Decline a Calling / Calling Help...


McChatter
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I have had a calling for the past year as a counselor in a presidency in which the president has not been engaged at all.  I have tried to get pull him (nicely) as well as the assigned bishopric member, but barely a response from either of them.

Today I was called in, told I was being released and was extended a calling to serve within my exact calling.  I initially said yes, but I honestly, for the first time in my life, felt a stupor of thought in regards to a calling.  I said I wasn't saying no, but I could not say yes, requesting some time to work through this.  The bishopric member was visibly upset, but agreed.

A few thoughts came to mind in regards to this,which I am trying to get past:
 

1) I did not receive the confirmation that I needed

2) The bishop had told about 3 months ago that this calling was a waste of my time and talents

3) The new president is barely out of college, and I'm not sure if I have the patience required to work, well, under him

4) The bishopric member assigned has done nothing to help, and I feel that this will only continue

Thoughts?  Yes, I've read all the talks about saying yes from Monson to Maxwell, but I cannot get yes out of my mouth.  Has anyone else experienced anything remotely similar?  If so, what was the outcome?

 

Thanks much.

McChatter

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I don't know your situation, so I can't say for sure what is right. But there are certainly a few important questions I would be prayerfully asking before saying no. They may help you discern for yourself what you need to do.

 

-When you think about saying no to the calling, do you get a feeling of confirmation? A stupor of thought? Neither? Something else? What does this answer tell you?

 

-Is the stupor of thought you had when the calling was extended a sign that the calling itself is wrong, or is it a sign that something else about the situation that is within your control needs to change?

 

-What good can you accomplish in this calling now? What might have been accomplished already that you can't see?

 

-What might the Lord have been trying to teach you in your specific calling and situation in the past year? What might He be trying to teach you with this new situation?

 

-Assuming you do receive an answer to accept the calling, are you willing to accept it joyfully and magnify it with all your heart, might, mind, and strength? Why or why not? (Whichever initial answer you give, I strongly recommend you don't skip that second part, or answer it too quickly. At least for me, both have been important questions to answer in the past, and usually have taken some soul-searching).

 

-Any other questions that come to you from the Spirit.  ;)

 

Best of luck to you. I hope you let us know how this turns out. 

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Sometimes the things we think of as burdens, are blessings we have not yet identified.

 

I think your reasons would interfere with your getting any confirmation of the spirit.

 

So what is the harm of trying it and giving it your personal best before rejecting it.   You can always pray to be released or ask to be released, or just quit doing the job later.

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It is okay to give the bishopric member information they may need to consider the circumstance and then ask for a week for them to reconsider. I've sat in the Bishopric meeting enough times (years) to know how callings are assigned and, although the Spirit does give a confirmation that a calling should be extended to you, it is accepted by the bishopric that they do so with limited insight into the selection and any discussion with you is of value in giving further consideration. The Spirit may have only been telling them they needed to talk to you about the calling and not necessarily that you are the only one for it.  

 

Seen it many times.

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Guest MormonGator

Oh, I'd decline a calling in a heartbeat. The blunt truth is that the church asks a lot from people, and while I'm willing to do it, sometimes there are practical reasons not to accept a calling. I'm awful with math. Even with basic math I need a calculator an abacus and a lot of prayer. If I get a calling for anything to do with math, I would immediately decline. It would be a disaster. I also don't have kids. If I got a calling with them, I'd decline too.I don't know what to do around them and have zero experience with them. 

 

Yes, the bishop can receive revelation for callings but that doesn't make him know everything. I'd rather assist him and tell him that "These are my skills and abilities, can I help in that way instead?"

Edited by MormonGator
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3) The new president is barely out of college, and I'm not sure if I have the patience required to work, well, under him

Thoughts?  

 

This raised a red flag with me.  I could be wrong, but this statement hints at some pride issues.  Church organization has nothing to do with one's station in life so much so that if Mitt Romney would have become President of the United States of America, he could still be called to serve under a barely out of college student in, say, the Young Men's presidency, and it would still be an awesome calling where Romney can grow and be edified as he edifies the youth in his service.

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Oh, I'd decline a calling in a heartbeat. The blunt truth is that the church asks a lot from people, and while I'm willing to do it, sometimes there are practical reasons not to accept a calling. I'm awful with math. Even with basic math I need a calculator an abacus and a lot of prayer. If I get a calling for anything to do with math, I would immediately decline. It would be a disaster. I also don't have kids. If I got a calling with them, I'd decline too.I don't know what to do around them and have zero experience with them. 

 

Yes, the bishop can receive revelation for callings but that doesn't make him know everything. I'd rather assist him and tell him that "These are my skills and abilities, can I help in that way instead?"

 

It is, of course, okay to decline a calling if you don't receive confirmation on it.  But a primary calling is awesome to those who don't have kids of their own.  The covenants for Fatherhood is not limited to those who are married with children.  It is given to all covenant males.   A primary calling, therefore, gives one the opportunity to learn to raise up children in the kingdom.  After all, not many people father children already knowing what to do with them.

 

Just my 2 cents.

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It is, of course, okay to decline a calling if you don't receive confirmation on it.  But a primary calling is awesome to those who don't have kids of their own.  The covenants for Fatherhood is not limited to those who are married with children.  It is given to all covenant males.   A primary calling, therefore, gives one the opportunity to learn to raise up children in the kingdom.  After all, not many people father children already knowing what to do with them.

 

Just my 2 cents.

Appreciate that. In fairness to me (and yes, I'm sure there are men who will disagree with me) many men my age without children often times feel slightly uncomfortable around children. It's not that we don't like them, but we don't know how to relate to them.  

Edited by MormonGator
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I also don't have kids. If I got a calling with them, I'd decline too.I don't know what to do around them and have zero experience with them. 

 

 

I feel the same, but for a different reason; I have kids, but don't have primary custody of them.  The last thing I want is yet another reminder that I should be permitted to do more (and according to the divorce decree, I am, but my ex won't play by the rules she agreed to and the court won't make her do it) for the ones I helped make.  I almost always skip church on Father's Day for the same reason; I don't need a bunch of well-meaning but totally unthinking people asking why my kids aren't there with me.

 

Church organization has nothing to do with one's station in life so much so that if Mitt Romney would have become President of the United States of America, he could still be called to serve under a barely out of college student in, say, the Young Men's presidency, and it would still be an awesome calling where Romney can grow and be edified as he edifies the youth in his service.

 

Can you imagine the unholy (pardon the pun) mess that would be?  Security alone would make him almost completely inaccessible to the YM, and his schedule would finish off any hope of being able to devote proper attention to the calling.

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Can you imagine the unholy (pardon the pun) mess that would be?  Security alone would make him almost completely inaccessible to the YM, and his schedule would finish off any hope of being able to devote proper attention to the calling.

 

Logistical nightmare for sure.  One of the reasons I was very interested in Romney winning the Presidency is just simply the plain interest of seeing how the church handles it!  Would he be exempt from Home Teaching?  Well, okay, maybe he can be assigned to home teach senators or congressmen or just those in his administration.  Or maybe they can form a White House branch... and then it would be interesting to see how the media reports on it... "LDS Church forming a branch of government"... LOL.

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Do the General Authorities have regular home teaching assignments?

 

I just sort of assumed that people with particular time-intensive callings or duties might not be assigned as home teachers. I also just sort of assumed that this could include the POTUS.

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Appreciate that. In fairness to me (and yes, I'm sure there are men who will disagree with me) many men my age without children often times feel slightly uncomfortable around children. It's not that we don't like them, but we don't know how to relate to them.  

 

Hence the Primary calling.  ;)

 

I was a week from baptism when I was called to teach in Relief Society - my very first calling.  Can you imagine me trying to teach a Relief Society class where sitting smack dab in the middle of the front row is the Stake President's wife and I can't even remember to call it Sacrament Meeting instead of Mass... and I still recite the Our Father when called to pray because no words come to my head... I tell ya, I held that calling for 2 years and I would spend 4 weeks studying for a 40-minute lesson.  It was the most intense Christian Living learning I've done in my entire life.  And just when I started feeling comfortable with it, they released me and put me in nursery... my first kid was just born and I was still trying to figure out how to keep my own kid alive let alone trying to deal with a bunch of 18-month old children and trying to teach them gospel principles.  But, that was another good calling too - taught me how to talk to 18-month olds so they would listen so I was a bit prepared when  my own kid got to nursery age...

 

Now, I'm in Scouts... I do not like anything scouts.  My husband does all that.  I like girly things... so trying to organize a pinewood derby and such... ugh!  Give me a princess party any day... But yeah, I've been in the calling for almost a year and I have to say, after a while it started to be really fun!

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Do the General Authorities have regular home teaching assignments?

 

I just sort of assumed that people with particular time-intensive callings or duties might not be assigned as home teachers. I also just sort of assumed that this could include the POTUS.

 

I'm not very familiar with Priesthood organization but from what I understand of my husband's callings, home teaching is a duty of the Elder's Quorum.  I thought High Priests only get HT calling if the EQ needs it.  As General Authorities are not in EQs, I don't think they receive HT assignments.  Now, the POTUS can be in the EQ, so, with that, he can, technically, be assigned an HT route if the EQP deems it necessary and if they can get the logistics to work out.

Edited by anatess
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I'm not very familiar with Priesthood organization but from what I understand of my husband's callings, home teaching is a duty of the Elder's Quorum.  I thought High Priests only get HT calling if the EQ needs it.  As General Authorities are not in EQs, I don't think they receive HT assignments.  Now, the POTUS can be in the EQ, so, with that, he can, technically, be assigned an HT route if the EQP deems it necessary and if they can get the logistics to work out.

 

No, high priests also have home teaching assignments, including the families of other high priests and all widows and single mothers. Home teaching is a way for Priesthood holders to carry out their duty to visit and care for each member, and thus is a general Priesthood duty, not specific to any one quorum.

 

But since certain leaders (such as GAs and mission presidents) essentially dedicate their lives to serving the membership, I assumed that in many cases they did not receive home teaching assignments, either by being formally excused or just by the quorum/group leaders being told not to assign them.

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Speaking for myself:  I've found that the burning bosom/stupor of thought paradigm taught in D&C 9 doesn't really resonate as a description of the (admittedly few) personal revelations I believe I've received.  This isn't to say that the paradigm doesn't work for many, many people; but personally--I find can do "stupor of thought" on my own, thankyouverymuch.  ;)

 

At this point in my life I'm inclined to think that this dichotomy was a particular means of revelation given to Oliver Cowdery, designed specifically to prevent him from writing an incorrect translation of the Book of Mormon.  It may work for other people in other circumstances; but I don't think "stupor of thought" was ever intended as a universal indicator of "no" by the Holy Ghost (compare to 2 Timothy 1:7--"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind").  For me, personally, negative answers either come in a very clear idea of some alternate course of action that makes the contemplated course of action impossible, or at least a very discernible "no!".  "Stupor of thought" usually just tells me I haven't gotten an answer yet.

 

So, to the OP, I would say:  If "stupor of thought" has served you well in other circumstances, by all means don't disregard it here.  But I'd just suggest the possibility that maybe you haven't received an answer at all yet--and to beware of the danger of conflating the lack of an answer with a negative answer.  Because, looking at this from the outside--you're obviously and understandably feeling burned out; but with the shake-up in the president, you might actually have an opportunity to finally accomplish some real good in this calling.

Edited by Just_A_Guy
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but I honestly, for the first time in my life, felt a stupor of thought in regards to a calling. 

 

I don't recall any scripture teaching anything about a stupor of thought concerning the accepting of callings from the Lord.

 

Why would the Lord call you to a calling and then also give you a stupor of thought concerning it (even if the Lord did such things concerning callings). Or do you believe that you have stewardship over what callings members are called to that supersedes the one who has been chosen to have the stewardship over who has what callings?

 

 

1) I did not receive the confirmation that I needed

 

A) So what? Accept the calling anyway.

 

B) Then get it. (But accept the calling first anyway).

 

2) The bishop had told about 3 months ago that this calling was a waste of my time and talents

 

And yet I suspect you know full well that the Lord doesn't call people based on their prowess.

 

3) The new president is barely out of college, and I'm not sure if I have the patience required to work, well, under him

 

And there, perhaps, is the reason you need to be in the calling.

 

4) The bishopric member assigned has done nothing to help, and I feel that this will only continue

 

Relevant how? We only accept callings where everything is perfect and will go smoothly?

 

Thoughts? 

 

Accept the calling.

 

Yes, I've read all the talks about saying yes from Monson to Maxwell,

 

And yet you think advice from strangers on the internet will do you better? ;)

 

but I cannot get yes out of my mouth.

 

Yes you can. It's called Agency and you have it.

 

Has anyone else experienced anything remotely similar?  If so, what was the outcome?

 

Not exactly. But I have definitely accepted callings that I didn't want. And I have definitely served in callings that were unpleasant, etc.

 

The outcome is that I have been and will be blessed, and by doing as the Lord has counselled us to do through His servants we will be saved through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

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Do the General Authorities have regular home teaching assignments?

 

<sarcasm>Oh, that wouldn't be awkward at all.</sarcasm>

 

You think regular HTs showing up on short or no notice can be inconvenient, imagine President Monson calling to say he's just down the street and will be there in five minutes.

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I recall in various Conference talks, although none of them recent, apostles telling anecdotes of receiving home teachers, but I have never heard them talking about being home teachers. However, there are also a great many stories of them doing other kinds of visits, particularly to those in hospital. 

 

As to the idea of serving in Primary when you don't have kids of your own, I once heard it said that it gives you an opportunity to make mistakes on other peoples' kids so that you don't make them with your own. :) 

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Do the General Authorities have regular home teaching assignments?

 

I thought I once heard that bishops are the only ones who are excused from home teaching, that even the President of the Church is assigned families to home teach.

 

Of course, it was a long time ago that I heard this, so take it with a grain of salt.

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I thought I once heard that bishops are the only ones who are excused from home teaching, that even the President of the Church is assigned families to home teach.

 

Of course, it was a long time ago that I heard this, so take it with a grain of salt.

 

When I was in our HPGL, we assigned families to the bishop and his companion (a son).

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As to the idea of serving in Primary when you don't have kids of your own, I once heard it said that it gives you an opportunity to make mistakes on other peoples' kids so that you don't make them with your own. :)

 

That's why newlyweds are supposed to be given a newborn by the Matron of Honor (or some other close relative) to return in a year or two. Or is that a tradition only in my family*?

 

 

 

* Not even in my family. UGH! what does it take to get a new tradition started!?

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  • 4 weeks later...

There was a time in my life when my husband and I were living in separate states.  I remained "under the radar" in the local ward until I had to renew my temple recommend.  Not soon after, they extended me a calling to work in the Primary.  I remember at the time feeling inclined to say no, because I was becoming friends with a girl my age in RS and felt I needed to be with the sisters since I was toughing it on my own, but you are not "supposed" to do say no, so I said yes.  

 

Well, later, I hit rock bottom when I realized how lonely I was by myself and my job became difficult to the point where I pretty much asked them to let me go (I couldn't quit because I would have had to pay back moving expenses).  I realized then that I really should have said no to the calling so I could have forged more relationships with the sisters and become more known in the ward.  

 

Fast forward to now.  My husband and I were asked by the Primary to team teach.  We had done this in our last ward, and we hated it, so we turned them down flat.  It wasn't about the kids.  It just felt like a constant chore and I did all the work while my husband complained.  Just didn't want to go back there again.

 

So if you don't want to, you don't feel right about it, just turn it down.  

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