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I recently married a non-member. He has been taking the missionary discussions and has even set a goal date for baptism. I can't tell you how thrilled I am! However, he is struggling in keeping the Word of Wisdom.


Some background on us. I grew up in the LDS church but fell away for a period of years. During this time, I met my now husband, and while I wasn't keeping the Word of Wisdom myself very well, I couldn't very well be hypocritical and ask him to work on his problems, which were much more addictive than mine. 


We recently moved to my home town which has brought so many blessings in our lives. I found the church again and my conviction to be the best me I can be and strengthen my relationship with my Heavenly Father has been stronger than it ever had been growing up. And thankfully, my wonderful husband has begun to find the truth for himself as well. The missionaries that are helping us are fantastic and supportive and have guided us both into a better place.


My husband had problems with alcohol and tobacco addictions, as well as growing up drinking coffee and tea. He has given up coffee and tea, and quit drinking. However, he doesn't seem to be trying to quit tobacco at all, and last night, while we were out with coworkers of his, he drank multiple beers. He knows my stance on these matters and I don't want to be the one that deters him from baptism by pressuring him, or making him feel like he must choose between baptism or tobacco and alcohol. Ultimately, he must, but I'm worried an ultimatum like that might be too much. One is easy, and the other is not.


I love this man so much, and seeing how far he has come is incredible. I want to be able to help him with this step as well. I'm just so worried it will come off as nagging and not supportive. I've asked the missionaries to go into further detail about the Word of Wisdom at our next appointment in hopes that will inspire him, but don't know what else to do besides pray and love him and encourage him to pray, go to church and help him feel the spirit. I'm wondering if there is more I could be doing. Any advice or suggestions would be very much appreciated. Thank you!

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People often take years to quit tobacco-- it is incredibly addictive stuff.  Pray for your husband.  Pray with your husband.  Have faith and patience in the Lord.  Find help and support wherever you can, including quit-smoking programs.  


Also, whenever you're trying to quit something (such a social achohol) it's best to fill that hole with something better-- find another fun thing to do with your husband and/or coworkers.

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  • 2 months later...

Well, I think you should ask him.  Are you coming off nagging or unsupportive?  Let him tell you what he needs.  He's a better source for his needs than any of us.  I mean, maybe he thinks you are awesome and he's so glad he has your encouragement everyday.

Edited by Misshalfway
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Word of Wisdom was a toughie for me. I really loved my coffee and while I didn't smoke like a chimney, I was definitely victim to it, as I found that I routinely lit up whenever I was in social gatherings with other smokers. While I never felt withdrawals from not smoking, I was doing a lot of it, and was lighting up everyday and multiple times a day just from being around smoking friends and coworkers.


My personal advice to someone that is trying to kick an addictive habit is to examine their environment and company. Some people are willing to put away the alcohol and smoke elsewhere, as to not tempt or offend, but some people aren't willing to do that. Of course, we can't force change on other people, so making adjustments in our own lives is key.


To OP, your husband appears to have made some pretty awesome leaps and bounds when it comes to following the Word of Wisdom. Continue to be patient with him, and depending on his personality, maybe periodically reflect and verbalise on the achievements he's already made. Whatever you do, don't mother him, don't shame him when he misses the boat. If he's done or is doing the missionary discussions, he's already aware of what is required of him. If you feel you can approach him without backing him up into a corner, and you feel that HE genuinely wants to quit smoking, see if he'd be interested in a quit smoking programme? I should add, someone that has been habitually drinking and or smoking for years, it is rare that they can walk away cold turkey. And when they do find a window where they're flying free, just remember, relapses can happen (they often do when someone first tries to quit), but don't discourage them! Positive support will help encourage them to get back on track. I always loved Jillian Michael's saying: If one tire on your car goes flat, do you just give up and pop the other three? NO.

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