Critical Pessimism


Crypto
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Every once in a while, particularly when not sleeping well and missing a meal, and sometimes just after having a bad day, I notice an air of pessimistic criticalness, when actions and things said from others are taken in the worst possible way they could be interpreted as...even good things sometimes.

 

Along with this I have two questions.

When encountering this in others, what are some ways that you continue to be charitable with them dispite the negativity? When it is ourselves, how would you bring oneself to be more charitable, especially with those certain individuals that always seem to get on one's nerve.

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Every once in a while, particularly when not sleeping well and missing a meal, and sometimes just after having a bad day, I notice an air of pessimistic criticalness, when actions and things said from others are taken in the worst possible way they could be interpreted as...even good things sometimes.

 

Along with this I have two questions.

 

When encountering this in others, what are some ways that you continue to be charitable with them dispite the negativity?

 

 Trying to see things from their point of view helps. Trying to get them to see things in a more positive way helps. Praying for them always helps.

 

When it is ourselves, how would you bring oneself to be more charitable, especially with those certain individuals that always seem to get on one's nerve.

 

For me, the best strategy is probably to get some duct tape, tape my hands to my chair so I can't reach the keyboard, have someone pour a bucket of cold water over me, and force me to sit and think before responding.

 

Unfortunately, I don't have anyone here to do that - but seriously, praying for that person helps.

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Crypto,

I'm sure you already know the basic pat answers to these things... you know, that whole "turn the other cheek" thing.  Easy to cite or quote... but much MUCH more difficult to put into practice!

 

For me, there have been a few occasions where a stranger has publicly shamed me for something and I actually felt prompted to go to them and apologize.. usually in private, but occasionally in public.  These have actually been much easier to do than I would have initially thought... or at least they were not as hard as I initially imagined.  Sure, the people who I was apologizing to usually sneered at me with even more contempt, not understanding that I was not just saying sorry to them, but also to God and angels as witnesses.  The God and angels thing makes the contempt and misunderstanding of the world so much easier to bare.  The burden is lightened and humiliation turns to humility... never mind that the world doesn't know the difference.  

 

The real challenge (for me at least) is not so much saying sorry to strangers, but to friends, acquaintances and especially family... not often, but on those occasions when you know well their weaknesses and the natural man rises up within you and wants to say, "See!  You're not perfect either!  Remember that time when you... etc. etc. etc."  Because you know them, there is the natural man inclination to want to keep score.  It comes so naturally, that not only our species does it... other species do it also.  It's been proven in experiments that other mammals, especially other primates, naturally keep score and have a sense of fairness.  Why does he get a different reward than me when we both did the same thing?  I pulled the lever and was rewarded with a rice cracker.  He pulled the lever and was rewarded with a slice of mango!  Well, this spider-monkey's not standing for this!  I'm throwing that cracker back in his face!  I should get a mango or a cucumber slice like he got... not this lousy old dried-up cracker!  It appears we're hard-wired that way... to keep score.  Never mind that life is not really so much about fairness as it is about learning and growing DESPITE injustice.  Nowhere is that more difficult than with those who we're closest to.  

 

Ok... so I've blabbed a bunch but don't really have a good answer for you.   :)  What I do know is that it's difficult to attempt NOT keeping score... but trying to simply do things out of pure love.  I put my wife WAY above me at this.  She isn't perfect, but compared to me (keeping score again..) she might as well be most of the time.  She's just so much better at loving unconditionally than me.  But I'm hugely blessed to be with her all these years and I'm convinced that at least some of her good example is starting to rub off on me.  Because of her in my life, I'm less inclined, than I used to be, to keep score.

Edited by theSQUIDSTER
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One thing for myself is that when I notice such things happening I like to immediately tell myself. "If this was me saying, or doing, would I really be doing such things with such bad intentions"

It helps a little, with both situations.

Edited by Crypto
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Avoid all unnecessary individuals as is reasonable, to begin with. I'm charming and sweet and way too perky when I'm feeling good. I'm evil if I'm tired. No one likes the evil Backroads, so I try to keep my human interactions down.

Then I practice the art of biting my tongue.

I also give a heads up regarding my bad moods.

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My stake president gave an interesting sermon the other week.  He mentioned that appropriate sleep is the third most important thing in balancing both our physical and spiritual health.

 

1&2) Diet & Exercise (physical);  Prayer & Scripture Study (spiritual).

 

Obviously that is not all there is to it.  But even general authorities say things like this.  Franklin's adage of "early to bed, early to rise" is actually taken from an ancient proverb.

 

I notice that if I'm well rested, I'm FAR less prone to depression.  If I've lost even one night's sleep, I can easily slip into a depression.

 

Don't underestimate the importance of sleep.

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When encountering nasty moods in others, I excuse myself if possible. Nothing useful gets done. I've rescheduled things if I notice someone being uncharacteristically nasty. They usually seem grateful.

That is a very pragmatic way to deal with things. I've been in far too many awkward situations where I have to bite my tongue.

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