Healing from Sexual Abuse

[AnnieCarvalho]

Today, this video and a few articles on the lds.org website were brought to my attention by a kind person on this forum.

 

I had never seen this talk before and I was brought to tears as it hit home.

 

Everybody needs to watch this.

Everybody.

 

I was especially touched at about 18:00 where she specifically speaks to Teachers and Leaders.

The song "I am a Child of God" still makes my gut tighten when they sing the part about having "parents kind and dear." This was the first time I've heard someone validate those conflicting feelings.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=773&v=Rs4XJURtSug

 

Some advice was given in several articles on lds.org. This one by Ann Prit was especially good, imo.

 

 

How to Help Those Who Have Been Abused

• • 

  Be a friend. Many people who have been abused feel distant from others. Don’t feel that you have to solve their problems; just be willing to listen empathetically.

• • 

  Be trustworthy and dependable. Many abusers held a position of trust and then violated that trust. It can help survivors immeasurably when they are able to consistently count on others.

• • 

  Facilitate their activity in the Church. Be sensitive to the possibility that survivors of abuse may feel unworthy and uncomfortable in Church settings. Let them know that the scriptures which describe God’s love for His children apply to them. Provide opportunities for them to serve others, and show them that righteous living can bring joy and happiness.

• • 

  Withhold judgment. Unfortunately, some people who have been abused may turn to questionable activities to dull their pain. Without condoning their behavior, realize that as they work through their pain they will be better able to keep their bodies and minds free of things that are harmful to them.

• • 

  Don’t expect them to quickly “forgive and forget” or “just get over it.” Until the issues have been worked through, the effects of the abuse may still be an ongoing and painful part of the person’s everyday life. Genuine forgiveness may take time, and it does not happen by merely denying one’s feelings and avoiding the issues.

• • 

  Be sensitive to the needs and feelings of the abused when teaching, speaking in sacrament meeting, or giving comments in Church classes. For example, when talking about families, be aware that not every person has a family he or she wants to be with. Holidays may be especially difficult for those who have been abused, particularly Mother’s Day and Father’s Day.

  When talking about enduring trials, recognize that the Lord never intended anyone to experience abuseso that they could learn lessons from it. Abuse is always wrong and is condemned in the strongest terms by the Lord’s prophets and by the Savior.

• • 

  Help survivors of abuse understand that they are not bad because bad things were done to them.Appropriately place responsibility on the perpetrator. Don’t imply that being abused was the victim’s fault. People do not have to repent of evil that was done to them; in fact, they cannot do so.

  It can be painful for abused children to hear about divine intervention for the righteous. Although Daniel was saved from the lions, does that occur all the time for all of us? Clarify the truth so that any who have been abused and not rescued will understand that they are still worthy individuals.

• • 

  Teach the importance of respecting others’ bodies.Emphasize that all have the right to keep their bodies private, regardless of another person’s status or authority.

• • 

  Never give up in bearing testimony of the power of the Savior. Lovingly testify that we can access His marvelous power and love again and again.

Ann F. Pritt, a therapist, is a member of the Kaysville Ninth Ward, Kaysville Utah East Stake.

 

 

[JojoBag]

I'm a survivor of several years of rape and abuse.  I'm nearing my sixth decade and I'm still not completely over it.  I've learned to cope and let go of most of the pain, but every now and then something comes up that triggers more pain.  I withdrew from the world as a kid and lived in my own fantasy world.  I was unable to make friends because I couldn't trust anyone.  I still don't trust 97% of people,  which is an improvement since I originally didn't trust 99.9999% of people. 

 

I have a very firm understanding of the scripture:

But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

(Matthew 18:6)

 

No amount of counseling will ever give me back what I lost.  It can only help me cope.

 

[AnnieCarvalho]

I'm sorry that happened to you, JoJoBag.

 

I don't sit around and mull over it, and it's nothing I think about every day or week or month.

But I agree, certain things trigger those memories, and learning to trust, well, I'm not sure that ever happens completely.

 

I don't think a person ever "gets over it" any more than they do any other seriously traumatic event that wounds the soul of a child.

 

I felt this video was very healing, if for no other reason than to hear someone from the Church say things that made me feel like they understood my situation. 

[Guest]

I'm so sorry for all of you who have had to go through this.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

 

Today, this video and a few articles on the lds.org website were brought to my attention by a kind person on this forum.

 

I had never seen this talk before and I was brought to tears as it hit home.

 

Everybody needs to watch this.

Everybody.

 

 

I love that talk so much.  For me it is the BEST thing church-wise that I have found on this topic.  Sis. Okazaki was truly inspired!

The Ann Pritt article was right on also. :)  

Sorry that we have THIS in common.  

 

 

No amount of counseling will ever give me back what I lost.  It can only help me cope.

 

Jojobag, I'm sorry we have this in common.  I'm a survivor too.  

I agree with you that counseling cannot give back what we have lost.  Although counseling has helped me heal a lot.  The Savior can give us back what we lost and so much more.  Though it may take a life-time (or a little more) for that to happen.  It's a gradual process.  Sis. Okazaki addresses this in her talk.  

 

I don't think a person ever "gets over it" any more than they do any other seriously traumatic event that wounds the soul of a child.

 

I felt this video was very healing, if for no other reason than to hear someone from the Church say things that made me feel like they understood my situation. 

 

Yes I felt the same way....so validating to hear someone...a church leader!!!  Talk in a way that made me feel understood.  And Sis. Okazaki wasn't a survivor, but she truly understood.  She was definitely inspired.

 

I'm so sorry for all of you who have had to go through this.

 

Thanks so much Eowyn.  That really does mean a lot.  So often when people want to help they tell us to forgive or put it behind us....that just hurts.  You said the perfect thing.  Thank you.