coming back to church. where to start?


amandat
 Share

Recommended Posts

Im just not sure where to start.

 

So i use to be very strict member. I never drank, did drugs, my family and i didn't watch rated R movies went to church every sunday. I was good, and tried to have my family be good too. And it felt good.

 

But i started having problems in my marriage, the out come was finding out my husband was cheating on me, doing drugs, and drinking. All that i had suspected but he lied to my face about till he decided to come clean. He was last in the church for a while but i encouraged him always to go. 

 

After all this my husband and i separated for a month total. Then got back together. It might sound dumb but its not really a situation you can judge unless you're in that situation.

Anyway my husband when completely inactive, kept doing pot (not anymore even tho he wants to) drinking and stopped wearing his garments.

I was good and tried to keep going to church. But i have two kids. 1 not old enough for nursery and i was so depressed despret for answers and comfort. answers and comfort i didn't receive roaming the halls or church for 3 hours. i felt unwelcome, i prayed desperately for someone to notice me, to be inspired and reach out....but no one did. so i slowly fell away from activity, stopped saying my prayers and going to church. And i started drinking. 

 

Now as it stands i still wear my garments, and my husband and i are working things out, we started saying family prayers again. and are buying a new house and plan on returning to church. 

 

The thing is I have never stopped believing the church i doubt it for a second. So i did things that were wrong knowing that they were wrong. And the drinking i seem to be having a hard time giving up. I want to feel the way it did before... good, loved. a worthy member of the church. I don't feel that way and I'm scared i never will again. I don't know what to do be be that person, to have my kids love the gosspile the way i know they should. I'm just scared and don't know what to do......

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The greatest journey starts with the first step.  Take the first step to the door and walk in.

Suit up and show up.

If you are having a problem with the alcohol, that is a separate issue and you have to find a program to deal with it.  Look for 20 Questions. 

If you are just in the habit of a few regular social drinks that's a different issue.

dc

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im just not sure where to start.

 

So i use to be very strict member. I never drank, did drugs, my family and i didn't watch rated R movies went to church every sunday. I was good, and tried to have my family be good too. And it felt good.

 

But i started having problems in my marriage, the out come was finding out my husband was cheating on me, doing drugs, and drinking. All that i had suspected but he lied to my face about till he decided to come clean. He was last in the church for a while but i encouraged him always to go. 

 

After all this my husband and i separated for a month total. Then got back together. It might sound dumb but its not really a situation you can judge unless you're in that situation.

Anyway my husband when completely inactive, kept doing pot (not anymore even tho he wants to) drinking and stopped wearing his garments.

I was good and tried to keep going to church. But i have two kids. 1 not old enough for nursery and i was so depressed despret for answers and comfort. answers and comfort i didn't receive roaming the halls or church for 3 hours. i felt unwelcome, i prayed desperately for someone to notice me, to be inspired and reach out....but no one did. so i slowly fell away from activity, stopped saying my prayers and going to church. And i started drinking. 

 

Now as it stands i still wear my garments, and my husband and i are working things out, we started saying family prayers again. and are buying a new house and plan on returning to church. 

 

The thing is I have never stopped believing the church i doubt it for a second. So i did things that were wrong knowing that they were wrong. And the drinking i seem to be having a hard time giving up. I want to feel the way it did before... good, loved. a worthy member of the church. I don't feel that way and I'm scared i never will again. I don't know what to do be be that person, to have my kids love the gosspile the way i know they should. I'm just scared and don't know what to do......

If I were you and in the same situation this is what I would do ...... Both of you go to church. Ask to see your Bishop and both of you go into his office and talk with him. Either during church or make the appointment for another time. Both of you open up to him about what you have been through. This will be the hard part next ... If he doesn't bring it up ask him about Marriage Counciling. If money is an issue don't let that stop you. Mention it to him and ask if the Church will help pay for the sessions. This will help you both and be good for you. If using drugs is hard to stop they also have addiction classes through the church and they are awesome. Ask about those classes.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was inactive for over 25 years. It was tough to walk in the building again. I grit my teeth and went to church. People were friendly. I made it a rule to pray and read the scriptures daily. Getting a temple recommend and going to the temple helped a lot. Perhaps this could be a goal? Listening to general conference helped a lot.

Edited by Sunday21
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Im just not sure where to start.

 

So i use to be very strict member. I never drank, did drugs, my family and i didn't watch rated R movies went to church every sunday. I was good, and tried to have my family be good too. And it felt good.

 

But i started having problems in my marriage, the out come was finding out my husband was cheating on me, doing drugs, and drinking. All that i had suspected but he lied to my face about till he decided to come clean. He was last in the church for a while but i encouraged him always to go. 

 

After all this my husband and i separated for a month total. Then got back together. It might sound dumb but its not really a situation you can judge unless you're in that situation.

Anyway my husband when completely inactive, kept doing pot (not anymore even tho he wants to) drinking and stopped wearing his garments.

I was good and tried to keep going to church. But i have two kids. 1 not old enough for nursery and i was so depressed despret for answers and comfort. answers and comfort i didn't receive roaming the halls or church for 3 hours. i felt unwelcome, i prayed desperately for someone to notice me, to be inspired and reach out....but no one did. so i slowly fell away from activity, stopped saying my prayers and going to church. And i started drinking. 

 

Now as it stands i still wear my garments, and my husband and i are working things out, we started saying family prayers again. and are buying a new house and plan on returning to church. 

 

The thing is I have never stopped believing the church i doubt it for a second. So i did things that were wrong knowing that they were wrong. And the drinking i seem to be having a hard time giving up. I want to feel the way it did before... good, loved. a worthy member of the church. I don't feel that way and I'm scared i never will again. I don't know what to do be be that person, to have my kids love the gosspile the way i know they should. I'm just scared and don't know what to do......

 

I second what Palerider said, have a sit-down with your bishop.  You don't have to feel so different or unworthy - most of us in the church have had our challenges to overcome, and nobody is ever as 'perfect' as they may come across.

 

Remember church is a hospital for sinners, as well as a haven for saints. 

 

Just start going to meetings and eventually some faces will become familiar, you'll catch each other's eye and smile and nod and you will start to feel less alone there. Also give your RS President a call and ask if there are any mother's groups where you can meet other young mothers with children. In my ward the mums with young children take turns meeting at each other's houses once a week for playdates. It's an  opportunity to socialize and share with women of a similar age with young children.   Have you thought about having the missionaries over for a meal or to give a family home evening lesson? They can bring a special spirit into your home that may touch you and your husband and motivate you to continue striving to return to activity in the church. 

 

Good luck, let us know what happens!   

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I suggest using the Ward Council to help you. Get active Home and Visiting Teachers to come out. They can acclimate you to what's going on in the ward. Have the bishop and/or Relief Society President visit you.

 

Yes, activation does involve walking back in the door, but you don't have to dive it. Go to a social or two. Talk to the bishop about an appropriate calling - Cub Scouts or Activity Days but not Primary or Nursery. Or be on a Relief Society commitee.

 

As for drinking.... it is hard to imagine starting when you never drank before. I couldn't wait to stop after my baptism. It only makes you feel sick and regretful. I found the only way to quit an addiction is cold-turkey. Get it out of the house and ask for something else when you are out.

 

Best wishes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share