Need to confess but afraid

[Athena9]

Bless you...!  I can hear that you are just dying inside. You have been through trials and tribulations that a very few people in our Church know about. Take all of what I say with a grain of salt, ok. I am an adult convert (former Catholic.) My husband is an adult convert (former Catholic.) Ha! We  did NOT know each other when we converted , HOWEVER, while we are TEMPLE MORMONS, we have a VERY UNIQUE

PERSPECTIVE as members of the Church. In fact, my spouse was a single  SAILOR for several years when he came into the Church. 

 

The LAST THING , I feel, YOU NEED is to BEAT YOURSELF UP MORE. (READ that again, please.)  The enemy is having a field day with you, Babe.....

 

My very dearest former bishop, now a TEMPLE RECOMMEND HOLDER and STAKE MISSION PRESIDENT,  had an affair on his wife (they had 4 children) which produced a child. He left his first family and married  this  mistress. ALL of this was in the CHURCH. (I hate to be honest, but I worked with his FIRST WIFE in my calling  and I WAS TERRIFIED OF HER. I can't IMAGINE that any Brother would want to have a Temple marriage, or ANY KIND of MARRIAGE, with someone like THAT! The CHURCH would censure me on that certainly, but you SEE my POINT.)

 

He is the WISEST BROTHER I KNOW IN THE CHURCH. I feel HE would tell you to GO to YOUR BISHOP -----  TELL HIM  1) You are VERY SORRY, and 2) That YOU ARE SO GLAD you have the CHANCE TO REPENT. (I have a little insider information on this.) DON"T JUST STOP THERE, BUT --- POUR YOUR HEART OUT TO HIM ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE. Sure, It's SIN, BUT MY WORD, LOOK AT THE HORRIBLE UNTENABLE SITUATION you and YOUR SPOUSE are IN. I DON"T SEE the SAVIOR damning  YOU;  in fact, I see him saying, " My Child, go and sin no more." and then hugging you and wiping away your tears and HELPING YOU. (IF you're wondering what others might think, just remember about the part in the Bible where Jesus confronts the hypocrites about to stone the woman taken in adultrey. He writes ALL THEIR SINS in the DUST and lets her go  with ..." Where are they that would condemn you? Neither do I. Go and sin no more." 

 

Most probably, you may not have to go to a Bishop's Court, which is NOT anything frightening, in fact you can have one of your girlfriends from Church go with you. Then  you'll get something like a month of Church Probation where you won't be able to take communion and will meet with the Bishop once a week so he can see how you are doing, how you feel about the books he's given you to read, etc/ 

 

Even IF you get a Court, called a "Court of Love,"  you HAVEN'T , as I understand it, actual 100% conventional sex, so that will be in your FAVOR.  I VERY SINCERELY THINK you would be excommunicated. NO. You wouldn't be. People even MISUNDERSTAND THAT. This mousy 

little middle aged ward organist I once knew committed adultery...and she kept it up FOR SEVERAL

YEARS, as a Temple Mormon.  I think she was excommunicated for 6 months or something. 

The WHOLE POINT is to RESTORE the PERSON BACK TO FULL FELLOWSHIP.  They see the Bishop regularly and are given different scripture and books to read.   The WHOLE TIME

they are WELCOMED IN CHURCH. Afterwards they get RE-Baptized. And in a YEAR you can have

a TEMPLE RECOMMEND INTERVIEW. One of the MAIN  THINGS HERE is: ARE YOU ENDOWED?

That may have some bearing. Anyway, GOD BLESS YOU, SWEETIE!  Go see your BISHOP SOON! 

 

 

[unixknight]

Firstly, no you aren't a rotten person.  You're a person who fell to temptation.  Welcome to the human race.  A rotten person wouldn't feel any remorse over it, and you clearly do.  You need to keep that in mind and to hang onto it, because self loathing is one way in which Satan gets his hooks into you and WILL hinder your progress toward redemption.  Heavenly Father still loves you, and it isn't because He doesn't know what happened.  He knows, and loves you anyway, and isn't going to stop.

 

Second, don't be discouraged by people telling you that you have no right to acknowledge your husband's role in this.  Is yuor mistake his fault?  Well no, but it's dishonest to pretend this sort of thing happens in a vaccuum.  Your husband has certain emotional obligations to you, and if he failed in those obligations then that's a contributing factor.  Why does it  matter?  Because when you are on the path to redemption you're going to need to rely on him to be there and either he can handle that or he can't. 

 

Lastly, if your marriage is so shaky that it's only one incident away from collapse (you said it didn't go into full on sex) then it's doomed anyway.  I would like to hope that isn't the case.  He's got a right to know, and I don't believe in the "what he doesn't know won't hurt him" perspective.  The reason is if we cheat and get away with it, then the barriers to us doing it again come down.

 

You're gonna take a beating in all of this, but you'll come out stronger and wiser in the end.  Just don't give up.  You'll get hit with Church discipline (been there.  It's a more positive experience than you might think) and the need for marriage counseling is obvious here.  Probably should have happened sooner but it's not too late.

[believingisachoice]

We might leave you, but you that is the cause and effect principle resulting from your choice. However, you made things much worse by not telling the complete truth upfront. Now, when your consciousness eventually gives in and you do tell him the compete truth, he will think about every intimate and good moment since you told him that half truth and think about how you lied to him again.

Many people will say get therapy, etc. but ultimately the final answer is he deserves to know what happened. If he had done what you did would you not want the same? Either way whether he decides to leave or stay you can still have a happy life after divorce or again in marriage. But that choice isn't up to you.