How to handle Sabbath Day Observance with my Husband

[candy100]

I need some feedback for a problem. Me and my husband recently got married, and I always knew he had a different idea of how to keep the Sabbath Day Holy, but our compromise was when it came to football season, I would allow football to be watched and not put up a fit. I felt it was a good compromise since he doesn't go shopping, go out to eat, or do anything else majorly wrong on the sabbath day.

 

I myself however, had some very powerful spiritual experiences with the sabbath day, and have enjoyed for a very long time only doing things that would draw me closer to the Lord on that day. That means I wouldn't watch TV, or movies (unless a large group of friends were and it couldn't be avoided), and I'd try to serve and it seriously was the HAPPIEST day of the week. Now we both dread Sundays because he sees Sundays as making him a little stuck. Even though he will outwardly do things I like, inwardly he is bored out of his mind and not happy. As he's not very happy on that day, I am not very happy or excited to worship and praise the Lord all day long as  I previously was. 

 

How can we take this damper off of our Sundays? I'm about to cave by just not caring about keeping them holy anymore, or just escaping for the day while he does what makes him happy (watch TV and Sports). I feel like he has never seen them as this AMAZING joyful, holy, packed full of the spirit kind of day as I see them. He just sees them as a day you go to church and try to not go out to eat, etc. He's always been a little downcast about Sundays.

 

I don't think it's even the TV and Sports that bother me so much as the fact that he doesn't get the thrill out of the spirit of holiness on that day, and our difference of understanding is what makes it pretty hard. What should I do to make this day easier for us?

[The Folk Prophet]

You can't force someone to be spiritual. How do we influence others to be spiritual?

 

From D&C 121

 

Persuasion, long-suffering, gentleness, meekness, love unfeigned, kindness, pure knowledge, without hypocrisy, without guile, full of charity and virtue.

[Vort]

That's rough. As a guy, I understand the desire to watch sports (though as a middle-aged guy who lost almost all interest in professional sports around the year 2000, I no longer share it). But as someone who loves the Sabbath day and finds great joy in my Sunday meetings and my "home time" with loved ones, I share your perspective.

 

Not a suggestion, but more thinking off the top of my head: You must and should continue to do what you need to do to keep the Sabbath day holy, and it's appropriate to share those feelings with your husband. But he, too, is an agent, and so is free to do as he feels is right (or even as he wishes to do) on the Sabbath day.

 

I don't know what I would do in that situation. One possibility would be:

1. Explain to your spouse what you're trying to accomplish on the Sabbath
2. Invite him to join you on the journey to figure out how to make it what you want it to be
3. Ask his assistance in helping you by not exposing you to disruptive elements, such as sports

This gives him the option of watching sports or movies or whatever in a way that insulates you from those influences, and allows him to find his own path.

 

Anyway, as I said, this is not a suggestion, but more of a thinking-out-loud session. In the end, I think TFP's response above is the best answer.

[The Folk Prophet]

In the end, I think TFP's response above is the best answer.

 

But I did not include practical advice by way of, "sit down and talk to him about what you're trying to accomplish" sort of comments. This, of course, is unique to each relationship and therefor it is best to follow the Spirit and wisdom in how one approaches such things. Still, the practical advice may be what she is looking for, rather than the broad ideal.

 

One thing I can practically recommend. This:

 

I'm about to cave by just not caring about keeping them holy anymore, or just escaping for the day while he does what makes him happy (watch TV and Sports).

 

...is not the right course.

 

DO NOT CAVE! :)

[Jane_Doe]

You can't force anyone to like the things you like, or do the things you do.

 

It's not "caving" to allow your husband to exercise his agency.  Let him do his own thing.

 

And, let you do your own thing!  Celebrate the Lord the best you know how!  Go and rejoice!

[candy100]

Thanks everyone, these are all great reminders. I guess I am looking for practical applications...although TFP I really needed to hear that at the moment! What I can't figure out is, does my Sunday observance actually mean that I am "more spiritual"? That is a difficult statement to feed yourself in a marriage that you are trying to make ideal. I think I'd rather assume that the other person is just as "spiritual" even if it could potentially not be one hundred percent accurate. If it makes you both happier and more satisfied then why not? But if you could get inside my head, assuming equal spirituality on both sides means I could be wrong, or just crazy with my sabbath day observance, which doesn't sit well with me either.

 

Also, my husband is fully aware of the problem. Vort I really like your suggestions. I think he'd be open to all of those things. The nicest thing is that he tries so hard to please me, and is selfless in what he carries forth on that day. He actually almost never watches sports on that day because he knows it is hard for me to watch them with him (although he will watch football), but me wanting to please him as well just ACHES throughout the day because I know he'd rather be watching a game instead of writing in journals and taking very long walks....

 

What I don't understand is if we are both equally "spiritual", and we both equally love God, how can we have such differing views about one of God's commandments? I'm pretty black and white, so sometimes this stuff is hard for me to understand. I was hoping there would be a "magic pill" to help us, to help him be happy. If he were happy and loved that day then my Sabbath day would be so delightful. How can I help him be happier on this day? Is there something remotely close to a magic pill for us? To make us suddenly enjoy this day?

 

Jane_Doe I liked your advice, and maybe someday we will get there where we can actually do things on our own, but our philosophy for Sunday is to at least strengthen your family relationships - which means not really being apart for long durations - which means compromise is a necessity, because we at least agree on that: family on Sunday is important. Or should I be ok leaving him for a while? We are probably a couple of mushy newly weds still, so escaping into my own world and him not being hurt in some way is pretty hard for me to imagine.

[Palerider]

I think over the years while I have been here on this site the topic of keeping the sabbath day holy generally becomes a hot topic. Everyone has thoughts and opinions on the subject. i can tell you what my sabbath day schedule includes and the things I do are not what others do.

I always start my Sunday off with watching the Choir broadcast on the BYU channel at 7:30am. After that watch the discussion the scriptures on same channel. Leave for church. When I come home from church I do watch sporting events on Sunday. Sometimes I go Hometeaching or visit one of our family members. No matter what sport I am watching I always turn the choir broadcast on at 4:30 central time to watch it again. I love the choir. I also write in my journal each Sunday. I have kept a journal since I was 18yrs old. My wife isn't crazy about my sports watching but she doesn't say anything to me.

[EarlJibbs]

Sundays are always hard for me as well. I try and do well most of the time, but I do fall short. I can't forget reading one line in a past conference that pointed out how almost most world doesn't keep the Sabbath day holy, and that is where a lot of world problems come from. It is probably the most widely violated of commandments. I couldn't find that talk at this time, but I found another sobering talk about the Sabbath, I recommend it. 

 

 

 

Our observance or nonobservance of the Sabbath is an unerring measure of our attitude toward the Lord personally and toward his suffering in Gethsemane, his death on the cross, and his resurrection from the dead. It is a sign of whether we are Christians in very deed, or whether our conversion is so shallow that commemoration of his atoning sacrifice means little or nothing to us.

 

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1975/04/the-sabbath-day?lang=eng&query=the+sabbath+day+mark+e+peterson

 

 

I wouldn't be pushy or nag about your husband. But I also wouldn't just stand idle. Talk about it, about it's importance and then commit to both do something on that day that with draw you both closer together and closer to the Lord. I find that when my wife and I (along with the kids) do something together it makes for a very pleasant day. That way it's not just me looking for something to fill just my time up with. 

 

Best wishes. 

[Palerider]

You can't make him change or force him.

[Str8Shooter]

Sabbath day observance is very, very important. In the future there is going to be a new focus on Sabbath day observance from the Church.

There are some lessons in the "come follow me" youth curriculum with lots of good info about the Sabbath day. Spend some time studying them.

Edited May 16, 2015 by Str8Shooter

[mirkwood]

I record any games I want to watch on Sunday and watch them later if it interferes with church attendance.  If it does not interfere with attendance I don't think it is an issue to watch sports.

[omegaseamaster75]

I would allow football to be watched and not put up a fit. I felt it was a good compromise since he doesn't go shopping, go out to eat, or do anything else majorly wrong on the sabbath day.

 

You would allow football to be watched and not put up a fit......

 

Sounds like you are putting up a fit

 

You view things black and white he does not, there is nothing wrong with that. However you KNEW his stance on Sabbath observance before you married him.

 

I wouldn't bother him about it if I was you.

Edited May 19, 2015 by omegaseamaster75

[Palerider]

Once I am home from church I will watch Sports.

[mordorbund]

Once I am home from church I will watch Sports.

 

I try to watch sports at church. I started by getting the nursery all riled up (a doll can make a good substitute for a football, especially if you take it from one team captain and give it to another). Lately I've been an energetic fan of high priest group matches (I started with a sort of reverse dodgeball by introducing two "visual aids" (balls) labeled "Shem" and "Melchizedek". The two teams tried to get them to either keep them separated, or unite them. - Suprisingly, I was disappointed in the lack of zeal and participation. I have since moved on to sports that center on bragging about grandkids - now that's entertainment). Sometimes I'll even try to get some high priests in the nursery for a crossover.

[Palerider]

I try to watch sports at church. I started by getting the nursery all riled up (a doll can make a good substitute for a football, especially if you take it from one team captain and give it to another). Lately I've been an energetic fan of high priest group matches (I started with a sort of reverse dodgeball by introducing two "visual aids" (balls) labeled "Shem" and "Melchizedek". The two teams tried to get them to either keep them separated, or unite them. - Suprisingly, I was disappointed in the lack of zeal and participation. I have since moved on to sports that center on bragging about grandkids - now that's entertainment). Sometimes I'll even try to get some high priests in the nursery for a crossover.

Sounds entertaining ..... Lol!!!