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Louloudi

Tea/ coffee for guests

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My parents are coming to visit- they haven't been down for a long time.

 

My dad is a big tea drinker and my mum a coffee drinker.  I don't drink either of course.

 

I know that not having tea and  coffee in the hues for them will create a big issue which will lead onto how I shouldn't be a Mormon etc etc.  Would anyone keep tea and coffee in the house for guests or family, especially if it will create a big issue and argument?

 

I don't want to - but not sure I could handle my parents.

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I'm not Mormon, but I'm not a coffee drinker either.  The stuff is gross. It was a disappointment to learn that coffee doesn't taste as good as it smells. I don't have coffee in my house. When I ask people what they'd like to drink, I tell them what I have- usually water, sparkling water, and juice.  Then people know you don't have coffee without having to ask for it.  If they asked for it I'd tell them how to get to Starbucks or the nearest gas station.

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I'm not LDS, and I am a coffee-drinker.  However, I'd feel wierd asking for coffee from hosts I knew were LDS.  It doesn't have the same issues as alcohol, but still--out of respect, I would not ask.  Family is different.  However, I still think expecting to be served coffee shows a bit of hubris. 

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I'm not LDS, and I am a coffee-drinker.  However, I'd feel wierd asking for coffee from hosts I knew were LDS.  It doesn't have the same issues as alcohol, but still--ought of respect, I would not ask.  Family is different.  However, I still think expecting to be served coffee shows a bit of hubris. 

Like going to a house where everything is kosher and asking for bacon.  :angry:

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I'm not LDS, and I am a coffee-drinker.  However, I'd feel wierd asking for coffee from hosts I knew were LDS.  It doesn't have the same issues as alcohol, but still--out of respect, I would not ask.  Family is different.  However, I still think expecting to be served coffee shows a bit of hubris. 

 

Thanks.

 

Yeah, I guess I should just offer what I have.  If they don't like it - I'll just have to manage it for a while until they leave.

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I converted from Judaism. My house didn't become unkosher simply because there were guests there, no matter who they were. Same deal now. No coffee, tea, alcohol or tobacco products in my house. If a guest can't survive without those products for a few hours or a few days, then they have a bigger problem than whatever my religion might happen to be.

From some of the things I've seen and heard, choices such as this when they are based on religion are considered somehow "wrong", but some of the same people who would not give respect to these choices would applaud someone who made similar choices bases on other reasons...such as politics or even the fad of the day.

Just give them directions to the nearest coffee shop.

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I'm going to differ slightly, for a couple of reasons.

 

First, as a general rule, I agree with the above.  However, there may be some exceptions applying in your case, for (IMHO) the following reasons:

 

1)  I draw a distinction between WOW-prohibited substances that are inherently chemically or socially harmful (alcohol and illegal drugs), versus WOW-prohibited substances that I see as socially/chemically innocuous, except insofar as my partaking of them would be a violation of an individual covenant that I have entered (but that a non-Mormon has not).  The former, I would not serve or allow in my home under any circumstances.  The latter, depending on circumstances--I might.

 

2)  In your case--did your parents regularly drink tea/coffee while you were growing up?  If so, and you're the one who made the lifestyle change by converting to Mormonism--well, you know what your parents' morning routine has been for decades; and you're also their host(ess?).  You're not drinking the coffee, and your parents won't be breaking any covenants of their own by partaking of the stuff--so would it kill you to keep a box of tea bags, a sack of beans, and a Mr. Coffee on-hand, just as a matter of good hospitality?

 

Also, on a semi-related tangent:

 

3)  If your parents are the kind of people who are going to get on your case about your religion for not serving coffee, I can almost guarantee they'll also get on your case about your religion if you do serve coffee.  So, whichever way you wind up going about whether to have coffee/tea on hand, don't think that your religion isn't going to come up at some point in this visit.  It will, and I'd suggest you think about how you'll handle that conversation when (not "if") it comes up.

 

Good luck!

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I have an electric drip coffee maker in my home, I also have quite a variety of teas - herbal and regular. I keep instant coffee in my cupboard.

 

When Husbands non-member children come to visit I provide them with the coffee of their choice. Son-in-l;aw drinks Starbucks rot-gut. My coffee maker can't handle the grind, so I purchase a pound of the beans and grind it myself.They also don't know how to really brew it. 1 pound of super fine grind per 72oz. of water is NOT the way. That is super mud and ends up rotting their guts, mouth, teeth, etc. 

 

His daughter prefers to drink soda's, and I will provide her with one case only of the poison. My refrigerator never has room for soda's- filled to the *rafters* with food and diabetic friendly drinks (2 1/2 gal containers of Organic whole milk and 2 1/2 gal containers of 15 calorie, zero hi fructose juices). So her sodas are in the laundry room, in a picnic ice chest filled with a bag of ice.

 

Our non-member friends know we are LDS, they know all about the WOW, the entire WOW. They know they can bring their coffee and tea into our house. They also know that any form of alcohol and tobacco are NOT allowed in our home. This they are okay with. If they are staying overnight, i.e. sleeping in our home, they know that they must go out the back door, into the back 1/8 of a postage stamp yard to smoke their cigarettes/cigars/pipes. I provide good flashlights and a folding chair(s) for them.

 

I am diabetic, when I visit I feel like a welcomed guest when I am offered diabetic friendly drinks and foods, especially when I know that my hosts are NOT diabetic and would never drink or eat these items normally.  I don't expect them to remove all of the forbidden carb rich foods, sugar/high fructose foods from their house. They also know that Husband and I do not eat Iceburg lettuce - won't eat it in restaurants either. So they have mixed garden greens &/or fresh spinach for us. 

 

Leah, the nearest coffee shop from our home is 22 miles one way. Oh, when SIL leaves, if there is any coffee beans left- he takes them in a vacuum sealed pouch. 

 

Funny for the day: My kitchen was designed by a non-cooking woman. She entertained before they all went out to eat in restaurants. (alcoholic beverages and hors d'oeuvres)There are not enough cupboards for foods, condiments, spices, AND dishes. There is one cupboard that is wedge shaped on the opposite wall from the stove, and will not accommodate boxes of foods, containers of spices, oils, etc. 

 

This is where I keep four 10 oz. glasses, three 8 oz. glasses, a small covered earthen ware bean pot filled with my packets of Splenda, and the over-sized *coffee cups* we use to eat soup, oatmeal, fruit and yogurt out of. I also keep a wire container of extra spoons and some forks. Husband thinks the buffet where I keep the flatware is much too far to walk to get a fork or spoon- so I keep those there next to the toaster. The first morning Son and wife were here they opened kitchen cupboards looking for coffee cups. They didn't pay attention when I told them the previous night that cups, were in the DIY cupboards and the flatware in the buffet in the dining room. 

 

They found the oversize cups. Each cup holds 1/2 pot of coffee!! Unless you pre-warm the cup with nearly boiling water, it won't keep the coffee hot for long either. So I get up and here they are gulping down barely warm coffee and thinking I am the strangest wife their father has yet to marry (I am #4 and also the very last, as we are sealed to each other  :D )

Edited by Iggy

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Culture may effect choices too.  When I was in Korea, gatherings tended to be guest-centric.  Guests did not help the hosts, and those doing the hosting tried hard to cater to their guests needs/wants.  In the U.S. (at least in my experience) we are more host-centric.  People are pretty quick to help with the dishes, and, as guests, we try not to give those hosting us any burden.  So, I'm probably pretty quick to suggest not serving anything you don't consume.

 

I agree with J.A.G.'s distinctions.  On the other hand, I still contend that, as a guest, I would never ask my host to serve me something I knew they did not themselves consume.  Then again, I never turn music on when I have guests in my car.  I figure people want to talk (same with TV at home).

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It was a disappointment to learn that coffee doesn't taste as good as it smells.

No kidding. I'm so happy I didn't have a coffee addiction before I converted.

 

This is an interesting issue. I live with my son, who drinks coffee, tea, and alcohol.. He thinks he's quite the wine connoisseur, so we may have a few bottles of wine in the house.  I never learned to brew coffee, so I don't touch his coffee maker. I don't use his wine and wouldn't buy liquor (including beer) for guests. I would make tea, which I drank for years. I probably shouldn't make this difference, but I don't see tea and coffee the same way as alcohol, and would provide instant coffee if my son wasn't around to run his coffee pot.

 

In general, tho, it's 'here's some cocoa.' Or, 'I've got 20 flavors of sparkling water, pick one.' I don't offer my diet Pepsi too much. That's for me. :D

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I'm going to differ slightly, for a couple of reasons.

 

First, as a general rule, I agree with the above.  However, there may be some exceptions applying in your case, for (IMHO) the following reasons:

 

1)  I draw a distinction between WOW-prohibited substances that are inherently chemically or socially harmful (alcohol and illegal drugs), versus WOW-prohibited substances that I see as socially/chemically innocuous, except insofar as my partaking of them would be a violation of an individual covenant that I have entered (but that a non-Mormon has not).  The former, I would not serve or allow in my home under any circumstances.  The latter, depending on circumstances--I might.

 

2)  In your case--did your parents regularly drink tea/coffee while you were growing up?  If so, and you're the one who made the lifestyle change by converting to Mormonism--well, you know what your parents' morning routine has been for decades; and you're also their host(ess?).  You're not drinking the coffee, and your parents won't be breaking any covenants of their own by partaking of the stuff--so would it kill you to keep a box of tea bags, a sack of beans, and a Mr. Coffee on-hand, just as a matter of good hospitality?

 

Also, on a semi-related tangent:

 

3)  If your parents are the kind of people who are going to get on your case about your religion for not serving coffee, I can almost guarantee they'll also get on your case about your religion if you do serve coffee.  So, whichever way you wind up going about whether to have coffee/tea on hand, don't think that your religion isn't going to come up at some point in this visit.  It will, and I'd suggest you think about how you'll handle that conversation when (not "if") it comes up.

 

Good luck!

 

  :thumbsup:

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2)  In your case--did your parents regularly drink tea/coffee while you were growing up?  If so, and you're the one who made the lifestyle change by converting to Mormonism--well, you know what your parents' morning routine has been for decades; and you're also their host(ess?).  You're not drinking the coffee, and your parents won't be breaking any covenants of their own by partaking of the stuff--so would it kill you to keep a box of tea bags, a sack of beans, and a Mr. Coffee on-hand, just as a matter of good hospitality?

 

 

I agree with this.

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I'm largely with JaG on this.  Close family and friends... it just seems to be good hospitality to reasonably cater to their whims--and yes, I do think keeping the odd bit of coffee or tea in the house for loved ones you'd like to make especially comfortable is reasonable. 

 

That being said, close loved ones are their own category.  Keeping coffee or tea for them, yes.  Keeping coffee or tea for any random guest less than the aforementioned, no. 

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My LDS MIL always had tea available to those non-LDS family and friends visiting. And when I would visit my LDS SIL I would always stop by the store to pick up tea so I could make some at her house.

 

It is your choice, but I wouldn't be worried about being a good hostess to your visitors. ;)

 

M. 

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I'm reading the responses and thinking about this again. I'd say for regular visitors, they have to deal with whatever you feel comfortable having in your house.

 

For parents, maybe you have to do something more. For those of us with elderly, non-member parents, surely we can make their time with us more pleasant by providing the coffee or tea that they like to have.

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1)  I draw a distinction between WOW-prohibited substances that are inherently chemically or socially harmful (alcohol and illegal drugs), versus WOW-prohibited substances that I see as socially/chemically innocuous, except insofar as my partaking of them would be a violation of an individual covenant that I have entered (but that a non-Mormon has not).  The former, I would not serve or allow in my home under any circumstances.  The latter, depending on circumstances--I might.

 

2)  In your case--did your parents regularly drink tea/coffee while you were growing up?  If so, and you're the one who made the lifestyle change by converting to Mormonism--well, you know what your parents' morning routine has been for decades; and you're also their host(ess?).  You're not drinking the coffee, and your parents won't be breaking any covenants of their own by partaking of the stuff--so would it kill you to keep a box of tea bags, a sack of beans, and a Mr. Coffee on-hand, just as a matter of good hospitality?

I agree with JaG here for both of the above reasons.

 

When my mother comes to stay my wife and I allow her to drink tea and coffee although alcohol is still prohibited.

 

This keeps her happy and relieves any arguments.

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I wouldn't keep the in the house for the occasional random visitors.  But if I had a long time family member or friend that I knew drank one of these and they were coming to stay for awhile I probably would purchase some.

 

Alcohol absolutely not.

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Kinda playing devils advocate, kinda just thinking. I notice the ones that say purchasing and stocking items in their kitchen which are against their religious ethics is okay for a guest with a close relationship, each one puts the cutoff at alcohol.

If I was going to stock items for people, I don't see a beer as any different than a coffee. I might even argue that a beer is actually healthier for you than a coffee. I would even argue that beer was debatably allowed under the original WoW and wasn't tacked on until later, and so coffee could be the grosser violation. That being said I assume the reason behind the cut off the drug caffeine (tea and coffee) doesn't alter your state of mind like alcohol can, and so it is seen as the worse substance. Am I wrong?
 

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Kinda playing devils advocate, kinda just thinking. I notice the ones that say purchasing and stocking items in their kitchen which are against their religious ethics is okay for a guest with a close relationship, each one puts the cutoff at alcohol.

If I was going to stock items for people, I don't see a beer as any different than a coffee. I might even argue that a beer is actually healthier for you than a coffee. I would even argue that beer was debatably allowed under the original WoW and wasn't tacked on until later, and so coffee could be the grosser violation. That being said I assume the reason behind the cut off the drug caffeine (tea and coffee) doesn't alter your state of mind like alcohol can, and so it is seen as the worse substance. Am I wrong?

And how about tobacco? Shouldn't I provide that to my guests as well, if I am considered to be a good hostess?

I guess hosts are supposed to compromise their religious beliefs and standards to accommodate their guests, but how dare we expect to respect a host's religious beliefs.

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As for my house, no coffee or tea, etc. ever for any reason. Period. It's my house. My rules. If you don't like it, close friend or family member, you're free to stay somewhere else.

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This is all interesting:  There is nothing in my home that is against the WOW.  This is because my home is maintained according to my covenants – and I respect my covenants – that is why they are my covenants.   If a guest must have something that is not in my home – I will drive them where what they must have is available and I would purchase it for them (with some exceptions that include illegal drugs and in most circumstances alcohol and tobacco).

 

I believe in preparing “clean” healthy food which is what we serve in our home – including to our guests.   It is interesting to observe reactions as guests “get use to” being served food that is healthy rather than what most have in their regular diets.   However, I have some grandchildren with severe allergies that we are very careful to cater to when they visit.  Perhaps I am a hypocrite – but what happens in my home revolves around my choices.  I will only cater to those I choose to cater to and for reasons that I justify to me and no one else.

 

I do not think much would change even if Jesus were to visit.  If he requested a change in my home – I would be conflicted.  Hopefully a discussion would follow and one of us would learn something from it.

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