Mental Health and actually wonder if I am going to make it to the temple for my endowment cermoney or am I doomed to the outerdarkness?


LadyHanley93
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I am a convert and have been apart of the church for a year. I was recently diagnosed with traits of borderline personality disorder and had no idea that I had this. I thought my thought process was normal. I can honestly say my mom and dad loved me. However my uncle was cruel and sexually abusive to me at the age of 9 to 14. I get frustrated with people in my ward and sometimes I feel left out and secluded from others. The bishopric doesn't even bother to educate themselves on this issues. Sometimes I just don't feel worthy or measure up to everyone else's standards.

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LadyHanley93, first of all: welcome. I am also a convert and am in the YSA age group and setting, so I can relate to a few things there. I have a few thoughts that came to mind as I read.

 

First, please understand and recognize that the church is true, even though the actions of others may have caused you offence. The people who attend church may not do everything perfectly, but we are all on the same path back to our Heavenly Father. I say this because I was a bit younger than you when I took things said to me personally and went inactive. I would hate to see that happen to someone else.

 

Second, please understand that YSAs can be the best and worst people at times. I love my YSA branch and how close we feel, and at the same time I get frustrated so often because it seems that there is a lot of "high school" drama that has a tendency to occur. I'd like to think it's because as a group, younger YSAs cling to that mentality until they get some personal life experience and a chance to grow a little better into adulthood.

 

Third, your making it to the temple is 100% determined by your desire and your effort to make it to the temple. I was inactive for seven years and had very similar thoughts on going as you did when my branch president brought the subject up to me back in December. I thought it was crazy to even think about, that I was in no way ready. But as soon as that idea was planted, I started working toward it. You are still young, don't feel as though you have to rush to the temple; it is a very large commitment to do so. It's not much beyond the commitment you've made at baptism, but it's enough that it should not be rushed or taken lightly.

 

Fourth, you've mentioned talking to your bishopric about education on the subject, I'm assuming you mean your ovarian cancer? Or your mental health? My only other suggestion would be to talk to either your visiting teachers or your relief society president. They also have some stewardship over you and can be helpful in the healing process for you.

 

If you are temple worthy, I would even suggest going to do baptisms all that you can. I always loved being in the temple, being able to pray for and receive answers there. And by putting your focus on temple service, it can help to prepare you for future covenants.

 

Hang in there. Remember that Christ is a great comforter. He suffered every pain to help us through the Atonement, but He knows your struggles. Heavenly Father knows your struggles too. Heavenly Father gives each of us weaknesses, because we're here for the challenge of a lifetime. Lean on Him, talk to Him, and allow Him to make you a stronger Saint.

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Yoyoteacher, Thank you so much for your reply. My life has been nothing of the converts and the born into conventals in my church. At 17 I got involved with the porn industry and left at 23 to be in the church. Six months as being a convert One day I got up and left the to the other side of the country to go back into the porn industry and it didn't work out and I moved back home. I am grateful I saw what my life could be like. I started using drug and alcohol at a young age. Am I proud of this? no of course not. So needless to stay it's been hard to find a job. I acknowledged this as a cycle of being abused and in turn abusing myself. Having traits of Borderline personality disorder is different because everything seems to be black or white. I told my secound counselor and he has no idea what bpd is. I wish our bishoprics around the world would educate themselves on bpd and other mental issues. I am not sure to open up to about my bpd because it seems that it all backfires on me like what my home teacher did to me .

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Hi LadyHanley93,

 

Take comfort that the gospel is for everyone, and that means you too.  I know folks with similar stories you tell - they often seem to have a more difficult road than the rest of us.  But I also know some in the church - and they are able to avail themselves of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, just like me.  

 

Yeah, sadly, mormons can be pretty darn ignorant about mental illness.  Every year there are fewer and fewer of them as education efforts happen.  I've made it a point to buy this book and hand it to every bishopric and stake presidency I've encountered:

Valley of Sorrow: A Layman's Guide to Understanding Mental Illness by Alexander B. Morrison (emeritus general authority).  

 

I've also directed a ton of people to this article in the Ensign, sort of summarizing the book:

Myths about Mental Illness (also by Elder Morrison).  Give it a read, and see if it doesn't speak a little peace to your soul.  You may have good luck printing out a few of these articles and sending them to your bishop and ex-home teacher.  

 

God bless you!

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First, I would suggest that you read the DSV-5 elements of such a diagnosis ---- you might be surprised at how subjective it is.  If I were in your shoes, I would not accept the dx just because someone opined it.  Maybe get your psychologist to give you a copy of the criteria and specifically tell you what the basis of her determination that you meet each of them is based on.  (Record this, so a second opinion will be easier.)    What I would do is find a therapist who does real cognitive behavior therapy.  Lots of people say they do it.  Few actually do it.   It commonly takes less than 20 weeks (though yours may be a more difficult case, so if takes longer it just does).   You won't spend very much time talking about the past.  You will spend a lot of time learning how to and practicing thinking in healthy ways.   CBT is research proven for PTSD and teen depression.   It is successfully used for lots of other things.

 

Second, I hope you can feel (but if you cannot just know that it is absolutely true) your Heavenly Parents and Savior's great love for you, the fact that They know you, and are there to help you as much as They can without trampling on your agency.   That in each moment, They are your very real cheerleaders.   They remember you as Their divine daughter, and They do not see you as broken or unworthy.   They are rejoicing in the steps you are making.   They are celebrating with you the progress you will make.   You have always and will always belong to Them, and with Them.   And whether it takes you 10 years or one year to qualify for and get to the temple, your baptism and doing your personal best and quick repentance make you perfect in Christ because of His atonement.    

 

Your fellow worshipers at the YSA ward are just that YSA,  few of whom statistically have had your challenges, though all of them have been challenged in some ways.   I try to be glad that others cannot really understand where I am, because that means they also have escaped the worst that I've experienced.   But what it also means is that sometimes they'll misunderstand you and other times they may just be cruel.   All you are expected to do is to live your own life, and forgive others their trespasses.  

 

You can move your records to your family ward if you'd prefer, and still attend the YSA ward or just the activities.   The advantage to this is that your HTer/vTer will have more life experience (whether that means they know not to breach confidentiality and slader you by accusing you  of lying is not guaranteed).  

 

Just keep doing your personal best with quick repentance.   Your Heavenly Parents and Savior fully accept.   You can do this.

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Sorry to mean spirited here but my ex hometeacher is with a doubt insensitive, sociopath, and narcissistic. I have always had a good relationship with his companion who is a convert. It's almost like when I had a relationship with my other hometeacher and asked to be reassigned it's like I lost a relationship even though it's not done and over. I have had a nightmare of a life so far and would really appreciate it if my ex hometeacher would keep his mouth shut.

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Also for the record I have been to two different psychologists and a psychiatrist who have told me I have traits of borderline personality disorder. Yes I have read the DSV5 and have done further research to conclude that I do have traits of borderline personality disorder. My therapist I am seeing now is a lcsw she doesn't like to put a label on it.

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Sorry to mean spirited here but my ex hometeacher is with a doubt insensitive, sociopath, and narcissistic. I have always had a good relationship with his companion who is a convert. It's almost like when I had a relationship with my other hometeacher and asked to be reassigned it's like I lost a relationship even though it's not done and over. I have had a nightmare of a life so far and would really appreciate it if my ex hometeacher would keep his mouth shut.

 

No one's doubting your previous HT was a horrible person.  A central part of healing though is to let go of our anger/judgement/wrath, and leave such things in God's hands (after all, He'll deal with him in exact perfection).  What you need to focus on now is healing and moving forward out of the nightmare.

 

As to your previous nice HT just because you're not on his route any more doesn't mean you can't be friends  :) .  Give him a call and hang out sometime!

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I am a convert and have been apart of the church for a year. I was recently diagnosed with traits of borderline personality disorder and had no idea that I had this. I thought my thought process was normal. I can honestly say my mom and dad loved me. However my uncle was cruel and sexually abusive to me at the age of 9 to 14. I get frustrated with people in my ward and sometimes I feel left out and secluded from others. It drives me insane that last year I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and my now ex home teacher felt the need to spread a rumor that I really wasn't sick and that I was making it up. The bishopric doesn't even bother to educate themselves on this issues. I am a young 24 year old female apart of a ysa in Arizona. Sometimes I just don't feel worthy or measure up to everyone else's standards.

 

First of all nobody is doomed unless they choose it for themselves, so that kind of thinking has to stop.  You have to be really REALLY bad in order to be doomed.  Most people are not even capable of being that bad.  I am pretty sure you do not have to worry about being doomed.

 

It is rare, but some people who suffer from mental disorders do not have to receive their endowment to gain exaltation.  This is something that your Bishop and Stake President will prayerfully consider and seek counsel from God.  Every worthy, accountable person who takes the necessary steps to receive their endowments will have the opportunity to receive them.

 

Try taking a moment to think about how you are living the Gospel standards, note your strengths and weaknesses, then continue the process of making the weak things strong.  Think the best of people before thinking of the worst, even if they may say hurtful things.  Everyone has things they need to improve on.

 

Whatever you do, don't worry about what other people might be thinking.  Often times when we try to measure up to everyone else's standards we are actually measuring down to them.  Do not measure down.  The standards we should strive to meet are the Lord's standards.  

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My MIL has some major psychological issues, for which she is just now getting help (she's in her 60's). One of the first things her therapist told her was to recognize how difficult it is for people around her to have a relationship with her. It's hard for me to imagine, but she says she's never realized how mean and difficult she has been. But I think part of that is that she allows her illness to be an excuse, and does not take responsibility for anything, ever. I hope she's working on fixing that, because until she does, she will not have healthy relationships and people will hold her at arms' length.

 

I say this as someone who suffers from a major depressive disorder. I get mental illness. I know how hard it can be, just to accept that you're "one of those people". But we HAVE to take responsibility for our part in problems with people, because otherwise the patterns will continue person after person and never change. That's not to say that other people can't be in the wrong; but the only person you can change and take responsibility for is yourself. That's a long-term project. 

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In all honesty Eowyn, I started to cry a bit when I read your post. 

My MIL has serious mental issues as well, and constantly complains about her two daughters and son not being closer to her emotionally. As an outsider, I've wanted to scream at her, saying "Why do you think that they aren't close?!" Don't get me wrong, I have compassion for her-but in reality I have more compassion for her three children, now all grown. She also does not accept even the slightest bit of responsibility. It's maddening. 

I so agree that a huge part of healing is taking accountability. I struggle with addiction, and it's a nightmarish battle. I woke up in my late 20s and realized what a jerk I was to everyone. Without realizing that eventually, you are the one in control, you can not being to heal. 

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I would first like to say I am in therapy and have taken steps to take responsibility for my own actions. I will admit taking responsibility for me in the past has been difficult. I really can't sit here and blame anyone for my traits of bpd. I just have to get used to how to change these patterns. I am fortunate enough that psychological advancement is in place for me. Believe me I went to group therapy for nine weeks and a women in my group was in her 60s and finally got the diagnosis of bpd.

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In all honesty Eowyn, I started to cry a bit when I read your post. 

My MIL has serious mental issues as well, and constantly complains about her two daughters and son not being closer to her emotionally. As an outsider, I've wanted to scream at her, saying "Why do you think that they aren't close?!" Don't get me wrong, I have compassion for her-but in reality I have more compassion for her three children, now all grown. She also does not accept even the slightest bit of responsibility. It's maddening. 

I so agree that a huge part of healing is taking accountability. I struggle with addiction, and it's a nightmarish battle. I woke up in my late 20s and realized what a jerk I was to everyone. Without realizing that eventually, you are the one in control, you can not being to heal. 

 

 

It's a bitter pill, no matter which side you're on. There's the beauty of the Gospel. There is healing and redemption for everyone.  

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It's a bitter pill, no matter which side you're on. There's the beauty of the Gospel. There is healing and redemption for everyone.  

Oh totally. It's tough because it's fun to blame other people for your problems. It takes responsibility away from you and you can act however you want too.   

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi LadyHanley93,

Take comfort that the gospel is for everyone, and that means you too. I know folks with similar stories you tell - they often seem to have a more difficult road than the rest of us. But I also know some in the church - and they are able to avail themselves of the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, just like me.

Yeah, sadly, mormons can be pretty darn ignorant about mental illness. Every year there are fewer and fewer of them as education efforts happen. I've made it a point to buy this book and hand it to every bishopric and stake presidency I've encountered:

Valley of Sorrow: A Layman's Guide to Understanding Mental Illness by Alexander B. Morrison (emeritus general authority).

I've also directed a ton of people to this article in the Ensign, sort of summarizing the book:

Myths about Mental Illness (also by Elder Morrison). Give it a read, and see if it doesn't speak a little peace to your soul. You may have good luck printing out a few of these articles and sending them to your bishop and ex-home teacher.

God bless you!

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