Never went on a mission?


Ironhold
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Anyone here decide not to go on a mission? 

 

Did you suffer any negative consequences because of it? 

 

During my senior year of high school, my maternal grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Both of my older brothers had long since moved away and my dad was working long hours at his new job. If I was to go anywhere, I realized, mom would largely have no help in taking care of her and tending to her affairs. As such, I decided that I'd go to a local community college, make myself available to help my mom out as much as I could, and let the chips fall where they may. 

 

I've spent much of my life since regretting that decision. 

 

Back then, there was a massive push among the local leadership for people to go on missions. I spent the better part of the next decade coming to dread both stake priesthood meetings and any Sunday in which stake representatives were present. Not only would these events inevitably degenerate into "Mission! Mission! Mission!", those of us who never went found ourselves in the crosshairs. One stake rep actually went so far as to essentially declare that we were "worthless" and had nothing to contribute to the church. Even to this day, I still don't like stake priesthood meetings.

 

As an extension of the whole "mission" focus, the young women of the stake had it drilled into them that anyone who wasn't a returned missionary wasn't worth their time as a possible spouse. Friendship and non-exclusive dating could take place before people left, but once you hit adulthood it was "returned missionary" or nothing; once again, no one ever said anything about asking why people never went. This is a large part of why I've given up on ever finding a spouse. 

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I suspect your take on the situation is a little hyperbolic. Over time, we tend to aggrandize or romanticize good and bad events in our lives.

I admit that "RM" was on my wish list. I think that the majority of young men are capable of going, and often the choice not to says something about how seriously the take the gospel and their priesthood responsibilities. A with anything, though, there are exceptions; and I never wrote a guy off just because he didn't serve a mission.

However, it's not only the reason for the choice that would make a difference for me, but the attitude. Having a chip on your shoulder toward your leadership and indeed the very girls you want to date would be a big turnoff for me. Humility goes a long way, and the desires of you're heart are hidden if you don't have that.

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You made a decision that you cannot go back and change. I don't know whether or not this decision was made with the Lord in mind through prayer, but either way, it happened and that time in your life was spent being a caretaker when needed. I believe that dwelling on something you wish you could change will only bring you sorrow and grief. This is Satan's way of making you feel bad about not serving a mission. The Lord knows the intent of your heart. Remember this, and move on with your life with the faith that He will guide you to where you are supposed to go. Ignore leaders that seem to speak harsh words about those who do not serve missions. They are the ones sinning, not you. Keep on living your life and the Lord will bless you if you are living worthily. Do not give up on finding a spouse. There are many women who do not have RM stamped on their list as a permanent characteristic that they are not willing to give up. RM DOES NOT equal a worthy member of the church. Honestly, if you're a current temple recommend holder, I find that much more impressive and worthwhile. That shows me the person you are now, not the person you were however many years ago. Remember, the Lord wants you to find joy in this life. Satan wants you to find sadness, anger, and resentment. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Ironhold, fear not.  I know men who didn't serve missions....for example my uncle didn't.  I don't know why.  He has been a Bishop and yes he is married.  I also have a family member who didn't serve a mission and is married, and a family friend....

 

The most important thing is the kind of man you are now.  If you love the Lord, and you are temple-worthy, the right girl will be happy to have you.  Don't let your own fears get the better of you.

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I'm sorry you feel so much regret and maybe even guilt? I hope you're able to look back on the things you did accomplish in helping your mother and grandmother. That aside, I never served a mission, but I've always sort of been a black sheep and it never appealed to me. But my father has often shared how he wished he'd served, but being a convert later in life, it didn't quite align for him. He does plan on serving a couples mission with my mum once he retires and hopes that will have its own impact.

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I know of a lots LDS men whom never went on a mission.   You might know some of the names:

 

Thomas S Monson

Henry D. Eyring,

Dieter F Uchtdorf

Russell M. Nelson

L. Tom Perry

M. Russell Ballard

Joseph B. Wirthlin

Richard G. Scott

Jeffrey R. Holland

David A. Bednar

Quentin L. Cook

D. Todd Christofferson

Boyd K. Packer

Dallin H. Oaks

Robert D. Hales

 

Ironhold, I daresay more defines a man than if he went on a mission in his youth  :) 

Edited by Jane_Doe
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I know of a lots LDS men whom never went on a mission.   You might know some of the names:

 

Thomas S Monson

Henry D. Eyring,

Dieter F Uchtdorf

Russell M. Nelson

L. Tom Perry

M. Russell Ballard

Joseph B. Wirthlin

Richard G. Scott

Jeffrey R. Holland

David A. Bednar

Quentin L. Cook

D. Todd Christofferson

Boyd K. Packer

Dallin H. Oaks

Robert D. Hales

 

Ironhold, I daresay more defines a man than if he went on a mission in his youth  :) 

 

Your list is inaccurate.

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I know of a lots LDS men whom never went on a mission.   You might know some of the names:

 

Thomas S Monson

Henry D. Eyring,

Dieter F Uchtdorf

Russell M. Nelson

L. Tom Perry

M. Russell Ballard

Joseph B. Wirthlin

Richard G. Scott

Jeffrey R. Holland

David A. Bednar

Quentin L. Cook

D. Todd Christofferson

Boyd K. Packer

Dallin H. Oaks

Robert D. Hales

 

Ironhold, I daresay more defines a man than if he went on a mission in his youth  :) 

I have to ask, how many of these people didn't go on missions just because they felt like it, not because of war, health, being a convert after mission age, or any other 'honorable' reason?

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My father made a great deal of money in real estate.  One thing he taught me about real estate investments was not to consider so much about the past of a structure or even so much the current status of a structure but to keep in mind two very important things.  The first was potential. ---  For example how much return could come from the return on investment in the future.  The second consideration was the trending of the property.  Was the property trending upwards or downwards.  He would say - nothing ever stays the same if it is not trending upwards then it is trending down.

 

He then would say - people are a lot like real estate.  If you are going to invest in people consider first their potential and then consider their trend either upwards or downwards.  It would be far better for a young daughter of G-d to invest herself in a marriage with a young man - not just in a temple marriage but one that is trending towards Celestial rather than someone that may be currently worthy of a temple marriage but trending away from Celestial ideals.  Or in other words a mission in the past is not as important as someone trending more and more towards loving - G-d and their fellow men.

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