Stumbling in the mist and needing some thoughts/advice anything really!


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Okay so I used to frequent these forums about six years ago (ish) but time and emails have marched on and I no longer know what my old sign in was. I've had some valuable insights though from some very kind people on here, which has lead me here again. I just wanted to share this piece and ask for people's thoughts.

I'm going to start this by explaining that for now I am not going to be posting who I am or where I am specifically. I know that anyone who knows me and reads this will know who I am; and I welcome a wave if you do pass by.

I've lead a colourful life. I wasn't born into any church, loosely probably the Church of England but we never even went for Christmas or Easter. I wasn't christened or baptised into any group.

Growing up my best friends were a pair of twin sisters who were raised Jehovah's Witnesses. I did some studying with them and came to a very specific belief and knowledge of Heavenly Father. My parents were less than impressed and over time my friendship and dealings with their faith grew apart.

I drifted around then, spending some time with an evangelical group (only a few weeks - it became extremely evident quickly that my core beliefs were not particularly in keeping with theirs), I then spent some time in the Anglican Church.

It was while I was speaking with the vicar about an adult baptism that I stumbled upon a testimony written by a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Something piqued my interest but having already experienced the Jehovah's Witnesses I took my time and read voraciously from both pro and anti sources.

It was a few months after reading the first testimony that I was reading an anti-LDS site. I am not even going to repeat what I read here, but suffice it to say that my reaction was almost primordial. I wanted to take the computer and throw it out of the window. Something had changed. I'd gone from weighing up whether I believed in the restoration of the gospel, weighing up whether I thought Joseph Smith was a conman or a prophet, to knowing he was a prophet of God.

It was at this point that I wrote to the bishop of my local ward as well as requesting missionary visits. That would be March time. I then carried on with life, sitting my final exams, getting drunk, that whole deal. The weekend after my last exam, I had a missed call to my cell phone from a local number. I called back leaving a message along the lines of "I don't know who you are but you called and as you're local I'm calling back."

The next day the phone rang again, I answered to be greeted with "hi, this is Elder Nelson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints..." I was bouncing off the walls. We arranged to meet that week at my grandmothers home. She has since passed away but she was fully supportive of my joining the church.

The elders visited on Thursday, Friday, Saturday twice. (This was also when the discussions were taught.) It was on the Saturday that Elder Renwick said "we have a baptism day coming up." I naively assumed that baptisms must be scheduled en masse like they do in some churches and have every one together. I thought the elders were inviting me to watch. I enquired, "oh whose?" Elder Renwick looked at Elder Nelson who in turn looked at me and said, "it's yours, if you want it."

I'm struggling now to write more for the moment. I started this blog today feeling it would help me chart a course either towards or away from my faith. In fact I didn't believe my faith existed anymore. But writing down my thoughts here now, and writing down my conversion story... I'm scared. A few weeks ago I was certain I knew that I had to walk away (before the whole LGBT issue - this isn't about that) and then I started to pray for the first time in months. During those prayers I was concentrating solely on Heavenly Father and my relationship with Him. I deliberately avoided anything specifically religious or confined within one faith if that makes sense. That lead me to thinking of testing the waters and seeing if I could go back.

There are obstacles in my way. But I feel right now like I have had a mighty gut punch. How can I not go back knowing what I know? And accepting that I know it.

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Your's is an interesting story. I'm not sure what you view as "obstacles in my way"; meaning there shouldn't be anything keeping you from walking into your ward building and fellowshipping with us fellow sinners. You may have obstacles to obtaining "good standing", but those are not the same as activation. You can become active while you work out other issues. You are not barred from association and I believe association is what will do you the most good. We are here to support you, not condemn you.



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There are obstacles in my way. But I feel right now like I have had a mighty gut punch. How can I not go back knowing what I know? And accepting that I know it.


"Knowing is half the battle."


Are you now willing to do?  Are you at least willing to try?


Most of what we consider "righteous" is not that we are all perfect.  That would be absurd.  But we keep trying to improve on everything.  That is the important thing.  There are some tasks to do like being baptized, going to church, participating, etc.  But the self-improvement is something we pursue over a lifetime.


Are you willing to take the next step on the lifelong journey?  If so, go for it.

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Look into your soul, and then do what you see there, what you feel is right. By "feel", I don't mean that you should go on emotion and ignore your brain. Rather, don't depend solely on argumentation. The heart often knows things that the mind cannot yet grasp.


Welcome to this board, too. We're happy to have you.

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Thanks for your replies. I actually did contact my bishop last night.

Just for clarity I was baptised 12 years ago.

The obstacles I speak of are a mental block and last night proved it in a way. My husband battled cancer last year - very nearly dying - there's a little more to it which I don't have time right now (son's 4th birthday!) but every single time I seem to progress life seems to slap me back down. For the last twelve months my husband has been steadily improving then at about 3am he was ill, collapsed over the stair rail. He's okay now, and it was a lot more dramatic at the time than an actual issue but it just really feels like everything will be okay (this is the thought in my head) if I don't have anything to do with Heavenly Father. Xxx

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And this is the response I've just had from my bishop. I don't know whether to be annoyed at how curt it is or amazed at it's simplicity.

"we just have to keep trying...

"endure to the end" is the quote.

Satan is very strong & always targets us when we are trying to do positive things.

good luck and God bless!!

take care"


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Dear Stumbling, 


Doing some heavy thinking about your post. Both my spouse and I are adult converts. It's good you aren't letting yourself get pushed into anything (the Church may disagree.) The person who is baptized needs 

to make it a life-time commitment. Did you know that the JW faith was founded by an apostate Mormon? Interesting, huh? 


You could get many immediate benefits by joining the Church NOW , so many that it would be almost silly not to do it ----BUT--- if you don't hear the Lord's voice , it's all for naught. 


The whole process of coming to Christ is extremely individual and personal, sort of like meeting a girl, dating, falling in love, getting engaged, and then marrying her..... no one situation is the same, which is nice, actually. My story is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from my HUSBAND'S or my BEST FRIEND'S .  So, who am I TO TELL YOU the HOLY SPIRIT IS or ISN'T SPEAKING to YOU or that you SHOULD OR SHOULDN"t be baptized RIGHT NOW. May be you need a lot more time to work this out., I don't know..


In any event, I was you the best of luck and God Speed. You would be a great asset to any Church.





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