Guest Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 This is probably a really stupid question that i should know the answer to, but i have to be sure.Is it bad to kiss someone before you are dating them? Like, is it wrong to kiss someone before you're sixteen? These questions have been eating at me, and i just want to know what is right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) Physical displays of affection either entail a deeper emotional connection, or they don't. If they do--under sixteen (in fact, IMHO, under eighteen) is too young for that type of thing. If they don't--well, then, why do it? Edited September 12, 2015 by Just_A_Guy lonetree, Jane_Doe and Str8Shooter 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clwnuke Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 Kissing can be a very cultural thing. I agree with Just_A_Guy that it has a lot to do with why you are kissing. Also, people are not born with the same amount of comfort with physical affection. Some of my children were very affectionate, others were not. Some were in between. I've worked with people from countries where men greeted men and everyone greeted everyone with a kiss. I'm comfortable with that, but my wife was not. I thought girls were a wonderful creation from as early as I can remember and I kissed my first girl at 5 so if you made it to near sixteen I applaud you! For the Strength of Youth addresses an appropriate dating age, but does not address an appropriate kissing age. However, any actions that would compromise your ability have the Holy Spirit guide you should be carefully considered by you. Are you saying goodbye to someone you care about? IMHO there is no harm in that. Are you letting a kiss be the gateway to a lot more kissing and a relationship? At your age, it is not appropriate. Have you asked your parents? Believe it or not, they understand these things and may have kissed a time or two in their young days as well. What a great topic to discuss with them! They are the first line of defense that God has given you for help and protection in this life you know :) Jane_Doe and Blackmarch 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crypto Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 Kissing is okay, I wouldn't let it bother you too much. It only becomes a problem if it evolves into more than just a kiss. There is a difference between a peck, and smothering each other. Since kissing is normally involved with dating behavior don't do it unless you are actually dating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 Is this kiss in the throes of passion? Puppy love and sweet innocent kisses are one thing--relationship - based kisses, wait for a relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bini Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 Too many variables to layout a blanket statement on this. I agree with bits of what others have already said. This shouldn't be something that overwhelms you, there's some simple considerations to make, which can help you figure out what's appropriate and what's not. For example; is this kiss... a cultural way of saying hello and goodbye?a doting gesture to show someone "I love you" towards a family member or friend?fueled by passion, the kind typically reserved for couples? I think if you can figure it out in those easy peasy steps, it won't be so confusing. Point 1 and 2, aren't things to be concerned about, I mean honestly. Point 3, I think some extra common sense in regards to what degree of intimacy the kiss is. Is it just a simple peck but you still feel passionate about the other person? Or is it a lot more intimate? Personally, I think the first is fine, even among teens, a kiss of that nature just isn't a biggie. I think when it gets more hot and steamy, that opens doors that lead to other potential situations, ones that might be hard to back out of once you're halfway in. So yeh, consider what I said and use common sense. Backroads 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 I never kissed my husband til we got married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 (edited) This is probably a really stupid question that i should know the answer to, but i have to be sure.Is it bad to kiss someone before you are dating them? Like, is it wrong to kiss someone before you're sixteen? These questions have been eating at me, and i just want to know what is right. You are going to get so many varying answers (and probably with good intentions). How will you sort them out, I wonder? If you were my close friend I would ask you to take a long walk with me, and I would ask you to tell me more about what's behind your questions. I don't think I would give you a direct answer so quickly. I would want to hear you tell me about what's deep in your heart--like what are your most sincere yearnings. We would talk about consequences, too. Edited September 12, 2015 by UT.starscoper Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just_A_Guy Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 I never kissed my husband til we got married. I didn't go quite that far, but Just_A_Girl did happen to be the first girl (and only) girl with whom I ever felt close enough to consider kissing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 12, 2015 Report Share Posted September 12, 2015 Well he wasn't my husband until we got married, after all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prisonchaplain Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 I never kissed my husband til we got married. I did. More than once. However, my wife is the only girl I've kissed, and I was 31 when I married...so, I could probably "go a little further," and still maintain a chaste, Spirit-led relationship. It's okay to seek out opinions here, but it would be wonderful for you to hash this out with a trusted adult. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clwnuke Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) I never kissed my husband til we got married. I had a crush on a very spiritual and beautiful young lady when I was a teenager. She told me that she had a goal to never kiss until she was at the marriage alter. I've always wondered if she made it. Personally I think it's important to kiss before marriage. There's a lot of biology that goes into marriage (well, I hope most marriages) and the science of kissing says our tastes, smells, bacteria, and oral health all play a part in our selection of compatible partners. There is also a very strong correlation between marital happiness and the frequency of kissing. The correlation is much weaker for sexual relations (go figure). That being said, I'm glad things worked out for you! Edited September 13, 2015 by clwnuke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 I kissed my boyfriend, and I kissed my fiance; but I never kissed my husband until we were married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clwnuke Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) I kissed my boyfriend, and I kissed my fiance; but I never kissed my husband until we were married. You sly young lady . I'm slow to catch on. Edited September 13, 2015 by clwnuke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 But you get double points for calling me young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 Eowyn, I got your joke... and them read the follow-up comments and now I can't give my witty reply to your witty comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thoughts Posted September 13, 2015 Report Share Posted September 13, 2015 (edited) If you are asking whether it is a sin, then my answer is probably no. If you are asking whether doing so violates the counsel to not date until your are at least sixteen, then unless you kissed during a spin the bottle game which you were at without a partner, then yes you did. If you are asking whether it is bad to kiss someone you haven't dated, then the answer is it is clearly getting a head of ones self and will make it difficult for you and your partner to find out whether you are suitable for each other and ready for marriage. God says you must not do anything to intentionally create or maintain sexual arousal and feelings except within the bounds of marriage. French kissing (aka open mouthed kissing) intentionally arouses sexual feelings. So if you are doing that outside of marriage, you need to quit it. (You'll notice your body responses and know when you cross the line. Stop then.) There are people who choose never to kiss their partner until they are married. Many people do kiss, but stop when it turns sexual, and all those who know about the laws of God should stop then. But if you are kissing before you are sixteen, you are obviously pairing off. You might not call that a date, but rest assured that the prophet who gave the "not until 16" advice thought your pairing off was dating. If you are kissing at sixteen, you are likely not doing what dating is for ---- learning about a whole lot of different people until you understand what you want and need in a permanent relationship, and what you need your eventual partner to be in that relationship. Holding hands and hugging can be appropriate during this phase, but it hard to see how kissing helps much. I would hope you would save your kisses (except maybe cheek kisses if that is common to your culture as a greeting), until you are ready to get married and looking for the one you want to share your whole life with. One really good reason not to kiss people other than your future spouse is that when you have lots of experience kissing, you have things to compare your spouse to. If your eventual spouse is not as technically good at kissing as you have experienced, you will have to deal with that, sometimes for a lifetime, risking rejecting someone who would be good for you because of the unfavorable comparison, or knowing you will kiss them for eternities always feeling like they won't measure up ---- neither scenario is helpful to you or to a happy marriage made for the right reasons. When you talk with people who have lived through this, they all say that they wished they just hadn't given out their kisses so freely. Edited September 13, 2015 by thoughts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 I think romantic kissing should be taken pretty serious. It should be something reserved for older, mature youth in a very serious relationship that has been going on for a while. Not something you do casually for a cheap thrill. Once you go to kissing, there is no new level to take a dating relationship to without going into forbidden territory so it should be the LAST place you go. When you are 14-15, every guy should be in the 'friend zone'. You hang out and get to know them without creating a romantic relationship with any of them. At 16-17 you date guys but it's like taking a car for a test drive, you are seeing how it feels to be in a closer relationship with them but you are still shopping around and not committed unless God taps you on the shoulder and tells you some guy is the one (which is very rare), and even then you should go slow and careful. Dating around will give you the experience to make a better choice and you won't wonder later in life if you made a mistake by not looking at all your options. I don't have an issue with a girl giving a guy a kiss as he leaves on his mission if she says is going to wait for him, but it should not be rushed into. My wife and I fell in love just after she turned 15. I was 17 and God really did tell me she was the one that night, but we stayed with the standards of the church. I took her on her first date when she turned 16. I was 18 but we went by what was right for a 16 year old and double dated. I would have loved to kiss her then, but I didn't want to set a a kissing on the first date precedent for her even though we had been super close for a year. We actually didn't kiss until I got back from my mission. It was the right thing to do. Passionate kissing, ie: french kissing, will cause intense sexual arousal and stirring up those kinds of feelings is playing with dynamite, don't go there. Maybe, maybe, when you are engaged, but even then you have to keep it limited. Any kissing before marriage should be a brief hello/goodbye thing, not something you sneak off to spend a bunch of time doing. Is 'Mr. Homecoming' pressuring you to make out? You've got to make some firm decisions on where your boundaries are and make them clear to him. If he won't agree to respect them you dump him. If he says he'll agree to respect them but keeps pressuring you to cross the line, dump him, three strikes max. I know that there is a certain status that goes with having a boyfriend, and it's nice to have somebody interested in you, but you are far better off alone than with the wrong person, no matter how they make you feel in the moment. You don't need a boyfriend, when you come to really feel the Savior's love for you, you don't need somebody else to validate you as somebody worthy of love. Keeping your standards high will help you sort the good ones out from the bad ones. If a guy loves you, he will seek your happiness and respect your standards, even see them as something attractive about you. If a guy just wants you rather than love you he will find it exciting to get you to lower your standards for him. You just wants a conquest and a 'good girl' is a tempting challenge. He will seek his pleasure at your expense and he will see your standards as obstacles he has to overcome. Using emotional manipulation, lies, pressure, trying to make you feel guilty or silly, threats, anything like that is a HUGE danger sign. You want to live a life you are not ashamed of. Some day you will have a daughter asking you these kinds of questions and asking what you did and you would rather say "I'm glad that I...." rather than "I wish that I hadn't ...." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 Is 'Mr. Homecoming' pressuring you to make out? You've got to make some firm decisions on where your boundaries are and make them clear to him. If he won't agree to respect them you dump him. If he says he'll agree to respect them but keeps pressuring you to cross the line, dump him, three strikes max. I know that there is a certain status that goes with having a boyfriend, and it's nice to have somebody interested in you, but you are far better off alone than with the wrong person, no matter how they make you feel in the moment. You don't need a boyfriend, when you come to really feel the Savior's love for you, you don't need somebody else to validate you as somebody worthy of love. I told "Mr homecoming" that i would like to wait until i am sixteen to date, and i consider the homecoming dance a date. He understood, his standards being similar to mine. And no, this is a different boy. We were talking about kissing soon, but i prayed and studied the scriptures and then decided that i would like to wait. He agreed, Saying it's better to wait and be sure it's really what we want. I've been pressured into kissing someone before and i would not like to repeat that. So I've recently set high standards for myself and i have noticed how it has helped me make important choices in my life. i am thankful to have guy friends who care enough about me to watch out for me and help me keep my standards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Latter-Day Marriage Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 Glad to hear it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MormonGator Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 Is this kiss in the throes of passion? Puppy love and sweet innocent kisses are one thing--relationship - based kisses, wait for a relationship. THIS. I kiss my close female friends on the cheek when I am greeting them, in front of their husbands and boyfriends. No one cares. That said, if I shoved my tongue down their throats they would have a problem. It's all about how. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted September 14, 2015 Report Share Posted September 14, 2015 I never kissed my husband til we got married. I did. [Eowyn and room look shocked!] More than once. [SLAP!!!!] Anddenex, beefche and Backroads 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
askandanswer Posted September 15, 2015 Report Share Posted September 15, 2015 I never kissed my husband til we got married. Don't worry about it - I still haven't kissed him and probably never will - wrong gender and too far away. :) Backroads 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted September 15, 2015 Report Share Posted September 15, 2015 Eowyn best lock up her man to protect him... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 15, 2015 Report Share Posted September 15, 2015 Scandal on lds.net! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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