I'm ready to tell my bishop... Please help!

[simonesays]

Hi! I am a 14 year old girl. Here is my long list of problems: So when I was younger about in fourth grade I began to mastrubate. I did not even know what it was. Then in fifth grade my mom gave me the talk, she explained what mastrubation was, and she told me "Although many people think its wrong. It is not... Your body is yours blah blah blah..." So I knew what it was and thought it was okay and "healthy". Then I believe in seventh or eighth grade I was reading a statistics book complete woth random facts and it showed all of these religions, and sins and showed what relegions accept it and reject it. Under Mormon, there was mastrubation, and it said we included it as a sin. I was so upset and felt so betrayed, I looked up how serious it was and found out that it was pretty serious. And all of that while I was holding a temple reccommend. I later tried to repent (individually) and thought I was good although I had a couple of slips. And then my family was planning on getting sealed in the temple. Yes, I know realized I entered the temple unworthily that day but convinced myself that I took the sacrement last week so I'm good! I hate myself because of that and even later learned that you have to be worhty to take the sacrement!!! Ugh! All of that time I entered one "official" porn site but got off almoat immedietly because of discomfort.ive seen a couple of things (not on porn sites, but still online) And watched a bit of light porn (rated pg-13 movie sex scenes on youtube.) Sorry if I was a little explict, i want to give as many details I can to make sure I do exactly whats needed. I do understand I need to talk to my bishop some how. I dont want to mention my mom, but I think its a good reason why all of this happened. And here is the other problem, I get social anxiety, I dot know how in the world I will do this, how can I say this? Do I just scedule and appointment and walk in "Oh Hi bishop! Did you loose weight? Yea I was wondering if I should never see the face of the earth again because Ive mastrubated and watched porn pretty much half of my life!! Annnnd: my bishop has a hard time keeping his mouth shut. There were three boys that interveiwed for something, and the whole ward knew who they were, Bishop walked up to the microphone and said "I am sad to report that only two of the three boys were worthy to go." Ummmm so everyone pretty much knew who was unworthy!!! I am in an awful situation guys! Please help me have courage! I want to talk to him before June 2015. I hope I dont this doesnt ruin my already falling apart family. Maybe I should tell close people first so I could be more comfortable tellig the Bishop. Thanks in advance.

[StallionMcBeastly]

Please don't beat yourself up too much. You seem like a normal, healthy person. Yes, talk to your Bishop, but if you don't feel comfortable with him try talking to another adult you trust. Again, don't be too hard on yourself and relax. You aren't a bad person because of this issue you face.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

First, I want you to know that the Lord loves you.  He is not standing on the sidelines waiting for you to repent, He loves you now.  Yes, He wants you to repent, but He will help you.  I like to think of meeting with the Bishop as "extra help".  I think for some sins, the Lord knew that we would need extra help to overcome them, so those are the ones we need to confess to our Bishops.  

 

I can't say for sure what your Bishop will say--but in my opinion, before you knew it was wrong it was a transgression not a sin.  I think being misled by your mother is an important factor as well.

 

Finally, I'm concerned about the situation with your Bishop.  People should ALWAYS feel they will have utmost confidentiality when they talk to their bishops (unless abuse is involved and that needs to be reported the civil authorities).  Depending on how worried you are, a conversation with your Stake President may be in order.

 

Remember that the Lord loves you and will help you through every step of this process.  

[MrShorty]

Can I offer a third voice in support of "don't beat yourself up over this". If it is a sin, masturbation is one of the most common sins.

 

I hesitate to respond (admins may delete if they strongly disagree with my advice), because you are young and may have trouble with the nuances and conflicts on this topic. From what I have seen around the Mormon internet, masturbation creates some of the most heated debates and discussions. I guess the point is, amongst many Church members, there is quite a bit of disagreement over the issue -- nothing as decided as the resources you have obviously just found. Perhaps in your sense of betrayal is a fear that your mom is somehow ignorant of the information you have found, and possibly she is. On the other hand, she is likely well aware of the sources (or sources like them) that you have found and has made a different choice regarding the sinfulness of masturbation. You allude to other difficulties in your family. In spite of these, your mom has the first stewardship to teach you right from wrong. I think I might suggest that you take your newfound information and your "betrayal" to your mom. "Mom, you told that masturbation was ok, but I found these sources that say it is not ok. I'm concerned about this, will you explain your position on this so I can better understand it." If you are still dissatisfied with her explanation, say "Thank you for explaining, now I want to go to the Bishop and see if he can explain the Church's position on this." You may even invite your mom to join you in that interview.

 

Whatever you decide, please get rid of the any and all of the "I was wondering if I should never see the face of the earth again because Ive mastrubated and watched porn pretty much half of my life!!" kind of self-talk. You may have sinned, but you are still "a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves you" and you have a divine nature and individual worth that sin cannot take away from you.

[Just_A_Guy]

I'm usually HUGELY in favor of going to a bishop to resolve things like this; but your situation seems extraordinary to me in that a) you're a teenaged female, which makes things awkward anyways; b ) your mother sounds like the type who will actively oppose your discussing this with your bishop, and c) your bishop seems particularly untrustworthy.  If I were in your situation, I would think hard about simply not taking the sacrament, not participating in temple ordinances, and waiting for a new bishop to be called to your ward.

 

In the meantime, I would probably approach my parents with something along the lines of "I know what you said; but I'm worried because I feel like I can't control it and I don't want this to dominate my life.  Is there a counselor or therapist that you can make an appointment for me to see?"  Openness and accountability to third parties are extremely useful when dealing with a masturbation/porn habit.  Once you get in the habit of talking maturely and openly about the issue, the prospect of bringing it up with your bishop will sound a lot less intimidating.

Edited November 4, 2014 by Just_A_Guy

[omegaseamaster75]

This is always a hard topic to discuss because of the variety of responses that you will get. First I would like to add to what other have said. Don't beat yourself up over this. I do not want to minimize your guilt or feeling of having sinned but in the wide spectrum of sins at this point in your life this is pretty minor.

 

https://www.lds.org/youth/for-the-strength-of-youth/sexual-purity?lang=eng

 

The link is for the strength of youth manual, of note is that masturbation is not mentioned in it. You can read between the lines if you want and I am sure some on this forum will, but the topic of "self abuse" is no longer included in current curriculum.

 

All this said if you feel bad about it see your Bishop. If he has issues keeping his mouth shut see the Stake President, look up his executive secretary and make an appointment. Ultimately you need to get yourself in a frame of mind were you are not beating yourself up over this.