Ward Leadership and HT/VT

[Vort]

I dunno. I've always kind of liked the blue Care Bear. Maybe not as much as the doe-eyed Icelandic chick, but still, a great avatar.

[theSQUIDSTER]

I love the home teaching program. I've watched it transform lives. I home teach with my son and I've watched him grow as a home teacher and seen his love expand. We home teach a recently-widowed woman who lost her husband to cancer. It's made a real impact on my son watching a man, who became his friend, and then succumbed to the ravages of the slow degeneration of his body.

I'm running out of time to expand upon this as I'd like to.. Perhaps I'll write some more about this a little bit later.

[mrmarklin]

Real human contact is obsolete?

A church that follows that model is not one I would want to be a part of. And it would be doomed for failure.

 

Of course not, but a lot of the communication can be done using alternative means.  For many branches and wards in the church this can bridge the manpower gap in HT.  There is a reason that Ward Council and PEC meetings are held.  To target the truly needy with a personal visit. The bishop can use his quorum interviews to better serve with this as well.

 

A lot of things now done by HT can be done electronically-communicating Ward events, disasters (heaven forbid), assignments, even spiritual thoughts and lessons. 

[mrmarklin]

I love the home teaching program. I've watched it transform lives. I home teach with my son and I've watched him grow as a home teacher and seen his love expand. We home teach a recently-widowed woman who lost her husband to cancer. It's made a real impact on my son watching a man, who became his friend, and then succumbed to the ravages of the slow degeneration of his body.

I'm running out of time to expand upon this as I'd like to.. Perhaps I'll write some more about this a little bit later.

Very good post.  This can certainly build testimonies.  These visits are necessary. 

 

But I'll hold my ground that IMNSHO the program needs to be looked at in light of technology.

[The Folk Prophet]

mrmarklin - Wherein do you presume that HTing excludes electronic communications and technologies and the like. I text my families all the time to check in on them, communicate with them about activities, emergencies, etc. I also visit them in person monthly.

Edited January 21, 2015 by The Folk Prophet

[theSQUIDSTER]

Hometeaching has allowed me to make many friends and become close with quite a few people who I otherwise might not have gone out of my way to meet.  I'm fortunate to live in an area where our Ward boundaries are very small and it's not a huge sacrifice to visit people.  In the case of people who have massive ward boundaries and long travel times paired with high numbers of less-active members, I have a huge amount of respect for those people who are still able to hometeach in whatever way they can.  It may not always be possible to reach some people every month by personal visit.  In such cases technology and even snail mail (for those old-timers so-inclined) can be a blessing.

 

I think it must sadden the Lord to see people who either feel like they're just going through the motions or that they're being visited by somebody going through the motions.  Pretty much none of us want to be somebody else's "project" or a statistic on a graph... we want friendship and fellowship that is real and genuine.  Finding real and genuine friendship is a treasure.  So what are we doing toward that end?  Are we trying to be a real friend?  Are we praying for those who we hometeach or who are assigned to hometeach us?  A number of previous posters have already suggested various ways in which we can be proactive in our approach... inviting hometeachers, finding out who they are, asking for the opportunity to hometeach...

 

So, it's easy to say we need to love more... it's the basis for everything pretty much in the gospel.  So what about those who we're called to serve or who are called to serve us, but we're just having a hard time feeling it for them?  What about those we feel awkward around whenever we visit them or even try to just say "hi" to them?  Not everyone is easy to love...  Some people really make it a challenge... no? 

 

I'd be interested to hear if any of you have any experience with people who were a challenge to love...  Were you able to succeed somehow ultimately?  What did you do to get there?

Edited January 22, 2015 by theSQUIDSTER

[Roseslipper]

As I have loved you love one another. I think the problem with ht/vt is some times is the ones teaching, some times the one s visited do not think it's to important to do, or to accept

So why take the time out of our busy, or over burden lives to do it, or accept it....

Just my thoughts.....

[Roseslipper]

I'm not condoning modern technology it has its pro's and con's like most things do. Have you noticed that we are losing the basic s of human contact, with others.

[The Folk Prophet]

So why take the time out of our busy, or over burden lives to do it, or accept it....

 

Because the Lord has asked us to.

[Guest]

Very good post.  This can certainly build testimonies.  These visits are necessary. 

 

But I'll hold my ground that IMNSHO the program needs to be looked at in light of technology.

 

 

I'm a technology person.  I use it extensively.  I've been charged with child endangerment for giving my then-6 year old his own iphone.

 

But even then, there is no substituting a person-to-person eye-contact relationship.  I believe strongly that one of the devil's tools in the fight against God is to make people afraid of TOUCHING other people.  Yes - physical contact.  You give some kid who is not from your own loins a hug... ohhh, be careful, you can get put to jail.  People are even starting to be afraid to LOOK at people (they might charge me with ogling and sexual harassment, etc.).

 

So, yes... technology is a great tool to keep up with people.  But, it should not replace a personal interaction.  It's hard to love a person you don't know.  And using technology to know people can only get us so far as knowing each other on lds.net.

[Palerider]

mrmarklin - Wherein do you presume that HTing excludes electronic communications and technologies and the like. I text my families all the time to check in on them, communicate with them about activities, emergencies, etc. I also visit them in person monthly.

Very interesting.....during our last High Council meeting we were talking about the joys of electronic communication and keeping in touch with our HT families.

[char713]

Hi, it's me, the OP. 

 

This thread has gone way further than I expected it would. I would like to try to bring it back to the original, actual, subject which is the problem of members (such as myself) feeling ignored and disliked because no contact is ever initiated by any members of the ward in any capacity.

 

I grew up with home teachers, we lived overseas for most of my childhood, and we always had very regular home teaching visits. My mother's VTers were all over their assigments as well. My parents were diligent in their assignments too. It wasn't until we moved to the states, to Colorado Springs, that we ever had a problem with the program. My Dad, as I have said, has been employed in the Middle East for 11 months out of every year since 2003. Five children and an all-but-single mother, and if it weren't for our involvement in the YM/YW programs we would have felt very alienated and excluded from any of the social aspects of our ward. My mother, meanwhile, was assigned as VTer to one of the most well known "difficult" inactive sisters, and struggled in that assignment for almost seven years. She asked to be reassigned, as a mother of five children with a husband far away she really could have used a break, but she must have been one of the few sisters who really honored their assignments, because her route didn't change until after the sister's meth-addict son pulled a gun on my mom as she got out of her car.

 

My husband and I have only been visited once in over seven years. We have only ever been contacted once for a visit in seven years. If anyone made attempts to visit with us more often, we would be as accomodating as possible because we are fully aware of the sacrifices involved. As previously stated, we have asked multiple times in every ward we have lived in to be assigned home teachers and visiting teachers, and to be given assignments ourselves. Nothing has ever changed, so I am left with nothing to do but assume things.

 

Numerous replies have been posted telling me to let it go and not assume anything about our ward(s) or the leadership. But what is any member of the church in any part of the world supposed to think when they are consistently ignored and excluded from being able to participate in even the most basic of programs? This isn't just a one-off problem, we have all-but pleaded to be included. We have had meetings with our Bishop for exactly this purpose. And nothing has ever changed, not in a way which produces results anyway, which is the only thing that matters. 

 

As far as I understand it, the purpose of the home teaching program is, at best, to facilitate service opportunities and help us keep our baptismal covenants, and at worst, to help the ward leaders "keep tabs" on the needs of the members of the ward. 

 

I know that there are limited resources, i.e. faithful and responsible Priesthood holders, in each ward to go around. This is just my opinion of course, but I think that those families who are active, involved, and have "extra-curricular" activities to do with other families in the ward are those who need the special attention of hometeachers the least. Those in leadership positions also would be low on the priority list because they are both seen and spoken to at least once a week, and have regular scheduled meetings with the bishop, which is better than hometeaching anyway. Single-member homes, less or inactive members, and the elderly are really the people who should be getting assigned the "cream of the crop" brethren. Only the best will try their best to visit those who are difficult to get in contact with, and those whose needs are much more real than what can be met by just your average social visit.

 

Our bishopric has no idea what is going on in our lives unless WE tell them. As one of the youngest couples in the ward, a family without children, who have been almost entirely absent from regular church attendance until very recently, you'd think we would be of at least a tiny bit of interest or concern. But we aren't. The past four sundays that we have attended church, no one has spoken to us. I mean it - literally no one. With one remarkable exception that I will tell you about in a minute. Now, we arrived at church at least five minutes before sacrament started each week, and dawdled in the foyers a little before leaving just to give someone, anyone a chance. In any of the previous wards I have lived in, a new or unknown face would be comparatively swarmed by people offering handshakes and introductions. Two weeks ago the young men were away on assignment at a nursing home so the sacrament was passed by members of the Elders Quorum. The EQP passed it to us, made "knowing" eye contact with both of us, but still said nothing to me or my husband during the whole three hour block. 

 

A lot of this is based on assumption, yes, but they have left us with nothing else to do BUT assume. And my conclusion is, we are being ignored. 

 

Not completely, of course. The crowning moment in all of this was yesterday in Relief Society. For the first few minutes before the lesson they have a "good news moment" where everyone is invited to share good things from their week. I told the sisters there about my husband being up for a promotion at work, and that we felt that was in direct connection to us being back at church after a long absence. Once the meeting was over, a middle-aged sister seated behind me tapped on my shoulder and introduced herself, congratulated me on my husband's work success, asked if we are planning on having children, and then told me to remember what President McKay said, that 'no other success can compensate for failure in the home.' Then she got up and left, not leaving a chance for me to respond. We have been struggling with unexplained infertility for several years, but she'd have no way of knowing that. Amazingly, this is the only interaction I have had with anyone since we have been back at church except for the ushers before sacrament meeting and those who have passed the sacrament to us. 

Edited February 2, 2015 by char713

[char713]

Part of that "keeping tabs" element of the HT/VT programs is the necessity that you meet with the family or individual in their home. I have attended several RS meetings in the past where this has been directly addressed. As fun or convenient as it would be to meet up at a restaurant or the library or wherever, it is important that the members are regularly visited in their homes. The idea is that the visitor can then get a feel of the spirit that is in the home, and able to receive inspiration and guidance about what their difficulties or needs might be, as they often are reflected in the home environment. 

 

As great as technology is for getting us to be in-touch with each other, it cannot fully replace in-person, and in-home interactions. The program would only fall apart more, yes maybe the numbers would be better, but people wouldn't really know each other. Technology makes it too easy to portray ourselves as better and happier people than we are.

[pkstpaul]

Your situation is very unfortunate. I feel for you. You may wish to take this up with the Stake President. They love and care for the members of the stake and should honor your request for a conversation.

 

We have a unique culture in the Church. It is one that creates expectations that may not be completely in line with reality. This thread has four pages of responses and when someone created a separate thread just to talk about positive HT results, it didn't fill a page. Half of that wasn't even addressing the OP's request to speak of how we personally were impacted by a HT. Many of the responses were by women regarding VT. I posted how I gained a testimony of HT, but I couldn't find an example fitting for the thread myself. It is very sad.

 

I think a change in calling would be your best point of integration. You can't pick your calling of course, and something like Primary or Nursery will kill your ability to integrate, but still, a calling would really, really help in integration.

[Leah]

Part of that "keeping tabs" element of the HT/VT programs is the necessity that you meet with the family or individual in their home. I have attended several RS meetings in the past where this has been directly addressed. As fun or convenient as it would be to meet up at a restaurant or the library or wherever, it is important that the members are regularly visited in their homes. The idea is that the visitor can then get a feel of the spirit that is in the home, and able to receive inspiration and guidance about what their difficulties or needs might be, as they often are reflected in the home environment. 

 

As great as technology is for getting us to be in-touch with each other, it cannot fully replace in-person, and in-home interactions. The program would only fall apart more, yes maybe the numbers would be better, but people wouldn't really know each other. Technology makes it too easy to portray ourselves as better and happier people than we are.

I just wanted to say this is a really excellent post.

My home teachers have been pretty nonexistent since I converted in 2011. My first home teacher was the ward mission leader when I was taking the lessons. He would ask me in church if I was available on Tuesday. I would say yes, Tuesday evening would come and no show, no call, no apology. This happened repeatedly. Can you imagine the impression this would leave on an investigator?

He continued this practice as my home teacher.

I have been in my current Ward for a year and a half or so. My HTs have come...three times? ZERO visits from VTs. Not even a phone call.

In my calling, I have had many people share with me that they have been in the church for x or y number of years and have never had HTs. And most of the women that have shared this with me are divorced or widowed and have zero priesthood in the family. They have no one to turn to when they need a blessing, etc. I am in the same boat. So we go without blessings and other things.

HT and VT are brilliant programs. But not when people can't be bothered to do their part.

[classylady]

HT/VT is what it is.  You cannot force people to visit you.  There are times when we have had diligent HT and VT.  And other times when we haven't.  I'm blessed to live in a ward where the membership seems to take their assignments seriously, and for the most part it gets done.  Maybe, not every month, but still it's fairly regular.

 

char713, if I was your VT, you would probably scare me to death.  This not an assessment about your character.  I am not perfect.  People scare me.  Making phone calls scare me.  When I have a less active person on my VT list, I admit, I don't visit them as much as I should.  I think they probably don't want to be bothered.  Calling people and asking for a time when we can come visit is almost more than I can do.  If I see one of my VT ladies in the halls at church I muster up as much courage as I can and talk to them personally to make an appointment.  If I have to call someone, it most likely won't get done.  My companion is much better at making the phone calls and setting up appointments.  I love giving the lesson, she hates that part.  So we make a great team.

 

I have a love/hate relationship with HT and VT.  I don't mind it being a numbers thing.  But, I am embarrassed about the way my home looks, so I really don't like people in my home.  I'm so self-conscious about needing new carpet, etc.  We live in a very affluent neighborhood, but yet, my husband and I are living in near poverty.  It is so embarrassing to have people who literally live in *million dollar homes come into my humble abode.  This past summer and into the Fall, when my VT's came over I would have them sit on lawn chairs in the front yard, rather than have them come into my house.  I was much more at ease that way.  They probably thought it was strange, but our air-conditioning doesn't work, plus can't afford to have it run, so it was cooler to sit in the shade outside than inside the sweltering house.

 

*Here in Utah, a million dollar home is a lot of house.  In some areas such as Calif. maybe not so much.

Edited February 2, 2015 by classylady