Are women's TR questions different?


NightSG
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Well, now that I've been canceled on for the concert tonight by six different women, with excuses ranging from "the babysitter canceled" (a week ago; what parent, especially a single one, doesn't have at least 5-6 options for babysitting when you have a week's notice?) to "somebody offered me cash to help set up for their party and I really need the money," I'm really starting to question whether any LDS women understand the concept of integrity.  As in, simply doing what you agree to do.

If it was a family emergency, that would be different, but I would never cancel a date for anything less than true emergency or being actually physically unable to make it.  Even an opportunity to make money I need won't override that; she didn't have that opportunity a couple days before when she accepted the date, and she wasn't worried about starving then.  Heck, if she hadn't just immediately canceled on me, but instead told me what was going on, I would have loaned her the money, or skipped dinner and just given her what I would have spent on that.

 

So I'll be "celebrating" my birthday alone again.  It's like being married, but without the pantyhose drying on the shower curtain rod.

Do YOU understand the concept of integrity?

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For what little it's worth, as a parent I can tell you the the babysitter thing is a real reason not to go-- I've never had more than 1 babysitter option, and routinely have to turn down things I want to do for the kids. 

 

HOW did you not have more than one option for babysitting?  Even when we were flat broke and not active in any church, we knew 3-4 couples with kids around the same age as ours well enough that we could trade off evening/weekend babysitting with them.  It was even better when we worked odd schedules because then we could cover times none of the 8-5 M-F workers could.  

Pretty much every church in the area has one or two people who coordinate such things (officially or unofficially) for couples and singles specifically because weekend child care is expensive and hard to find, but play dates and sleepovers can be easier than taking care of just your own kids.

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Do YOU understand the concept of integrity?

 

James 5:12 (among at least two other rephrasings in Matthew and 3 Nephi):

 

 

But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.

 

In other words, let your simple answers be as binding as anyone else's solemn oath, so that others can trust your words without "I swear" or any other modifiers.

 

Those who know me know that they will rarely get a promise from me, but they also know they don't need one; if I say I will do something or be somewhere, only a true emergency in my immediate family or the complete physical inability to do as I have said will stop me unless they freely release me from the obligation beforehand.  That's not to say I won't ask to be released from it, but when I do, I make it clear that I won't hold it against them if they hold me to my previous statements.

 

Frankly, I see the acceptance of the concept of "Mormon Standard Time" as members being culturally anti-Scriptural, and it's very disappointing.

Edited by NightSG
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HOW did you not have more than one option for babysitting?  Even when we were flat broke and not active in any church, we knew 3-4 couples with kids around the same age as ours well enough that we could trade off evening/weekend babysitting with them.  It was even better when we worked odd schedules because then we could cover times none of the 8-5 M-F workers could.  

Pretty much every church in the area has one or two people who coordinate such things (officially or unofficially) for couples and singles specifically because weekend child care is expensive and hard to find, but play dates and sleepovers can be easier than taking care of just your own kids.

 

Because I'm a cautious parent and refuse to leave my kids with someone I don't trust 300%.  There are WAY too many crooked people out there.

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James 5:12 (among at least two other rephrasings in Matthew and 3 Nephi):

 

 

 

In other words, let your simple answers be as binding as anyone else's solemn oath, so that others can trust your words without "I swear" or any other modifiers.

 

Those who know me know that they will rarely get a promise from me, but they also know they don't need one; if I say I will do something or be somewhere, only a true emergency in my immediate family or the complete physical inability to do as I have said will stop me unless they freely release me from the obligation beforehand.  That's not to say I won't ask to be released from it, but when I do, I make it clear that I won't hold it against them if they hold me to my previous statements.

 

Frankly, I see the acceptance of the concept of "Mormon Standard Time" as members being culturally anti-Scriptural, and it's very disappointing.

Just as I thought.  You do not grasp the concept of integrity.

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Because I'm a cautious parent and refuse to leave my kids with someone I don't trust 300%.  There are WAY too many crooked people out there.

 

Being so "cautious" that you have no friends you trust to watch your children for a few hours is either an indicator that you need to move far away from all of the people around you, or examine your trust issues a lot more closely.

 

Just as I thought.  You do not grasp the concept of integrity.

 

Just as I thought; you have no rebuttal whatsoever, so you cast unjustified aspersions.

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Being so "cautious" that you have no friends you trust to watch your children for a few hours is either an indicator that you need to move far away from all of the people around you, or examine your trust issues a lot more closely.

 

 

NightSG, I live in a college town where +75% of my ward changes every 9 months.  A person whom I've only only seen once-in-a-while for a couple of months (i.e. barely know at all) is not to be trusted unsupervised with my daughter.  I have no family in my state, nor long-term friends (as I just moved here while ago myself).  

 

The reason for my caution is that 33% of girls and 17% of boys are sexually abused by a "trusted" adult.  That is hardly slim odds.  My husband and I both had extensive experiences with such "trusted" adults.  So, yes, I'm righteously very selective about who watches my little girl.  

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NightSG, I live in a college town where +75% of my ward changes every 9 months. 

 

As do I, however the entirety of my ward is not even a single percent of the town's permanent population.  Yes, there are nonmembers who don't eat children, not even Mormon ones.  I've heard rumors there are even some Pentecostals you can safely touch or talk to without your soul being instantly annihilated.

 

When I was growing up, the three biggest churches in town (First Methodist, First Baptist and Graham Street CoC) actually coordinated with each other and several of the smaller churches on child care outside of their regular programs, essentially just keeping a list of families who had expressed interest and what their schedules were.  (Nothing prevents teen pregnancy quite like putting your 12-14 year old daughter in charge of caring for an infant - with your close supervision, of course - for a weekend.  Watching kids for an afternoon doesn't provide the 3AM feeding experience.)  Religious differences were never an issue, and families caring for others' kids at a time when they normally had any sort of religious activity planned simply adjusted it to be generally acceptable.  (Not hard to find a basic lesson we can all agree on and benefit from, after all.)

 

When we discussed our "exchange program" with other families, we would have them and their children over for an evening so all could see how well the children behaved and interacted, then we would visit their home with our kids as well, then if there was still any doubt, we would watch their children for an evening or two before we let them watch ours unattended.

 

 

 

The reason for my caution is that 33% of girls and 17% of boys are sexually abused by a "trusted" adult.  That is hardly slim odds.  My husband and I both had extensive experiences with such "trusted" adults.  So, yes, I'm righteously very selective about who watches my little girl.  

 

Statistics can be quite misleading; if you look at how many of those trusted adults are immediate family members including parents, you might find that statistically your children are safer with random strangers than with you.  Those numbers also include as trusted some adults you're not going to have much choice about your children interacting with as well, such as police officers, teachers and medical personnel.

Edited by NightSG
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HOW did you not have more than one option for babysitting?  Even when we were flat broke and not active in any church, we knew 3-4 couples with kids around the same age as ours well enough that we could trade off evening/weekend babysitting with them.  It was even better when we worked odd schedules because then we could cover times none of the 8-5 M-F workers could.  

Pretty much every church in the area has one or two people who coordinate such things (officially or unofficially) for couples and singles specifically because weekend child care is expensive and hard to find, but play dates and sleepovers can be easier than taking care of just your own kids.

 

NightSG, I was never a single parent, but even being married, my husband and I never had friends we swapped babysitting with.  Perhaps, we weren't the outgoing type, but we literally had no one to go to for babysitting.  We didn't even know who the teenage kids in the ward were who would  babysit.  If I didn't have my mom or my mother-in-law to baby sit, we didn't go out.  And, both of them lived 45 minutes away from us.  Now, I'm not saying we couldn't have found someone in a crunch.  I suppose we could ask a neighbor in an emergency, but it would have had to be a life-and-death emergency to ask our neighbor.  It was most likely our own fault for not finding babysitters, besides family, but that's the way we were.

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Care.com! It's not foolproof, but it has kept me working steadily as a nanny during the work week and babysitter on the weekends. Most of the time for perfect strangers, I might add. I've only had a couple negative experiences but those were due to one parent's refusal to pay me in real money instead of pizza and coupons.. and one home was almost unbearably dirty. Otherwise, all great jobs and great relationships! 

Edited by char713
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  • 5 months later...

I would guess that the best way to a mother's heart, is to first win the heart of her child... 

 

If that worked as well as it should, I'd have three wives by now.  And that's just the ones that I know of whose kids told them they wanted me around more.

 

For some reason, 5-10 year olds and 55-75 year olds just love me.  If I could have that same effect on the 30-40  year old women, I'd have to tear gas a mob of them out of my yard to get to work every morning.

Edited by NightSG
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And that isn't even one of the questions So sounds like he threw that part in.

 

The question is:

 

  1. Do you strive to keep the covenants you have made, to attend your sacrament and other meetings, and to keep your life in harmony with the laws and commandments of the gospel?

 

 

It was "sacrament and priesthood meetings" a few years ago.  When I saw the title of this thread, I thought of this specific question. 

 

You can see the wording was "sacrament and priesthood meetings" in this Elder Hales article in Feb 2006 New Era (https://www.lds.org/new-era/2006/02/preparing-for-a-heavenly-marriage?lang=eng)

 

In the current Gospel Principles book, chapter 38 has some sample questions which say "sacrament and priesthood meetings" (https://www.lds.org/manual/gospel-principles/chapter-38-eternal-marriage?lang=eng)

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Maybe everybody should be made to sit through Gospel Principles again every fifth year or something, because the chapter on honesty makes it pretty clear that that's not a justification for lying.  

 

And what do you think about eating alot of meat during the summer.  Would the GP class help with that?

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If that worked as well as it should, I'd have three wives by now.  And that's just the ones that I know of whose kids told them they wanted me around more.

 

For some reason, 5-10 year olds and 55-75 year olds just love me.  

 
I have been thinking about opening a new thread on this, based on some research I've done. I have never seen this discussed anywhere.
 
Nevermind..... it's something that could easily be misunderstood.  I happened to be talking about it in the temple with a worker, and he literally had a brain meltdown.  He started babbling incoherently (seriously), so I'll just keep quiet.
 
Sorry for bringing it up.
Edited by cdowis
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I happened to be talking about it in the temple with a worker, and he literally had a brain meltdown.  He started babbling incoherently (seriously), so I'll just keep quiet.

 

 

You turned him Pentecostal in the temple?  Did you at least give him PC's number to help with the transition?  :D

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And what do you think about eating alot of meat during the summer.  Would the GP class help with that?

 

The word used is "sparingly," for which thesaurus.com lists as synonyms, (among others) "easily," "delicately," "casually," "moderately," "quietly," "tenderly," and "mildly."  So maybe D&C 89:12 just means you're supposed to shut up and enjoy your meat.

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RULE #3 When responding to cdowis posts.  Please wait at least ten minutes before responding, because it takes me that long to do the final revision.  

 

In case you didn't notice, I completely  replaced the post that you quoted.  Sometimes I embarrass myself, and it takes that long to recover my dignity.

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