Sign in to follow this  
Emsters85

Attending a Gay Wedding

Recommended Posts

What is the church's stance? My brother is openly gay and has been since college. He and his boyfriend are wanting to get married, but he is nervous about inviting LDS family members, which includes most of our immediate family. He has a positive relationship with our parents and the rest of us.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest LiterateParakeet

I agree with Pam, to my knowledge the church does not have a stance on this. 

 

If it were my brother, I would attend the wedding.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Didn't the Church just come out in support of anti-discrimination laws that would protect gays and lesbians?  This suggests that peaceful coexistence is the new order of the day.  Besides, I thought the Church obeys, honors, and sustains the law and allows all people to follow the dictates of their consciences.

 

I once knew a gay man who was a groom in a same-sex wedding.  This man's relatives were all fundamentalist Christians, and every single one of them refused to attend the wedding.  So the man roped off the first ten pews of his side of the church sanctuary, put a "Reserved for Family" sign on it, and kept the church door propped open during the wedding ceremony.  It was his way of saying that he would always keep the door open to his family and even reserve an honored place for them if they ever chose to be part of his life again.  I wasn't even at the wedding, but just hearing about it brought a tear to my eye.

 

Regular readers of my posts know that I follow Miss Manners a lot, and her advice for these types of situations is very sound.  Your brother should graciously invite whoever he wishes, and whoever receives an invitation should decide individually whether to attend.  I hope the first ten rows of his side of the church are packed to the rafters.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest LiterateParakeet

Oh PolarVortex, that is beautiful.  I don't think I would be that forgiving if I were him.  I mean eventually I would get there (I think) but it would take me some time.  He gesture is really touching.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Didn't the Church just come out in support of anti-discrimination laws that would protect gays and lesbians?  This suggests that peaceful coexistence is the new order of the day.  Besides, I thought the Church obeys, honors, and sustains the law and allows all people to follow the dictates of their consciences.

 

 

 

This situation really doesn't have to do with laws.  I really can see the point of view expressed by the OP.  Does attending a wedding show that you condone the marriage even if your conscience or religious background dictates otherwise?

 

It's a tough one.  I know from experience myself.  But again, it's a personal decision.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This situation really doesn't have to do with laws.  I really can see the point of view expressed by the OP.  Does attending a wedding show that you condone the marriage even if your conscience or religious background dictates otherwise?

 

It's a tough one.  I know from experience myself.  But again, it's a personal decision.

 

 

I think it has a lot to do with laws.  I would have no problem whatsoever discriminating against something illegal, such as refusing to attend a polygamous marriage.  That doesn't mean I condone all activity that happens to be legal, merely that I'd think twice before rejecting something that our society has declared legal and that I'd raise the burden of proof.

 

I also see the question behind the OP's point of view, and my answer is "Not in 2015."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yet the stance the Church came out on with the non discriminatory had nothing to do with situations like this.  It had to do with jobs and housing.

 

There hasn't been anything yet that prohibits or makes it illegal to attend a gay wedding.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess I'm not phrasing my point clearly.

 

The Church's recent announcement about GLBT discrimination may have focused on jobs and housing, but it's part of a much broader message: "The Church and the GLBT community can find ways to live together in peace in a secular society as long as the Church's rights and freedoms are protected."  It's the "live together in peace" that I think is an important guiding principle here.

 

If my mere presence at a wedding always meant that I condoned every aspect of the marriage, I wouldn't be attending very many weddings.  I couldn't even have attended my own grandparents' wedding (had I existed) because the bride was six months pregnant with my father.

 

By the way, just a few days ago I was asked at the last moment by two gay men to shoot the video of their same-sex wedding.  I think they asked me just because I lived around the corner from the church... I'm certainly not a professional in this area.  I was a little concerned because they all know I'm a less-active Mormon, and Mormons aren't always admired in this part of the country.  I went, and my presence sent shockwaves of LDS goodwill through everyone.  I was welcomed with open arms, and more than one person seemed surprised that Mormons don't have horns and pitchforks.  There is a greater good here which should be contemplated.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

I married a non-Catholic outside of the Catholic Church.  My entire section was empty.  Even my mother was not in attendance.  It was fine.  I would have been concerned if one showed up... that would've meant they celebrated my descent into hell.  My wedding photo is not on the wall with the others either.  That's also fine.  It would be weird for my mother who believes my wedding was not valid to put a "mockery of a wedding" on her wall.  Anybody asks me why my wedding photo is not on the wall, I tell them straight up, "I did not marry in the Catholic Church", and that is that.

 

So, my advice... if you don't want to support this wedding, don't be pressured to attend for "appearances".  Attend or not - it's up to you.  Your brother will understand if he truly knows and loves you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow . . . I'm shocked.  Ultimately it is your decision, But for me, absolutely not would I attend his "wedding".  And I'm the one who believes that homosexual marriages should be legal!!!

 

If my brother invited me to a strip club for his bachelor party would I attend? Heck no.  It's not an environment nor an atmosphere that I personally support.  I would love him regardless, but I'm not going to participate nor see him participate in something I severely disagree with.

 

I actually think the man who reserved rows for his family was being extremely crass.  He wanted to show to the whole world how good he is and how unforgiving, bigoted his family was . . . when I doubt that was the case.

 

If I wouldn't want my kids to attend it, then I shouldn't attend it.

 

What is wrong with this world? There are plenty of ways to show that we love someone without endorsing their behavior . . .which IMO attending his "wedding" is endorsing the behavior.

 

It reminds me of this "new" thing where parents are now letting teenagers of the opposite sex sleep over at their house under the guise that well they are going to do it anyways so it might as well be a safe environment.  Better at my house than in the back seat of a car or whereever.  I want my child to know that they can always come to me and that I love them . . . blah,blah, blah.  Okay whatever, I'm glad that I had parents who had boundaries, stuck to them, who loved me and who I knew if I crossed the line I was in it.

 

Le sigh . . . 

Edited by yjacket

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Okay whatever, I'm glad that I had parents who had boundaries, stuck to them, who loved me and who I knew if I crossed the line I was in it.

 

That's my family.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it has a lot to do with laws.  I would have no problem whatsoever discriminating against something illegal, such as refusing to attend a polygamous marriage. 

 

Now it's discrimination if we don't attend gay weddings? Hmm.

 

It is no longer illegal for a polygamous marriage ceremony (as long as it's not a "legal" marriage-license marriage) (in Utah). Did you miss that news? So how would attending that be supporting something illegal?

 

The Church's recent announcement about GLBT discrimination may have focused on jobs and housing, but it's part of a much broader message: "The Church and the GLBT community can find ways to live together in peace in a secular society as long as the Church's rights and freedoms are protected."  It's the "live together in peace" that I think is an important guiding principle here.

 

You are making things up. There is no hidden message that we should attend gay weddings.

 

Living together in peace means not fighting with each other. It does not mean attending social events.

 

It's a personal choice. You, and anyone, may make said personal choice. But there is no underlying church message that we should.

Edited by The Folk Prophet

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It reminds me of this "new" thing where parents are now letting teenagers of the opposite sex sleep over at their house under the guise that well they are going to do it anyways so it might as well be a safe environment.  Better at my house than in the back seat of a car or whereever. 

 

Had a friend who did that.  She was shocked when her 16 year old turned up pregnant, but it didn't get her to change her ways with the 14 year old.  I gave up trying to talk sense into her at that point.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What is the church's stance? My brother is openly gay and has been since college. He and his boyfriend are wanting to get married, but he is nervous about inviting LDS family members, which includes most of our immediate family. He has a positive relationship with our parents and the rest of us.

I agree with polar vortex on this one.attend the wedding. Love the sinner not the sin. Ask yourself do you want to have a relationship with your brother? when you blow off big events like this people remember and it affects future relationships. If you and your family have been accepting up until this point follow through. 

 

Yjacket is way off base on this, yeah I wouldn't go to a strip club either, but what exactly do you think happens at a gay wedding that is different from a straight wedding?

 

The man who reserved 10 rows for his family, I wouldn't have gone that far, but come on attend your sons life events. As crass as it was for him to rope off a section for his family who didn't attend at least he didn't have to spend the reception explaining why his family didn't attend. They showed their true colors.

Edited by omegaseamaster75

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I guess I'm not phrasing my point clearly.

 

The Church's recent announcement about GLBT discrimination may have focused on jobs and housing, but it's part of a much broader message: "The Church and the GLBT community can find ways to live together in peace in a secular society as long as the Church's rights and freedoms are protected."  It's the "live together in peace" that I think is an important guiding principle here.

 

If my mere presence at a wedding always meant that I condoned every aspect of the marriage, I wouldn't be attending very many weddings.  I couldn't even have attended my own grandparents' wedding (had I existed) because the bride was six months pregnant with my father.

 

By the way, just a few days ago I was asked at the last moment by two gay men to shoot the video of their same-sex wedding.  I think they asked me just because I lived around the corner from the church... I'm certainly not a professional in this area.  I was a little concerned because they all know I'm a less-active Mormon, and Mormons aren't always admired in this part of the country.  I went, and my presence sent shockwaves of LDS goodwill through everyone.  I was welcomed with open arms, and more than one person seemed surprised that Mormons don't have horns and pitchforks.  There is a greater good here which should be contemplated.

 

 

Okay this I can get behind.  It was just the whole talk about law that I was having a hard time with.  :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yjacket is way off base on this, yeah I wouldn't go to a strip club either, but what exactly do you think happens at a gay wedding that is different from a straight wedding?

 

People publicly celebrate the intimate emotional and sexual union of a homosexual couple.

 

I don't know where I stand on this matter, but to pretend that a homosexual "marriage" is exactly the same as a heterosexual marriage is silly.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Supporting a loved family member on a day that's important to them would be my motivation. Just like my sister has occasionally come to baby blessings and baptisms even though she doesn't believe in the Church.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for your responses. I am certain I want to be there (and told him so when he first brought it up), but he was hesitant about asking other members of the family. I just wanted to see if there was any specific doctrine on this matter- something that might get thrown in if he decides to send out those invites. I told him to be prepared ahead of time for those who might not want to attend. I believe he's mostly nervous about talking to my dad about it, wondering if he'll just scoff about the whole thing or mumble about it.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Supporting a loved family member on a day that's important to them would be my motivation. Just like my sister has occasionally come to baby blessings and baptisms even though she doesn't believe in the Church.

 

I attend my nieces and nephews non-LDS ordinances too.  But this is consistent with the Articles of Faith.

 

My family does not support my faith (there's only heaven or hell in their faith)... and that's why I had to hold my kids' baptisms at the beach... then my family stays with us at the beach house, then they can "spectate" if they want or they can walk the beach if they don't want and still be part of the festivities - which to them is just a birthday party.

 

The point I'm trying to say is... one should not be made to feel guilty and "uncompassionate or unloving" if one decides to not support something they believe is the path to destruction instead of joy.

 

Edit:  Just need to make sure this is clear... I'm not saying Eowyn is making the OP feel guilty.  I'm just saying, in general...  My first sentence is the response to Eowyn's post.  The rest is my experience/opinion.

Edited by anatess

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this