Mental Health and Worthiness


char713
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Condescending: adjective
 
  1. having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority.

 

Insensitive: adjective
 
  1. showing or feeling no concern for others' feelings.
     
     
     

Saying, as you have, that no one should have to exercise any extra measure of care, or that they ought not get to say or sing whatever they want to because of the chance of hurt feelings in the have-nots is simultaneously condescending and insensitive. You and everyone else who have had this huge blessing and life's work virtually fall into your laps, without having to give up almost everything to get there - as infertile couples do - say that no changes need to be made or extra thought given, because the chance of "hurt feelings" is insignificant and beneath your notice.

 

So by your measure extra sensitivity should be shown to those who may be offended or have their feelings hurt (in this case infertility specifically)?

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Saying, as you have, that no one should have to exercise any extra measure of care

This is blatantly false. I never said any such thing.
 

or that they ought not get to say or sing whatever they want to because of the chance of hurt feelings in the have-nots

No, I'm pretty sure it was you, not I, claiming that the "haves" (as you put it) should be censored in what they were allowed to say. I said the opposite.
 

is simultaneously condescending and insensitive.

And yet again, I ask: How? Don't just call names. Explain what is either condescending or insensitive about what I wrote. (And thanks for providing the word definitions, but I actually already knew them.)

 

You and everyone else who have had this huge blessing and life's work virtually fall into your laps, without having to give up almost everything to get there - as infertile couples do - say that no changes need to be made or extra thought given, because the chance of "hurt feelings" is insignificant and beneath your notice.

Okay, here's your big chance, char. You need do only one teensy little thing:

 

QUOTE ME

 

Go back and find where I ever said, implied, or hinted that "that no changes need to be made or extra thought given, because the chance of 'hurt feelings' is insignificant and beneath [my] notice". Just quote me. Easy as that.

 

Seriously, here's the deal: If you're successful at being able to quote me saying such a thing, I will apologize very sincerely for having said such a brutal and unkind thing. But -- if you are unsuccessful (which you will be), then YOU apologize for having so badly misread what was plainly in front of you.

 

Do we have a deal?

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Condescending: adjective
 
  1. having or showing a feeling of patronizing superiority.

 

Insensitive: adjective
 
  1. showing or feeling no concern for others' feelings.
     
     
     

The parents are the haves, the childless are the have-nots. A blessing that is necessary for the exhaltation of everyone has been withheld, often for a lifetime, from some people for reasons which no one can fully understand or explain. Saying, as you have, that no one should have to exercise any extra measure of care, or that they ought not get to say or sing whatever they want to because of the chance of hurt feelings in the have-nots is simultaneously condescending and insensitive. You and everyone else who have had this huge blessing and life's work virtually fall into your laps, without having to give up almost everything to get there - as infertile couples do - say that no changes need to be made or extra thought given, because the chance of "hurt feelings" is insignificant and beneath your notice.

 

I feel sorry for you.  You think motherhood is only a fact of biological reproduction.  You need to understand what motherhood really is, not just an egg or a sperm donation.  

 

Be a mother to others.  Stop being close minded, self-centered, insensitive to everyone else who is "insensitive" to you.  The only fault with not being able to biologically reproduce is your latent resentment which seethes out of every sentence you post.  

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we should be the first to celebrate and exalt that role -- perhaps even at the risk of bruising the feelings of those who don't share that blessing. To do otherwise is like refusing to have the Primary children sing "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home" for fear of hurting the feelings of those children whose father is absent.

 

Church is not a place we come to celebrate how great everyone is doing. Church is where we come to renew covenants - the first of which is to "comfort those that stand in need of comfort, mourn with those who mourn", etc. If a primary president or chorister or whoever it is that makes the song selections in Primary is aware that there are several children who are keenly aware that their daddy never comes home, then she is being irresponsible and insensitive to make that song any kind of focus for the whole group without first addressing the problem privately with those children and their mothers, or carefully planning the song to be introduced when those families might be on vacation or otherwise not at Primary. It is not important enough that the majority of children learn a song that is a celebration of the blessings they have, that hurt should be needlessly caused to those who are deserving of a greater measure of kindness. 

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You know what, char? You're obviously emotionally invested in this topic, deeply enough that you aren't really reading or responding clearly. I mean that honestly and not with condescension, since we all have such hot-button topics. If you are uncomfortable with this, you need not respond to my calls for quotations. I would ask only that you quit berating, criticizing, and name-calling those who disagree with you. Despite Eowyn's well-intentioned maxim, we are indeed allowed to have opinions, and even to voice them. We aren't attacking you personally, and if you choose to take the words as attacks, that really is not our fault. (In my particular case, I don't believe I have written anything on the topic that could reasonably be construed as an attack on anyone.)

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Psst Vort  Char713 pointed out the following as "condescending" and "insensitive"

 we should be the first to celebrate and exalt that role -- perhaps even at the risk of bruising the feelings of those who don't share that blessing

  

I would image it as really the last part that does it.  I read it as you don't wish the bruising the feelings but recognize that it might happen and that for the good of the "99" you say ok. I also presume though it is unspoken that you would agree with the idea that having secured the "99" then the Lord instructed us to make special personalized effort for the "1".  

 

However that is an assumption and for someone who is hurting from the issue it is one that they might not make.  Those that are hurting would be more inclined, I think to connect your willingness to risk their feelings with the same willingness of The Joker has to blow up Batman.

 

That been said I think our biggest problem comes not from the teaching, but from the judgement some member might make about a person, based off those teachings.  In assuming lack of faith, or sin, or laziness, or whatever, as the cause for the failure to visibly be with the rest.  Such judgments are not ours to make, specifically not when we have no idea what is really going on   

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Church is not a place we come to celebrate how great everyone is doing.

What do you mean? Of course it is. We call each other "brother" and "sister", and I always rejoice with my siblings, genetic or spiritual, on their life successes.

 

Church is where we come to renew covenants - the first of which is to "comfort those that stand in need of comfort, mourn with those who mourn", etc.

That is neither the first nor the only covenant we make, just one of many. Surely you cannot really believe that rejoicing in a ward family's success or good fortune is somehow forbidden or in poor taste.

 

If a primary president or chorister or whoever it is that makes the song selections in Primary is aware that there are several children who are keenly aware that their daddy never comes home, then she is being irresponsible and insensitive to make that song any kind of focus for the whole group without first addressing the problem privately with those children and their mothers

Now you're adding conditions that were non-existent in the original problem. Of course we need to address important matters. That doesn't mean we never dare whisper anything that someone might take offense at. The Primary president who refuses to sing "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home" for fear of offending someone or other is far more irresponsible and negligent than the one you mention. Children should be glad when Daddy comes home, and they should know that Daddy's homecoming is a great thing. This includes children who don't have a father at home -- maybe especially them, in fact.

 

or carefully planning the song to be introduced when those families might be on vacation or otherwise not at Primary.

Now there's a sad, scary thought: We must never mention our blessings in gratitude if anyone around us is not currently enjoying those blessings for fear of hurting their feelings. In such a situation, testimony itself would never be borne.

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I am sorry I have indeed criticized or berated anyone here. I have strongly and wordily advised that for the sake of their own personal relationships, that people re-think some of what they have said here. And in Vort's case, I have criticized what was said, I never said he (?) is himself a condescening or insensitive person, only that his words here have been. By my perception, which of course could be skewed as this is a very emotionally-steeped subject for me, it seems as if I have been accused of not understanding the one thing which I have been taught about and prepared for my whole life, and that I am having to work much harder to achieve than most. I have been told that I need to move past and get over my pain. I have been told that I ought to broaden my perspective and desires about what my future will look like. All of this from relative strangers, some of whom have gone on to say that they have no intention of researching any more on the subject or bothering to take any additional care.. that to do so was insane. I think that was the word used. 

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Psst Vort  Char713 pointed out the following as "condescending" and "insensitive"

  

I would image it as really the last part that does it.  I read it as you don't wish the bruising the feelings but recognize that it might happen and that for the good of the "99" you say ok. I also presume though it is unspoken that you would agree with the idea that having secured the "99" then the Lord instructed us to make special personalized effort for the "1".

I largely agree with your post and its analysis (though I would point out that char never actually explained what was either condescending or insensitive about that phrase or any other part of my post, but just asserted without further explanation that it was condescending and insensitive).

 

But it goes a great deal deeper than this. Take the "Daddy's Homecoming" song as an example. To a child, the face of God is most obviously seen in the faces of his or her parents. We all know that the mother is irreplaceably important in the first years of a child's life, in fact throughout his life. But the fact is that the father is also irreplaceable, and in the long run just as important as the mother.

 

We have a sick, mentally diseased society that wants to denigrate the importance and sacred character of parenthood, including fatherhood. Many elements of our society actively encourage men to take positive steps to avoid the awful entanglements of fatherhood. We are already a full generation into the teaching that men should avoid marriage altotgether. The very concept of family is under direct attack, from without by those who denigrate parenthood and family relations, and from within by those who insist that any set of relationships that anyone cares to call "family" is therefore, by definition, a real family, exactly as much as any other.

 

Songs like "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home" are more needed today than they ever have been. Those children who might get upset because their daddy doesn't come home are likely the children who most need to have that idea fixed in their heads, so that they can begin to correct the screw-ups that their parents (and perhaps earlier generations) introduced into their ancestral line. Maybe the evil, disease, and insanity can stop with their generation, rather than be perpetuated ad infinitum.

 

Similarly, motherhood (and fatherhood) should be celebrated at every turn. Even the childless have mothers and fathers, and so can join in the celebration. In fact, their status as non-parents can make their open and joyful celebration of parenthood even more striking and meaningful, when children (and others) see that these people who do not and cannot have children still insist that parenthood is among the greatest of goods, rather than shrinking into their bitter shells and cursing both their bad luck and their neighbors' boorish insensitivity.

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I am sorry I have indeed criticized or berated anyone here. I have strongly and wordily advised that for the sake of their own personal relationships, that people re-think some of what they have said here. And in Vort's case, I have criticized what was said, I never said he (?) is himself a condescening or insensitive person, only that his words here have been. By my perception, which of course could be skewed as this is a very emotionally-steeped subject for me, it seems as if I have been accused of not understanding the one thing which I have been taught about and prepared for my whole life, and that I am having to work much harder to achieve than most. I have been told that I need to move past and get over my pain. I have been told that I ought to broaden my perspective and desires about what my future will look like. All of this from relative strangers, some of whom have gone on to say that they have no intention of researching any more on the subject or bothering to take any additional care.. that to do so was insane. I think that was the word used. 

I used the word ridiculous  as an adjective:

1. causing or worthy of ridicule or derision; absurd; preposterous; laughable:
 
Everyone has SOMETHING going on in their lives, how can we possibly be sensitive to everyone and everything. It is ridiculous to think that somehow anyone could know of your struggles, with out you telling them, do you wear a sign? It is ridiculous to think that church programs should change to cater to the 1%. This goes for anyone and anything. If we know of someones issues should we be sensitive yes of course, but how can you know? If you do know how can you expect people to self govern 100% of the time. I for one will not walk around church on eggshells worried about who I may or may not offend.
 
I feel for you, I really do but you need to do whatever it takes to drag yourself out of your pit of sorrow and self pity. Therapy, medication, see your bishop, whatever it takes. 
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By my perception, which of course could be skewed as this is a very emotionally-steeped subject for me, it seems as if I have been accused of not understanding the one thing which I have been taught about and prepared for my whole life, and that I am having to work much harder to achieve than most. I have been told that I need to move past and get over my pain. I have been told that I ought to broaden my perspective and desires about what my future will look like. All of this from relative strangers, some of whom have gone on to say that they have no intention of researching any more on the subject or bothering to take any additional care.. that to do so was insane. I think that was the word used. 

 

Char, I'm so sorry for the way you have been treated by many here.  I think it is harder for people to show kindness to strangers.  I think/hope you would be shown more kindness in person.

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And every one of them who attends church, wishes that mothers day would not be such a big focus of their church services. It is a very popular subject of discussion in our community.

 

I've thought carefully about whether I should make this comment as I don't want to get involved in any kind of arguement about how infertile couples should feel and what they should do, and how fertile couples should respond or not to the feelings of infertile couples. However, after thinking about it carefully, the above part of Char's comment, and I realise its only a part, continues to bother me.

 

I am absolutely opposed to any suggestion that mother's should be given any less honour, respect and recognition than is currently the case. When I see how much work and time and effort and caring my wife gives to our children, I am filled with gratitude and delight that she is so giving and caring and it is obvious to all that as a mother, she is deserving of great respect. My problem with celebrating Mother's Day at church is that it only happens once a year. I cannot imagine a mother, or anyone with intimate knowledge and experience of parenting, supporting the idea that mothers are deserving of any less recognition than they currently receive, or should receive. It doesn't make sense to me that the many mothers in a ward, who spend almost every hour of their waking day, every day of the year, thinking about the well-being of their family and children, should receive less respect than they deserve in order to assuage the feelings of the 8% who have problems with fertility.

Edited by askandanswer
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  • 2 weeks later...

I am infertile, and three seperate teams of doctors have not been able to tell me why I cannot concieve. The hardest part of the past six years have been all of the cultural and emotional ramifications of this non-diagnosis. So, as much as I would enjoy serving in YW at some point, I don't think I ever really could. I do not think I could trust myself to keep my mouth shut during all of the lessons about their future motherhood. The reality is, 1 out of 8 women will have trouble conceiving or carrying a pregnancy. Statistically, thats three girls out of our ward's current YW group who will struggle to get the chance to fulfill that role. I am certain that I would be much better off right now if I had never participated in the YW program. There was no way for anyone to tell what my future life would look like, so of course no one is to blame, but I was built up over 6+ years to expect and depend on my ability to bear children. The higher the expectations, the harder the crash and deeper the disappointment. I'm not saying we should devote entire lessons to infertility, or do away with lessons about motherhood, but there really ought to be a better balance between the two. Because while the church is kind to childless women, the people and culture of the church absolutely are not. Same goes for the expectations for "all worthy young men" to serve full time missions. Big expectations, preparing your whole life for an event, then when it can't happen you are supposed to just be okay with it. I think of this as a child who has to watch all of their siblings get everything they want for Christmas, but they recieve nothing, and are told that because they have no new toys to busy themselves with.. they can clean up the kitchen. 

 

Hi char713! :)

 

A few weeks ago as I was pondering some serious issues in my life I felt the urge to go to the temple. I really wanted to go to the temple so I could have a place to ponder, to meditate, and to pray. I decided on a whim that I would go to the temple after work. Luckily I live within 30 minutes of a temple and this would not be an issue. After my shift ended at work I got in to my Tacoma pickup truck (2003, regular cab, 2x2) and drove to the temple. As I got near the temple I could start seeing the parking lot and noticed that there were not vehicles in the parking lot. I drove up and sure enough the whole parking lot was empty. That is when it dawned on me that it was Monday and the temple is closed on Mondays! I felt really daft for a second. Well, I thought, I'll just go inside the Stake Center which is just across the parking lot from the Temple. I walk up to the Stake Center and of course it is locked. Now I'm feeling a little bummed out. I really wanted to go to the temple. I got back in to my pickup truck (a bit rusty in spots) and I felt a bit dejected because I had felt the urge to go to temple and I had really wanted to go. I decided then to say a prayer. I told Heavenly Father that I had tried everything I could to go to the temple today and that I was sorry that I didn't make it. At that point I got the impression in my mind that God was pleased with my effort and at that point the inside of my pickup truck became a temple. I sat in the parking lot, inside my truck, and simply meditated, pondered, and prayed. As I sat there I received an answer to a huge problem I have in my life. I also realized that I had done my best to do what was right. I had done all that I could to go to the temple that day as I had felt prompted to go and even though I couldn't actually go to the temple that day, God was pleased and He poured out His spirit upon me. My sincere efforts and my good desires are good enough for Him.

 

-Finrock

Edited by Finrock
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It's popular to say that if you have not been in [insert situation] you are unqualified to so much as offer an opinion. But in most cases, this thinking is faulty; on the contrary, sometimes the people unaffected are most qualified to offer opinions by virtue of their unbiased position. For example, most here would reject the idea that, since men don't get pregnant, they are therefore are unqualified to offer opinions or insights on killing a prenatal baby.

 

In the case of infertility, I can't think of any reason why someone who has not struggled with it can't hold, or even voice, an opinion on the matter. According to the scriptural record, Eve was named "the mother of all living" before she ever had any children. Motherhood appears to be part of the nature of women, even if all women do not get to develop and explore all aspects of that nature during their mortal life. Pointing out this rather obvious and profound scriptural fact is neither insensitive nor condescending, and not the privilege only of those who can't bear children. Even fertile people get to read and expound on scripture.

 

Char has accused me of sounding "terribly condescending and insensitive", yet has not explained how or why anything I wrote is either condescending or insensitive. I realize that she is very sensitive, perhaps hypersensitive, about this issue, and I'm happy to cut her some slack on the matter. But I certainly disagree with the general sentiment that if you have never struggled with Issue X, you have no business voicing an opinion on the issue. Perhaps if we were talking about resolutions or treatments for Issue X, I would be more likely to agree; someone who has never even seen pornography is unlikely to have much insight to help the porn user abandon his/her nasty habit. But simply discussing the issue and making general comments and insights? I can't see any problem, morally or philosophically, with that.

 I agree with you Vort, you do have a right to an opinion. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. Your opinions are yours and yours alone. But... you can only relate so much unless you have been through it yourself. Your opinion may likely be diminished in the eyes of others who have been through it. This is because you  lack that exact experience. For example, men will probably never know what child birth is like, despite experiencing physical pain and despite researching it.

Edited by Treble.clef
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It's not a sentiment I made up. I think what is meant is women who "only" have children and have no other interest, skills, or desire from life. Motherhood is and will be my greatest accomplishment and hardest job in this life, but it's also only during a season in my life, and I need to have other things during and after the raising of my children. And the fact is, there are those who are never blessed with children, and that is a difficult cross to bear if you've been taught that motherhood is your primary worth and function. 

 

Go Eowyn! I agree :)

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I agree with you Vort, you do have a right to an opinion. Everyone has a right to their own opinions. Your opinions are yours and yours alone. But, but, but... you can only relate so much unless you have been through it yourself. Your opinion may likely be limited in the eyes of others who have been through it. This is because you  lack that exact experience. For example, men will probably never know what child birth is like, despite experiencing physical pain and despite researching it.

That's what I said to my Obstetrician who happens to be a guy. And you know what he told me? A majority of oncologists has never had cancer and a whopping majority of those who have cancer couldn't help somebody who has cancer.

You don't have to have that exact experience to be able to put things in their proper perspective and actually understand what it is like.

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Methinks it all depends on why one goes to the doctor. 

 

Similarly, we may have different ideas of what we're trying to accomplish through our communications in this thread.

 

Exhibit A:  It's not about the nail ("I don't need you to fix it; what I need is for you to listen". :) )

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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Methinks it all depends on why one goes to the doctor. 

 

Similarly, we may have different ideas of what we're trying to accomplish through our communications in this thread.

 

Exhibit A:  It's not about the nail ("I don't need you to fix it; what I need is for you to listen". :) )

Except that... those who are listening gets attacked for what they think. So instead of trying to help the woman with the nail, they end up having to defend themselves from the woman's nail making them wish they can just pull that stupid nail out.

Edited by anatess
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That's what I said to my Obstetrician who happens to be a guy. And you know what he told me? A majority of oncologists has never had cancer and a whopping majority of those who have cancer couldn't help somebody who has cancer.

You don't have to have that exact experience to be able to put things in their proper perspective and actually understand what it is like

We disagree but that is okay. That is a good point, there are male obstetricians and they do help. I am not opposed to male obgyn's just for the record. I think they do just as good of a job vs a female obgyn (maybe better in some cases). Anyways though, think about why they have support groups consisting of people going through the same thing? I think it is because it's easier to relate to and understand each other. Example- child birth is definitely not the same experience for everyone yet two females who have both given birth can relate more to each other versus a male who never will give birth. I'm not trying to offend anyone and sorry if I have. I am expressing my opinion. Take it with a grain of salt. ;)

Edited by Treble.clef
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I'm sorry, Anatess, if you think I was attacking you. The only one who I recall having said anything very harshly to was Vort, and I might have gone overboard... but that was after being told by several people that I ought to just get over it, and be happy with totally non-comforting and often condescending statements, such as that every woman can be a mother in her own "special" way. Anything else I said was to warn and inform, that certain things are deeply hurtful to couples who struggle with infertility or child loss, and that it would be wise to think of or look up some kinder things to say to any of your RL friends and family who might be struggling.

Edited by char713
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I'm sorry, Anatess, if you think I was attacking you.

No no! Sorry... I wasn't talking about me. I never felt you attack my point of view.

What I was referring to with that "nail on the head" thing was teachings about Motherhood and Mother's Day and that kind of stuff. I got the impression that because we teach those things at Church that it is somehow "not listening" (in reference to the youtube video) to the woman with the nail on the head. So, it's not enough that they listen and acknowledge the pain of the nail on the head. They have to stop teaching/celebrating what it is they're teaching/celebrating to make the nail on the head feel better. Make sense?

Edited by anatess
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I have no issue with the importance and sacredness of motherhood being taught at church, when addressing whole groups. My problem is when people take those teachings - which are correct - and use them to belittle and hurt those who are not able to participate in that thing which is so desireable and necessary. I am thinking of several ward leaders in the three wards that my husband and I have lived in during our marriage, and many more members besides. Mothers' Day throws all of those things into sharper relief, creating opportunities for childless women feel even more lost and forgotten than they already do.  The worst of it is when the ward observes those little traditions, such as having all the mothers stand after the close of Sacrament meeting to receive a gift. Those are an awful few minutes for all non-mothers, but it usually doesn't stop there... the second and third hour meetings are often kept on the same theme. I think it is possible to show appreciation for the mothers in our lives and wards without making it about individuals. Talks, prayers, a statement from whichever Bishopric member is presiding, all these are fine by me. If a mother is not recognized properly by her husband and children at home on that day, I am sorry. But it is their job, not the ward's.

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 The worst of it is when the ward observes those little traditions, such as having all the mothers stand after the close of Sacrament meeting to receive a gift. Those are an awful few minutes for all non-mothers, but it usually doesn't stop there...

 

I am cringing just reading that. Any ward I've been to on Mothers Day gives a gift to ALL women over 18, be it a flower posy or small crafted item. The message is to honor ALL women as having the potential to be mothers, even if they aren't right now.  We should be sensitive to the feelings of women who don't have children, just as we should be to those people who don't have spouses in the church, or the many little children who live with only one parent or who are in foster care. A little forethought in planning these events never hurt anyone. 

 

I understand how you feel on some level, although I'm coming at it from a different perspective to you.  When I hear those stories about fathers and mothers, I rejoice to hear about the love people have had from their mothers (and their fathers), but my feelings are always tinged with a feeling of loss as I never had parents who cared for me. My father left my teenage mother when she was pregnant, and my mother became a welfare statistic (five more children to different fathers came after me). She was an alcoholic, prescription drug addict, and violent person who exposed me to sexual behaviors no child should ever see (no, you could not make this up).  She once tried to suffocate me with a pillow as I slept, woke me another time with punches to my head while I was sleeping, threw a hammer at me and generally made it clear she hated my guts from the day I was born. When I did go searching for my biological father years later, I hoped to find some kind of 'normal' in my background, but instead I found a washed up former professional boxer who became a violent criminal and who had spent more time in jail than out of it. You name the crime, he did it - including shooting his first wife. At least he was honest with me about it when we did finally speak.  All of that is the Reader's Digest version, but you can imagine there is a bit of a void in my head when talks are given in church about expressing gratitude for being raised by loving mothers and fathers. I understand the sentiment and am happy for others, but I have never had the experience of being nurtured by loving parents.

 

Does that mean I think sacrament talks about parents shouldn't be given or that Mother's/Father's Days shouldn't be honored at church? Not at all. In fact, those ideals and experiences gave me hope for a better way of life. It was just those kinds of testimonies and the teachings in church on the subject of families and parenting, that provided me with guidance and examples about how I could raise my own children. 

 

Having said that, I do believe we can honor Mother's Day sensitively at church. Speak on the divine role of mothers for sure, but to get the mothers in the congregation to stand up and be honored over women who are desperate for, but don't have children? No way. 

 

I hope Mother's Day is better for you this year and the organizers of Mothers Day in your ward try to be a bit more empathetic to the needs of women like yourself who are in the congregation.  Maybe you could get involved yourself and make some suggestions?  They probably don't even realize that their lovely intentions my inadvertently cause hurt feelings. 

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In our ward (and the ward I've been to before this)... we do the same thing - every female 18 and above are asked to stand up after Sacrament to get a little token on Mother's Day. This includes single, married with children, married without children, elderly, etc. All females.

The talks usually surround how all females - whether they have their own biological children or not - are mothers within their sphere of influence. It doesn't just focus on those with their own biological children. I gave the RS lesson on Mother's Day a few years ago. The Priesthood quorums (from deacons to EQ) take over Primary and all the females including the Young Women go to Relief Society. It's also been tradition in our ward that a young woman who transitions to RS and stays in the ward (instead of the YSA) and recently returned sister missionaries usually (but not always) get called to teach in Primary.

I know it sounds like those that don't have their own biological children are acting as "substitute mothers" for other children and it's not really comparable to being the mother of their own children... but they are very important to a young child's life. My kids, for example, just looooovvveee their Bear Scout Den Mother. My kids have graduated out of Bear a few years ago and the Den Mother has since left the ward but they still talk to each other through chat. They've been doing this geocaching thing lately.

Edited by anatess
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...Songs like "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home" are more needed today than they ever have been. Those children who might get upset because their daddy doesn't come home are likely the children who most need to have that idea fixed in their heads, so that they can begin to correct the screw-ups that their parents (and perhaps earlier generations) introduced into their ancestral line. Maybe the evil, disease, and insanity can stop with their generation, rather than be perpetuated ad infinitum.

 

Do you honestly believe that it's ok to sing certain songs regardless of what the background of the Primary children might be?  Have you ever watched the face of a fatherless, fostered or abused child crumple up in hurt when certain lyrics are sung in Primary? I have - and there is no way I would ever deliberately do that again just because I want to blunder along in my own sense of self-righteousness that this will somehow teach them a better way. 

 

There are far kinder ways to teach the sacred concept of families. In fact, Primary materials from the church do tell us to be 'sensitive to the needs' of children who are in non-traditional family environments. 

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