Best reaction to society's redefine of marriage? Keep on keeping on!


prisonchaplain
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Today I heard a program in which Michael Medved said that 70% of all FIRST TIME marriages stay intact until the death of one of the couple. We've been told for at least 30 years that the figure was only 50%...a lie that conflates 2nd+ marriages with first ones, to create the false illusion that divorce is uber-normal, and probably inevitable. As we see marriage redefined, family increasingly treated as an unimportant, if not oppressive social construct, perhaps the best we can do is continue to enjoy our children, our spouses, and the special fulfillment we share as we grow together, bound by the love of our God.

 

There is no arrogance here. Every day I am humbled by my wife and children. Their love and acceptance of me is amazing. Their reaction to my feeble efforts at husbanding and fathering are gracious (and merciful). I love them, and thank God for the honor He's given me to play my role. May the deposits we make, as an intact family, into our areas of influence lead many to look to and glorify God.

 

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Guest MormonGator

 

Today I heard a program in which Michael Medved said that 70% of all FIRST TIME marriages stay intact until the death of one of the couple. We've been told for at least 30 years that the figure was only 50%...a lie that conflates 2nd+ marriages with first ones, to create the false illusion that divorce is uber-normal, and probably inevitable. 

 

 Dude, you hit a major pet peeve of mine. I don't like Medved very much, but he is SO RIGHT about that. The "50% divorce rate" is a huge misleading statistic. It drives me crazy that people believe that. 

 

Three cheers for Medved and  you my friend. 

Edited by MormonGator
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A movement to legalize divorce in the Philippines is getting stronger.  I fear the Philippines - the last country besides the Vatican to have divorce be illegal - is going to finally be overcome.

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Although any change will be a step backwards in the Philippines, what really damaged western society was the "no fault" divorce.  There is no such thing.  Society loses when families break up.  Children lose big time--and their damage ripples into the community.  We'll never be able to go back to forcing people to stay together.  However, in our efforts to mitigate the damage, by, for example, having Sesame Street teach pre-schoolers that it is normal for children to have mommy in one house and daddy in another, because, they are divorced, and that's just another way that families are...no wonder most people believe the 50% lie.

 

I honor those single parents who heroically do their best to raise their children.  I applaud Boys/Girls Clubs, Scouting, and other volunteer efforts the bring solid mentors into children's lives--again, often mitigating the absence of a parent--usually dad.  These efforts are rightly understood as damage control.  Children have been hurt--and they've lost part of the normal foundation to growing up.  So, we band together to make things less bad.

 

We don't think poverty should be normal.  Why divorce?

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I'm currently travelling visiting family, so yesterday I attended a ward in Texas.

 

The RS topic was on Marriage and Family.

 

The teacher recounted her experience with trying to set up a Family Reunion.  They announced the venue 2 years prior to the event and spent 1 year preparing for it and doing things like contests with big prizes that had to be redeemed at the reunion to get as much people to attend.  In the end, after all that preparation, they only had 38 people attend out of the 200+ invited.

 

I sat there thinking... my family's weekend gatherings are 200+ people, easy... all you have to do is say, "Anatess wants y'all to come to her house tonight".  They just all show up with food.  Family Reunions are as big as town fiestas and you get people from all over the world attending.

 

And so the teacher went through ideas on how to get families closer together and I was so tempted to say... get rid of social welfare, get rid of divorce laws, get rid of health insurance... etc.  But you know how that is - you always get the "but what about the abused women", etc things.  In my family, somebody falls off the cliff you'll have 200+ people in a blink pulling the rope to save you.  You beat up your wife, it doesn't matter if you're the in-law or the blood relation, you just started a clan war.  My sister was just telling me about an incident years and years ago when she just learned to drive.  She turned right after a full stop and hit a pedestrian child - no major medical issue as she was going from a full-stop, but the kid ended up in the hospital.  She called my dad to meet her at the hospital but she was too shaken up to give my dad details.  Before my dad could get to the hospital, my physician uncle was already there with 4 more of my relatives because they thought that my sister was the one that got hit by a car.  When they found out it was the kid that got hit, my uncle who is a doctor and my sister who is a nurse treated the kid and paid for the entire hospital bill plus after care.  It's just the way it works with the family over there.

 

Somebody in the class shared her experience in some destitute African region where she was so devastated to see people without any family at all.  People having babies without a family unit and so the babies grow up without family units either.  Moms leave their babies in some charitable facility and leave.  She said the decimation of society was complete and it is because of the extreme poverty there.

 

I so wanted to say that poverty did not decimate the family, rather the decimation of the family caused poverty.  The Philippines is a 3rd world country controlled by a few oligarchs that keeps the population poor.  Yet, the family is still strong... it is the family that keeps these poor people from total devastation.  But, I don't know much about Africa.

 

I don't know... I guess my experiences growing up with my family just gives me a completely different perspective from everybody.  But, I still can't shake the idea that it is these social programs that is actually making the problems with society worse instead of making it better.  All social programs, in my opinion, should be directed towards strengthening the family instead of enabling the break-up of families... this way, people look to their families for their sustenance.  And I don't just mean, father, mother brother sisters... I mean... YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.  My family identity is very instrumental in keeping me stable even with my big personal problems... not only my parents, siblings, uncles/aunts, cousins... but now my husband and my children added to the mix.

Edited by anatess
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Social programs making fighting for family less necessary.  So, there can be damage.  On the other hand, the more basic problem is the lack of appetite for family.  Social progressives have been so successful at convincing most that they are the ones who care for the widow, the orphaned, the abused, I fear there are some who actually believe family is a dangerous social construct.  They see it as holding women back, and as a setup for abuse.

 

The truth is that kids do best when raised in a home with their biological mom and dad.  Those of us raising intact families tend to contribute the most to society.  We are a social good. 

 

Here's another hard-to-sell truth:  Cohabitation raises the likelihood of divorce.  There are too many academically sound studies that bear this out.  Yet, most still believe that a trial run is the logical way to test potential success.

 

All we can do is proclaim what we know.  Oh...and as the OP title suggest...keep doing family well.

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I sat there thinking... my family's weekend gatherings are 200+ people, easy... all you have to do is say, "Anatess wants y'all to come to her house tonight".  They just all show up with food.  Family Reunions are as big as town fiestas and you get people from all over the world attending.

 

You're forgetting an important aspect of (particularly LDS) culture; how many people here have more than a half dozen family members not in the same household who live within a 2-3 hour drive of them?

 

At the last reunion on my dad's side, (Mostly Catholic/Baptist) there were around 40 people there, and I don't think anybody drove more than two hours.  On mom's side (Catholic/Methodist) 50+ can get together easily, though there will be a few 2.5 hour drives in the mix.

 

There's a huge "grass is greener on the other side of the country" aspect that I just don't get.

Edited by NightSG
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Guest MormonGator

Another good reaction would be just to show how fun marriage is. I've met people who complain about how bad their spouse is than wonder why they have terrible marriages. I'm thinking "Duh!" 

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You're forgetting an important aspect of (particularly LDS) culture; how many people here have more than a half dozen family members not in the same household who live within a 2-3 hour drive of them?

 

At the last reunion on my dad's side, (Mostly Catholic/Baptist) there were around 40 people there, and I don't think anybody drove more than two hours.  On mom's side (Catholic/Methodist) 50+ can get together easily, though there will be a few 2.5 hour drives in the mix.

 

There's a huge "grass is greener on the other side of the country" aspect that I just don't get.

 

I'm not spewing a "grass is greener on the other side" statement.  I'm telling you an example of a culture where the impetus is to preserve the family unit and what effect it has on society.

 

In the Philippines - we tend to stay in the "family island" because that's where the family is.  So 200+ of the family is in the same island that my great great grandparents grew up in.  Half the island is related to me. And another hundred or so is within driving distance of the island and more within a day's boat ride.

Edited by anatess
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I'm not spewing a "grass is greener on the other side" statement.  I'm telling you an example of a culture where the impetus is to preserve the family unit and what effect it has on society.

 

I was referring to the American LDS tendency to grab the first opportunity to move at least a full day's travel away from family and then whine about not having any family or friends nearby.

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