Question About Sealing & Adoption


bb47
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I am an adult adopted child that was sealed to my adoptive family. This is very troubling to me as i don't fit in to my adopted family, and feel like this sealing ordinance is an eternal sentence. Every time there are lessons on family history or temple work (which is almost every Sunday it seems) these feelings are brought back to the surface.

Can an adopted child get the sealing to the adopted parents cancelled? I have asked my Bishop, but his answer was to have faith and it will all work out. Unfortunately this brings me no comfort.

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Hi bb47:

 

As I've postulated elsewhere,

 

I know how our correlated materials have tried to simplify the matter and broaden its appeal to a 20th- and 21st-century western audience; but the parent/child sealing itself doesn't convey any ideas or promises of eternal and perpetual physical proximity.  Rather, it conveys the idea of the child's being adopted into a royal lineage, which adoption makes the child the legal heir of certain blessings.  (We've romanticized the idea of "adoption" over the last century; but legally at common law--the only reason you would bother with adopting a child was for inheritance reasons.)

 

Might I suggest that you forget about the idea of being "stuck with" anyone, and instead focus on what you've inherited through your sealing, rather than the persons by whom you claim that inheritance?  :)

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I am an adult adopted child that was sealed to my adoptive family. This is very troubling to me as i don't fit in to my adopted family...

 

I'm in a similar situation.  There are some members of my extended family who I really enjoy not being around, and the thought of being neighbors or roommates with them in the next life brings me no comfort, either.

 

How did you form your opinions of your adoptive family?  Is it based on their current behavior in this life?  (I am guessing you'll answer "yes.")  If so, remember that they're just starting out and have a long way to go toward God, just as you and I and everyone else do.  Disliking someone eternally because of their character in this life is sort of like disliking a child forever because you hated changing diapers when they were babies. 

 

I've always viewed ordinances as things that open up great everlasting possibilities instead of eternally locking you into scary stuff that you might not like.  Heaven will be heaven because of reconciliation and forgiveness and new understandings of our fellow beings... even beings we can't stand here on Earth.

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It's not so much a matter of liking or disliking. It is a matter of feeling a sense of belonging and fitting in.

There are also biological children in the family. When I associate with other families, such as my wife's family it is easy to see how people fit in. You can see where physical and personality traits come from. That simply is not the case in a situation of adoption. It is glaringly obvious when looking at my siblings who are biological and myself. It just is not a natural fit.

Most of the time when people talk about sealing of adopted children it tends to be from the parent's perspective and the desire to ensure that "their" children are sealed to them.

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My interpretation is that your spouse is your family.  On earth you spend a lot of time with your spouse after marriage, and very little with your extended family.  That's my experience at least. I think this reality will be reflected in the next life.  I can't imagine an afterlife with a mother in law hanging around.

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Your sealing to your parents and family is only a promise of being together predicated on obedience.  You will have your free will to choose with whom you associate in the next life.  You are not trapped.  If for example your parents were to divorce, and cancel their sealing, it would in no way nullify your sealing/blessings associated with being born in/adopted into the covenant.  

 

You are adopted and sealed to parents who loved/love you, why are you worried about eternal consequences about which we have no idea?  as asked previously what benefit do you feel will come by having your sealing canceled?

 

Also, I'm not even sure it can be done. 

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It's not so much a matter of liking or disliking. It is a matter of feeling a sense of belonging and fitting in.

There are also biological children in the family. When I associate with other families, such as my wife's family it is easy to see how people fit in. You can see where physical and personality traits come from. That simply is not the case in a situation of adoption. It is glaringly obvious when looking at my siblings who are biological and myself. It just is not a natural fit.

Most of the time when people talk about sealing of adopted children it tends to be from the parent's perspective and the desire to ensure that "their" children are sealed to them.

 

This is very interesting to me; I can see how a sense of belonging and fitting in can be very unnerving.  I can see on physicality but personality . . . . each person born has their own unique personality and it's not necessarily biological.  Each one of my kids is completely different than the other personality wise and they are completely different than my wife and I.

 

I also wonder if you might be focusing on the wrong aspect.  This family brought you into their home, they wanted another child so badly that they took you in and gave you everything they could.  They gave you the gospel, they gave you a secure home, they gave you love, when your biological parents could not.

 

Unfortunately, my wife and I will never have more biological children . . . it just isn't in the cards.  If the time comes, we would be open to adopting.  If that happened; I would be so incredibly heartbroken to know that one of my children later in life does not feel like they are apart of my family.  That is the whole point of adopting to bring another child in . . .so what if the blood is different; if I adopted to me it would feel the same as my own flesh and blood rejecting me.

 

If you have children, the above will make sense, if you don't have children then it won't.  I would say, to not project feelings of being unloved and unwanted from your biological parents onto your adopted parents and not to reflect those feelings onto your siblings.  Because I can tell you from a parental perspective, they brought you in, gave you home, sacrificed of themselves and will love you like only a biological parent can . . . .to throw that away, or to want to throw that away is I believe to focus on the wrong aspects.

 

Maybe it would be good to seek out your biological parents, to find them and talk to them to help give you closure.

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