Utah Mormons


JojoBag
 Share

Recommended Posts

I recently moved to southern Utah with a bit of fear and trepidation.  The reason was something my dad always used to say:  "Utah Mormons are the worst kind."  He said this many times as I grew up.  I've lived in three different countries and I was welcomed in every single ward.  I was asked to introduce myself and someone always said hello. 

 

Seven weeks ago, I moved from Australia to small town in southern Utah and the ward fulfilled my dad's saying.  If I had been an investigator looking into the church, I would have walked out and never returned.  Not one single person introduced themselves to me and I was virtually ignored.  I wasn't asked to introduce myself and although my records have been received, my family has not been read into the ward.  The Elder's Quorum President has yet to introduce himself and shake my hand.  The same goes for the rest of the quorum. 

 

I got to looking at the ward directory and I noticed that there are 3 or 4 prominent families that make up a sizeable part of the ward.  They all associate with each other, but no one else.  There are a few other families that have moved in during the past couple years and they, too, are ignored.  I began to understand why my dad said that Utah Mormons were the worst kind.  I guess that unless you were born into the ward, you are an interloper. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jojo, while I understand your valid concern, Eowyn has a very important point.

 

(I say that as someone who was raised outside of Utah, and said I would never want to live there. I've actually ended up spending about two decades of my life in Utah since saying such a thing, and my experiences in wards here have actually been quite pleasant...along the lines that Eowyn has suggested...even though I am introverted by nature.)

Edited by hagoth
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I like to tease Utah Mormons but it's in lighthearted fun, I'm technically one of them by birth so they have to be good people. :P

It's funny though, I get anxious in social situations, nothing extreme, I just don't do the small talk thing and it all gets awkward when people try to strike up a conversation right before elders quorum. I just have this mindset that I'm there for church I guess. Anyways, I want to find your ward and move into it. So no one tries to talk to me. It would be great. People are always trying to chat and I'm sitting there trying to fumble my way through a short exchange about the weather hoping the lessons starts soon so I can stop fumbling about the weather.

It's also possible that your preconceived bias played into your experience. In my head I am imagining you sitting there like this:
tumblr_mwyfhaf4zH1sgklnco1_500.jpg

 

And wondering why no one will say hello.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am from Australia too, and have had similar experiences both here and in Utah, so I don't think the problem is universal to 'Utah Mormons'. People just get busy and set in their routines and the 'busy-ness' of Sundays, and I think sometimes we don't take time to stop and really 'see' who is new to the ward and welcome them. When I was in Utah, I did find that eventually I did get to know some really lovely people as friends - but it just took time to settle in. 

 

You said "There are a few other families that have moved in during the past couple years and they, too, are ignored." - just wondering how you know that if you've only recently moved there?  If this is the case - can you reach out to these families, something easy like a playdate for kids or something - then you'll get to know the parents and start to forge relationships in the ward. 

 

Can you also seek out the EQ Pres, Bishop, RS Pres and Primary Pres...make sure they all know who you are (with the new focus on ward councils you'll hopefully get a mention by at least one of them).

 

Having said all that, I do understand the challenge of being in a ward dominated by major family or cultural groups. It can feel isolating for those of us on the 'outside' to see large families in the church socialising together to the exclusion of others, but we need to remember that they are simply nurturing their own family relationships.

 

It will take time, but don't worry, you will make friends in your new ward...just keep reaching out to others and try not to be discouraged in the meantime.  :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having grown up outside of Utah I think I can relate to people's feelings about "Utah Mormons", but I have seen the cold reception to the ward experience in places other than Utah. Too many Mormons look and act like they have been "weaned on lemon juice through a dill pickle".

 

Now that I am older I can understand that there are definite psychological differences between growing up in a place where the Church is strong and dominant versus a place where you are a very small minority. It does result in different expectations and behavior, but there is never a reason for any ward to be unfriendly and clique-ish.

 

Do your best to make the ward a better place, love your neighbors, and let the Lord do the judging. Be the most wonderfully wacky outside influence for good that you can be :)

Edited by clwnuke
Link to comment
Share on other sites

To be fair to the OP, I've been to a couple of wards in Utah that would send me running. I've also been to some like that in California and Idaho, though.

 

When we moved to our current ward, there was so much growth happening. We're literally on the edge of town, bordering farmland, and there were 3 neighborhoods going up at the same time. The first week we came in, no one said hello to us. We quickly learned that most everyone else was new, too, and there wasn't much way of knowing who was new that week, or new 2 months ago, or new 20 years ago. No one seemed to know anyone else.

 

That's an extreme example, but I wouldn't write your ward off just yet. There might be (and likely are) other reasons you didn't feel the welcome wagon on your first Sunday. That's why I suggest putting yourself out there and making yourself responsible to get to know your new ward family. You can't rely on anyone else to do it for you.

 

Redirect me to this advice in a couple of weeks when we're likely in a new ward. ;) I don't envy you. Change isn't my favorite. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm in Utah now.

Sunday in St George many people said hello to me.  I also got there early and stood by the door and greeted everyone who came in.

Several people recognized me from a previous visit and told others who then greeted me.

During Sacrament meeting they announced welcome to visitors and that they had received the records for several families (by name) and welcomed them to the ward and announced that they should be made welcome.

In Gospel Doctrine a lady announced they needed to do more to welcome visitors and newcomers so they didn't feel "invisible" so after the class several more came to talk to me.

In Priesthood as well as GD they asked visitors to introduce themselves.  Again more remembered me and greeted me after class.

One of the first to talk to me before SM was the Bishop.

 

The experience in May in Torrey, Utah was the same.  Many visitors and much socializing.  So I don't see it, and I think that there may be some action needed on your part.  Introduce yourself.  Have a party and invite people.

However, remember people have a life, and are busy, so that doesn't mean they will come to your party.  But some will.

dc

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't know that its necessary or helpful for me to chime in here, I have said enough about this subject I think. But I agree with the OP and am determined that once we leave Utah within a year or so, we will never return. I have had all of the normal difficulties that come from moving into a new congregation, after all my family lived in 11 different wards/branches before I was 15. But never has it been anywhere near as difficult as it has been in Utah, and I have held callings and asked for callings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Funny....  I just moved to Utah...  And the Ward which has the house which we are under contract on has pulled us right in and made us feel welcome... Even though we are not officially there yet.

Edited by estradling75
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator

I think it's a open secret in every non-Utah ward to PLAYFULLY make fun of Utah Mormons.

 

All the Utah Mormons I've met chuckle at it, because they know it's all in good fun. 

Whenever we get a new person from Utah in my ward, I always say something like "Where is this Utah? Why do you Mormons flock there?" 

So far, everyones been cool with it. 

 

All the families from Utah I've met have been truly remarkable. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest LiterateParakeet

Too many Mormons look and act like they have been "weaned on lemon juice through a dill pickle".

Now that I am older I can understand that there are definite psychological difference between growing up in a place where the Church is strong and dominant versus a place where you are a very small minority. It does result in different expectations and behavior, but there is never a reason for any ward to be unfriendly and clique-ish.

Do your best to make the ward a better place, love your neighbors, and let the Lord do the judging. Be the most wonderfully wacky outside influence for good that you can be :)

This is the best answer I've heard/read on this issue. I think it bears repeating.

One of the blessings of being in a ward is that is that humans tend to want to associate with people who are similar to them. But where is the growth in that? Ward boundaries force us to associate with people who may be different than us and that is healthy. So don't be afraid to be the odd ball who stands out in your ward...you are helping others grow. Understanding this has really helped me feel better about being the odd man out in my ward. (My ward is sweet....we are just very different).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think it's Utah Mormons that are just like this. I think you have just found a town that is different from what you are used to. Don't take this personally, but how could your Dad know that every ward in Utah or "Utah Mormons" are the worst? At best, he knew what, one stake maybe? Are Arizona Mormons better? What about Irish Mormons? I think it is an unfair statement. 

 

I grew up in Utah and now live in TX. When I first got married (in UT) and moved into half apartment ward and half established house ward it felt awkward. If I would have moved from out of state to UT at that point, I may have been more of an awful experience. The established members didn't really want to get to know the apartment members because of the turn rate. At least it seemed that way. But we had many good friends in the apartments eventually. 

 

My current ward in TX has been hard to get to know. Everyone is sprawled out over 40 miles and not a single other member lives in my neighborhood. Everyone didn't come and say hi to me and my family when we first moved in, so we have had to reach out to them. I would say that, although it's not my favorite ward, we like it just fine. We have reached out to families and invited many over for dinner. Some have reciprocated and we have a friendship, most haven't. I sure wouldn't mind having a lot more members close by, but different doesn't equal "worst" kind of Mormons. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I've learned to hate the term "Utah Mormons". 

 

I was one who felt every bad thing in the church came from "Utah Mormons." Then I learned that "Utah Mormons" made it possible for me to even have the Gospel in my life. "Utah Mormons" are just Mormons who live in Utah--their faults, foilbles, sins, as well as their compassion, love, kindness are found everywhere.  

 

People are people. Some wards will be friendly, whether that be in Utah, Iowa, Guam, Bulgaria, or wherever. Some will be inclusive and not as friendly, whether that be Utah, England, Indiana, Korea, or wherever.

 

I think we do a disservice to people who live or lived in Utah when we keep using the term "Utah Mormon."  Seriously, how do you think someone who lives in Utah who is Mormon who is trying their best to be a good Christian person by following Jesus Christ and His teachings to be told that they are "less" because they are a "Utah Mormon"???

 

So, stop. Just stop labeling people based on nothing more than their location.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator

I've learned to hate the term "Utah Mormons". 

 

 

I get what you are saying but it's important to remember that there is no insult meant. When someone says "Hey all your Utah Mormons are the same!" it's usually tongue in cheek and playful. 

Just speaking for myself only, I've noticed that Mormons are much, much better at laughing at themselves and rolling with the punches than any other religion.  

 

I've met very few LDS who are "weaned on a pickle and suck on lemon juice". Most are jolly and playful. 

Actually, I take that back. I have met one who acted like that. One out the thousand I've met are very good odds. 

Edited by MormonGator
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I recently moved to southern Utah with a bit of fear and trepidation.  The reason was something my dad always used to say:  "Utah Mormons are the worst kind."  He said this many times as I grew up.    

 

 

MG, you may say it with a twinkle in your eye and as a teasing way, but look at the OP.

 

THAT is not teasing.  And that is almost always my experience when someone uses the term "Utah Mormon."  Look at other replies in this thread.  "Utah Mormon" is not a term that people think is a gentle nudge. It is derogatory.

 

If your gentle teasing is working for you, great. But the vast, VAST majority of people who use it aren't joking. They mean it in a very negative way. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

How "Utah Mormons" take it or not is beyond the point. Rude is rude. Bias and prejudice are wrong and have no place in the church. We have to put up with non-Mormons making fun and insulting us enough. Should we really have to put up with in from those meant to be our brethren in Christ?

 

My grandparents used to say horrible things about the character and nature of black people too. Maybe we should perpetuate that here as well? No? A really bad idea? You think?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator

MG, you may say it with a twinkle in your eye and as a teasing way, but look at the OP.

 

THAT is not teasing.  And that is almost always my experience when someone uses the term "Utah Mormon."  Look at other replies in this thread.  "Utah Mormon" is not a term that people think is a gentle nudge. It is derogatory.

 

If your gentle teasing is working for you, great. But the vast, VAST majority of people who use it aren't joking. They mean it in a very negative way. 

 Here is where we will totally disagree: 

If it's mean to insult, then don't take it as such. Ignore them. Don't give them the pleasure of knowing they hurt your feelings. 

It's not true, so who cares?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator

How "Utah Mormons" take it or not is beyond the point. Rude is rude. Bias and prejudice are wrong and have no place in the church. We have to put up with non-Mormons making fun and insulting us enough. Should we really have to put up with in from those meant to be our brethren in Christ?

 

My grandparents used to say horrible things about the character and nature of black people too. Maybe we should perpetuate that here as well? No? A really bad idea? You think?

 I was engaged to a black woman before I met LadyG. Someone was called my ex-fiancee the "N word". My fiancee had a beautiful response.

"Who cares?" 

People don't get upset when lies are told about them. They get upset when the truth is. That's why anti-LDS garbage never bothered me in the least.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it's mean to insult, then don't take it as such. Ignore them. Don't give them the pleasure of knowing they hurt your feelings. 

 

So they can go on in their nativity or arrogance and continue insulting others and never be held accountable or understand that such things are inappropriate, offensive, and wrong?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

People don't get upset when lies are told about them. They get upset when the truth is. That's why anti-LDS garbage never bothered me in the least.  

 

 

Since when???  Maybe MormonGator doesn't get upset when lies are told about him...  But we have a whole legal system around Sander and Libel showing that a whole lot of people do care

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest MormonGator

So they can go on in their nativity or arrogance and continue insulting others and never be held accountable or understand that such things are inappropriate, offensive, and wrong?

 Like I said, FP-knock yourself out. Argue and debate with them until you are blue in the face. I don't care. 

 

But I stand by what I said 100%. The best way to conquer anti-LDS garbage is to ignore it. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share