feeling lost in the church


lostinaz39
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A year ago we moved to a new ward, I have gone to church a hand full of times because I don't feel welcomed. No one has called me and I have gotten 2 visits from VT. I am not sure where my testimony is. My daughter was diagnosed with cancer at 3 months old (shes just turned 2) and I think I am still carrying resentment for that trial. I do want to come back into the church and get back into the temple. Any advice on books (other than the BOM) to help get me there?

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I think going to Church to take the Sacrament will do great wonders for you.  Don't worry about the people.  There would be missionaries there - you can sit with them... they're always welcoming.

 

This may not be true in your situation, but usually, when one doesn't feel welcomed when they walk into a church it has more to do with one's apprehension than it is the people of the church... keeping your thoughts on Christ and your covenants could help you reduce the apprehension.

 

I'm not sure how books can help in this situation, so besides the scriptures, the Sunday School/RS Manuals and the Ensign, I don't know what to recommend.

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What I am about to say sounds astounding, but I've heard it several times from people I trust, so I assume it's accurate.

 

When people visit a church for the first time, research shows that they make a decision about that church within something like 90 seconds.  Before the service even begins, they have sized up the other people, pawed through the hymnal, sniffed around, and categorized the church as either "dump" or "keep."  Obviously some people change their minds with time, but the point is that first impressions are really, really powerful and can be extremely deceptive.  Even after repeated visits, the echoes of first impressions can still ring loudly in your ears.  

 

Why don't you feel welcomed?  Is it because someone has treated you in some unfavorable way, or because of an absence of favorable treatment that you were expecting?  In either case, unless you know with total certainty that other people are intentionally making you feel unwelcome, it might make sense to give them the benefit of the doubt and keep trying until you get some traction in the ward.  

 

Nobody feels welcome in a congregation of strangers.  But the solution is to turn some of the strangers into friends, not to dump the congregation, and certainly not to wait until someone else notices you.

 

Hope your daughter is doing well.  She will learn from the examples you set, so act wisely.   :P

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When we go to church for ourselves it's not bad, per se, but it will never lead to the fulfillment we could have if our motivation are right. That is to say, the greatest commandments are to love God and our fellowman as ourselves. Translating that to action means going to church for God and for our fellowman first. We can also learn something from the teaching of the Savior that, "He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." (Matt 10:39) Lose yourself. In this way you will find yourself. Don't worry about being visit taught. Worry about visiting others. Don't worry about feeling welcomed. Welcome others. Don't worry about being loved. Love others. Etc., etc...

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Don't know what your frustration is with the Church. That's your business. Just know you're not alone in your feels. Ups and downs are part of life, and it's the figuring out how to respond to those days, which is often the challenge. I am sorry to hear about your daughter. My daughter is close in age. I hope she is doing well. By the way, you don't have to be perfect or know all the answers. None of us are or do. Just listen to your inner prompting and follow your gut.

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You shouldn't have such expectations of other members. Just as they can't know or understand your personal stuggles, you don't know theirs. You need to own your spirituality and I believe you will only benefit by inserting yourself back into activity; just lower your expectations.

 

As an aside, I don't follow the "trials are assigned to us" theory. Heavely Father places us in temporal existence and we are subject to the good and bad of that existence. Cancer is one of those things we are all subject to. It isn't assigned to us. We are also subject to the lessons of such difficulties and we are subject to joy and fulfillment.

 

Best Wishes!

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I feel the same at the ward I am currently in.  Only 2 people talk to me and there are a few who seem to ignore me when I try to talk to them.  It kind of feels like being back at school, with cliques.  It's a small ward and everyone has known each other for years, so it's really hard to be part of it, most are not very welcoming. 

 

Never had any home teachers - don't even know who they are.  Visiting teachers introduced themselves, then haven't spoken to me since. 

 

I understand how hard it can be even going in for Sacrament when it feels this way.  Especially when you have trials on top of all this.

 

Just keep praying and reading the Scriptures.  Pray for your testimony. 

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Not to take away from all these excellent posts, but i'm always full of book recommendations. :D

 

I really like anatess' recommendations to read the church manuals and Ensign magazine.  I would heartily second that recommendation.  Those are great resources.

 

You mention the temple, and a great book on that subject is The Holy Temple by Boyd K. Packer.

 

It also sounds like you've been through some trials so you could try For Times of Trouble by Jeffrey R. Holland; If Life Were Easy, It Wouldn't be Hard by Sheri Dew; When Times are Tough by John Bytheway; and probably just about anything by Neal A. Maxwell.

 

If you have any other subjects you are interested in, let me know.  As i said, i'm full of it. :)

Edited by Connie
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Thank you to everyone that replied, you are all right. I guess I just need to work on my own personal testimony and I think things will fall into place as I do that. I guess maybe I'm just lacking a strong testimony of the gospel. I've grown up in the gospel so it's always been there, this is the first time I've ever really wondered if anyone would even miss me if I left or how my life would change. Books, I am looking for anything to help strengthen my testimony....

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm sorry to hear about your challenges. Life is difficult at times.it's not always going to be sunshine and vacations. We all experience tough times at one point or another. As hard as it is to believe at the time your in pain, it'll always remain true,that is;it could be much worse. The fact is, there's someone out there in this world who's going through something much more challenging. Not to make light of your own hardship or to take away from it. Because you have every right to be in pain, angry, sad, furious, worried etc. However, eventually we must get up and forge along. grieve first, get through your battles then begin learning to move forward as life will always continue with or without you. And then you must be able to forgive. If you can't forgive, you'll always remain at war deep inside. And then begin building faith again. A deeper relationship with God.

I wish you the best and I will pray for you. I trust that you can find your place in church again. And as far as books go, I've posted a link to a book that I think will really benefit you. Please take a look.

Thanks and have a wonderful day. God bless! In my prayers.

http://deseretbook.com/Inspiring-Experiences-Build-Faith-Life-Ministry-Thomas-S-Monson/i/2716047

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Oh and here the description of what the book is about that I recommended in my previous post:

*** President Monson recalls tender and inspiring personal experiences that will build faith and testimony for every reader. Taken from events throughout his life, these accounts are organized into sections:

Service to Others

Faith Precedes Blessings

Prayer Availeth Much

Missionary Moments

Testimony Teaches Truth

Example of the Believers

On the Lighter Side

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