Attending a Gay Wedding

[Just_A_Guy]

Yjacket is way off base on this, yeah I wouldn't go to a strip club either, but what exactly do you think happens at a gay wedding that is different from a straight wedding?

You mean, besides the fact that a wedding celebrates a sexual union and that gay sex is both sinful per se and, per our theology, cannot bring lasting happiness?

Ask yourself do you want to have a relationship with your brother? when you blow off big events like this people remember and it affects future relationships. If you and your family have been accepting up until this point follow through.

This is sound from a practical standpoint; but I think it gives short shrift to what we, as Latter-day Saints, understand to be happening in a gay marriage.

Exaltation requires a marriage to a person of the opposite gender, except in limited cases for persons who lack such an opportunity in mortality; in which case celibacy is expected.

Persistent and unrepentant fornicators, we are told, will tend to end up in the Telestial Kingdom--and that is after spending a thousand years in spirit prison waiting for redemption.

A person who enters a gay marriage is spurning the concept of celibacy in favor of a relationship that is, in essence, fornication. Even if the person later repents (an excruciatingly painful process that would involve the dissolution of the gay union), who knows whether the person will be deemed to have "rejected" the true concept of marriage so as to forfeit the prospect of a celestial marriage in the hereafter?

It's not a matter of "harrumph, harrumph, isn't this sinful?!". It's a matter of "you're committing spiritual suicide; and I'd rather not witness this, just as I'd rather not watch you slit your own wrists". It takes a special kind of person to stand there and watch a loved one do that, acting out of a quiet determination that the bride/groom understands the love their family has for them. I salute such Mormons. But in some of these responses I detect an air of "pshaw, it's just a wedding and not that big a deal". As Latter-day Saints, we should be the first to understand: This is a spiritual catastrophe; and those who get that are not the moral inferiors of those who don't.

Edited February 17, 2015 by Just_A_Guy

[Guest]

I wonder how many of you are talking in the abstract, and how many have actually been in a similar situation that required you to soul-search and pray over it?

 

Because I have been. If you've read many of my posts, hopefully you know that I'm as orthodox a Latter-day Saint as anyone. In that position, though, I was clearly prompted to reach out and extend love. In a weekend, a very contentious relationship turned into a loving one. In that case, anyway, it seems to me that building a bridge went a great deal farther than burning them ever has. 

 

I do believe in marriage as God ordained it, and I do support the Proclamation to the World. I also think we need to deal with sensitive situations prayerfully, instead of just taking comfortably distant seats as Pharisees. 

Edited February 17, 2015 by Eowyn

[Guest]

I wonder how many of you are talking in the abstract, and how many have actually been in a similar situation that required you to soul-search and pray over it?

 

Because I have been. If you've read many of my posts, hopefully you know that I'm as orthodox a Latter-day Saint as anyone. In that position, though, I was clearly prompted to reach out and extend love. In a weekend, a very contentious relationship turned into a loving one. In that case, anyway, it seems to me that building a bridge went a great deal farther than burning them ever has. 

 

I do believe in marriage as God ordained it, and I do support the Proclamation to the World. I also think we need to deal with sensitive situations prayerfully, instead of just taking comfortably distant seats as Pharisees. 

 

I've been in the situation... not a gay marriage... MY marriage to a non-Catholic.  It's the same scenario.  Your experience is the opposite of mine... my family did not attend.  No bridges burned, no love lost.  Because, it was completely up to me to see that they still loved me... not for my parents to sacrifice their standards to "show me they love me".

 

If loving can only happen if one bends to somebody else's idea of appropriate, then that love is weak and so it burns.  It burns not for the lack of support.  It burns for the lack of love.

[pkstpaul]

If would be disheartening if the Church DID make a statement on this. We are taught principles to live by not what side of the bed to get out of each day.

[NightSG]

I attend my nieces and nephews non-LDS ordinances too.  But this is consistent with the Articles of Faith.

 

Right, and those ordinances are, in your view, at worst, ultimately meaningless.  Not evil, and performed with good intent though not with proper Priesthood authority.  That's a bit different from something that is effectively an outright mockery of a sacred ordinance for a purpose that is clearly and repeatedly denounced by the Scripture behind every Judeo-Christian church.  Would you attend to show support if some relative was having their child consecrated to the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a ritual specifically designed to look like a Catholic baptism?

[Guest]

Right, and those ordinances are, in your view, at worst, ultimately meaningless.  Not evil, and performed with good intent though not with proper Priesthood authority.  That's a bit different from something that is effectively an outright mockery of a sacred ordinance for a purpose that is clearly and repeatedly denounced by the Scripture behind every Judeo-Christian church.  Would you attend to show support if some relative was having their child consecrated to the Flying Spaghetti Monster in a ritual specifically designed to look like a Catholic baptism?

 

It doesn't really matter what one's reason is for attending/not attending a Flying Spaghetti Monster ritual.  That's their own personal viewpoint on the matter and their own personal expression of solidarity with family.

 

All that really matters in these discussions (when we are left to govern ourselves) is - What does the spirit tell you to do?  And because of this... WE (on either side of the fence) shouldn't express our views on the matter as if we are accusing those that do not agree with us for "lack of love" or whatever it is that always gets thrown at us non-gay-supporting folks...

 

We should leave the discussion as - This is what I would do... and not give the impression that, those who don't do it like I do are gay haters or do not love their family or whatever.

Edited February 17, 2015 by anatess

[Suzie]

I would attend for no other reason that if *I* were in the same situation, I would like my loved ones with me at that very important event in my life. I do not believe in imposing my religious views on anyone.

Edited February 17, 2015 by Suzie

[MarginOfError]

My Boy Scout troop is hosted by an Episcopal church.  I love Scout Sunday and other days I get to attend their services because I love the rector's sermons.  Everytime I listen to him teach, I feel the Spirit and am greatly edified.

 

If I had been invited, I would have attended his wedding to his husband.

[omegaseamaster75]

People publicly celebrate the intimate emotional and sexual union of a homosexual couple.

 

Vort how many gay weddings have you attended?

[char713]

I would not attend. I'm not sure if I would send a gift either. There are other ways to show your love for an individual outside of sacrificing your own dignity and self-respect, even for a few hours. 

 

If it were me, I wouldn't want anyone who might not approve of my wedding or other event to attend. Regardless of whether the individual is part of my family or not. It would be selfish of me to ask them to put aside those feelings for the sake of some smiling photographs, and selfish of them to come to the event and do anything other than just smile. Why invite any source of negativity into something you are trying your best to enjoy? If I had known that my brother was going to purposefully frown and scowl in all of my wedding photos as he did, I would have uninvited him. 

 

If gay "marriages" are for the sake of the couple and no other reason.. not the attention that comes from a big party and lots of gifts.. then it shouldn't matter to them who else attends. This goes for straight weddings too. My wedding certainly did not turn out the way I might have hoped, very few people who I cared about came, even to the reception. But going on 8 years now, the only thing that matters about that day is that we - he and I - were married. 

[omegaseamaster75]

Just A Guy same question...how many gay weddings have you attended?

[Guest]

Vort how many gay weddings have you attended?

 

How is this relevant?

 

I'm in this thread about 50 Shades of Grey... many people talking about it... all with valid points... and I'm the only one that has read the book.  And none of us has ever had BDSM experience.

Edited February 17, 2015 by anatess

[EarlJibbs]

This is a tough one. I have immediate family that I may one day have to decide to attend or not attend a wedding ceremony. For me personally, I would attend. I don't think however that I would bring my children. 

 

Knowing my brother however, I doubt that he would ask many of us to attend. I think he would invite me. It would most likely be a small event anyhow. 

 

Would it be wrong to attend? I will let God sort that out later. My brother knows where I stand regarding gay marriage. He also knows that I love him. We are great friends and I couldn't ask for a better brother. In the end we may find it trivial that we did or didn't go to such events. I have a feeling that we will be surprised by the outcome of being judged by God and just how fair it will be. 

 

With all of that said, I cannot say that I disagree with those that have said they wouldn't attend and their reasons. 

Edited February 17, 2015 by EarlJibbs

[Vort]

Vort how many gay weddings have you attended?

 

Zero. What has that to do with anything?

[omegaseamaster75]

How is this relevant?

 

I'm in this thread about 50 Shades of Grey... many people talking about it... all with valid points... and I'm the only one that has read the book.  And none of us has ever had BDSM experience.

It's relevant because he seems to be an authority of what goes on at these events. Events to which I would bet a sandwich on that he has never been to.

 

I like Polar Vortex happen to live in the SF Bay area, I have interactions with gay people male and female, have been to "gay" weddings, birthday parties, their homes, etc. They are just like you and I. Same wants same desires. No they don't run around being "gay" all the time, most you would never know they were unless they told you.

 

We put on our religious goggles and seem to forget that they are people also. 

[Vort]

It's relevant because he seems to be an authority of what goes on at these events. Events to which I would bet a sandwich on that he has never been to.

 

Really? So you're saying there is something fundamentally different about a homosexual wedding, such that it is not a celebration of the emotional and sexual union of the two principals?

[pkstpaul]

I don't recognize the authority of the person performing the wedding. I don't believe the union to be binding. But, I'm not going to bocott the event because of that. If my family finds/needs/wants my emotional support by my presence, I will honor them and go. The kissing part really creeps me out, but that's just for a second.

 

A friend of mine would not attend her only daugther's wedding because it was held in a theater and not a Catholic wedding. She missed her daughter's wedding. They haven't spoken in years. My friend is devistated. Why - because she chose the Church over her family. It doesn't matter it was Catholic. We are just as bad when we choose the Church over the gospel. The gospel teaches us to love one another. That is primary.

[Just_A_Guy]

Just A Guy same question...how many gay weddings have you attended?

I've attended quite a few weddings. Whether they are gay or straight is wholly irrelevant, unless you're trying to imply that gay weddings are qualitatively different than straight weddings. And in the Newspeak, that's a rather bigoted position to take.

[bytor2112]

The respectful thing would be for your brother to NOT invite his LDS family rather than placing them in an uncomfortable situation.

 

Perhaps he could send a thoughtful letter telling them that he loves them and respects their religious convictions and maybe this would avoid damaging relationships further.

Edited February 18, 2015 by bytor2112

[The Folk Prophet]

I wonder how many of you are talking in the abstract, and how many have actually been in a similar situation that required you to soul-search and pray over it?

 

Because I have been. If you've read many of my posts, hopefully you know that I'm as orthodox a Latter-day Saint as anyone. In that position, though, I was clearly prompted to reach out and extend love. In a weekend, a very contentious relationship turned into a loving one. In that case, anyway, it seems to me that building a bridge went a great deal farther than burning them ever has. 

 

I do believe in marriage as God ordained it, and I do support the Proclamation to the World. I also think we need to deal with sensitive situations prayerfully, instead of just taking comfortably distant seats as Pharisees. 

 

I respect your (and anyone's) right to prayerfully make this decision. Calling those who would make a different decision Pharisees, on the other hand, and implying that any decision but one means burning bridges, is decidedly unfair.

[The Folk Prophet]

It's relevant because he seems to be an authority of what goes on at these events. Events to which I would bet a sandwich on that he has never been to.

 

I like Polar Vortex happen to live in the SF Bay area, I have interactions with gay people male and female, have been to "gay" weddings, birthday parties, their homes, etc. They are just like you and I. Same wants same desires. No they don't run around being "gay" all the time, most you would never know they were unless they told you.

 

We put on our religious goggles and seem to forget that they are people also. 

 

You seem to be under the impression that the reason some of us would not attend is because we're uncomfortable with gayness, gay activities, and are generally homophobic. Whereas this may or may not be true, it is entirely irrelevant to the reasons I would have, and am hearing from others, as to why we would not attend.

[Backroads]

If it were an immediate family member with whom I'm on good terms, I'd probably go.

But... this needs to be a prayerful consideration between being there for a loved one (different than support) and standing for my beliefs on sin.

'Course, I also think we should get rid of government - moderated marriage.

But I can't say "it's just a ceremony" anymore than I can reject a loved one.

[Guest]

My husband just had his ears ringing from his dad's guilt-tripping for us not attending his grand-daughter's birthday party.  My cousin that we haven't seen in over 5 years had a conference 3 hours away from us and it was the one opportunity we could spend time together so my husband offered to take them out to dinner the day before we leave for the weekend.  They had things going on so the dinner didn't happen.  According to his dad, we hurt her feelings and that we don't love her and that we always put my family before theirs.

 

You know what... if that's what you're gonna think of us unless we bend our lives to your desires... then that's what you're gonna think and there's really nothing we can do about that.

 

People can be so self-absorbed sometimes and you really just have to keep on keeping on with pure hearts and righteous intent.  As long as you don't intentionally contribute wood into the fire, it will peter out and things will sort themselves out eventually.

 

In any case, I wrote this post to suggest that, if you're uncomfortable about attending your brother's gay wedding, you can offer to take them out to dinner or something, instead.

[estradling75]

It's not a matter of "harrumph, harrumph, isn't this sinful?!". It's a matter of "you're committing spiritual suicide; and I'd rather not witness this, just as I'd rather not watch you slit your own wrists".

 

 

Lets run this analogy...  

 

Lets say your child lies dying in the hospital due to an attempt at suicide.  Would you consider showing up at their bedside a a sign of support for their actions and choices that lead to their suicide?  Or would you be there because in spite of all their poor choices because when it comes right down to it this is a time you need to be there.  Both for yourself and for them?

[Guest]

Lets run this analogy...  

 

Lets say your child lies dying in the hospital due to an attempt at suicide.  Would you consider showing up at their bedside a a sign of support for their actions and choices that lead to their suicide?  Or would you be there because in spite of all their poor choices because when it comes right down to it this is a time you need to be there.  Both for yourself and for them?

 

 

I don't know if that directly relates.  There's a major difference between bringing a child back to health from a poor choice and celebrating a poor choice.

 

I'm thinking of my mother.  If I commit suicide and fail, she'll be at my bedside nursing me back to health.  The minute I wake up, she'll be yelling at me for being stupid as she tends to my wounds.  Yep, that would be my mother.  I love that woman to pieces.