carlimac Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Our daughter is getting married in a few months. Her fiance scheduled the biggest room in the SL Temple that was available- 45 guests. Problem is his family has 43 on their list and we have 40. I realize all that are invited wont come, especially on a Thurs. morning at 10:15. But I wonder why they haven't perhaps made 2 or three of the sealing rooms into one big one for families that really are huge. Mine is just average. How do the bigger families manage? How do we eliminate people who have been important in our daughter's life? I'm almost thinking this could end up being just as much a source of hurt as being left out because of not being a member. Is there any reason why the chapel in the larger temples couldn't be dedicated for large weddings? I know most of the small temples don't have a chapel. But the smaller chapel-less temples are less likely to be in areas of the world where a bride and groom are going to want to invite 80 to 100 endowed guests or more. Edited March 9, 2015 by carlimac Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) Just_A_Girl and I were married in that same room--largest sealing room in the SL Temple. I was from out-of-state, she was local. Her parents each have seven siblings, most of whom were married and had current recommends. I have no extended family in the state who were LDS--just parents, three siblings and wives, two cousins, and three or four family friends. I think by design LDS sealings are supposed to be relatively intimate affairs (and bear in mind, the larger the sealing room, the fewer sealing rooms--and therefore fewer weddings or proxy sealings--can be performed in a given hour); and most Mormons who have been through a temple and actually seen the sealing rooms should get that and not be at all offended if they aren't on the guest list--especially if, like Just_A_Girl, they come from one of these huge Mormon uber-families with thirty to forty cousins per side. :) My other suggestion: This isn't your problem; it's your daughter's and her fiance's. Step back and relax--there are few joys in life better than just breathing deeply, smiling sweetly, and saying "gee, that's quite a problem. How do you plan to handle it?" Edited March 9, 2015 by Just_A_Guy mordorbund, Blackmarch, EarlJibbs and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 I'm a heartless jerk, which is why I've always been baffled by the notion that all of the cousins and friends and youth leaders and anyone else who might have had a bond with the bride and groom need to be invited to the ceremony. Here's a really simple solution. Grandparents, parents, and siblings of the bride and groom are all invited to attend with their spouses. Everyone else, we'll see you at the reception. EarlJibbs, Backroads, jerome1232 and 6 others 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) ................... Edited March 10, 2015 by omegaseamaster75 Leah, Backroads, Daybreak79 and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 I agree with MOE. A variation on his idea is: Start with parents, grandparents, and siblings (including spouses) of the bride and groom. If there's still room, consider adding aunts and uncles, and also nieces and nephews (assuming there are any temple-attending nieces and nephews for a young couple being sealed). I am guessing that's all you'll get, and that cousins would push the number too high; if not, add cousins. All others can congratulate the couple at the reception. Leah and Backroads 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Our daughter is getting married in a few months. Her fiance scheduled the biggest room in the SL Temple that was available- 45 guests. Problem is his family has 43 on their list and we have 40. I realize all that are invited wont come, especially on a Thurs. morning at 10:15. But I wonder why they haven't perhaps made 2 or three of the sealing rooms into one big one for families that really are huge. Mine is just average. How do the bigger families manage? How do we eliminate people who have been important in our daughter's life? I'm almost thinking this could end up being just as much a source of hurt as being left out because of not being a member. Is there any reason why the chapel in the larger temples couldn't be dedicated for large weddings? I know most of the small temples don't have a chapel. But the smaller chapel-less temples are less likely to be in areas of the world where a bride and groom are going to want to invite 80 to 100 endowed guests or more. (I apologize for being rather blunt here). A temple sealing is about two people coming tighter for eternity. It is a highly intimate sacred affair. It is NOT a giant party (that's what the reception is). Rule of thumb: if a person is not on your speed dial, they don't have to be in the sealing room. Leah 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 (I apologize for being rather blunt here). A temple sealing is about two people coming tighter for eternity. It is a highly intimate sacred affair. It is NOT a giant party (that's what the reception is). Rule of thumb: if a person is not on your speed dial, they don't have to be in the sealing room. My spouse has never, ever been on my speed dial. Just_A_Guy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Speed dial is soooo.... five minutes ago. When my husband and I got sealed, it was like a Ward Temple Day - so many people from my ward drove hours to go to the Temple with us. I didn't have a single family on my side (Catholics, ya know) and there's only a few on my husband's side. We got one of the small sealing rooms so there's not enough room to fit the people in our ward. So we only had the HTs and VTs with my husband's family in the sealing room. But, we were there the whole day for endowments so everybody in our group did the endowments together. Then they all branched off to do baptisms while we did the sealing. Then we met outside for pictures and then went to the reception together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 I agree with Carlimac on this one. I used to think as most posting on this thread - that marriage should be more intimate. One of my daughters changed that for me when she was married. It was not just the sealing she wanted everyone at the endowment session to take place prior. Understanding that what takes place at the temples has eternal symbolism my daughter and her husband invited everyone - family, including grandparents, parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cozens and also friends and others meaningful to them. The invited group filled an entire session. Entering the Celestial room that filled with family and friends was an experience I will never forget. There were my parents,brothers and sisters along with our children and nephews and nieces and friends - as well as the same from the grooms family. There was a lot of pressure on certain individual to not be the only not temple worthy ones - and that pressure made differences in lives. It was spiritual and a miracle. I realize that the temple is not to become a production and lose focus on the sacredness of a marriage. I realize that such things can happen as many want to make some kind of statement that is not in line with the spirit of what is taking place at the temples. But all that should not distract from those committed to and dedicated to this great time of restoration and work being done - including the work being done in the temples. I do agree that every effort should be done to accommodate those worthy to be there that ought to be there being able to be there. carlimac 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
estradling75 Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 I know on a strictly local level, my stake has been pushing back on the whole idea that the actual ordinances are a "family event" They are a priesthood event to which close family and friend are invited. The family event can be held after (or before I guess) in a place more suited to such. Daybreak79 and Leah 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlimac Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 You want almost 100 people in the sealing room? this is not going to sound very nice, but it sounds like you are just feeding egos....either your own our your daughters. It is meant to be an intimate spiritual affair. Invite immediate family only, peoples feelings will be hurt there is no getting around it.This is one of the most judgemental things I've heard lately. Where do you get the idea that this is about ego? We have very close-knit families who have shared in other important moments of life, both spiritual and not. Really what is more important than a marriage. There is no other "moment" that families get to witness. Oh maybe walking out the temple doors and waving? Or cutting the cake? Are those supposed to suffice? This is not about ego at all. It's about family support and binding each other together through these sacred experiences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 This is one of the most judgemental things I've heard lately. Where do you get the idea that this is about ego? We have very close-knit families who have shared in other important moments of life, both spiritual and not. Really what is more important than a marriage. There is no other "moment" that families get to witness. Oh maybe walking out the temple doors and waving? Or cutting the cake? Are those supposed to suffice? This is not about ego at all. It's about family support and binding each other together through these sacred experiences. It's not about egos... I come from a big family too. But, it is what it is. There is not enough room. So, people will have to understand that it is not about excluding people. It is about practicality. Everybody who has been to the temple knows this... so, I'm thinking it might not be as terrible as you might think. I'm thinking if you ask people to volunteer to do sealings for the dead or baptisms or hang out in the celestial room or even just walk through the visitors center or something while the sealing is going on due to the limited space available, you'll have so many volunteers you won't have to worry about deciding who gets to be dropped out of the list. Yes, yes, this is best case scenario.. but it's worth a shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Elder Packer goes into more detail in his book The Holy Temple, but you can get started with this excerpt in Preparing to Enter the Holy Temple. Large groups of friends, ward members, and so on should not be invited to witness a marriage. Wedding groups should be small, comprising only the members of the two families and some few who are very close to the couple. On occasions a wedding has been announced in the ward with the invitation that all should try to attend to give support and encouragement to the couple being married. That is what a reception is for. A wedding reception is to provide a time for greeting the friends and the well-wishers. The temple marriage itself should be sacred and should be shared only by those who have a very special place in the lives of those being married. Jane_Doe and Blackmarch 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarginOfError Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 'and should be shared only by those who have a very special place in the lives of those being married.' That's a loophole big enough for a Star Destroyer. carlimac, Blackmarch, Backroads and 1 other 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkstpaul Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 People familiar with the temple will certainly understand the limitation. I agree on the point that the more restrictive you are the least likely to cause offense. Immediate family only. If your daughter and son-in-law sneek in one more, more power to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 That's a loophole big enough for a Star Destroyer. Like I said, the book goes into more details than the pamphlet. He declined to seal a couple that was trying to get "double marriage" where best friends were married at the same time. They tried to arrange a compromise where the two couples would have back to back sealings, and he again declined. The couples figured it would be the same guest list for both, so why not. Only when they completely separated out the two ceremonies did he consent. I can get some quotes later if I remember to pull the book off my shelf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarlJibbs Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 That's a loophole big enough for a Star Destroyer. "That's no moon. It's a space station" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
omegaseamaster75 Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) This is one of the most judgemental things I've heard lately. Where do you get the idea that this is about ego? We have very close-knit families who have shared in other important moments of life, both spiritual and not. Really what is more important than a marriage. There is no other "moment" that families get to witness. Oh maybe walking out the temple doors and waving? Or cutting the cake? Are those supposed to suffice? This is not about ego at all. It's about family support and binding each other together through these sacred experiences.. Edited March 10, 2015 by omegaseamaster75 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Nevermind those who go around carrying a big spoon with which to stir pots. My family is huge. We're big enough now that I don't even get invited to the sealings of most of my nieces and nephews. They are limited to immediate family and best friends. It kind of stunk at first, but I understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 (edited) I definitely hear what you guys are saying. I think a lot of this may come down to personal preference. I did have a few thoughts though-- I'm also struggling with the idea that "everyone important has to come to the sealing proper" because I come from a part-member family and married a non-member (though he comes to church with me). Most of my friends are also non-members. I love them all, and they are very important to me. But they could not come to a sealing with me. And I'm okay with that, because that day is special for me and husband (when he eventually converts). I also struggle the idea "if it's a super special day, then you have to have the most important people there with you" because for me, the most special day was when my daughter was born. I was TOTALLY not inviting everyone. Instead we planned a big party to introduce little one to everyone two weeks after she was born. Edited March 9, 2015 by Jane_Doe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Carlimac, I'm sorry that that is frustrating to your families. How wonderful though that you have such a large close knit family! That is a blessing in itself. This reminds me of when one of my nephews got married/sealed. The temple told them not to invite too many people so at first, they only invited their parents and grandparents--which for them meant they would have had one or two people, LOL. someone explained to them that it should be intimate, but they could surely invite more people. So they extended it to aunts and uncles. I think there were about 15 people there. I admit I was hurt not to be invited at first...but I think that was about expectations. We don't have a lot of people in the family that can attend the temple so I have been to all my niece/nephew sealings so far. IF I cam from a large family with many temple endowed members--then I would have an expectation that I likely would not be attending the sealing due to the size of the rooms, and I would be fine with that. I love what Jane Doe said about having her daughter...good point. There are some special moments that are not shared, LOL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Litzy Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 I'm going to call pure culture on this. The sacred nature of the temple does make a large wedding attendance, if not inappropriate, at risk of becoming so. I've been to some huge family weddings that were incredibly solemn and sacred and joyous, so it can be done. But, as it stands, the LDS temple sealing isn't set up for a huge number of attendees. It's not about condemning families and friends. It's about a building of God that serves many purposes, only one of which being a sealing. None of the temples are exactly cathedrals in open space for weddings. To say anything but a small and intimate wedding is wrong isn't fair to the many amazing marriage celebrations out there. But to say a wedding must include all loved ones or it can't be joyous isn't fair, either. carlimac and Traveler have experienced large gatherings of loved ones and saw the beauty in those moments. Those are nothing but good moments. Could a temple create a larger sealing room for larger wedding parties and still maintain that solemn beauty? I'm sure. But, that's not what there is now. Your daughter and her fiancé need to cull the guest list or perhaps rearrange wedding plans to be sealed later on. But I don't think that solves the problem of wanting all these loved ones to attend a sealing, whenever it happens. I'm not saying these tiny intimate weddings are the way to go. I'm just saying that declaring larger weddings as better isn't fair. Daybreak79 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 As my little friend in Beehives asked, "Don't all the rooms in the temple have ceilings?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted March 9, 2015 Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Our daughter is getting married in a few months. Her fiance scheduled the biggest room in the SL Temple that was available- 45 guests. Problem is his family has 43 on their list and we have 40. I realize all that are invited wont come, especially on a Thurs. morning at 10:15. But I wonder why they haven't perhaps made 2 or three of the sealing rooms into one big one for families that really are huge. Mine is just average. How do the bigger families manage? How do we eliminate people who have been important in our daughter's life? I'm almost thinking this could end up being just as much a source of hurt as being left out because of not being a member. Is there any reason why the chapel in the larger temples couldn't be dedicated for large weddings? I know most of the small temples don't have a chapel. But the smaller chapel-less temples are less likely to be in areas of the world where a bride and groom are going to want to invite 80 to 100 endowed guests or more. It's been awhile since I've attended a sealing at the SL Temple. Does the capacity of 45 include standing room? I know I've attended sealings where we scoot together, so more than one person is sitting on a chair, and then quite a few stand behind the chairs. Is that possible here? Or is the 45 already including the standing attendees? If you have to keep it at 45, I'm thinking both families need to cull the attendance so it is fair to both. For me, the most important attendees would be parents, grandparents, and siblings and their spouses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carlimac Posted March 9, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2015 Your entitled to your opinion I'm entitled to mine, your defensiveness speaks volumes...... I'm some stranger from the interweb, Don't post asking for opinions and then get upset when you read one you don't like Volumes of what? don't you recognize the rudeness of your own comment? I wasn't asking for opinions about my intentions when forming my list. I was asking about why temple sealing rooms aren't bigger for large families. When asked to make a list of those who would be invited to the ceremony, I listed 40 CLOSE family members. Oh sorry, I must be bragging about a large loving family who hold temple recommends. ( rolls eyes) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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