Sign in to follow this  
JacoJohnson

My daughter's revelation to attend public school

Recommended Posts

So my wife felt really compelled to try homeschooling our 10 year old daughter this year for various reasons.  While we are happy overall with the school district she felt like our 10 year old (who probably has undiagnosed social anxiety) would benefit from more 1:1 interaction, teaching and love.   Our daughter was very set on doing homeschooling and my wife was fully prepared with the curriculum and all. We even notified the superintendent to tell him we were homeschooling.

 

Anyway, so our daughter gets a card in the mail from her new teacher telling her how excited she is for her to come to school (the teacher didn't yet know we opted for homeschool) and all of the fun things she has planned this year. 

 

A day later our daughter comes to us and says she's prayed about homeschooling and "feels really strongly" that she should attend public school this year instead.  My wife and I were both really impressed that she felt like God was directing her in this matter.  She said "My heart was really pounding."

 

My question is if this is truly a revelation from God then why did my wife feel strongly to move towards homeschooling our daughter?  Is this conflicting revelation or a new development in God's plan?  Could either one be wrong?

 

From my side when we first considered homeschooling back earlier this year I was against it because I felt like my daughter was sort of escaping her anxiety/fear by avoiding school.  I thought it would be good to "face" those fears and keep attending school..continue with therapy (she gets therapy once a month, no medications though).  However, with passing of time I thought homeschooling could be good and started to feel good about it. 

 

Any advice on how to proceed?

 

Thanks!

JJ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Regular school, ultimately your daughter wants to be with her friends and socialize. I am sure that the teacher has great things planned and she does not want to miss out. I have always felt the "social anxiety" excuse was a co-out anyways. I am sure I will get blasted for that statement. 

 

I would not  worry about the conflicting "revelations"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I would do a FHE on D&C 8-9, Gal 5:23, 2 Tim 1:7, etc, and then commit to all three of you taking the matter back to God.

If there is no agreement, then ultimately you are going to have to decide whether you and your wife are going to "pull rank" on your daughter or not. How confident are you in your daughter's ability to receive revelation about stuff like this? Has she successfully done it before?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There are a lot of variables here.  I agree with the idea of having a family council and maybe even a family fast about it.  Get everyone on the same frequency.  Church councils work this way.  The General Authorities will table a matter if unanimity can't be reached rather than force someone to decide something under pressure.  Unanimity is one of the signs of inspired guidance given to a group.  

 

That said, when the Spirit speaks to the person who holds the keys of presidency in a council and indicates the way to go, and he reveals that to a council over which he presides, it's the duty of the council to set aside doubt and move forward.  That can happen sometimes.

 

In a bishopric, matters about calling and stuff, ordinations, etc. can involve some deliberation.  Consensus comes eventually.  I have learned that, when consensus doesn't come, the Lord doesn't want the decision to be made at that time.  Other times, the bishop would receive revelation and the other counselor and I would receive an immediate confirmation of a decision and sustain the Bishop's action.

 

As the father in the home, you have the right to the inspiration and the right of presidency.  Your daughter doesn't hold those keys.  In a ward, a Primary Teacher doesn't come to the bishop and tell him to release her and call her as the Young Women's Presidency because she had a revelation.  She doesn't hold those keys.

 

If your heart tells you this is right and it confirms your daughter's feelings, great.  If not, you have the right to revelation and her revelation won't override the one God gives to you.  If she's inspired, you'll be inspired to arrive at the same decision.  If not, remember, you're the "bishop" of your home.  I can't think of a Ward or Stake Council that would go against the inspiration of its presiding authority.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Could you try a compromise, and homeschool at least until Christmas break, then re-evaluate? She may be confusing excitement about having what seems to be a really nice teacher with revelation. If you and your wife pray, and still feel that homeschooling is what you are being lead to do, then present your daughter with the offer of a "trial run". That way everybody has a chance to see what homeschooling is actually like, what the actual pros and cons of it will be for your family, and if it turns out to be a bust you can put her back in public school.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Definitely spend time and pray about it, bring it to the lord.

 

Something that you may consider is that in a public school setting you learn how to interact with other people, often in an environment (Much like the world at large) that has a pecking order. They learn to get along with people you may not get along with so well, and how to make friends (Important skills), read social cues, Learn generational unique lingo, and to guard their trust so as to not get hurt.

 

The disadvantage is that it can be uncomfortable to some, or they could become the bully themselves, or resign who they are to some idea "nerd", "dumb", "athletic", "un-athletic", "funny", "trouble maker", etc...

 

It's a great learning opportunity for skills that might not be developed as well in other settings.

 

The major advantage to homeschooling, if the parents are able to provide proper guidance in learning is that generally a better education can be provided (Statistically higher scoring). (I have seen many homeschooling parents who do less than a stellar job though, so it's important to know your own limits in what you can provide educationally)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Honestly, it's not uncommon for kids to 'feel strongly' that they should do this or that so I would tell her something to the effect of:

- we're so happy that you understand the importance of praying about decisions

- it's obvious that this teacher cares and has some fun ideas that she's planned

- but so does mom

- therefore, we'll give homeschooling a try for half a year and reevaluate then

 

If her anxiety improves that might tell you something but if not then either option is viable.

 

Good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Two questions:

 

* Are you following state law for the notifications and steps you need to take to homeschool?  I'd go the extra mile and look into why a public school teacher apparently had your kid on her roll.

 

* What sort of social experiences do you have in mind for your 10 yr old?  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's sort of a sticky wicket of a situation isn't it? On the one hand, you don't want to destroy a child's faith and/or learning about revelation and going to the Lord. However, on the other hand, perhaps an even more important lesson to learn is that A. Not every feeling we get is revelation and. B. You don't get revelation for things that are not your stewardship.

 

Where a child goes to school is not the child's place to say. It is the parents. It is their right to receive revelation for their children on this, and regardless of the child's impressions, it is the parent's decisions and place. As also pointed out, there are legal issues sometimes in play, and regardless of feelings, sometimes we have to do what we have to do legally.

 

So one could try, as an example -- What if I prayed and felt very strongly that I was going to be the next bishop? Would it be my place to go to the Stake President and tell him that I was? What if then I wasn't called to that position? Would that mean the church was false, of that the Stake President was wrong? Can our feelings get in the way of God communicating with us? Etc...

 

In the end, the parent needs to go to the Lord and do as they feel the Spirit directs them. If the answer there is contradictory to the child's "revelation" then it is time to teach that child about stewardship and obedience. If it the answer is the same as the child's then emphasize the revelation and use that as the focus of teaching.

 

Either way, care is required, and the parent should very carefully follow the Spirit's guidance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

It's sort of a sticky wicket of a situation isn't it? On the one hand, you don't want to destroy a child's faith and/or learning about revelation and going to the Lord. However, on the other hand, perhaps an even more important lesson to learn is that A. Not every feeling we get is revelation and. B. You don't get revelation for things that are not your stewardship.

 

Where a child goes to school is not the child's place to say. It is the parents. It is their right to receive revelation for their children on this, and regardless of the child's impressions, it is the parent's decisions and place. As also pointed out, there are legal issues sometimes in play, and regardless of feelings, sometimes we have to do what we have to do legally.

 

So one could try, as an example -- What if I prayed and felt very strongly that I was going to be the next bishop. Would it be my place to go to the Stake President and tell him that I was? What if then I wasn't called to that position? Would that mean the church was false, of that the Stake President was wrong? Can our feelings get in the way of God communicating with us? Etc...

 

In the end, the parent needs to go to the Lord and do as they feel the Spirit directs them. If the answer there is contradictory to the child's "revelation" then it is time to teach that child about stewardship and obedience. If it the answer is the same as the child's then emphasize the revelation and use that as the focus of teaching.

 

Either way, care is required, and the parent should very carefully follow the Spirit's guidance.

 

TFP... the first sentence alone wins you the internet.  The rest of the advice is simply Brilliant!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's sort of a sticky wicket of a situation isn't it? On the one hand, you don't want to destroy a child's faith and/or learning about revelation and going to the Lord. However, on the other hand, perhaps an even more important lesson to learn is that A. Not every feeling we get is revelation and. B. You don't get revelation for things that are not your stewardship.

 

...

 

In the end, the parent needs to go to the Lord and do as they feel the Spirit directs them. If the answer there is contradictory to the child's "revelation" then it is time to teach that child about stewardship and obedience. If it the answer is the same as the child's then emphasize the revelation and use that as the focus of teaching.

 

Either way, care is required, and the parent should very carefully follow the Spirit's guidance.

 

I like what you say.

 

There is value in the child's impressions, don't dismiss them as not.

Just a few points i'd like to mention:

* We are all given agency

* We each have stewardship over ourselves, otherwise personal revelation wouldn't exist and we would be reliant solely      on our leaders. 

* Others have stewardship over us [to lead and guide us]

*Jesus was 12 when he taught in the temple  (Luke 2:39-52)

*Joseph Smith was about 14 when he saw the first vision.

*The first chapter of Jeremiah talks about "But the Lord said unto me, Say not, I am a child: for thou shalt go to all that I shall send thee, and whatsoever I command thee thou shalt speak."

*There are more examples in both the bible and book of Mormon.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

* We are all given agency

 

Side note: Agency requires accountability. Agency is defined in the scriptures as the freedom "to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil;" (2 Nephi 2:27)

 

Can children (before the age of accountability) choose captivity and death? No. They are not accountable.

 

Do children have agency?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Side note: Agency requires accountability. Agency is defined in the scriptures as the freedom "to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil;" (2 Nephi 2:27)

 

Can children (before the age of accountability) choose captivity and death? No. They are not accountable.

 

Do children have agency?

 

I agree, you are correct.

 

Per the definition provided of Agency, yes children can and do have agency, just not before the age of accountability [8].

(More nuance can be added to my prior statement.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Could you try a compromise, and homeschool at least until Christmas break, then re-evaluate? She may be confusing excitement about having what seems to be a really nice teacher with revelation. If you and your wife pray, and still feel that homeschooling is what you are being lead to do, then present your daughter with the offer of a "trial run". That way everybody has a chance to see what homeschooling is actually like, what the actual pros and cons of it will be for your family, and if it turns out to be a bust you can put her back in public school.

I was thinking this same thing...except doing it in the other order. I would send her to school now until December and if things work out okay...continue on with school. If they are not okay, pull her out and home school.

 

The reason I would do the public school first is starting a new year in school, children tend to start picking their friends and get bonded to them. If she does home schooling first, then she will come into school months after all the other children have bonded and she will have to try to fit in... almost like going to a new school and trying to fit in mid term.

 

If she already has anxiety... it would be hard for her to go in as a newbie 3 months into the school year.

 

I think if you are going to send her to public school at all, she has a better chance going in fresh with all the other children at the beginning of the new year.

 

Keep it all in prayer.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So my wife felt really compelled to try homeschooling our 10 year old daughter this year for various reasons.  While we are happy overall with the school district she felt like our 10 year old (who probably has undiagnosed social anxiety) would benefit from more 1:1 interaction, teaching and love.   Our daughter was very set on doing homeschooling and my wife was fully prepared with the curriculum and all. We even notified the superintendent to tell him we were homeschooling.

 

Anyway, so our daughter gets a card in the mail from her new teacher telling her how excited she is for her to come to school (the teacher didn't yet know we opted for homeschool) and all of the fun things she has planned this year. 

 

A day later our daughter comes to us and says she's prayed about homeschooling and "feels really strongly" that she should attend public school this year instead.  My wife and I were both really impressed that she felt like God was directing her in this matter.  She said "My heart was really pounding."

 

My question is if this is truly a revelation from God then why did my wife feel strongly to move towards homeschooling our daughter?  Is this conflicting revelation or a new development in God's plan?  Could either one be wrong?

 

From my side when we first considered homeschooling back earlier this year I was against it because I felt like my daughter was sort of escaping her anxiety/fear by avoiding school.  I thought it would be good to "face" those fears and keep attending school..continue with therapy (she gets therapy once a month, no medications though).  However, with passing of time I thought homeschooling could be good and started to feel good about it. 

 

Any advice on how to proceed?

 

Thanks!

JJ

try seeing if you can do a half and half setup? one year of homeschooling that i did I was able to attend some school classes but do the rest at home.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this