Are women's TR questions different?

[Just_A_Guy]

He's doing movie reviews, I think, but Snide Remarks has been dead in the water for about a year.

 

Ironically, given the above, late last year Snider came out as gay (see here, which also contains a separate link to a more exhaustive Facebook post) but also announced that it doesn't define him and he remains a faithful Latter-day Saint.

Edited February 10, 2015 by Just_A_Guy

[NightSG]

Obviously, I don't know you, but I would tell anyone this... take some college courses, lose weight, change of hair style, go clothes shopping, learn a language, remodel something inside or outside the house...the list is endless.

 

You know, it's interesting how the advice is always "be yourself, but change."

 

I've done all of those except learn a language, and still have exactly the same results.

[Guest]

You know, it's interesting how the advice is always "be yourself, but change."

 

I've done all of those except learn a language, and still have exactly the same results.

 

That's because you're desperately looking for "the one".  There comes a time when you just have to let all that go and let life take its natural course.

 

You know how when you lose something and you go looking and looking and looking and you don't find it and the minute you quit looking you find it?

 

Yeah, that can happen with significant others too.  Quit looking and enjoy life as a single guy with lots of things to offer.  Be everyone's friend... when you meet someone - man or woman - make him/her your friend.  If you start feeling, oh no, he can't possibly be my friend, we have nothing in common... Bingo!  You just found a challenge - you can figure out something he does and learn it... then you can have something in common.  Be the best friend you can ever be.  Trust me - all these skills you gain at how to be the best friend of any personality type - are very valuable in a marriage.

 

Travel.  Go places.  See new things.  Expand your horizons.  And make international friends!

 

And when someone special comes along... then express your interest and see where it goes.  If it goes nowhere, dust your feet.  It's their loss.  You still have all your friends!

 

God never said - you will never make it the Celestial Kingdom because you're single.  No.  It takes two people's decisions to be un-single.  God will not judge you for the other person's decision to not take you up on your offer.  Count your blessings that you don't have to worry about some woman giving you honey-do lists every weekend. 

[pkstpaul]

You know, it's interesting how the advice is always "be yourself, but change."

 

I've done all of those except learn a language, and still have exactly the same results.

It isn't about change it is about focus. Focus on yourself. Those things are things you are doing for yourself and you will be reflected in them. A difficult concept to express maybe. I think Anatess captured it in a different way. Travelling does "change" you, but it really is "improving" what is already you. As you focus on yourself, not in a vain way, others will take notice.

 

What you want is to be an interesting date. You want to have things a variety of things to talk about. It can't be about church, just because you are with someone LDS. It can't be about kids, just because you have kids. It should be about something interesting you did that week, or last month. "Hey, when I was digging out my old bushes, I fould a 1893 Indian Head penny."  Are Indian Head pennies boring? Yes, but digging out your bushes shows you to be a progressive person concerned about appearance. Do ten other things and you have a full conversation. You didn't change, you just found some things that might be a point of interest for others.

[NightSG]

What you want is to be an interesting date.

 

I've been told I'm a very interesting date.  That does me about as much good as being the world's best scuba diver and living in the middle of the Sahara.

[notquiteperfect]

Night - for what it's worth - if you have a 'desperate vibe' that would be a turn off and work against you.  
 

I don't know you so this is for others that might read this just as much as it is for you.

[mordorbund]

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

 

 

This is why we need arranged marriages.

[Guest]

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

 

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again....

 

I have lots of cousins....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.... and they all need visas.

[Suzie]

Well, let's be honest. Most LDS single ladies look for a single Priesthood holder and a returned missionary as a future spouse. We can rationalize or even state that being a returned missionary isn't really what a single LDS woman looks for...but that's for another thread.

 

NightSG has children which means he is either divorced or a widower. I'm sorry but I don't think anyone would rush to date a guy that has children. NOW, don't kill me for that comment. I am not saying it is impossible, I am saying I can understand why any woman with no children would hesitate dating a guy that has kids.

[skalenfehl]

I really have to wonder if they get asked "are you completely honest except when dealing with potential dates?"

 

The number of "temple worthy" women who have flat out lied to get out of a date, and even bragged about it is, frankly, disturbing.  Especially when the same ones claim they just can't find a guy who honors his Priesthood fully enough to be worthy of their time.

 

Cut to the chase with one simple question to determine if you really want to pursue her: If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question? 

 

[Suzie]

Cut to the chase with one simple question to determine if you really want to pursue her: If I were to ask you out on a date, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question? 

 

 

No wonder your title is "My own worst enemy".

[skalenfehl]

No wonder your title is "My own worst enemy".

 

 

Although...it does give the girl the opportunity to be creative. She doesn't have to be trapped with yes or no (lose/lose or win/win). She can reply with "you decide," or "maybe" or "I'll think about it." This gives her an out or maybe show that she can be equally crafty. This can turn into a more interesting conversation if the two are interesting people or it can all end very quickly without any feelings hurt. Lot's of possibilities, that is unless they both are just dull. In that case, maybe they're perfect for each other. 

[NightSG]

I'd say there are plenty of guys who lie to get a kiss or more, too.

 

Why lie?  If all else fails, I just do the Puss In Boots eyes.  If that doesn't get me a smooch, she's not human.  

[NightSG]

NightSG has children which means he is either divorced or a widower. I'm sorry but I don't think anyone would rush to date a guy that has children. NOW, don't kill me for that comment. I am not saying it is impossible, I am saying I can understand why any woman with no children would hesitate dating a guy that has kids.

 

Actually, that seems to be the least of my problems; the ones who have kids see it as showing that I know how to deal with them, and the ones who don't are either happy with the idea, or at least interested in the proof that I make adorable ones  

[Just_A_Guy]

Why lie?  If all else fails, I just do the Puss In Boots eyes.  If that doesn't get me a smooch, she's not human.  

 

So, if she says "no" to me, she's inhuman; but if I shame her into saying "yes" to me, and then she cancels after the fact (with a white lie to avoid being shamed again), she's temple-unworthy?

 

This seems . . . problematic.  :)

[Crypto]

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

Back in high school civics class we had a debate on pro versus con arranged marriages. Teacher assigned the groups.

It turned out I was ...on the pro arranged marriages side...after all was said and done it was agreed on by the class that the pro arranged marriage won the debate by a landslide, though everyone cringed for some reason. 

 

[Beccabee2]

I lived by the standard rule that you always say yes to a first date. And then as I got older and realized if I was saying yes to a guy I honestly was not interested in, I was wasting my time and his (and money as stated before). I think I've only said no to few guys (few meaning less than 3) and they were not "excuses". They were flat out, honest and sincere answers of "I really appreciate you taking a chance and asking me out on a date. Thank you for asking! I will be honest and say that I'm not interested in a date but I would still like to be friends and hang out at church and activities" or along the lines of a reply in this manner. 

Out of the few that I've said no to, only one has been kind about my "no" response. One outwardly called me an unkind name--feel free to use your imagination (and yes, he was an LDS member). The other ranted on to me about my duty as a woman to say yes to every worthy LDS man who asks me out on a date. 

So there's a downside to either way that you reject a date. But there's also downsides to saying yes, knowing that you are not interested. Dating can be difficult!! But as others have said, it requires a lot of patience and continually picking yourself back up after rejection (which we all deal with).

As a side note, I have done my fair share of asking guys out on dates (because the ones I'm surrounded by lack the ability to ask girls out on dates) and I too have been rejected by the "lame" excuses and the honest ones. Either way they are not easy to hear! But I say it just makes you better at the dating game. You gain experience! And now know that you can check that person off the list of potential spouses 

Edited March 10, 2015 by Beccabee2

[The Folk Prophet]

The other ranted on to me about my duty as a woman to say yes to every worthy LDS man who asks me out on a date. 

 

Ha ha. I've never heard that "duty" before.

[Vort]

In Duffs defense I haven't seen one instance were he said that we shouldn't follow the prophets counsel.

I've seen probably a half dozen or more.

[Beccabee2]

Ha ha. I've never heard that "duty" before.

Yeah me either! I got a good laugh out of it. 

[NightSG]

Well, now that I've been canceled on for the concert tonight by six different women, with excuses ranging from "the babysitter canceled" (a week ago; what parent, especially a single one, doesn't have at least 5-6 options for babysitting when you have a week's notice?) to "somebody offered me cash to help set up for their party and I really need the money," I'm really starting to question whether any LDS women understand the concept of integrity.  As in, simply doing what you agree to do.

If it was a family emergency, that would be different, but I would never cancel a date for anything less than true emergency or being actually physically unable to make it.  Even an opportunity to make money I need won't override that; she didn't have that opportunity a couple days before when she accepted the date, and she wasn't worried about starving then.  Heck, if she hadn't just immediately canceled on me, but instead told me what was going on, I would have loaned her the money, or skipped dinner and just given her what I would have spent on that.

 

So I'll be "celebrating" my birthday alone again.  It's like being married, but without the pantyhose drying on the shower curtain rod.

[pam]

Well, now that I've been canceled on for the concert tonight by six different women, with excuses ranging from "the babysitter canceled" (a week ago; what parent, especially a single one, doesn't have at least 5-6 options for babysitting when you have a week's notice?) to "somebody offered me cash to help set up for their party and I really need the money," I'm really starting to question whether any LDS women understand the concept of integrity.  As in, simply doing what you agree to do.

If it was a family emergency, that would be different, but I would never cancel a date for anything less than true emergency or being actually physically unable to make it.  Even an opportunity to make money I need won't override that; she didn't have that opportunity a couple days before when she accepted the date, and she wasn't worried about starving then.  Heck, if she hadn't just immediately canceled on me, but instead told me what was going on, I would have loaned her the money, or skipped dinner and just given her what I would have spent on that.

 

So I'll be "celebrating" my birthday alone again.  It's like being married, but without the pantyhose drying on the shower curtain rod.

 

Sorry but I've been a single parent. For years.  And I NEVER had 5-6 options for babysitters.  Money was tight and unless I could find someone to do it for almost nothing, I had extremely few options.  So please don't put down someone because you think they have so many options for sitters.

[Jane_Doe]

Sorry but I've been a single parent. For years.  And I NEVER had 5-6 options for babysitters.  Money was tight and unless I could find someone to do it for almost nothing, I had extremely few options.  So please don't put down someone because you think they have so many options for sitters.

 

NightSG, I'm sorry you've had such a lame time finding dates to the concert, especially on your birthday.

 

For what little it's worth, as a parent I can tell you the the babysitter thing is a real reason not to go-- I've never had more than 1 babysitter option, and routinely have to turn down things I want to do for the kids. 

 

I'm not sure about the other reasons the gals couldn't go.

Edited June 7, 2015 by Jane_Doe

[David13]

Ha ha. I've never heard that "duty" before.

This is the perfect example why women don't like to give honest answers.  Because they know men.  Because there are men that think that women have to go out with them out of duty.  Or that anger will obtain what niceness won't.

dc

 

It all goes back to the famous song of the 50's I think, Another Saturday Night.  Sam Cooke

 

Another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody ...

I got some money 'cause I just got paid ...

 

Another fella told me he had a sister that looked just fine ...

Instead a bein' my deliverance she had a strange resemblence to a cat named Frankenstein.

 

 

Remember be careful what you wish for, what youpray for, you might get it.  But it might not be what you thought it would be.  I know I've met any number of the wrong woman for me.

Edited June 7, 2015 by David13

[Guest]

"Be yourself" is overrated. The world is flooded with it , and it's mostly fluff.  Sure, don't change all your interests, don't change your faith, etc., but outside and inside of marriage, change is always necessary. "Better yourself", I say, through all times and circumstances. 

 

What's attractive is someone who is always seeking growth, someone who can be flexible, someone with a certain amount of openmindedness. What's unattractive is bitterness, cynicism, and refusal to bend. I'm not saying that you are or aren't any of these things, but introspection once in awhile is a good thing, both when you're looking for a spouse and when (general) you're nurturing a relationship.

 

Does your annoyance at the female population come out in your attitude or conversation, even jokingly?  Might women feel a pressure of expectation from you because the chip on your shoulder when it comes to dating, dances, etc. is crystal clear from a mile away? I don't know, but you might. It's worth thinking about.