Sign in to follow this  
jbgirl33

struggling wearing my garments

Recommended Posts

I have seen people write these posts before and all anyone wants to do it is tell them that they will get used to it, but it has been 15 years and I still havent gotten used to wearing my garments!  It is the hardest thing for me.  I struggle daily and to tell you the truth I probably only wear my garments a few times a week!  I live in Florida and it is soooo hot here and I am so uncomfortable in them.  They never feel right and bunch up or always peek out of something.  I also get heat exhaustion really easy.  No excuses though, they really bug me.  So here is the only questions that I need answered...what happens if you don't wear them besides obviously that you cannot go to the temple.  Can you be disciplined?  Will that mean that your sealing ties are broken?  Just want to know what it is that would happen if I didn't wear them.  I know the church is true and I have no doubt about that andI have a strong testimony but I really cannot handle wearing them all the time.  I would appreciate some answers from people that actually know the consequences of this.  And please no judgement...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Sometimes we have to do stuff that's hard and uncomfortable. Sometimes we never like some of the things we're asked to do. That doesn't mean we don't need to do them anyway.

 

Think of what the garments mean, and some of the things you learned in the temple, like the Law of Sacrifice. Instead of asking yourself how much you can get away with and what price you're willing to pay to wear shorts and tank tops, ask yourself what your covenants mean to you, and how much you're willing to give to receive what you've been promised. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're not going to like this answer but...

 

"Get used to it" means you have to wear them and KEEP wearing them. 

 

Let's compare this to the Florida heat: if a person only visits Florida occasionally and then goes home to Alaska, are they ever going to get used to the Florida heat?  Nope!  To "get used to it" means a person has to move to Florida, and hang outside there for a year or two, and then suddenly the heat doesn't feel uncomfortable because you're used to it.  

 

You can't get used to garments by sticking one metaphorical foot in and one foot out.  And you shouldn't treat your covenants that way either.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm from Idaho, but I spent two years in the Dominican Republic and didn't complain about mine, and yes I wore them day and night. I took them off to shower, or rather pour cold water over my head since there was no running water or water heater, but I digress.

 

I'm pretty sure it's as hot or hotter there than in Florida. There was also no air conditioning, and we only had fans when the electricity was working (rolling blackouts).  Tough it out, all the time for a while and you'll get used to it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know how you feel - I have narrow shoulders and finding tops that are not mens t-shirt style crew necks is next to impossible because it seems no matter which style or size of garment top I buy, I have to check on and adjust my neckline constantly. They just don't fit me right, and even after 8 years of wearing them every day, I still have not mastered how to gracefully and discreetly tuck the back back in whenever I change from sitting or bending to standing. And I'm not a fan of the extra layer in summertime either, I already get "overheated" easily in cool weather, so summertime is nothing short of hellish for me. But I have decided that I cannot stop wearing them altogether and would not want to, so consistency is my only other option. I am continuously hoping that my body's thermostat will figure it out and adjust accordingly. As for the clothing and posture adjustments though, I might be forever stuck doing that. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well, you can't attend the temple, not sure if there is formal discipline otherwise.

I'd like to assume you've done this at some point but I still ask... have you tried different fabrics/styles?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I served a mission in Florida. I have empathy. I was new to wearing garments and had never in my life lived in a hot climate. I remember heat indexes over 115 degrees on more than one occasion.

That being said......

The wearing of the garment is a covenant. There are great blessings that come from it. Wear it. Talk to your Bishop about it to receive personal counsel. He will lead you in the right direction.

Have you tried all of the different fabric types?

I would suggest going to the temple more often if possible, and do some initiatory work. Pay close attention to what is said.

If you need to be more physically fit, make a plan, get a buddy, and get healthy.

Don't tell yourself that you can't handle something, because with the Lord you can do anything. If you are struggling with anything, don't try to overcome it all alone.

You can do this. Talk to your Bishop.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have seen people write these posts before and all anyone wants to do it is tell them that they will get used to it, but it has been 15 years and I still havent gotten used to wearing my garments!  It is the hardest thing for me.  I struggle daily and to tell you the truth I probably only wear my garments a few times a week!  I live in Florida and it is soooo hot here and I am so uncomfortable in them.  They never feel right and bunch up or always peek out of something.  I also get heat exhaustion really easy.  No excuses though, they really bug me.  So here is the only questions that I need answered...what happens if you don't wear them besides obviously that you cannot go to the temple.  Can you be disciplined?  Will that mean that your sealing ties are broken?  Just want to know what it is that would happen if I didn't wear them.  I know the church is true and I have no doubt about that andI have a strong testimony but I really cannot handle wearing them all the time.  I would appreciate some answers from people that actually know the consequences of this.  And please no judgement...

If i were a lady I'd ask the relief society president or bishop. However have you looked into different materials and sizes? I think there are a couple different designs but i'm not sure but that's something to look into if you haven't already.

during my stay in michigan during my time in michigan during the hot and humid months i had to sweat it out pretty much, sorry for your discomfort.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You asked about the consequences of not wearing the garment...  The answer to that question depend on how far out you want to look.

 

Chances are the nothing in the short term.

 

Then your recommend comes up for renewal and you are asked if you wear them according to instructions.  If you are honest you need to say no...  At that point the bishop gets to make the call on what happens.  I highly doubt there will be much in the way of discipline or actions (unless there is more going on).  Most likely you just will not have a recommend any more.

 

But lets go farther in time.  If you believe that God (through his prophets) is commanding you to wear the garment.  Then wearing or not wearing the garment is an act of agency.  Its part of the test to see if we will do "All things the Lord commands"  Right now you answer to that test is "No."  Right now we are all luckily in that we all have time to repent.  To change our No's to Yes's.  But there will come a time when judgement gets rendered and we are out of time.

 

So I think you really have to ask yourself do you want to risk being found unwilling to do what the Lord commands, when judgement day rolls around?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 I still havent gotten used to wearing my garments...I probably only wear my garments a few times a week...

 

Well there's yer problem.

 

They never feel right and bunch up or always peek out of something.

 

They'll do that when you try and wear them under short-shorts with a tank top.  :P

 

 And please no judgement...

 

What do you consider judgment? How about... If you make sacred covenants and then do not keep them, you will lose that which has been covenanted with you in return.

 

Too judgmental?

 

If it's too hot in Florida then...you know...move to Alaska or something.

 

What's really important to you anyhow?

 

Eternal perspective.

 

Matthew 5:29-30

 

And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

 

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry for you. Wearing the garment has never been much of a challenge for me, so I don't feel I can lecture you about how uncomfortable it is for you. You have my sympathies.

 

But the garment is a blessing from God, a spiritual and perhaps even physical shield from the evils and temptations of the world. We are not required to accept God's blessings; but if we do not, we cannot expect the good that comes from those blessings. In addition, as others have pointed out, the garment was given as part of a covenant to wear it. That is not something to be lightly overlooked.

 

I do not know the immediate answer to your problem, but ultimately it will come down to wearing the garment as you have covenanted or else not wearing it. In the end, I think it's just that stark of a choice.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Physical reasons why I like my garments:  Heat and I don't do well together.  I simply melt when it's over 85 degrees.  With that said, I have no problem wearing my garments.  I would still melt if my garments were off.  My garments actually help my skin not to rub together so I don't get rashes like I'm prone to do.  My skin is extremely sensitive, and my garments help shield me from the scratchy fabric next to my skin.  Almost all fabric makes me itch.  But, I can wear the garment fabrics Carinessa II and DriSilque without itching.  I'm very grateful for those fabrics.  They help shield my skin from my outer layer of clothing.

 

With all that said, I do not wear my garments simply for the physical comfort.  I wear them for the spiritual "comfort".  I would not feel "comfortable" with my relationship with my Savior if I did not wear what I had covenanted to wear.  Plus, I want the protection that has been promised me by wearing the garment.

 

I hope you can come to terms with wearing the garment.  It is a blessing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is obvious that you are feeling guilt as a result of not wearing your garments the way you think you should. I can offer no advice but perhaps a couple of thoughts. Many have suggested that the only way to get used to them is to continue to wear them, pardon the pun, religiously. There is the classic quote, "that which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the thing has changed, but that our capacity to do it has been increased." No one here has offered the other option, nor am I advocating it, which is stop wearing them.

There is also a third option. Do what you have been doing and stop worrying about it. That is what I think you want someone to tell you. So I did. It is an option. The best option? Well, that's between you and the Lord right? The first two are probably more viable, but can happen so long as you try to keep a foot in both camps.

Either way you have my empathy and my best wishes for your personal solution.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

They'll do that when you try and wear them under short-shorts with a tank top.  :P

 

I don't think that immodest clothing is part of the problem here, or at least jbgirl33 did not say anything about it. Men have it so easy when it comes to garment wearing. My husband doesn't get my frustrations at all. I am thinking of having him wrap some un-breathable fabric around his chest and then see how he feels when the temperatures are above 80 degrees. Seriously, bras are a huge part of the problem! Yanking the fabric where it usually wouldn't go, changing the way the shape of the sleeve behaves, creating a huge ventilation problem too.. at least for me personally. And during menstruation, well, most feminine hygiene pads become unmanageable when attached to anything other than a panty. Not something I can necessarily explain, but I hope other ladies here might understand. I've never seen my husband or brother or any other man try to discreetly re-adjust his garments in public.. sisters of all shapes and sizes are doing this all the time

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for all of your input, especially those who wish me luck and have been empathetic.  For those who asked.. Yes I have tried all of the materials and it isn't even that.  I don't like the feeling of wearing any of them in general.  I feel so constricted and yes I would like to wear some clothing in general that would not allow me to wear my garments.. Not that I have anything hanging out, it is just a comfort thing.  I love fashion too and I alwys feel so frumpy in them.  I just wish I didn't have such a bad feeling towards them. My main concern is what are the consequences of not wearing them?  I really do understand the importance of them... truly, for that reason I wish I could go back and wait to go through the temple until I was ready to make this kind of commitment because as a young 19 year old girl, I had no idea.  So back to one of my questions.. Does anyone know if me not wearing them would actually break my sealing to my husband and children?  If their is a bishop or stake president that could answer this for me that would be great.  I could go to my bishop but I already know what he will say and it will be to do it anyway, pray, etc.  I have done all those things... nothing has changed.  Sometimes I will do good and wear them for awhile and then I go back to not wearing them again... I hate this feeling of guilt.  I have always had a little bit of rebellious side in me and I feel like I have to constantly fight an internal battle of you should do this or you have to do that.... Why is it so easy for some people????

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

. Does anyone know if me not wearing them would actually break my sealing to my husband and children? 

 

Your sealing will not be in effect if you do not make it..  Or in other word you can not claim the blessings of the Celestial Kingdom if you do not make it there.

 

As to if your refusal to wear the garments will keep you out, it does seem like a small thing.   But then again sometimes small things can be very important, and the Lord asks for us to follow in all things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for all of your input, especially those who wish me luck and have been empathetic.  For those who asked.. Yes I have tried all of the materials and it isn't even that.  I don't like the feeling of wearing any of them in general.  I feel so constricted and yes I would like to wear some clothing in general that would not allow me to wear my garments.. Not that I have anything hanging out, it is just a comfort thing.  I love fashion too and I alwys feel so frumpy in them.  I just wish I didn't have such a bad feeling towards them. My main concern is what are the consequences of not wearing them?  I really do understand the importance of them... truly, for that reason I wish I could go back and wait to go through the temple until I was ready to make this kind of commitment because as a young 19 year old girl, I had no idea.  So back to one of my questions.. Does anyone know if me not wearing them would actually break my sealing to my husband and children?  If their is a bishop or stake president that could answer this for me that would be great.  I could go to my bishop but I already know what he will say and it will be to do it anyway, pray, etc.  I have done all those things... nothing has changed.  Sometimes I will do good and wear them for awhile and then I go back to not wearing them again... I hate this feeling of guilt.  I have always had a little bit of rebellious side in me and I feel like I have to constantly fight an internal battle of you should do this or you have to do that.... Why is it so easy for some people????

I've never understood the claim of feeling "frumpy" or some other description of unattractiveness.  No one sees your garments.  You can dress just as fashionably as the next person while wearing them. But if your definition of not feeling "frumpy" means showing more of your body and dressing immodestly....can't help you there.

 

It sounds like you want to make some sort of bargain.  Like trading not wearing your garments for some sort of consequence that you feel is acceptable.  As though you aren't really interested in what is the correct thing to do, but how much you can get away with.

 

You have been giving awesome, loving, inspired advice here.  Instead of working hard at justifying not wearing garments, you should put that energy into wearing them and REALLY understanding why it is important to do so.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 I just wish I didn't have such a bad feeling towards them. My main concern is what are the consequences of not wearing them?  I really do understand the importance of them... truly, for that reason I wish I could go back and wait to go through the temple until I was ready to make this kind of commitment because as a young 19 year old girl, I had no idea.  So back to one of my questions.. Does anyone know if me not wearing them would actually break my sealing to my husband and children?  If their is a bishop or stake president that could answer this for me that would be great.  I could go to my bishop but I already know what he will say and it will be to do it anyway, pray, etc.  I have done all those things... nothing has changed.  Sometimes I will do good and wear them for awhile and then I go back to not wearing them again... I hate this feeling of guilt.  I have always had a little bit of rebellious side in me and I feel like I have to constantly fight an internal battle of you should do this or you have to do that.... Why is it so easy for some people????

 

What if the bishop or stake president told you that not wearing them did break the sealing?  Would that help you to get a better feeling about them and commit to wearing them?

 

You say that if you knew as a young 19 y/o of that commitment, you might have waited.  Well, you are now 34 y/o (you said it's been 15 years since that time)....does that mean you are still too young for the commitment?  

 

Here's the thing.  You have to choose to wear it or not.  You just have to make a choice. If you choose to wear the garment, then I would suggest you do some things to help--discuss with your husband about your decision and let him help you; do what you need to do to change your attitude about it; study the scriptures about the garment; go to the temple and participate in the initiatory to gain deeper understanding of the garment; pray, pray, pray; and just make a vow with yourself to wear them.

 

If you choose not to wear the garment, then I would suggest you do some things: discuss with your husband your feelings and decision; allow him to help you with your decision; know that by refusing to wear the garment you are refusing to keep a commandment of God and there are consequences to that (which may include not "making it" to the Celestial Kingdom); you are setting an example for your children and there will be consequences of that action; you are likely gonna feel guilty about it for a long time (because the Spirit will keep on whispering to you).

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've never understood the claim of feeling "frumpy" or some other description of unattractiveness.  No one sees your garments.  You can dress just as fashionably as the next person while wearing them. But if your definition of not feeling "frumpy" means showing more of your body and dressing immodestly....can't help you there.

 

It sounds like you want to make some sort of bargain.  Like trading not wearing your garments for some sort of consequence that you feel is acceptable.  As though you aren't really interested in what is the correct thing to do, but how much you can get away with.

 

You have been giving awesome, loving, inspired advice here.  Instead of working hard at justifying not wearing garments, you should put that energy into wearing them and REALLY understanding why it is important to do so.

I don' t need judgement as I said before... This is why Mormons get a bad name.  I am just having a hard time and want to know what I would be giving up if I stopped wearing them.  Because if it means me not being sealed to my family, I would just deal with it,...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Garments are a sign of your temple covenants you made with God.  Similar to how your wedding ring is a sign of the covenants you made with your husband.

 

Removing your garments is like removing your wedding ring.  Removing either will not get you immediately stuck by lightning.  In fact, you might never experience direct physical consequences for not having those tokens on you.   

 

But removing the those tokens is a sign of how your heart is: if you take off your wedding ring, it likely means you’re treating your marriage covenant non-seriously.  Similarly, removing your garments likely means you’re taking your covenants with God non-seriously.  And both can be a dangerous place to be…    

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

jbgirl, I hate to say "first world problem" here, but I'm afraid that's where my mind is going. My apologies!

 

Anyway, this thread has covered the basics. I can't think of any big punishments other than no temple recommend. And 15 years is plenty of time to get used to something, provided you have given proper attempt to commit to the garments. But at 15 years, wow... it is what it is, isn't it?

 

I have no idea if this will affect your sealing and I'm guessing that is one of those big technical questions that has all sorts of exceptions. But I would wager a guess as long as you were trying to devote yourself and your spirit to everything else...

 

Again, at 15 years of attempts, I don't know what to say. One would think the average person would be either used to them by now or completely done with them and I'll give you kudos for continuing to try them a few times a week.

 

I'm sorry, this isn't much of an answer. My best bet would be to be prayerful about this and consult with your bishop. I assume your husband knows and is at peace with it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yikes. I removed my wedding ring some weeks back to give a rash on my finger time to heal and let my finger sort of resume a normalish shape. I find I need to do that every year or two. Hope that doesn't mean I'm not taking my marraige covenants seriously. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this