer (and only you can) is "Do you find your marriage worth saving?"  

 

Now you are feeling alienation from the Church probably because your know that for the church the default answer is "Yes it is."  So that is what they are going to council that is what they are going to lean toward.  Whereas you are probably leaning toward "No it is not", thus you find that they are not really helping you at all.

 

My advise to you is that you need to seriously and prayerfully consider the question, and figure out what answer the Lord has for you.  Then once you have that answer you work toward making it happen

[classylady]

You are not a horrible wife or mother.  You have been hurt by the one person who should have been there for you.  He should have been your protector, best friend and confidant, and the one you could rely on.  Now that the drinking has stopped, I'm hoping he is no longer abusive.  All of the hurtful actions that he committed will take time to get over, and I believe grieve over.  You have suffered a loss, and with loss comes grief.  I hope you know that Heavenly Father loves you, and is very much aware of your hurts and grief.  You are His daughter.  Please pray for comfort, and I know that it will come.

 

Are you planning on staying in the marriage?  If you are, then you need to do some serious thinking.  It sounds like you know that your children (and you) deserve to be in a family that is sealed together for eternity.  The Church is true.  And the teaching of eternal families is true.  I'm sorry that your husband let-you-down, but his actions do not take away the truths of the Gospel.  I hope you can hold onto the teachings of the Church, gain a stronger testimony, and stand firm and unshakeable--no matter what your husband, or anyone else, does.  Unrighteous behavior of others does not take away the truthfulness of the Gospel.

 

Your husband, as all of us, is not a perfect person.  He is in need of the Atonement, just as all of us.  Forgiveness is sometimes hard to give.  Can you forgive him?  Can you forgive him enough that you could see yourself sealed to him, along with your children?  If you're staying in the marriage, that is the goal you need to be striving towards.  Trust will take time to rebuild.  And, marriages can be rebuilt and made strong.  A good source for help is MarriageBuilders http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html.

[mdfxdb]

First of all, let me congratulate you for being a real trooper.  You have decided to stay with your husband regardless of the fact that he has committed 3 of the 3 A's that in my mind justify divorce (adultery, addiction, abuse).  

 

Don't be in a hurry to get sealed.  It is not something to be trifled with, it is sacred, and is not to be taken lightly.  How long has he been on this good path?  Have all of his actions shown that he is worthy to be sealed to you?

 

If it were me I would have a very, very, very long probationary period before I decided this is the person I want to be sealed to.  People don't change, when they do it's great, but they can also relapse.  What will you do if/when he relapses?

[believingisachoice]

What's wrong with you is that the needed healing has not occurred within you. You do not have a problem. He drank and cheated not you.

 

Deep down you feel that he could easily revert back to his old ways. You need what every person in your situation needs--spiritual confirmation. Good luck.