I Need Your Help


Andy_Plsn
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Hi Everyone

I just joined and this is my first post but anyways, i have been raised methodist and was not active in the church at all in my youth. About a year and a half ago i started this journey cause i knew i wanted more out of life. So hear I am on the journey for religion and I have talked to many people in this great trek and its been good but didn't sound right. So I decided (with the help of some mormon friends) to talk to some mormon missionaries and its just like a different view on everything I have been told in the past year. Its the best thing ever and its changed my life. Since I have started talking to them life has been great so now its time to tell the parents cause I haven't done that yet, yes i know my bad but they need to know but i don't know how to go about telling them. I also don't know what their reaction will be so I'm kinda scared so this is why I'm hear and rambling on is because i don't know how to tell / talk to my parents about this.

thanks andy

GAIA:

Hello there, Andy --

First, please let me say that i know very well, what it is to have to fight to pursue and practice your spirituality. I was *disowned* by my family for joining the Church . . . .During that time, my father had a major heart attack and nearly died, and nobody from my family even let me know.

It can be very painful, frustrating, aggravating, and feel terribly disrespected.

However, may i suggest that you look at it, for a moment, from your Parents' perspective:

If you loved someone completely, and you suddenly realized that they had gotten involved in something about which you had heard questionable or even bad things, what would you do? What would you do to make sure they were not in danger? What extremities might you go to, to ensure their safety? You see, that's what they may feel from their side.

So you see, it's not just a "black-and-white" issue . . . there are important perspectives to understand, on BOTH sides.

Here are some basic suggestions for:

HOW TO DEAL WITH PARENTS WHO WORRY ABOUT YOUR INTEREST IN LDS:

(or any other religion):

First, and MOST IMPORTANT: DON'T LIE (or Misrepresent the Truth) TO YOUR PARENTS --

If you are considering, or are now, Lying to your Parents about your interest or practice of Mormonism or any religion, please read the following, very carefully and prayerfully --

Please -- NEVER, EVER lie to your parents, or misrepresent the truth to them, regarding your spiritual practice.

My point here is that to *whatever* degree you misrepresent the truth, you are *destroying* your INTEGRITY, and destroying your ability to speak with honor, to bear witness of Truth, because your words no

longer holds ethical, moral or spiritual *power* and AUTHORITY.

Consider too how your Parents would feel if / when they learn the truth -- as they will, sooner or later. What will happen to your relationship if you destroy their ability to trust you?

Have you tried explaining to your Parents what the LDS Church and Gospel is, what you

see in it, why it's so important to you? Have you tried *negotiating* with them, to come to some sort of mutually agreeable understanding, which respects BOTH them and you, and ALL of your wishes / desires?

For example, you might offer to attend church with them, if they will allow you to see the LDS misisonaries, or whatever other arrangement you can work out with them. In this way, you would also be learning important lessons of personal discipline, negotiation, working with someone....all of which will serve you well, in life.

But even if the worst is true, and your Parents simply cannot, will not be budged -- We're only talking about a very short time until you're out and on your own, able to make your own decisions . . .

You may find that taking just a couple of years to respect your parents and and their wishes, until you're out and on your own, would be a fine way to honor Them for all the sacrifices THEY have made over the years, to the best of their ability at the time, for you and your welfare.

Do you see how being straight with your Parents -- no matter what comes - - would make you a much BETTER SAint and human being, in the long run?

MORE SUGGESTIONS - HOW TO DEAL WITH PARENTS:

These are the result of years of challenges, and i can tell you from personal experience, that they DO work, with even the most difficult of situations.

1. Understand that their reaction is actually, at heart, concern and LOVE for you, and worry about your welfare.

Remember that love is a tremendously motivating force that often gets confused and jumbled up in other (negative) emotions, like fear, worry, frustration, anger, jealousy, etc. Often, strong emotions like love, combined with FEAR or WORRY, come out in very negative ways. Don't be surprised, and don't misunderstand, either.

When others respond with negative emotions like anger, etc., take a few moments to "center" yourself in the love of Christ, then "translate" their negative emotions, into the LOVE (and concern for your

wellfare) that is at the *heart* of what they *really* mean, and respond to THAT, instead of the anger.

If you keep that uppermost in your mind, you'll be able to respond with love, compassion and patience, rather than anger, hurt and offense; and you will keep the entire situation from escalating into

misunderstanding and offense.

2. Keep some good, basic reading material on the Church (like the Ensign) around, so your family can pick it up and read it, at their convenience and interest -- which may be some time yet. Be patient.

3. Think about the questions they may ask, like "What is the Mormon Church", or "What is it that you like about that Church" -- and come up with some good answers, BEFORE they actually ask the questions, so when they do ask, you will already have thought it though and have some good answers ready.

4. Give them TIME to adjust, and to see that your practice of the Gospel actually makes you a better person -- and then make sure that it DOES.

5. Let your family take their time getting used to whatever changes you will make, don't spring it all on them at once.

6. Be patient, kind, loving and respectful -- even (especially!) when others are not. It is no great accomplishment to be kind and respectful to those who are that way to you; the challenge is to be

so when others are *not*.

7. (Try to) See them as Heavenly FAther and Mother see them -- Try to see them as they might yet be.

8. Remember: there is a *reason* why you are together in this life; and you have an opportunity to make it a positive experience for both / all of you --or at the very least, for yourSELF -- with work,

discipline, and effort.

10. Finally -- Deal with this challenge in a way that you can be proud of, in the years to come.

And remember that it may take years before you reap the fruit of the seeds of patience, understanding, compassion and love that you plant now -- but their sweetness will be more than worth the effort.

I hope that's soemwhat helpful -- Blessings and good luck to you --

~Gaia

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hello all its me again and i am just informing you all that before i could try all of those great points (thanks for those) i got kicked out of my house. im having a really hard time dealing with this but all will be well. yesterday (sunday the 23rd) i got kicked out of my house by my parents. i came home from church and thats when it all went down and that ###### cause i was having a great weekend on saturday i went to the temple in st. paul and it was an awesome experience and then on sunday my friend got to bless the sacrament for the first time. but when i got home from church my parents started yelling at me and asked me for my phone and my house keys and told me that i was no longer welcome in there home unless i made an "appointment". so now im living in my apartment that they are paying rent on and i dont know how much longer that will last. they think they can control my life but they think this is helping but what they dont realize is that there actualy pushing me away and i wont ever make an appointment to stay at there house. im going down on saturday to pick up the rest of my stuff when there out of town and thats it. the worst part of all of this is that its my little brothers 12th birthday on wednesday and he was up stairs when it all went down so i dont even know if he knows whats going on. im really glad that i joined the church and they cant change that. because i know that i have found the true church and thats all that matters im so thankful for temples they are places of beauty and great power im sooo glad i finaly got to experience that. ill try to keep everyone updated on whats going on and this thread has turned into more of a blog but o well if anyone has any sugestions please just post them i will gladly listen to what you all have to say.

-andy

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Wow! Andy I'm so sorry for what's happened to you. I hope that, after a time to reflect on their actions, your parents will reverse their decision and allow you back home. If not, then I don't know if you're working already, but it might be wise to try to get a job to help pay for your apartment if they suddenly stop paying rent for you. If you struggle in your new home, maybe LDS Social Services can help you? Or just let your Bishop know what's going on and see what he can suggest to help you spiritually and practically.

Do you think writing a letter to your parents, explaining why you feel happier in the LDS church, and reassuring them that your relationship with them will not suffer as a result of you being a member would help to soften their hearts?

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because i know that i have found the true church and thats all that matters .....ill try to keep everyone updated on whats going on and this thread has turned into more of a blog but o well if anyone has any sugestions please just post them i will gladly listen to what you all have to say.

-andy

GAIA:

Hello Andy --

I'm so sorry to hear how things have gone. But beleive me, that does not necessarily discount any of the things i said about how to make peace with your family. I have been in the very same position.

I would like to (respectfully) challenge your statement above -- With all due respect to your feelings right now, and your enthusiasm about having found "the true church" and all --

THAT is NOT "all that matters", and if you don't understand that now, i guarantee you will as time goes on and you get a bit of perspective and maturity. your FAMILY MATTERS; PEOPLE matter; RELATIONSHIPS matter; your parents' FEELINGS matter! Please don't make the mistake of thinking that just becuase you've found "the Truth" and your parents disagree or disapprove, that they cannot understand, or that they are not worth your respect, consideration and honor.

In my experience, PEOPLE matter a whole lot more than lofty ideas, Andy. Jesus loves and died for your parents, every bit as much as He does/ did for you. I think He expects you to find a way to make peace with them, even if that means you have to back off a bit from your certainty of being "right".

Please consider how yo might try to make peace with your parents, and give them the love and respect they deserve --

- Or you will regret this time and your behavior, more than you can imagine.

Blessings --

~Gaia

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gaia im sorry and yes i know that my parents do matter and relationships and family and people and all do matter. people do matter alot because with out the support of the church i couldent handle this. but im hopeing all will go well and they will soften and i do love them my mom called me on sunday and she said that she was sorry but was VERY in sincere about it all so yeah it was a pointless call. i have been thinking a lot about this lately and the truth is that i think i just need a fresh start. but i dont know. so im just taking time and thinking alot and just need to take time to chill and think

-andy

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gaia im sorry and yes i know that my parents do matter and relationships and family and people and all do matter. people do matter alot because with out the support of the church i couldent handle this. but im hopeing all will go well and they will soften and i do love them my mom called me on sunday and she said that she was sorry but was VERY in sincere about it all so yeah it was a pointless call. i have been thinking a lot about this lately and the truth is that i think i just need a fresh start. but i dont know. so im just taking time and thinking alot and just need to take time to chill and think

-andy

Hey Andy, not saying you should give up on your family and their acceptance of your joining the church etc. and you should continue to be patient and loving and not get upset with them etc... but perhaps these words from The Lord will comfort you.

Mark 10:28-30

28 ¶ Then Peter began to say unto him, Lo, we have left all, and have followed thee.

29 And Jesus answered and said, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that hath left house, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my sake, and the gospel’s,

30 But he shall receive an hundredfold now in this time, houses, and brethren, and sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, with persecutions; and in the world to come eternal life.

So if your family does forsake you or if you have to leave them for "The Gospels sake" (such as on a mission for example) The Lord assures us that we will "...now in this time..." receive a hundred fold, houses, sisters, mothers, children etc...What he means is that you have been adopted into the family of Christ. This is not a promise of some future blessing...it is "...now in this time..." You have a hundred mothers right now, a hundred fathers right now, a hundred brothers right now, a hundred sisters right now, children...and more...etc...in the church...Look at the people around you who are the body of Christ and recognize that according to The Lord, they are your family and you are theirs, should you find yourelf abandoned...and in the world to come you will have eternal life with them and with God.

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gaia im sorry and yes i know that my parents do matter and relationships and family and people and all do matter. people do matter alot because with out the support of the church i couldent handle this. but im hopeing all will go well and they will soften and i do love them my mom called me on sunday and she said that she was sorry but was VERY in sincere about it all so yeah it was a pointless call. i have been thinking a lot about this lately and the truth is that i think i just need a fresh start. but i dont know. so im just taking time and thinking alot and just need to take time to chill and think

-andy

Hi Andy --

I really understand how you feel -- when my family disowned me, for doing what i thought was such a good, righteous thing, it completely broke my heart.

But beleive me, nothing you ever do out of love, or trying to restore your relationship, is ever "pointless". You have no idea and cannot know, how the slightest thing you might say or do, will impact the situation and touch their hearts. So do everythng you can, always, to let them know you love them and want them in your life.

Remember what's at the base of all this negativity is FEAR -- fear that they will lose you, fear that the church will change you, fear that you will be somehow hurt by the chuch.....

-- And remember: "Perfect love casteth out fear" (1 John 4:18). So Love the Lord, Love your family, love your SELF, and know that (Romans 8:28) -- "...All things work together for good, to them that love God..."

Blessings--

~Gaia

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