zil Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 How does one kindly say, "stop complaining?" How about by taking your own advice given earlier and serving the one who is struggling? Telling someone to stop complaining is not service. Helping them work through their problem, see things from another perspective, or find creative solutions are forms of service. (I tried posting something yesterday which I hoped would help Lily and Becca, but it hasn't been approved (yet?).) Zil LilyBelle00 and NightSG 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 How does one kindly say, "stop complaining?" Which brings us back to the same impasse we always seem to come to. I think she is understandably tired and frustrated and venting. I think it's reasonable and she just needs support and maybe some of the good advice others have offered about boundaries and saying "no".You think she is murmuring and needs chastisement.It's seems like all our conversations come to some version of this difference in how we see the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) Which brings us back to the same impasse we always seem to come to. I think she is understandably tired and frustrated and venting. I think it's reasonable and she just needs support and maybe some of the good advice others have offered about boundaries and saying "no".You think she is murmuring and needs chastisement.It's seems like all our conversations come to some version of this difference in how we see the world.Actually, if you'd bother to stop judging me for a minute, you may notice that I haven't replied to or addressed her post directly at all. Edited November 11, 2015 by The Folk Prophet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Actually, if you'd bother to stop judging me for a minute, you may notice that I haven't replied to or addressed her post directly at all. I'm not judging you--not intentionally anyway. I think we have different world views that is all. Forgive me for saying this, but don't take offense where none was intended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 I'm not judging you--not intentionally anyway. I think we have different world views that is all. Forgive me for saying this, but don't take offense where none was intended.I'm not offended. You're simply mistaken in your assessment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnieCarvalho Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 I'm not offended. You're simply mistaken in your assessment. Nope.She's pretty right on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Nope.She's pretty right on.How pleasant of you. Thanks. I feel so enlightened now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 (edited) I'm not offended. You're simply mistaken in your assessment.Which assessment are you referring to? My assessment that we have different world views or my assessment that when you said "stop judging me" that you were offended.I was right about the first one. I'm open to other explanations about the second. Edited November 11, 2015 by LiterateParakeet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Which assessment are you referring to? My assessment that we have different world views or my assessment that when you said "stop judging me" that you were offended.I have no doubt we have different world views. It is your assessment of what my world view is that is mistaken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 I have no doubt we have different world views. It is your assessment of what my world view is that is mistaken.I'm listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Folk Prophet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 I'm listening. You're going to for a long time too. Remember how much you dislike discussing things with me? Well the feeling is pretty mutual right at the moment (though, I will admit, my ire is rather up at others in the forum more than you...so......just ignore this....) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 Perhaps we should continue this tomorrow...after a good nights rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David13 Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 I don't feel like we're in a cult.I feel like we're in a wonderful church.dc Crypto 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crypto Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 I don't feel like we're in a cult.I feel like we're in a wonderful church.dcI agree :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mdfxdb Posted November 11, 2015 Report Share Posted November 11, 2015 We are (or used to be) a very close family. This is hurting our marriage and our kids. They cry for him and ask why he's always gone. I'm 9 months pregnant and feeling abandoned. I try not to get angry with him because I know it's not his fault but it is frustrating. He feels like he can't say anything because the branch is so small and they "need" him for everything. I feel like the other men are piling too much on him and not realizing that he's the only one who also has a young family and a job to worry about (they are mostly either retired or semi retired).And the guilt!! Last time he tried to bring up the fact that he was feeling stretched thin and like he wasn't spending enough time with his family, they told him that he needed to pray about his feelings...and continued to call him for everything. He also gets singled out sometimes in the meetings if we miss one of the branch activities. We like to do things together as a family, not with other people. We both work full time so we also enjoy our time off together...but he's made feel guilty if we skip out.This, because in light of what the handbook of instructions states, things are being administered poorly at best. Of course I am choosing to believe everything that is said by the OP. If it is true, then a change needs to be made. Inactivity is not the answer of course, but the husband does need to learn to say no. Also, they don't "need" anyone for anything. Regardless of how important we think we are the work will go on, and we need to take care of our families. NightSG, LilyBelle00 and Backroads 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyBelle00 Posted November 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 I'm sorry for looking like I abandoned this post (but maybe it's a good thing I did). I posted it when I was feeling particularly down and frustrated and alone. I am sorry for using the word "cult". I shouldn't have used such a sensitive word. I do want to give a big thank you to the ones who read my post and used reading comprehension skills to recognize that I wasn't calling the LDS church a cult. Again, I shouldn't have used that particular word. Also, it's not just that I don't like the social activities. I don't, but that's besides the point. They could plan a social activity for every night of the week if they wanted to. I don't care. The problem is telling my husband that it's his job to attend every activity they plan, it's his job to sit and listen to fishing stories for 3 hours at a "meeting", it's his job to be away from his family 3+ nights a week. When my husband tried to tell them that he needed to take a step back to spend more time with his family he was brushed off. Told to pray about his feelings like they were wrong. Anyway, thank you to all the ones who read my post and understood what I was trying to say with all my rambling. Thank you to the ones who actually had helpful advice and even just support. I don't want to become inactive and it's important to me for our children to be raised in the church (because I do love THE church). My poor husband is ready to pack up and move just to get away but that's not possible. Hopefully we'll be able to figure something out. Also, for those who care, I'm STILL pregnant. NightSG and zil 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LiterateParakeet Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Arg, that last month is so hard, right? Seriously, check out the book Boundaries...you will feel validated, and maybe get some great ideas how to uphold your boundaries. Let us know when the baby finally comes! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Also, it's not just that I don't like the social activities. I don't, but that's besides the point. They could plan a social activity for every night of the week if they wanted to. I don't care. The problem is telling my husband that it's his job to attend every activity they plan, it's his job to sit and listen to fishing stories for 3 hours at a "meeting", it's his job to be away from his family 3+ nights a week. When my husband tried to tell them that he needed to take a step back to spend more time with his family he was brushed off. Told to pray about his feelings like they were wrong. "No" is a magical word. NightSG 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 (edited) I am sorry for using the word "cult". I shouldn't have used such a sensitive word. I do want to give a big thank you to the ones who read my post and used reading comprehension skills to recognize that I wasn't calling the LDS church a cult. Again, I shouldn't have used that particular word. Following an apology with a passive-aggressive jab isn't an apology at all, FYI. Remember that it's not just LDS people who come to this site. It's the curious, the investigating, the antagonistic. Having one of our own call us a cult, even in frustration or flippancy, doesn't help anyone. Edited November 22, 2015 by Eowyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 "No" is a magical word. And a full sentence! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 At the risk of invoking the "forbidden" word again, I sometimes wonder if people are doing things by rote rather than by pure intent or faith. I was about to say "a few years ago", but then I realized it was over a decade ago that we had the worldwide temple dedication for the Nauvoo Temple. It was partially public, and we did the Hosanna SHOUT. At the location I was in, I was the only one shouting. Everyone else seemed to be doing the murmuring "chant". I thought, "What is this? A c...? It is supposed to be a SHOUT, folks." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 Following an apology with a passive-aggressive jab isn't an apology at all, FYI. Remember that it's not just LDS people who come to this site. It's the curious, the investigating, the antagonistic. Having one of our own call us a cult, even in frustration or flippancy, doesn't help anyone. You could have taken the high road and accepted her apology with grace. M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Backroads Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 I would suggest your husband, assuming he has indeed prayed about his feelings and continues to feel he needs family time, approach the branch leadership again with his confirmation. NightSG 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zil Posted November 22, 2015 Report Share Posted November 22, 2015 ... It is supposed to be a SHOUT, folks."Amen, brother!(And "amen" is supposed to be spoken aloud, too, not mumbled.) NightSG and Backroads 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LilyBelle00 Posted November 23, 2015 Author Report Share Posted November 23, 2015 We actually had a fairly good day at church yesterday. That's sort of awful to say because my husband woke up not feeling well...but because of that we were able to ride to church in the same vehicle for the first time in over 6 months AND leave together afterwards! So it was really nice to have some help and get to eat lunch together. :) Maureen, Backroads, Jane_Doe and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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