An answer to the question: "May men request a sealing cancellation?"

[classylady]

There's been some debate and questions on whether men may request sealing cancellations from their ex spouse/s. I have no actual church statement, but when my husband went in and asked our Bishop about requesting a sealing cancellation from his ex wife, the Bishop said "No problem." In fact, the Bishop even asked why it had taken my husband so long to come in and request the cancellation. (He's been divorced for over 34 years.) My husband replied that he didn't think it was an option available to men.

 

It took quite some time to get all the particulars done, i.e.: a letter needed to be written explaining circumstances of divorce, the ex spouse contacted from the bishop to make sure there were no issues, and then an interview with the Stake President. After the interview with the Stake President, it took less than two weeks for the reply from the First Presidency.  The Sealing Cancellation has been granted!

 

My husband feels so relieved:  "like an albatross around my neck has been removed."

 

Hope this helps anyone with any questions about whether a man may request a sealing cancellation.

 

 

 

[Maureen]

Since his divorce was 34 years ago, I wonder if that weighed in on getting "the particulars" done quicker than for someone who's only been divorced for, let's say, less than 5 years. Or maybe "policies" have more flexibility than things written in stone.

 

M.

[applepansy]

Classylady, Thank you for posting.  I've wondered about that and in discussions over the years was often told "why does it matter?"  But it can matter.  I'm glad there is an answer to the question.

[classylady]

Since his divorce was 34 years ago, I wonder if that weighed in on getting "the particulars" done quicker than for someone who's only been divorced for, let's say, less than 5 years. Or maybe "policies" have more flexibility than things written in stone.

 

M.

 

 

 

From what our Bishop told us, requests for sealing cancellations by both men and women are more flexible than in the past. Years ago, a sealing wouldn't be cancelled unless and until the woman was getting married again, and she wanted to be sealed to her new husband. Now, women (and men) may request a sealing cancellation at any time after a divorce.

[The Folk Prophet]

Classylady, Thank you for posting.  I've wondered about that and in discussions over the years was often told "why does it matter?"  But it can matter.  I'm glad there is an answer to the question.

 

Just out of curiosity, why? How can it matter? Just wondering your thoughts on this.

[applepansy]

Just out of curiosity, why? How can it matter? Just wondering your thoughts on this.

I think Classylady's post answers that question.

[omegaseamaster75]

Clearly the rule have softened up a little bit, I personally wouldn't sweat it if it was me, I'd let the Lord sort it out.

[The Folk Prophet]

I think Classylady's post answers that question.

 

Not really. Feeling like one has an albatross around their neck is a personal feeling that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with reality.

 

I'm asking if there are valid reasons that actually make it matter matter...not just that people "feel" like it matters. People feel like all sorts of stuff, and their feelings very rarely justify much of anything.

[classylady]

IMO, whom you are sealed to "matters". Otherwise, we would be going back to the early history of the church and just seal ourselves to whomever (prominent church leaders) we chose.

Edited October 31, 2014 by classylady

[The Folk Prophet]

IMO, whom you are sealed to "matters". Otherwise, we would be going back to the early history of the church and just seal ourselves to whomever (prominent church leaders) we chose.

 

Of course it matters. But if a divorced man retains a sealing to an ex, then he and his new wife make it to the Celestial kingdom and the ex doesn't, then what does that sealing matter? Nothing. Sealings don't count unless sealed up by the Holy Spirit of Promise. If the ex does make it, it means that she either found someone else, got sealed to them (in which case the first sealing was broken first anyhow), or wanted to get sealed to someone else but never had the opportunity, in which case she will have the opportunity to be sealed to someone correct for her (could possibly even be the old ex if they've both repented, become perfect, etc. -- but if not right, then to someone else) and all is well in the end.

 

So I put it to you again, how does it matter to not break these sealings?

[applepansy]

Not really. Feeling like one has an albatross around their neck is a personal feeling that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with reality.

 

I'm asking if there are valid reasons that actually make it matter matter...not just that people "feel" like it matters. People feel like all sorts of stuff, and their feelings very rarely justify much of anything.

whose reality?  (rhetorical)

 

Seriously, If it helps bring a little less worry and peace to someone's life then it matters.  

 

Just about everything in this life is about "feelings".  We're even commanded regarding a "feeling".  

[classylady]

When one "feels" strongly that a sealing should be cancelled, has prayed about it, and has received an answer to that prayer, then why not get the sealing cancelled?  In the hereafter the sealing will be cancelled anyway. Why wait until then if it can be done now? No eternal blessings will be denied anyone. If it wasn't "okay" then the First Presidency would not cancel Sealings.

[The Folk Prophet]

whose reality?  (rhetorical)

 

Reality isn't relative.

 

Just about everything in this life is about "feelings". 

 

This sums up a lot of what's wrong with the world today.

[The Folk Prophet]

When one "feels" strongly that a sealing should be cancelled, has prayed about it, and has received an answer to that prayer, then why not get the sealing cancelled?  In the hereafter the sealing will be cancelled anyway. Why wait until then if it can be done now? No eternal blessings will be denied anyone. If it wasn't "okay" then the First Presidency would not cancel Sealings.

 

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against cancelling the sealing. I think it's great. If the church approves it, awesome.

 

I'm just interested in discussing it from an intellectual standpoint -- personal feelings aside.

[classylady]

Don't get me wrong. I'm not against cancelling the sealing. I think it's great. If the church approves it, awesome.

 

I'm just interested in discussing it from an intellectual standpoint -- personal feelings aside.

 

 

TFP, I believe one of my statements was from an intellectual standpoint--If it can be done now, why wait? No eternal blessings will be denied if done now vs having the sealing cancelled in the next life. In fact, I think that would speed things up considerably (in the next life) if most sealing cancellations were taken care of in this life.

 

Also, please people, don't misunderstand me. I do not take the Sealing Ordinance lightly. It is sacred. But, there are many times when a sealing cancellation is warranted, even when the ex-wife/husband may be a righteous individual and has or has not remarried. It's an individual decision that should be done after prayer and discussing it with your Bishop or Stake President. In my husband's case, both Bishop and S.P. (along with the First Presidency) thought the sealing cancellation was the correct thing to do. It may not be the correct decision for someone else.

[The Folk Prophet]

TFP, I believe one of my statements was from an intellectual standpoint--If it can be done now, why wait? No eternal blessings will be denied if done now vs having the sealing cancelled in the next life. In fact, I think that would speed things up considerably (in the next life) if most sealing cancellations were taken care of in this life.

 

This is presuming sealings will actually have to be "canceled". My understanding (which, of course, is only supposition, because no one knows for sure) is that they will not be any more than all the people who are baptized will need to be unbaptized. The only reason to cancel a sealing is so that another may take place. And that is only necessary for women.

 

And do not misunderstand me either (hopefully you haven't) as being in any way critical of your husband's choice and that process. As I said before. I think it's great.

 

I simply don't buy (from an intellectual point of view) that "feelings" are a good reason to pursue things necessarily, and am looking at the potential whys beyond simple "feeling" like one should. Clearly, if that "feeling" is inspiration, then it is a good idea...but that makes the reason God's will, rather than feeling (the feeling is only the communication of God's will), and what better reason is there than that? None. I certainly don't discount anyone's potential to receive such inspiration and act on it.

 

Short of that, I'm still not sure I'm seeing a logical, valid reason behind why this is an important thing to pursue for men. But that is generally and widely applied as a theory of curiosity -- not by way of accusation or criticism in any regard.

[classylady]

I honestly don't know how to subtract "feelings" from the equation. Almost everything we do is based on feelings, i.e.: 1. the choice of a marriage partner (I would not want to marry someone who did not have feelings involved, 2. a spiritual witness of a testimony of the Gospel (for me, that was such a strong, spiritual emotional witness), 3. the choice to be baptized and confirmed. Strong feelings most likely existed to get to that point, 4. the choice to divorce (and along with the divorce the desire to have the sealing cancelled). There are very strong feelings attached to divorce. If a man or woman knows that they have absolutely no desire to be with their ex partner in the next life, even if repentance and forgiveness has happened, even if they have Christlike love for one another in the next life, then I think why not go ahead and cancel the sealing? 

 

Another thought I had, suppose the man is requesting the sealing to show respect for his current wife. Is that based on "feelings", or based on intellect? For the husband that may be intellect (if he wants to keep his marriage happy). For the current wife, that could be "feelings". If the current wife is insecure because of the husband's sealing to an ex spouse, then I see that as a logical, valid reason for the man to request a sealing cancellation, even if feelings are involved by the current wife, and that's the only reason he is requesting the sealing cancellation.

[The Folk Prophet]

I'm not suggesting that feeling should be subtracted from the equation as to the end choices we make. But as an intellectual process, it's fairly easy to remove feelings from a justification standpoint.

 

The Lord, very clearly, counts feelings in the equation. But those feelings are a means of His communicating with us. He also teaches us very plainly, 

 

D&C 11:14

And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.

 

3 Nephi 18:20

And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.

 

The Lord cares about our desires. But He always qualifies it by that "which is right".

 

It's not hard to separate feelings from the equation. Just take them out and is it still acceptable? In the case of breaking a sealing with an ex, yes, obviously, still acceptable (if approved by those in proper authority). In the case of many things, however, that many people feel VERY strongly about, no. Still not acceptable, no matter how strongly anyone feels. Feelings do not justify behavior. But they can be useful in guiding our choices if we are struggling to hear and do the will of the Lord.

 

So, I'm with you. A wife's feelings can matter, absolutely, as a valid reason for this sort of thing. But, just for the sake of argument, let's say the policy was strictly 'no' on breaking said sealing. And let's say, for example, the teachings of the church were that breaking sealings was wrong. Would the justification still remain because of the wife's strong feelings? No. The feelings don't change the matter.

 

As it is, it seems to me that the issue of breaking a sealing is a semi-neutral thing, and that the church (and the Lord) allows it because of feelings and because of His love and concern for us. But there also seems to be an indication that the preference is towards maintaining sealings (for which there must be a reason) wherever possible. But the feelings of the individuals involved do matter because that stability of emotion, and the strength of new marriages and families, outweighs (in some cases) the preference to maintain sealings.

[applepansy]

Reality isn't relative.

 

 

This sums up a lot of what's wrong with the world today.

I really have no response to that.  I think we live in different worlds.  :)