Family in trouble for kids walking home


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My thoughts are a bit jumbled on this, so I don't think I can make it all coherent. In summary, sxfritz says that this behavior is "unwise." I think much of what the free-range parenting movement is trying to do is to challenge the fears and beliefs that make us say that it is unwise. Why is it unwise? Are we sure those fears are rational and reasonable or are they overblown and unreasonable? At what point does our nanny state decide to criminalize such "unwise" parenting behavior -- especially if it does it based on irrational fears?

Edited by MrShorty
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Just my opinion as a parent and educator, but in the vast amount of cases, if your ten-year-old can't navigate by himself your community in a one-mile radius, you have committed a parenting fail. I have high schoolers that can barely cross streets by themselves. With crime rates down significantly from the "good ol' days when kids played by themselves all day long", why not?

 

No, the whole case is ridiculous. They were walking home a few blocks from the park. I don't know if I'd let a six-year-old make that walk, but I'm trusting the parents that the older child was with-it enough. CPS has much greater problems to go after.

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I always walked to and from school from grade 1 on through highschool. This was done under the supervision of my older brother and sister (2 years and 1 year older respectively) who walked with me until they moved on to junior high and I was walking with my younger sisters or friends and cousins.

 

My mom was pretty paranoid that one of her babies would be snatched and I spent a lot of my childhood being afraid of getting kidnapped. As such, although I was allowed (even encouraged) to walk to and from school at such a young age, I was never to ride my bike farther than my mom could see out the front window unless dad was riding with me/us. I don't think I ever really rode off on my own until around 13-14 years of age. All the while the other parents felt justified to let their children go all over town freely as young as 8-10 years of age. 

 

At the end of the day, I guess what I'm saying is that I think that my parents found a good balance that worked for us, but the other parents also had a balance that worked for them. I don't think it criminal to let your kids out to play any more than I think it criminal to leave them cooped up with access to satellite/cable TV and internet unsupervised. I personally think the balance for me and my kids in the future will be for me and my wife to play with the kids outside. They can invent games and have free play with parents present as long as parents allow it. We don't even have to take part in the games, we can just observe from a safe distance. I think it is good for kids to develop independence, but they can do so while being watched. 

 

I think that parents should be allowed to make parenting decisions themselves. So I don't like where this has gone and could be going. It makes sense to me when intentional harm is being done to a child to intervene, but when we start intervening because we don't agree with someones parenting philosophy I think we get into trouble. To me it is similar to parents getting in trouble because they choose a treatment for a sick child that is not mainstream medicine, I think a parent should have the right to try to heal their child according to their own conscience. Where do we draw the line? Will teaching children religious values become some sort of great wrong in the coming days because they have been painted to cause feelings of guilt and breed hatred?

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 So I don't like where this has gone and could be going. It makes sense to me when intentional harm is being done to a child to intervene, but when we start intervening because we don't agree with someones parenting philosophy I think we get into trouble. To me it is similar to parents getting in trouble because they choose a treatment for a sick child that is not mainstream medicine, I think a parent should have the right to try to heal their child according to their own conscience. Where do we draw the line? Will teaching children religious values become some sort of great wrong in the coming days because they have been painted to cause feelings of guilt and breed hatred?

 

 

I hear you. Imagine a society where the law regarding children was based solely on the parenting fad of the day.

 

There's actual danger to children, and then there's the perception of danger to children based only on your own experience and beliefs. You have no idea of that family's experience. You don't know their children nearly as well as they know them.

 

As for your comment on religion, there already is a grass-roots movement to make teaching religion to minors, even one's own children, illegal.

 

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I have mixed feelings about "free range parenting"--though I'm sympathetic to the broad argument that we are too scared and too protective.  Also, cases like this keep underlying a poisonous view that government must protect children from their parents--that Nanny Fed knows best.  That's scarier than the creeps the CPS worker frightened those children with. 

 

So, quick poll, are the kids now more scared of "creeps" or police and CPS workers???

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I don't think they should be in trouble for it but, as a parent today, I don't think it wise. Why risk learning such a hard lesson as losing a child?

 

You're Terrorized. 

 

I'm a Free-Range parent (my own flavor of it).  I believe firmly in kids learning to control their environment.  They can't do that if they're not given the opportunity.  10 and 6 years old are old enough for a 1 mile radius.  My kids are 13 and 11 - they have a bike radius.

 

But... I don't just send my kids off to parts unknown.  I set the environment, including teaching my kids survival skills, so that my kids can free-range.  That's why I live in a subdivision where you can take a 5K run without retracing your steps inside the neighborhood in a side of town with the least crime-rate.  It's more expensive here, yes.  But, it's part of the price we worked into the budget for the value of what we would choose as home.

 

My kids travel a lot - they do great.  The experiences they gained from our neighborhood applies everywhere we go.  They even went to the Philippines and they free-ranged in a foreign country with only a rudimentary understanding of the language.  They did great!

 

But, but, but... what if they get kidnapped?  They have some skills they can use in that situation.  But yes, they could get kidnapped and get killed.  Or they can get killed if I put them in an airplane and the plane drop to the ocean.  Or they can get killed if I put them in the car and a semi truck runs us over.  Or they can get killed by slipping in the shower.  I tell them to pay attention to the flight attendant's instructions about how to put on life vests and such.  I tell them to put on their seatbelts in the car.  I tell them to check the shower floors for slippery areas.... but I don't tell them not to experience things because they might die.

 

If the zombie apocalypse ever happens (not likely) or war reaches American soil (likely - have you been watching foreign events?) - my kids have skills to survive it.  My neighbor's kids?  Not so sure - I even wonder if their dog will survive it... she always harasses me for just having my kids (and my dog that runs around with my kids) run "wild".

Edited by anatess
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It happened when I became a grandfather of a girl.

 

I have 2 boys.  I'm not sure how I would deal with a daughter.  When I was little, my parents couldn't keep me in the house no matter how much they tried.  I wasn't allowed to wear pants, I wasn't allowed to ride bikes, and because I can't buy my own pants, I had to go romp around the neighborhood in my pleated skirts.  And then, I would get into fisticuffs and end up climbing up the back of some boy in my skirts and ribbons in my hair.  My mother always told me - you're gonna get your come-uppance when you have your own daughter!  I didn't get one.  Whew!

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Unfortunately, it just takes once, and sometimes it's not a matter of an incompetent child or failed parenting. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. A few years ago, back in our old neighbourhood, my husband and I were in our driveway doing projects. Two young teen girls were on their way home, when a truck slowed and rolled to their pace, the man inside was cat-calling them. It was disgusting and I was concerned for the girls. My husband told the guy to take off, which didn't happen right away, but when he headed over to the girls, the driver was quick on the gas. At the time I memorised the plate. Anyway, this happened right out in the open, in front of us. Maybe he didn't try to abduct them but who knows what might have happened around the corner, or if nobody was around to see it? There are shady people out there that are looking to take advantage of children.

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Unfortunately, it just takes once, and sometimes it's not a matter of an incompetent child or failed parenting. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. A few years ago, back in our old neighbourhood, my husband and I were in our driveway doing projects. Two young teen girls were on their way home, when a truck slowed and rolled to their pace, the man inside was cat-calling them. It was disgusting and I was concerned for the girls. My husband told the guy to take off, which didn't happen right away, but when he headed over to the girls, the driver was quick on the gas. At the time I memorised the plate. Anyway, this happened right out in the open, in front of us. Maybe he didn't try to abduct them but who knows what might have happened around the corner, or if nobody was around to see it? There are shady people out there that are looking to take advantage of children.

 

Yep.  It only takes once.  Your kid can be sleeping in her own room and get abducted, abused, killed, etc.  But, not allowing a kid to control a 1 mile radius of environment because "it only takes once" doesn't keep him from getting abducted.  Instead, it limits his learning so that he will not be able to trust himself to control anything and will always be dependent on somebody else (like his parents or the cops or the government) even when he gets older.

 

I prefer to give my kids control of an environment that I have weighed the risks of.  "It only takes once" is a risk I'm willing to take in the environments my kids can access for them to learn how to take care of themselves.

 

There are kids whose first experience of trying to control an environment is the day they leave for college.

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I'm fairly certain that the likelihood of a child being abducted from their bedroom versus from the street is much lower. But I'm no expert on statistics. I won't begin to invest energy in how other parents choose to parent, but what it boils down to, is what can you live with knowing? Was everything done that could have been done to prevent an unfortunate outcome?

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I'm fairly certain that the likelihood of a child being abducted from their bedroom versus from the street is much lower. But I'm no expert on statistics. I won't begin to invest energy in how other parents choose to parent, but what it boils down to, is what can you live with knowing? Was everything done that could have been done to prevent an unfortunate outcome?

 

But that's exactly what we're talking about.  The cops decided they can't live with it.  The parents decided they can.  I'm explaining why the parents (as another free range parent) said they can.  The cops need to let parents parent.

Edited by anatess
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My problem with the "it only takes once" mentality is that people pick and choose what they apply it to.  We all do it and that is our prerogative. It only takes one lousy driver one time to kill or maim everyone in the car which is infinitely more likely to happen than an abduction, yet you never see parents keeping their kids out of cars. We tend to pick our favorite dangers and ignore others no matter the actual risk.

 

On a tangent on the cars, I once saw a study that suggested an increase in kids getting killed by cars due to more parents driving their kids everywhere.  If you're trying to save one child, don't kill five more in the process. That's called a step backwards.

 

In this case at hand, the parents took time and diligence to teach the kids the route to and from the park. The kids were hardly out roaming wild in idiocy. When did it became so wicked to teach kids skills?

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depends where you live some areas its fine, in others its definitely unwise.

 

I would tend to think that in those "unwise" areas, the only wise decision is to move.  If a ten year old can't safely walk to the park alone, then I wouldn't want them to be in the neighborhood at all.

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I would tend to think that in those "unwise" areas, the only wise decision is to move.  If a ten year old can't safely walk to the park alone, then I wouldn't want them to be in the neighborhood at all.

 

Also depends on the kid.  Even "wise" areas may not be safe for certain kids.  My eldest kid, 13 years old... I am just fine with sending him off on his own to the DC subway to tour places nobody else is interested in.  His brother, 11 years old... I wouldn't send on the tour bus with the tour guide on his own.

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  • 2 months later...

Talk about your 'nanny state'.

I don't hate on it.  But I think it is wrong for there to be no such thing as a kid who cannot walk to school.

When I was a kid, all the way thru' college, and law school, I walked to school, or rode my bike.

It is ridiculous to see the high school here today, no kid could ever walk two blocks.

You end up with fat lazy kids who can't waddle out of their SUV to get a McDonald's grease burger.  They have to use the drive thru'.

I know people with 25 year old kids who never worked a day in their life, and don't have the ability to find an office building two blocks away.

Are these kids ever going to get a job?  How will they be able to find the place.

dc

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