Devastated.


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I can't describe the depth of feeling.  I didn't know I could feel this bad.

 

One of my two favorite Bishops (the bishop when I was baptized), quit the Church yesterday with his wife who is also one of my favorite friends - not only at Church but also out of it.

 

We've had 2 bishops since he was bishop in our ward but he still continues to be my favorite bishop of the ward.  I've learned so much from this Bishop and his talks have been very inspirational to me.  He is very knowledgeable, not only in scriptures, but especially it's application to everyday life and I've called on him to help me through marital issues in addition to gospel issues.  His dad was the Stake President when I was baptized and both of them are just amazing people.  His dad is currently serving their 2nd mission with his mom in England.

 

His wife is the most amazing person... she's the type of person that, when given a calling, always makes that specific calling the best ever.  My sons were in Primary when she was Singing Time Chorister and she was just fabulous at it with the fun visual aids and games and ways for the kids to learn the gospel principle with the song.  She was my younger son's cub scout den leader and she was amazing at it - she even received her woodbadge so she can do a better job at her calling.  She was a Young Women President and she was loved by all the YW... I don't have daughters but I would oftentimes join their activities because it is so fun even as it is very spiritual.   I just love her to pieces.

 

But yes.  They both quit the Church yesterday.

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Any reason why?

 

Same reason most people are leaving the Church these days.

 

Her hairdresser and good friend who was the YW President after her left the Church for the same reasons.  A close family friend who was the wife of the 1st counselor to the Bishopric left the Church for the same reasons.  Her brother-in-law who introduced her to the Church, helped her while she was an investigator, and introduced her to her husband left the Church - I think it has something to do with his getting divorced, though, and not the same reasons as the others.  And recently, one of our besties who left the Church long time ago, recently rekindled her dislike of the Church publicly because her RM husband ended up to be a bad guy and so now they're getting divorced and she's blaming the Church for teaching YW to marry RMs.

 

And it just goes on and on from there.

 

All of these people are good friends of mine up to today except for the bishopric's wife - we were not friends even before she left the Chruch.  I was sad when they all left and I sometimes respond when they bash the Church on FB (they like doing that a lot for some reason), but I see that it hurts friendships, so if I respond, I just put it out there like an academic professor but I also find that a lot of their new friends pile on me with all kinds of crap which I don't respond to and so it's really useless even just trying to explain where they misinterpreted something.

 

But this time, I am feeling it more deeply.  At least I'm very certain they won't bash the Church publicly.  Her and her husband don't discuss politics or religion in public.  And I'm very certain they won't cut off our friendship.  They're good folks.

Edited by anatess
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It's never easy, especially when they were people you looked up to. I have to remind myself that the way I remember them wasn't fake, they weren't just pretending to love the gospel or to feel the spirit. The lessons I learned from them were still inspired and changed my life. No matter how much they bag on the church now, it doesn't change the fact that at one point, they were a power for good. But it doesn't make what they are doing any less hurtful, especially since I knew them during better times. 

 

I am sorry Anatess.

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I am so sorry to hear this, anatess. You have my sincere condolences.

 

I think we all are going to have to get somewhat inured to such things. I think they may become more common. Even the seemingly elect can be led away by the vanities of the world, dressed up to look noble.

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I don't do heroes anymore.  

 

I do know many people who possess admirable qualities, and I admire those qualities and try to instill them in myself.  

 

But I have learned many times that folks usually have done something worthy of disgust and rejection.  I know many people who have committed horrible acts worthy of disgust and rejection.  I speak out against those acts.

 

I think separating people from their actions, once all balanced out, helps me follow the great commandment to love others.

 

Summary: You can still admire the admirable qualities in this ex-bishop ex-mormon.  You can still seek to instill those qualities in yourself.  You can mourn his choice, and should you see harm coming from it, you can mourn the harm.    It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Edited by NeuroTypical
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I'm sorry Anatess to hear this.  The scriptures tell us that the very elect can be led astray.  And we are seeing it happen.  It makes me resolve to strengthen my own testimony and to be a "light" to my family and friends.  And, it makes me realize that my testimony cannot be based on persons, but rather the Gospel itself.  I love my Savior.  This is His church.  Satan is "raging in the hearts of man".  If Satan can find a way to worm into our hearts, he will.

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Very sorry to hear Anatess. Strong members can unfortunately become weak BUT weak members (ex-members) can become strong again too... you never really know. The one thing you can know for sure is what "you" are going to do regardless of what others do. 

 

Members leaving the church over a policy change isn't something new and will most likely happen every time new "change" occurs. 

Either the Savior is in charge of running "his" church OR he is not. I think many faithful Latter-day Saints have taken the time to understand, study and pray about the changes in the church. 

 

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.

 

If faithful lifetime members are leaving the church because of a month old policy, it seems like a pretty knee jerk reaction to me. I wonder how much pleading unto the Lord they did for understanding of the policy first?

Edited by NeedleinA
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Yup, my brother decided to leave the Church over a related issue many years ago.  But after many years, he came back.  The interesting thing was that nothing changed.  The Church didn't reverse any policies.  He still had his objections.  He just decided to come back.

 

Maybe there is hope for your friends as well. :)

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This is so very disappointing and hard. It's even harder when it is a family member. 

 

I hope you can remain friends. There may be some awkwardness at first, but a friendship can still be maintained if both parties want it to.  I'm sorry to see this happen to anyone.

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When I consider the reason many are leaving your church today--and they are leaving traditional Christianity for the same reason--I consider a section of my teaching on love from last week.  It seems to fit this string.

 

 

1 Corinthians 13:6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

  • Today, with society’s moral codes rapidly changing, some denominations are “adjusting.”
    • Perhaps they want to be out front, so they can continue to be perceived as having a moral compass.
    • Quite frankly, and without subtlety, I would warn them as Paul did:  DO NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL! 
      • DO NOT AFFIRM IT. 
      • DO NOT BE AN ALLY TO IT.
  • Jesus himself, in his famous prayer to his Father (John 17:17), declares that truth sanctifies us, and that it is God’s word which is true.
  • We don’t need to become the culture. 
    • We must demonstrate the difference.
    • We must be counter-culture.
  • Did Jesus not say that He, himself, is Truth? 
  • How dare we allow unbelievers to redefine truth!
Edited by prisonchaplain
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It's not easy being allied with truth and light.  Satan and his servants, just like a pack of wolves, constantly harass, gnaw and nip at the faithful, searching for any weakness that can be exploited.  It really is war.  It is a daily battle for our lives.  

 

Spencer W. Kimball said, “is not a little skirmish with a half-willed antagonist, but a battle royal with an enemy so powerful, entrenched, and organized that we are likely to be vanquished if we are not strong, well-trained, and watchful.”

 

It is up to us to strengthen ourselves, render aid those who are reaching out, search for the lost and, most importantly, give heed to the shepherd's commands.  He can see all of the wolves.  He knows how to best protect us and how to guide us to havens where we can find refuge.  Unfortunately, some will refuse the shepherd's help.  The reasons are many.  Some feel they know the best way.  Some blissfully ignore the shepherd's pleading cry to follow him.  These individuals will exercise their agency in a manner that is self-destructive and choose leave the safety of the flock, much to Satan's delight.  Occasionally, the wolves will see a weakness in what appears to be a strong member of the flock and take them down.  

 

It is indeed painful and sometimes frightening to see the wolves consuming their prey.  I have genuine empathy for you.

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I don't do heroes anymore.  

 

I do know many people who possess admirable qualities, and I admire those qualities and try to instill them in myself.  

 

But I have learned many times that folks usually have done something worthy of disgust and rejection.  I know many people who have committed horrible acts worthy of disgust and rejection.  I speak out against those acts.

 

I think separating people from their actions, once all balanced out, helps me follow the great commandment to love others.

 

Summary: You can still admire the admirable qualities in this ex-bishop ex-mormon.  You can still seek to instill those qualities in yourself.  You can mourn his choice, and should you see harm coming from it, you can mourn the harm.    It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

 

I totally agree. I think we all admire Martin Luther King - even though he was (i) a serial adulterer, and (ii) an academic cheat. Philip Yancey paints a very warts-and-all picture of him in his book Soul Survivor but still explains why he finds King an inspiration in his life.

 

I've done enough things "worthy of disgust and rejection" myself over the years without worrying about what other people might or might not have done. Though that doesn't always stop me feeling cross and judgmental though...

Edited by Jamie123
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