Tea/ coffee for guests


Louloudi
 Share

Recommended Posts

It's interesting the range of thoughts on this. As converts we are the only members of the church in our respective families. We don't keep coffee and tea (other than herbal tea) in the house on a regular basis. However I have no problem with family bringing their own and would be happy to serve it to them. My mother stayed recently to watch the kids while we went away for a few days, I would have bought coffee and tea for her, except I wasn't organised so she bought her own, it's still here and I expect it will stay here for future visits. We also have welcomed friends and family who bring their own wine or beer for meals with us. Smoking friends/family go outside, but I don't know anyone who would smoke even in their own homes, so that's just normal and not because we are members.

 

On a side note, my mother keeps a stock of my favourite herbal tea in her house, which she doesn't drink. She does it because she wants us to feel comfortable and welcome. I want people to feel the same way in my house, so I am accomodating of their preferences. We wouldn't tolerate illegal drugs in or around the home - but that hasn't changed from before.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I do not think much would change even if Jesus were to visit.  If he requested a change in my home – I would be conflicted.  Hopefully a discussion would follow and one of us would learn something from it.

 

Hmm...I wonder if Jesus would be the one who learned something from you....

 

:P

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda playing devils advocate, kinda just thinking. I notice the ones that say purchasing and stocking items in their kitchen which are against their religious ethics is okay for a guest with a close relationship, each one puts the cutoff at alcohol.

If I was going to stock items for people, I don't see a beer as any different than a coffee. I might even argue that a beer is actually healthier for you than a coffee. I would even argue that beer was debatably allowed under the original WoW and wasn't tacked on until later, and so coffee could be the grosser violation. That being said I assume the reason behind the cut off the drug caffeine (tea and coffee) doesn't alter your state of mind like alcohol can, and so it is seen as the worse substance. Am I wrong?

*Shrug* I've never personally come across a court case where someone whose caffeine use intoxicated them to the point where they caused a car crash, got in a physical altercation with a random bystander, and/or abused a family member. Convince me that caffeine intoxication is anywhere near as prevalent as alcohol intoxication, and I may change my mind. ;)

And how about tobacco? Shouldn't I provide that to my guests as well, if I am considered to be a good hostess?

Speaking for myself: No, because IMHO it creates negative externalities for me and my neighbors.

I guess hosts are supposed to compromise their religious beliefs and standards to accommodate their guests, but how dare we expect to respect a host's religious beliefs.

I just don't see allowing a houseguest to drink tea or coffee under my roof violates my religious beliefs, any more than their refusing to tithe their current bank account balance to the LDS Church while under my roof constitute a violation of my religious beliefs. Their decision isn't hurting me or my household, or involving a product that significantly damages the fabric of the society in which I live, or even (in my theological opinion) objectively "sinning" per se. They're just declining to live certain standards that the Lord primarily imposed as an outward symbol of an inward covenant--a covenant that the guest hasn't made.

If you feel differently--your house, your rules. :). But as for me and my house--that's how we look at it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll use alcohol since I don't drink and neither does the person I live with, and it fits in with this topic.

We keep it in a little cupboard for guests and it's there when we need it. There's no issue with it being there, I have zero desire to drink it.

I am a casual tea drinker now that I have a steady supply of "Masala Chai" but I don't expect my friends to have that...even though they have an entire cupboard dedicated to tea...guess I ought to buy them some!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My parents are coming to visit- they haven't been down for a long time.

My dad is a big tea drinker and my mum a coffee drinker. I don't drink either of course.

I know that not having tea and coffee in the hues for them will create a big issue which will lead onto how I shouldn't be a Mormon etc etc. Would anyone keep tea and coffee in the house for guests or family, especially if it will create a big issue and argument?

I don't want to - but not sure I could handle my parents.

If they are no Mormon they are not required too keep the WoW, and it is no sin to have these in your home as long as you don't imbibe.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda playing devils advocate, kinda just thinking. I notice the ones that say purchasing and stocking items in their kitchen which are against their religious ethics is okay for a guest with a close relationship, each one puts the cutoff at alcohol.

If I was going to stock items for people, I don't see a beer as any different than a coffee. I might even argue that a beer is actually healthier for you than a coffee. I would even argue that beer was debatably allowed under the original WoW and wasn't tacked on until later, and so coffee could be the grosser violation. That being said I assume the reason behind the cut off the drug caffeine (tea and coffee) doesn't alter your state of mind like alcohol can, and so it is seen as the worse substance. Am I wrong?

In my mind, it's not so much alcohol=bad as it is that coffee/tea seem more traditional while alcohol is more of a special occasion drink. Is it customary to offer guests alcohol at any time? in my mind, expecting to be served alcohol seems demanding while coffee/tea is more common.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, though I toss it out there should they want it, (usually beer) it is generally expected at things like BBQs and Christmas (no it is expected at Christmas 100% in my family).

It really depends on the people, some people see beer like any other drink and offer it freely for anything, I've been offered beer while at someone's house playing Warhammer or Dungeons and Dragons.

I remember every Wednesday after a board game I played with friends called blood bowl (fantasy football) we'd go to a pub.

I don't think most see it as a special occasion thing, just another thing to drink.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No, though I toss it out there should they want it, (usually beer) it is generally expected at things like BBQs and Christmas (no it is expected at Christmas 100% in my family).

It really depends on the people, some people see beer like any other drink and offer it freely for anything, I've been offered beer while at someone's house playing Warhammer or Dungeons and Dragons.

I remember every Wednesday after a board game I played with friends called blood bowl (fantasy football) we'd go to a pub.

I don't think most see it as a special occasion thing, just another thing to drink.

 

 

Okay.  I was under the impression alcohol wasn't necessarily on the same level as offering tea or coffee to guests... and immediately found myself wondering the cultural truth...

 

I suppose if I can't be bothered to offer alcohol, I can't be bothered to offer tea or coffee.  Yet, I'd dare say tea/coffee is more a of a daily ritual than beer or wine.  Does anyone absolutely have to have a daily whiskey?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No its generally beer that is offered in the same breath as pop or coffee.

I'd say more of a daily beer maybe? like one drinks pop...not how I drink pop mind you...I drink far too much pop.
I think someone who has a daily wiskey is an alcoholic, or just drinks a lot...people do, some even like the taste (yuck).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We currently have a house guest (my grandson's father) that has been living with us for a year now. He does not practice the Word of Wisdom.  He buys instant coffee and keeps it in his room and is very discreet about it.  He smokes, but goes outside and smokes away from the house. Again, he's very discreet about it. I'm appreciative that he respects our beliefs.  He does not expect us to buy him coffee, tea, or cigarettes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Kinda playing devils advocate, kinda just thinking. I notice the ones that say purchasing and stocking items in their kitchen which are against their religious ethics is okay for a guest with a close relationship, each one puts the cutoff at alcohol.

If I was going to stock items for people, I don't see a beer as any different than a coffee. I might even argue that a beer is actually healthier for you than a coffee. I would even argue that beer was debatably allowed under the original WoW and wasn't tacked on until later, and so coffee could be the grosser violation. That being said I assume the reason behind the cut off the drug caffeine (tea and coffee) doesn't alter your state of mind like alcohol can, and so it is seen as the worse substance. Am I wrong?

 

 

My father is a recovering alcoholic. He used to yell about just about everything (he wouldn't hit us, though. Got to give credit where credit is due.). Same with my grandfather.

 

I work at a grocery store, and sometimes have to clean up after a customer drops a bottle of alcohol. Just the smell will trigger memories of my father punching walls, of my grandfather yelling at my father because he was TOTALLY okay to drive, and of being told I'm a lost cause and will never amount to anything. Coffee does not trigger those memories.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No its generally beer that is offered in the same breath as pop or coffee.

I'd say more of a daily beer maybe? like one drinks pop...not how I drink pop mind you...I drink far too much pop.

I think someone who has a daily wiskey is an alcoholic, or just drinks a lot...people do, some even like the taste (yuck).

 

I'm sure there are those that might have a beer in the morning; just like there are those that have their morning pop.

 

Both beverages I think are odd to drink anytime before noon.

 

M.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sure there are those that might have a beer in the morning; just like there are those that have their morning pop.

 

Both beverages I think are odd to drink anytime before noon.

 

M.

What!? You mean vodka and OJ aren't morning drinks! My kids are going to be so depressed.

I kid. I kid. But seriously I think the point remains (despite that a coffee might be offered in the morning, and a beer later in the day) that if you are over at a friends it would be pretty culturally standard to have a beer with dinner, and for one to be offered.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sure there are those that might have a beer in the morning; just like there are those that have their morning pop.

 

Both beverages I think are odd to drink anytime before noon.

 

M.

 

Yeah, I seldom wake up before noon so I'm good :lol:

'cept on Sundays (sometimes)... really wish they'd have services later in the day...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The more I think about this, the more I lean to the notion that guests should be gracious and be willing to accept (or decline, of course) any beverage you have to offer them.  Anyone who gets in a tizzy because you didn't have a culturally popular drink on hand should not be invited back. 

 

I still stand by my earlier statement that there is certainly nothing wrong with having coffee/tea to offer close loved ones who expect it and is indeed in line with being a gracious host (anticipate your guests' needs and wants!)

 

But if they're that close to me, the relationship is probably at the point where I could say "Hey, I don't make a habit of keeping coffee/tea in the pantry due to my religious beliefs" and we could discuss their drink desires during the stay from there.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

 

I still stand by my earlier statement that there is certainly nothing wrong with having coffee/tea to offer close loved ones who expect it and is indeed in line with being a gracious host (anticipate your guests' needs and wants!)

 

I agree, there is nothing wrong with having it (well maybe if you approach it from appearance of evil, a reason I've seen people state for not purchasing wine for a recipe that calls for it)

I just can't get over guests that actually give you crap for not having it even though it's clear you would never consume it yourself. I also just thought the cut off of what people would stock was arbitrary and wanted to figure out the reason for it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

And how about tobacco? Shouldn't I provide that to my guests as well, if I am considered to be a good hostess?

I guess hosts are supposed to compromise their religious beliefs and standards to accommodate their guests, but how dare we expect to respect a host's religious beliefs.

 I get your point, but still say I would accommodate my elderly mother and have coffee for her. In terms of honoring the host's wishes, you aren't wrong, but my impression is that most people just don't see what's wrong with coffee and tea (and neither do I, for the record). It's hard to convince them that they should go without because you're LDS - especially for a convert when the family knows you drank the stuff for decades. Even people who drink liquor and who smoke can see the downside to these activities. They would 'get' your refusal to buy liquor or cigarettes. But coffee and tea, I'm sorry. I adhere to the WOW because I promised to do so, but most of the world gets along just fine drinking them. I don't see guests as knocking my religion by asking me to have some instant coffee for them.

 

I should clarify that by 'guest' I mean someone staying overnight for awhile, not the drop in guest, or even the invited guest for something like watching football. I don't see why you have to cater to those people at all.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmm...I wonder if Jesus would be the one who learned something from you....

 

:P

I see no reason to have a discussion in which I have nothing to offer.  Mostly I would be curious how it was that my personal covenants were misguided.  It is not as much a question of what I want or is a personal preference as it is what I have come to believe to be good and right.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The more I think about this, the more I lean to the notion that guests should be gracious and be willing to accept (or decline, of course) any beverage you have to offer them.  Anyone who gets in a tizzy because you didn't have a culturally popular drink on hand should not be invited back. 

 

I still stand by my earlier statement that there is certainly nothing wrong with having coffee/tea to offer close loved ones who expect it and is indeed in line with being a gracious host (anticipate your guests' needs and wants!)

 

But if they're that close to me, the relationship is probably at the point where I could say "Hey, I don't make a habit of keeping coffee/tea in the pantry due to my religious beliefs" and we could discuss their drink desires during the stay from there.

 

Just wondering - if someone was to visit Jesus at his private residence - do you think he would offer them anything contrary to his own commandments?

 

When my children were at home often they would complain with what we offered them at meal time.  Usually their response was "I do not like this" or "I do not want this".  My response was to them (please note that I love them and provide more for them than any guest) "I have not worked to provide for you what you want or what you like.  I have chosen instead to provide good healthy food for you.  I do not expect so much that you like it or want it - the reason I have provided it for you is so that you can eat it in good health.  We have also asked G-d to bless it specifically for your health and nourishment.  If you are convinced what is offered is not healthy or of poor nourishment value then please so state.  If you think I will cater to your wants and desires over what is healthy and of good nourishment - I am personally offended and you may be excused.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my children were at home often they would complain with what we offered them at meal time.  Usually their response was "I do not like this" or "I do not want this".  My response was to them (please note that I love them and provide more for them than any guest) "I have not worked to provide for you what you want or what you like.  I have chosen instead to provide good healthy food for you.  I do not expect so much that you like it or want it - the reason I have provided it for you is so that you can eat it in good health.  We have also asked G-d to bless it specifically for your health and nourishment.  If you are convinced what is offered is not healthy or of poor nourishment value then please so state.  If you think I will cater to your wants and desires over what is healthy and of good nourishment - I am personally offended and you may be excused.

My comrade, over here in the Peoples Republic of California, I fear what would happen if my child went to school and told his teacher his Daddy wouldn't let him eat dinner.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When my children were at home often they would complain with what we offered them at meal time.  Usually their response was "I do not like this" or "I do not want this".  My response was to them (please note that I love them and provide more for them than any guest) "I have not worked to provide for you what you want or what you like.  I have chosen instead to provide good healthy food for you.  I do not expect so much that you like it or want it - the reason I have provided it for you is so that you can eat it in good health.  We have also asked G-d to bless it specifically for your health and nourishment.  If you are convinced what is offered is not healthy or of poor nourishment value then please so state.  If you think I will cater to your wants and desires over what is healthy and of good nourishment - I am personally offended and you may be excused.

 

I hope your children were at least 10 years old when you made this speech and not as young as three. :)

 

M.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share