Help for singles 50+

[fer4ret]

Greetings:

I am a relatively new convert, April 2011. Last May on my birthday, I turned 65. Currently I am a member of the Elders Forum in my ward and a Melchizedek Priesthood Holder. I was told to continue my journey to perfection that I should be married. I also need to be married to be considered for any higher calling positions in the LDS Church. I truly desire to be married to a proper LDS woman.

 

At this time, the church provides little support to those single persons who are fit and in 50 plus age group, who are actively seeking a spouse. This demographic will continue to increase as many members mature.

 

I am seeking your help and guidance in this matter.

[Guest]

What sort of support were you hoping the church would provide? There are singles' groups for various ages. 

[pkstpaul]

It is because you are in Pennsylvania. See the other thread regarding "mission field Mormons". :)

 

As a church, there is a lot of focus on singles. Find a singles rep for your ward/branch or an active singles rep in another ward in your stake. They will have a calendar of events.

 

You are out numbered 5:1 with single females.  I seriously doubt you will have a problem for long. You might try a road trip out west and attend church a few Sundays. Make yourself known while you are there.

[Vort]

At 4+ years of membership, you're entering the "old hand" territory -- though of course your gospel learning will continue for the rest of your life. Yes, marriage is an important way to learn life lessons, and yes, we believe an exalted man is one who (among other things) is married. So if you want to be married, then you want a good thing. As pkstpaul noted, the numbers are greatly in your favor. (Cue "the odds are good, but the goods are odd" snark...)

 

As for the "higher callings" business, as your brother I would urge you to forget about such things. Our callings are how the Lord would have us serve each other. In that sense, there are no "higher" and "lower" callings, only inspired callings.

 

I have often thought that the best punishment for any man who wants to be a bishop is to make him one, while simultaneously noting that one of the best indications that a man is unfit to be a bishop is if he wants the calling.

 

Just some morning meanderings.

[Leah]

I feel your pain and understand your frustration...from a female point of view, at least.  I am in the same age range, a convert of four years, and have found no support from the church for us "older" singles.  I hear the same from my contemporaries.

 

It is disheartening that the church doesn't recognize the sincere desire of those of us at this age who still desire to find our eternal companion....while still here in mortality. The most common response I get is that I should just abandon that thought and wait for the next life.  But I'm kind of stubborn, so I refuse to give up!  :)

[pam]

I kind of have to agree with the OP myself. Being in that age range as a single I don't find a lot of support or activities for the older set of people.  I always hear of activities for the mid singles but never for those who are older.

 

My stake has a FHE for singles in that age range but only women in the 60's and 70's seem to participate in it.  No men.  I went one time and have never been back.  It was more a gripe session with a "woe is me" tone.  

[fer4ret]

Presently, I live in eastern Pennsylvania with no immediate desire to move west. There are few single women in the 50 plus age group available in my stake. To clarify my intentions for service, currently I am proudly serving as my Bishop's Secretary. I do not wish a calling as a Bishop however there are other callings where I am excluded due to my lack of spouse. I am seriously seeking a good LDS woman for a wife. Where can I find support in finding a compatible woman?  

[David13]

The onlly thing we have is a monthly senior singles home study which is at someone else's home (someone volunteers their home).  And lesson.  So we do get couples who come out also.

The missionaries have also been of a mind to help, but were just not skillful in coming up with a good match.

Some of the other members have tried also, but were way off the mark.

I think the problem is that anyone who has a candidate to offer to you (or me) only has one candidate.  And it is not a 'one size fits all' situation.

Maybe our ratio (men to women) is not so good in Los Angeles.  Maybe that's another reason I should move to Utah.  But again, small town?  There are probably 3 candidates, and that's it.

So ...

dc

Edited September 25, 2015 by David13

[cdowis]

Let me be specific. I had a friend in my ward with exactly the same issue. 

So I'll tell you what I told him.

 

1. You're not too old to get married.

2. Single women, even younger ones, have been attracted and married older men.

3. Forget about your age difference when considering someone to date.  The worst she can do is say "No", but if you don't ask her......

 

I pointed out a divorcee who was probably 20-30 years younger than he was, and told him to ask her for a date.  They did date abit, but she already had a boyfriend.  But something amazing happened ==>  when he made it known that he was looking around, another sister approached him, they dated, and now he's married.

 

Ask your married friends someone they would suggest that you should check out.

 

Again, FORGET THE AGE DIFFERENCE (within reason, of course).  This is going to be someone who has already gotten past the dating age of thirty five or so.  An older man offers stability and maturity that she will find attractive.

 

My friend was married within a year from when I first talked with him about it.

Edited September 27, 2015 by cdowis

[fer4ret]

On a March, Saturday night a few months back, I was at Penn's Peak, located in the Pocono Mountains of eastern Pennsylvania, in the snowstorm with friends for a concert by a Bruce Springstein cover band. The music was great. They played for two and one half hours straight! It was such a great experience! The hall was less than 25% full due to weather, so it was like a private concert with about 300 of your best music loving friends. All my close friends that night were married or were with their significant other. Sadly I had to sit there alone. The one thing that would have made it a perfect night would have been someone like you to dance with to all that good music. The snow was still falling when we left. I did not make it home until after 2 AM. The ride home was so cold even with the heated seats; I wished I had someone to cuddle as I sat in the back seat alone. All my friends and I still made it to church on Sunday. We are a hearty lot when it comes to partying but also devoted when it comes to God.

 

After a certain "age," our society just assumes you are married or you have a significant other for just about everything from dinner or the theater. I find it so annoying to go alone to even a respectable dinner, and they assume that. The wait staff asks, “Will your partner be joining you soon?” or simply, “Table for two?” When you admit it is just yourself, they attempt to sit you at the bar or counter service, when there are plenty of perfectly good open tables available. They make you feel like social pariah because they label you the outcaste, loner in a “couples standardized world. Even your friends want to socially heal you, each time they want to “fix up you with…”

 

We are not societies broken people. We are just alone!

[thoughts]

I'm thinking that most mature people would  be insulted or unhappy if the church did anything to encourage them to marry.   Tell the RSP that you are looking for a spouse, and would like her to tell the sisters you are and ask them to pass the info along to their friends and relatives and the sisters who VT, including in other wards, who are looking for a spouse.   Same thing with the Elder's Quorum and High Priest Group.

 

But anyone who wants to serve as bishop or any other of the callings that require a spouse, is just plain nuts.   So if that is really why you are looking and that is really what you are after, don't expect many faithful women who have been in the church long enough to know just how crazy that desire is, to be interested.   (Better to work on being committee to serve wherever the Lord needs you to serve.  Lots of men who have served in leadership callings would gladly take nursery.   And there is a huge need for men in scouting.

 

And pray that Heavenly Father will lead you to people to get to know, and lead someone to you.

 

And serve.  

 

And why not, while you are at it, take someone you know would enjoy it who you dont intend to marry to be your companion for the theater and other such things.   Plenty of single women who would love a night out, even if they aren't thinking of getting married or looking to do that.

[fer4ret]

I served as the scoutmaster of my local troop until last January. I had knee replacement surgery and I could no longer kneel to build a fire or even drive tent stakes. I now still serve on the scout committee.

 

I am also the male committee person for the older single adults in my ward. I made my needs and interests known to the relief society and the ward at large as a speaker for older single adults in a presentation last March. Nothing happened, so I have explored those avenues of finding a good LDS wife in my ward and stake.

 

Being divorced from a childress marriage, I have absolutely no skills in dealing with nursery age children. Emotionally, I am better equipped to deal with with feral animals and snakes rather than a human infant.

[David13]

Someone was complaining that one of the Elders said being single is a 'painful affliction'.

It is.  I know.  I'm old and single.

Not pain like a stab wound or gun shot wound, but more an inconvenience, like one leg or arm missing.

That's not to say I'm going for the first available lady my age, I'm not.  I'm far too picky (selective).

It's also dangerous.

I do know of people who have died alone, at night, having been afflicted by some medical condtiion with no one to help them or call 911.

I have become so adjusted and accepting of being single that when I do meet the right one, it will be extremely difficult to accomodate the married life.  But I know I can do it.

dc

[jana7]

I know there are many good lds women out there for you to choose from.  Have you tried one of the lds dating sites? Personally, I'd be glad to move to a new area if the man was worth it.  But alas......I am a widow and when meeting lds single men in our age range, many wish for someone not already sealed.  So, what do I do?  Stay home and serve my family and ward family.  My husband died 14 years ago and finally, I just moved to a new ward........my neighbor.........a male lds member/single is a friend, the first lds single man I've met that didn't want to date, is happy to be friends.....wow......nice to finally have a male friend even though I love my sister friends!!!!!

[mnn727]

There are LDS Singles dating websites. I met my wife on one way back in the very early days of the internet.

We were both middle aged adult converts.

 

Google   "LDS Singles"

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

There are LDS Singles dating websites. I met my wife on one way back in the very early days of the internet.

We were both middle aged adult converts.

 

Google   "LDS Singles"

 

 

I love this suggestion.  A couple (married) in my ward met that way as well.  There are plenty of eligible single, older sisters in the church...it might just be difficult to find them Pennyslvania.  So a dating website for LDS is a great idea.  One of my closest friends is divorced (her hubby was living a double life which included multiple affairs).  Her children are raised.  Just saying . . .  :)  

[Guest]

I love this suggestion.  A couple (married) in my ward met that way as well.  There are plenty of eligible single, older sisters in the church...it might just be difficult to find them Pennyslvania.  So a dating website for LDS is a great idea.  One of my closest friends is divorced (her hubby was living a double life which included multiple affairs).  Her children are raised.  Just saying . . .   :)

 

An elderly couple in our ward met that way as well.  They were both single after their spouses died after years and years of a successful marriage with many children - so they weren't really looking to get married again.  They were on the site just to find friends their age who are kinda in the same boat. 

 

They got married and not even a year later went on a mission to the Philippines.  It was very sweet to see them be happy together.