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LiterateParakeet

Etiquette in the Digital Age

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The digital age has created all kinds of new etiquette questions...I'm curious how you handle these things...

 

I don't make phone calls before 9 am or after 9 pm (unless it's the kids, LOL!), but what about texting? Should texting follow the same rule, or is it more in the category of email (as in "any time goes")? What's your rule/preference for texts?

And then there's Messenger--I realize a lot of people, myself included, have that on their phones, but I still use that like email.

What about important announcements?  I just found out on Facebook that my nephew got engaged.  Our family isn't very close, obviously!, so I'll let that slide....  but a few years back I almost found out on  Facebook that my 18 yr old nephew had been killed in a car accident.  That would not have been cool.  I think we need to teach kids that close friends and family need to be contacted in such situations BEFORE turning to Facebook.

What are your thoughts?  Especially about texting....since I work graveyard, I face this question often.  Should I return your text now, or wait until the sun comes up.  :)

 

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The digital age has created all kinds of new etiquette questions...I'm curious how you handle these things...

 

I don't make phone calls before 9 am or after 9 pm (unless it's the kids, LOL!), but what about texting? Should texting follow the same rule, or is it more in the category of email (as in "any time goes")? What's your rule/preference for texts?

And then there's Messenger--I realize a lot of people, myself included, have that on their phones, but I still use that like email.

What about important announcements?  I just found out on Facebook that my nephew got engaged.  Our family isn't very close, obviously!, so I'll let that slide....  but a few years back I almost found out on  Facebook that my 18 yr old nephew had been killed in a car accident.  That would not have been cool.  I think we need to teach kids that close friends and family need to be contacted in such situations BEFORE turning to Facebook.

What are your thoughts?  Especially about texting....since I work graveyard, I face this question often.  Should I return your text now, or wait until the sun comes up.   :)

if you are in a conversation, or a meeting, or a class, then leave the phone alone (except for emergencies).

Ya i think for really ipmortant stuff try to contact by voice first, then any other medium.

In a library type situation i'd prefer if people texted rather than use voice.

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The digital age has created all kinds of new etiquette questions...I'm curious how you handle these things...

 

I don't make phone calls before 9 am or after 9 pm (unless it's the kids, LOL!), but what about texting? Should texting follow the same rule, or is it more in the category of email (as in "any time goes")? What's your rule/preference for texts?

And then there's Messenger--I realize a lot of people, myself included, have that on their phones, but I still use that like email.

What about important announcements?  I just found out on Facebook that my nephew got engaged.  Our family isn't very close, obviously!, so I'll let that slide....  but a few years back I almost found out on  Facebook that my 18 yr old nephew had been killed in a car accident.  That would not have been cool.  I think we need to teach kids that close friends and family need to be contacted in such situations BEFORE turning to Facebook.

What are your thoughts?  Especially about texting....since I work graveyard, I face this question often.  Should I return your text now, or wait until the sun comes up.   :)

 

Rule of thumb: if you're trying actively to reach someone (phone, text, knocking, etc), then 9 AM - 9 PM is the ok window.  If you're just posting something that the person can get to whenever, then post whenever.

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My husband, my parents, my siblings, and my bestie can contact whenever. Call or text - I will respond - though not always immediately depending on how urgent the situation is. I have started auto-sleeping my iPhone between the hours of 10pm and 8am. Any alerts will be silenced during that period.

 

As for my own rules regarding contacting others, I won't call or text a stranger or acquaintance after 9pm or before 8am. If needs be, I'll call or text my "close contacts" list any time, but I try to be reasonable about the hour of day. Otherwise, not many other restrictions. I do tend to respond to texts sooner than calls. I will not use my phone when checking out or speaking with customer service (in person), as I think that's a bit rude. Though sometimes it happens, I try to put my phone down when my 3-year daughter wants to talk to me, as I think it's important she feels I care about what she has to say. I shut off all my devices inside cinemas - completed dead off - and since I'm not an on call nurse anymore, there's really no reason for me to even keep it on silence, so for about 2 hours I'm off the radar.

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Here's my understanding of digital etiquette:

 

* Don't get ticked off when someone doesn't reply to you in a timely fashion.

* Email, facebook, twitter, text, voice mail - all mean different things to different people.  There is no commonly accepted etiquette guideline around them, because some people do only text and ignore everything else, some people live by facebook but don't ever check their texts, some people wouldn't know how to check their voice mail if their lives depended on it, etc.  You do the etiquette thing by finding out how an individual wishes to communicate, and then adopting their preferences.

* Desires for additional mandatory etiquette is fine.  Wanting is free.  Don't hold your breath.  

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The Digital Age has made Location obsolete to communication.

Therefore, things such as "time" which is attached to "location" means little now. For example - it used to be that my job as a programmer is a 9-5 job. Not anymore. Our shop is open 24/7, so if I (in the US) cannot handle your call, somebody else (from another location like Asia or Europe) will pick up your call and you wouldn't even know the difference. But yeah, if I pick up the call at 2AM, then I get to work on it.

So, the etiquette rules of "when" are - controlled by you and you alone with the help of the features in your own device. If you are going to get offended by a text message at 10PM, turn off your alerts. Phones come with special alerts now such as - you can change the ring tone for each contact, you can silence your phone but then it releases the silent mode when the same number calls you twice within 10 seconds, or you can put exemptions on certain contacts from silence mode, etc.

This applies to all scenarios - sleeping, dinner, party, work meetings, doctor appointments, you're in the shower (yes! I know someone who fell in his shower while rushing to grab his phone!!!).

The voice call is still the hold out on etiquette... it still holds the same etiquette rules as the old rotary phones... but this is simply habit. The new kiddos may or may not follow this anymore.

Edited by anatess

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I still find a phone call or email to be the most professional. And yes, I expect professional people to be aware those are the standard ways of communicating. When I say "professional" I don't mean job-wise, but an awareness of what the usual ways of communication are. If you are able to function, you ought to be able to regularly check the email account you give everyone as well as the voicemail to the phone number you give everyone. I realize things are changing, but I still feel those should be the default standards of communication.

 

I abide by 9-8 rather than 9-9. Many people just seem to be settling down for the night around 8ish, or it being family/personal time. Just my own quirk.

 

Texting... anytime. I assume those who don't want to be bothered by noisy texts will be proactive and turn off/silence their phones.

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If the medium of contact causes noise, limit the time of day. (e.g. email at night, texting maybe since it's noise is normally limited)

IM and chat mediums are generally used for near instant feedback (technology is generally built so as not to have delay...normally), If it has a video feature it is probably for instant feedback. (Can drop messages)

 

Email, and other such communications should be seen similar to sending a letter, don't expect timely feedback. Email while being sent can be delayed (has to do with the technology). (Will not likely drop message, will warn you if can't be sent)

 

Texting,facebook, twitter...etc is an in-between depending on person. (There may be delay geographically as databases update. Texting follows the reliability of cells, so yeah)

Important News should be shared individually. Often preferable is in person, letter (formal), phone, and facebook/twitter/diaspora/etc... lastly so the news spreads.

Edited by Crypto

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I set my "do not disturb" for calls and text between 10:30pm - 6am. If you are flagged as one of my favorites in my phone, then they come through no matter what. If you call twice in a row, it comes through no matter what. Technology has let me set the etiquette I want you to have :) 

 

As far as what I do to others? 9pm unless I know them very well. If I think I should be on your "favorites list" then I will call you when I want! 

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I turn my phone off when I go to bed and then turn it back on shortly after I wake up. if people want to contact me during those times, they can use my land-line. I reply to texts, or not, when I want to, which is not always the same time as the sender would like and if there is something that I would really like someone to know, I will call them rather than text or email. I regard my phone and email as personal conveniences primarily for my benefit, and not the benefit of others, and use them accordingly. 

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I still find a phone call or email to be the most professional. And yes, I expect professional people to be aware those are the standard ways of communicating. When I say "professional" I don't mean job-wise, but an awareness of what the usual ways of communication are. If you are able to function, you ought to be able to regularly check the email account you give everyone as well as the voicemail to the phone number you give everyone. I realize things are changing, but I still feel those should be the default standards of communication.

I abide by 9-8 rather than 9-9. Many people just seem to be settling down for the night around 8ish, or it being family/personal time. Just my own quirk.

Texting... anytime. I assume those who don't want to be bothered by noisy texts will be proactive and turn off/silence their phones.

Yeah, phone and email is old school. In my professional field, most communication go through "chat applications" in the same manner as Chat on Mormon.org is how you get hold of missionaries. This is also how files get transferred and audio/video is added and corroboration is effected. Email is used for legal documents or government communications or if you want to be able to hold it over someone's head in a court case.

Messaging applications have taken over because it is more immediate than email and less invasive as a phone call and more professional than Phone text. It's a happy medium.

So, if you want to inquire about Ikea products, you can go to "ask Anna" or if you want to send a note to the kid's drum teacher, you send it via FB messenger (the drum teacher uses FB for his business) or if you want to reach your kid's school teacher send it through... I can't remember the name of the app they use.

My email box has become my junk yard of messages....

Edited by anatess

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Never given it much thought honestly. Does bug me when people in stores are talking on phones while in checkout line. I don't want to hear your conversation. I don't answer my phone during Sacrament meeting. Although I have seen it done by a few.

I have been guilty of texting during sacrament meeting. True story....during sacrament meeting awhile back I was texting and my wife whispered to me...who are you texting ? Not wanting to tell a lie I stated....the Stake President I went back to texting. She now leaned over and looked at my phone and then said....leave him alone he doesn't have time to text you and he is probably on the stand somewhere. I stated to her....he started it...he texted me first. She said I don't care...leave him alone. Now.....a good friend of mine is a Stake President in one of the St Louis Stakes and he and I were texting. He did send the first text asking me a question. When my wife asked who I was texting that's why I said the Stake President. Needless to say...I got in trouble anyway. Lol

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Never given it much thought honestly. Does bug me when people in stores are talking on phones while in checkout line. I don't want to hear your conversation.

 

Bugs me even more when people have it on speaker phone and you're having to listen to both sides.

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All the phones except my husband's (for emergencies) in our house are off on Sundays.

I have this quirk where I don't like somebody talking to me while I'm taking care of business in the ladies room. For some reason women don't stop talking when I enter the stall... What really drove me nuts was my friend kept talking when I went in the stall and I thought she was talking to me so I made listening noises just to be polite and I found out when I got out that she was actually talking on the phone!

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Not a fan when someone is talking on phone while in the men's room.

 

Heh, as long as they aren't trying to start a conversation with me in the restroom I'm happy. Someone trying to chat you up from the next urinal over is just awkward.

Edited by Dravin

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Heh, as long as they aren't trying to start a conversation with me in the restroom I'm happy. Someone trying to chat you up from the next urinal over is just awkward.

well not as awkward if you think they are and its a minute or two before you realise they are on the phone.....

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well not as awkward if you think they are and its a minute or two before you realise they are on the phone.....

 

As long as you don't try and respond to his phone conversation and he thinks you're the one trying to chat people up in the bathroom. :eek:

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Yeah, phone and email is old school. In my professional field, most communication go through "chat applications" in the same manner as Chat on Mormon.org is how you get hold of missionaries. This is also how files get transferred and audio/video is added and corroboration is effected. Email is used for legal documents or government communications or if you want to be able to hold it over someone's head in a court case.

Messaging applications have taken over because it is more immediate than email and less invasive as a phone call and more professional than Phone text. It's a happy medium.

So, if you want to inquire about Ikea products, you can go to "ask Anna" or if you want to send a note to the kid's drum teacher, you send it via FB messenger (the drum teacher uses FB for his business) or if you want to reach your kid's school teacher send it through... I can't remember the name of the app they use.

My email box has become my junk yard of messages....

 

This is probably true, though not in my immediate work, anyway. School employees communicate via email and all are expected to check email daily. Employees are also discouraged from giving out personal FB and phone numbers

 

I'll argue one needs to be aware of the preferred communication of their immediate field.

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Heh, as long as they aren't trying to start a conversation with me in the restroom I'm happy. Someone trying to chat you up from the next urinal over is just awkward.

 

Just because you said this, if I ever happen to be relieving myself next to you, I'm going to strike up a conversation. "Hey, they're really skimping on the urinal cakes these days, huh?"

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Just because you said this, if I ever happen to be relieving myself next to you, I'm going to strike up a conversation. "Hey, they're really skimping on the urinal cakes these days, huh?"

If I was in a urinal and heard this conversation taking place I would bust out laughing. Lol

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