Dating or Courtship?

[Lapalabrasinfin]

Hello,

 

I have many friends from other Christian churches saying that to court is better than to date. In our LDS culture, what's the difference?

[notquiteperfect]

To me, dating is when you're going out and meeting/getting to know many different people and courting is when you think you've found 'the one' and you're ready to get serious and head towards marriage.

 

Hope that helps.

[Jenamarie]

"Courting", as defined by some uber-fundamentalist Christian sects, is where the young man approaches the young woman's father for permission to see her and communicate with her more regularly (beyond just casual contact like at church functions). If the father approves of the young man and his family, the gives his permission. Their interactions are monitored (parents are expected to be given access to all text messages, listen in on phone calls, etc.) and dates are chaperoned. "Casual dating" isn't done among these groups.

Edited September 4, 2014 by Jenamarie

[Lapalabrasinfin]

Thanks,

 

Wow! that's crazy. 

 

Lapalabrasinfin

[Guest]

Courtship should extend past marriage. We should always court each other: do kind things, do fun things together, put our best foot forward. 

[PolarVortex]

Older readers will perhaps recall a 1970s television show called "The Waltons," which was set in rural Virginia during the Great Depression.

 

One of the few episodes I remember from this series (which I saw decades ago) contains my most recent memory of the concept of "courtship."  It involved a preacher who asks John-Boy's teacher for permission to court her.  She reacts nervously at first, but she finally agrees and amusingly is seen power-primping in later scenes.  Meanwhile, John-Boy's passions for the teacher are also stirring.  When he finds out about the teacher's courtship with the preacher, he retaliates by stopping further work on an essay he was planning to submit to a competition.  (I didn't say this was an interesting episode, I just said that I remembered it.)

 

Perhaps the sequence is friends > casual dates > formal dates > going steady > courtship > engagement > marriage.  We don't seem to ritualize these transitions very much any more, although I was always urged never to date anyone I would rule out for marriage, and to stop dating someone who I had suddenly ruled out for marriage.  But courtship seems stronger than just a "I haven't ruled you out as a spouse yet,"which I've heard more than once from a dating partner in answer to my questions about where precisely our relationship stood.

 

But I agree with the idea of a courtship surviving the wedding.  One of the most happily married men I know calls his wife every Wednesday at work and asks her out for a date the following Saturday night. 

[Palerider]

I too think dating is at the start of things and courting is a more serious relationship.

[jerome1232]

Dating: For fun

Courtship: I think we could get married, and we are dating with that idea in mind.

For the most part, courtship and all forms of that word are antiquated words not in general use. In my experience.

[SpiritDragon]

In LDS culture there is the idea that is promoted for young people to "date" around to get to know many young people and look for those personalities, characteristics, and attributes that they most appreciate and enjoy so that they can better understand who they want to be and who they want to marry. At this stage dating the same person repeatedly is discouraged. When more mature (post-mission for men, less clear for women) then it is encouraged to date with the purpose of finding a spouse in mind. At this stage of the game when a couple have, well, "coupled" it may be referred to as dating, going steady, courting and so forth depending on who you talk to.

 

When I was younger I went on my share of dates with different young women, but if you were to ask me if I was "dating" them I would say no, because they were only singular dates (sometimes up to three), but we were not dating in the sense of being boy-friend and girl-friend. After dating in the sense of going on individual dates long enough, I found one lady that I decided to pursue as a spouse which is when I progressed to having a girl-friend (I would call dating) only one time and she became my wife.