I can't get married and neither can my friends.

[stringsofcoins]

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Edited June 12, 2015 by stringsofcoins

[stringsofcoins]

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Edited June 12, 2015 by stringsofcoins

[stringsofcoins]

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Edited June 12, 2015 by stringsofcoins

[stringsofcoins]

I know a guy who managed to get his newborn out of the divorce. As in, brought the baby home from the hospital, mom only had visitation rights. She was an adultress who tried to play all sides and it didn't look good in court.

I know a guy that can walk on water.

I know a dog that's an actor.

I know about a woman who fell ten thousand feet out of an airplane without a parachute and didn't die.

I know a guy who won $400,000 in the lottery.

Cool story.

[estradling75]

I didn't post before...  But it seems to me that you are allowing your Fear to over power your Faith.

 

You know God has commanded you to be married.  You've had the opportunity to be married but you have turned those down because you are afraid of what "might be"  Instead of more reasonable and understandable reason.

 

Please note that God did not command people only to get married "When you think the courts will treat you fairly." 

 

While I understand your fear of a marriage failure and divorce, and it is a legitimate fear.  But you need to remember that God asks us to walk in Faith and keep his commandments. This is the opposite of Fear.  This doesn't guarantee you will not struggle and maybe even experience divorce, any more then Joseph Smith walking in Faith allowed him to avoid Liberty Jail or Carthage.

 

Walking in faith does mean that when you experience trials God will be with you and turn it to your Eternal Glory.  So turn your gaze from the accumulation and loss of things of this world to accumulation of Eternal Glory by turning to God and following his commands to the best of your ability, in spite of your fears.    

[Guest MormonGator]

Thank you for giving me a real reply. I'm glad I decided to keep reading through this thread where I'm attacked for observing the truth and stating my very real fears.

Voluntary celibacy does seem to be my only option for the short term while finding a foreign country to relocate to in the long term. Unfortunately speaking Russian isn't as useful with our current cold war with Putin. I can occupy some time until I can relocate learning a new language.

And I can still follow my covenants this way.

I appreciate the actual response. And is course I have a bad attitude. Look what happens when I try to bring this up? I'm attacked relentlessly.

 Dude, you are welcome. If I sounded harsh I apologize. I say what I did in brotherly love, not anything else. 

 

And as a fellow Russian lover, we are truly brothers in arms. 

[Just_A_Guy]

I hear one can also get brides on pretty beneficial terms over in Iraq and Syria these days . . .

[The Folk Prophet]

"Just wait until you find the one."

Again you are not addressing anything that is a real problem for me. I'm not sure if you are serious and hence dim or if you are trolling me.

 

Yep. That's me. Mister dim.

[Windseeker]

I was divorced after 14 years of marriage and I have joint custody but all 4 kids live with me. I have been remarried for the last 7 years. 

 

Marriage and Family is truly where the rubber of the Gospel hits the road.

 

The reason we came to this earth was to become like our Heavenly Father. We wanted this because his capacity for joy is so much greater then ours. But with Joy also comes greater sorrow and we know that Heavenly Father can feel sorrow.

 

The truth is, marriage is like that in that, being married and raising your own family increases the capacity to experience greater joy and greater sorrow along with greater opportunities to learn and grow and become like our Heavenly Father then those who by their own choice decide to remain essentially a child. 

 

Marriage is the only place you can receive an advanced degree in Love, Charity, Faith, Patience, Selflessness, Trust and other Heavenly traits while you are here on this earth.

 

Bad things can happen, and some of the things you mentioned happened to me but I wouldn't trade them for growth I've received because of them. 

 

I wouldn't sell yourself and this life short out of fear. 

[stringsofcoins]

Yes marriage is necessary but, still, while you can wax poetic about marriage and tell me about my duties to God no one is answering my actual concerns here. State marriage looks to be insane to me towards men. I don't know of any scripture that says men and women should be in a state marriage. So why doesn't the church offer a religious marriage or something? Why are our leaders trying to force us into this insane one side state contract? I don't even get a sliver of protection in this contract but my future wife gets guarantees of my money and my life.

I'll continue on with my plan to flee this country and find somewhere I can get married without exposing myself to life in "illegal" debtors prisons to support children I don't even get to see.

I'm just astounded that you are all so... horrible that you don't even care that marriage has become such a terror and a complete joke that men now speak to each other about what we can do about it. And end up reaching the conclusion that all we can do is violate the laws of chastity, remain celibate while women cry about not having a husband, or flee to a less insane country.

It just boggles my mind that none of you even care. I mean I know nobody cares about men, especially other men, and I'm thankful that the mods erased the worst man hating "man up" comments, but really what am I supposed to do? Because I will not end up like my father or all my brothers. I actually do care about them even though you all do not.

[stringsofcoins]

I was divorced after 14 years of marriage and I have joint custody but all 4 kids live with me. I have been remarried for the last 7 years.

Marriage and Family is truly where the rubber of the Gospel hits the road.

The reason we came to this earth was to become like our Heavenly Father. We wanted this because his capacity for joy is so much greater then ours. But with Joy also comes greater sorrow and we know that Heavenly Father can feel sorrow.

The truth is, marriage is like that in that, being married and raising your own family increases the capacity to experience greater joy and greater sorrow along with greater opportunities to learn and grow and become like our Heavenly Father then those who by their own choice decide to remain essentially a child.

Marriage is the only place you can receive an advanced degree in Love, Charity, Faith, Patience, Selflessness, Trust and other Heavenly traits while you are here on this earth.

Bad things can happen, and some of the things you mentioned happened to me but I wouldn't trade them for growth I've received because of them.

I wouldn't sell yourself and this life short out of fear.

I dunno all of my divorced (male) friends, my father, all the divorced men I know around my father's age, they all say, basically, don't sell your life short by giving up your life to earn money for a woman and a family she now has with someone else.

I appreciate the reply and the rare good marriages sound really nice but divorce basically means your life is over, of you're a man. Maybe you get lucky like you did and get joint custody and physical custody (of course no child support for you, women will never be held to a man's standard) or maybe you don't get super lucky and you end up like half the guys I grew up with.

I still do not see enough reason to get married under the state contract. State marriage gives me nothing, nothing at all, to protect myself but requires me to give so much. It's just insane. I honestly struggle to understand how any of you can support this sheer insanity. It just boggles my mind.

[estradling75]

Yes marriage is necessary but, still, while you can wax poetic about marriage and tell me about my duties to God no one is answering my actual concerns here. State marriage looks to be insane to me towards men. I don't know of any scripture that says men and women should be in a state marriage. So why doesn't the church offer a religious marriage or something? Why are our leaders trying to force us into this insane one side state contract? I don't even get a sliver of protection in this contract but my future wife gets guarantees of my money and my life.

I'll continue on with my plan to flee this country and find somewhere I can get married without exposing myself to life in "illegal" debtors prisons to support children I don't even get to see.

I'm just astounded that you are all so... horrible that you don't even care that marriage has become such a terror and a complete joke that men now speak to each other about what we can do about it. And end up reaching the conclusion that all we can do is violate the laws of chastity, remain celibate while women cry about not having a husband, or flee to a less insane country.

It just boggles my mind that none of you even care. I mean I know nobody cares about men, especially other men, and I'm thankful that the mods erased the worst man hating "man up" comments, but really what am I supposed to do? Because I will not end up like my father or all my brothers. I actually do care about them even though you all do not.

 

I can't speak for everyone... Only myself... I have been married for going on 20 years now.  20 years of blood sweat and tears into making a happy life for family and myself...  And it could all be taken away from me tomorrow.  There could be a fire, an car accident, a meteor strike...  I could go on but I think you get the idea.  And yes divorce is among one of those disasters 'could' happen.

 

Such disasters could destroy everything and set me back to nothing.  Should I let fear that from keeping me from living now and moving forward in striving to follow gods commands?  Should I put everything on hold until I am sure nothing could ever hurt me?

 

I am married, I am living here under these laws you are talking about, and I have no reason to fear divorce.  Even knowing that a divorce would clean me out.  I don't fear it because I trust the Lord.  If the Lord wants to test me by trials and destruction then that is his call.  I am not above that or better then that.  In fact better men then me have gone through exactly that and are the better for it now.

 

If you want to move to other countries and be under different laws, go right ahead.  What ever trials God has in store will still happen. (or at least you should hope they will)

[The Folk Prophet]

I have absolutely no fear of divorce whatsoever. None. I have as much faith in my wife as I do anything in life. I'm more worried about getting hit by lightning...which I don't worry about at all.

 

Call me dim all you want stringsofcoins, but if you marry the right sort of girl then these issues are non-issues. The state's way of dealing with marriage and divorce has no bearing on my life whatsoever -- expect when it comes to paying joint taxes I guess.

 

And, no, it's not "just wait until you find the one". It's about proactively finding the right one, through the right means, the right places, the right faith, prayer and humility, and the right attitude.

 

And that, frankly, is about the only useful answer (short of moving) that anyone could possibly give you.

 

What sort of other answer do you want? Rise up in revolt? Don't get married and just live in sin?

 

I'll tell you this much. Calling us all "horrible" and other nasty things isn't likely to get you anywhere.

 

Sadly, based on the attitude you seem to be displaying, it seems highly unlikely that you will adjust your attitude and approach about marriage. In which case, you already have your plan in place. So move to another country and stop berating us for trying to help you.

[Latter-Day Marriage]

I'm sorry but downplaying my problem and, hence, ignoring it isn't going to fix anything. So far no one has actually addressed my problems. You telling to to ignore reality isn't going to fix anything.

 

To be blunt, most all of your problem rests with what is going on between your ears and you are your own worst enemy at this point.  Until you recognize that you won't be able to recognize when somebody actually does address your problems, as I and others here have.  Stop pushing back and demanding the answer you want and consider the truth of what others are saying.  Your mindset is your problem, not the external world.  The failures and hardships of others have no bearing on your future.  Emulate the successes out there.   Marriages don't fail spontaneously, Choose wisely and do what needs to be done to keep the marriage going great. 

 

If you are not up to the challenge, then stay single if you want but please lose the chip on your shoulder.

Edited June 12, 2015 by Latter-Day Marriage

[Connie]

You remind me of my cousin. She enjoys playing the victim card, too. Her ex-husband has full custody of their 2 girls, has kept a string of girlfriends living with him one after the other, gives her the barest minimal contact with the kids and poisons their minds against her by speaking nothing but negativity about her. The judges in her mind are no better. She has tried many times to gain custody of her girls, but they won’t budge.

 

From where I stand, you have two options. You can continue to play the victim card for the rest of your life or you can turn to the Lord and find out what He would have you do in your current circumstances. The world is what it is, and the only person you have any control over is yourself. Turn to the Lord. If He tells you to move to a different country, then fine. Just make sure you’re not doing things your own way out of fear or doubt. Chose the path of faith and trust that the Lord’s plan for you is much greater than your own would be. My cousin has decided to continue to be a victim and as such has turned very bitter and negative about men and life, and she wonders why people don’t want to be around her and she can’t find a man to marry her. I would encourage you to try the other route. It is the path to greater peace and happiness.

Edited June 12, 2015 by Connie

[Guest]

So all the men I know who are happily married are lying, is that it?

[yoyoteacher]

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2015/04/well-ascend-together?lang=eng

 

I'm just going to leave this here, because I think it was a brilliant talk and is one that has a tendency to come back to my mind at least once a week. I'm not sure what to say to the OP to console, as I know my opinions on marriage are in stark contrast.

 

I will say that I understand; my parents nearly divorced at a young age (though it was my father who was the adulterer, not my mother) and it took many years for that scar to heal. They never divorced, and I still wonder if that shoe is going to drop sometime in the future. Divorce is messy. It's something I never intend to go through personally. And I know from some things that are mentioned in my patriarchal blessing that, as long as my future spouse and I work on keeping our marriage strong and founded on our faith, it won't be.

 

Again, I'm sorry that this isn't terribly helpful for your situation, but I know there's nothing I could say to help you.

[Backroads]

I know a guy that can walk on water.

I know a dog that's an actor.

I know about a woman who fell ten thousand feet out of an airplane without a parachute and didn't die.

I know a guy who won $400,000 in the lottery.

Cool story.

Wow. Just wow. I respond to another poster and you mock me.

And then you say you're in your early thirties and then you say you're approaching 30. Do you happen to know your age?

[Guest]

I've been married 17 years. My husband and I believe that Divorce Is Not An Option. But, of course, I could still wake up tomorrow with a divorce decree on my hand. Or, I click on the TV and find his face plastered on the news with "Serial Killer" under his face.

Doesn't matter. I feel blessed that I was able to spend even just ONE MINUTE happily married to this guy even with a whole lifetime of sucks-to-be-me.

I went into this marriage not because of all the things my husband is gonna do for me. I went into this marriage because of all the things I want to do for my husband. And that includes writing him spiritual letters while he rots in jail for serial killing life sentences that he may find the path to repentance and get closer to Christ... even if I have to sign it anonymously with a circuitous postage so he won't be able to find me and the kids if he ever decides to break out of jail.

That is my pledge to him as his wife... that I will love him unconditionally and bring both of us with our children closer to Christ. No matter what happens.

If you can't make that pledge, then yes, live life as you normally do but keep your eyes and ears open for that one special woman that you can pledge that to. Divorce laws won't matter to you then - regardless of what country you find yourself in.

Edited June 12, 2015 by anatess

[Backroads]

What's wrong with all of you people? How can you not see that you are bad people?

Yes. Clearly we are all evil wicked people in need of the Atonement.

[NightSG]

I've been married 17 years. My husband and I believe that Divorce Is Not An Option. But, of course, I could still wake up tomorrow with a divorce decree on my hand. Or, I click on the TV and find his face plastered on the news with "Serial Killer" under his face.

 

Like a serial killer is going to risk the hassles of divorce.

[Guest]

Like a serial killer is going to risk the hassles of divorce.

Well, he could... I mean, we're all bad people, remember?

[Leah]

Wow. Just wow. I respond to another poster and you mock me.

And then you say you're in your early thirties and then you say you're approaching 30. Do you happen to know your age?

 

Some people have a hard time keeping track of details when they are writing fiction.

[Backroads]

Stringsofcoins

We are trying to help you, but I don't know of you want help. Plus, I don't fully understand what result you want. How do you envision a marriage? How do you envision an "ideal" divorce? You need to give us more to work with?

What does having friendships with women have to do with anything? Because despite your claims of girls tossing proposals at you you don't seem to have many positive relationships. With all due respect it makes the countless marriage offers seem a tad dubious.

Furthermore, marriage is a big commitment. It'd be wise to tackle less serious relationships first.

[Jane_Doe]

Stringsofcoins,

 

If your big worry is financial fallout after a possible divorce, why don't you just get a prenup?  Problem solved.