Through the fog

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Well, I had hoped to hang on to this until after the holidays, but I need to heal, and hanging on is not aiding me at all.


My amazing wife of 2 years has asked to divorce me.


I won't go into personal details. I'm not like that. My first divorce took me off my feet for a year. This one might be as long or longer. All the feelings associated with failure are back. She was my world. I'd still do whatever I could to mend the damage and try again. But she's resolved. It will take a miracle, and I'm not even certain that such aid would work.


I came back to the site to get things started on the right path with her, but it seems it was too little too late.


I will keep coming here because I need the strength of the Spirit with me as often as I can have it, and everyone here is a tremendous source of strength and support for me in all kinds of situations. Thank you for all you do and who each of you are.


I will get through this, though I may have to walk a mile to do so. I'm very grateful that I have family and friends by my side when that mile seems so, so long.

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I'm sorry, RB. I really am. 


I have absolutely no experience with this. But, I have experienced difficult times when it felt like my world just crashed around me and I'm left kneeling in the aftermath, too weak to stand.  You need to allow yourself time to grieve and heal. Seek professional help if necessary. Rely on the Lord. If you need to go to another ward because your current ward is where your wife is, then do so. Stay close to the Lord. Even when it feels the heavens are closed to you, they are not. Go to the temple as often as you can (and trust me, I know that can be painful to listen to the instructions given to couples), but focus on the feelings of the Spirit and revelation. Sometimes, all I felt was a moment of peace while at the temple--no new insights or learnings, just a moment of God's peace.


Seek out friends and family as needed. Take time to make sure you remain healthy--eat well, sleep (as much as you can), exercise. Remember that your healing and grief will be different from others. And learn to forgive others as people are people and will say/do thoughtless things that will hurt.


I'm sorry that our lives don't turn out as we hoped. I have to remind myself that the Lord has made some pretty incredible promises and He wants to give us those promises--it's just a long and stinky time to wait for them, but I believe we will come to see that this pain and disappointment will be worth it.

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thank you all for support and prayers. Things have levelled off as far as the emotional impact. One of the difficulties is that most of her belongings are still here, even though she's found a new place to live. Having the reminders of her makes it, well, difficult. She is in process of moving it all to her new place, so it's moving along, I suppose.


I just have to sit down and remind msyelf that when I asked her dirctly if she wanted the marriage to work out, whatever it took, she gave a simple 'no'. The fond memories I hope to have for the rest of my life, but for now, I can't let them overshadow the reality that she decided she was done with our marraige long before I knew it was even in that much jeapordy.


I'll keep coming here as long as I can. You've no idea how much you all do for me, just by giving me something to read and ponder from the forums. May God be with us all, to the end of our days in this life, and may those days be many.

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Do you have family and friends nearby?  I know people here care about you. But to have someone in real life who is close by to help support you emotionally is almost essential.


You've been through this before.  You know what's about to happen.  You shouldn't go through this alone.  At least reach out to home teachers or your bishop.

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I just have to sit down and remind msyelf that when I asked her dirctly if she wanted the marriage to work out, whatever it took, she gave a simple 'no'. 


My deepest condolences.  I don't know what it is about today's society but it seems that putting forth the hard work necessary to keep a lasting commitment is passe.


Most people don't even understand what commitment and self-sacrifice means.  In today's society, it's all about me, me, me-if I'm not happy if my spouse doesn't please me or doesn't do what I want I'm gone.  Very sad, because in the end the commitment and self-sacrifice for the greater good will bring more personal satisfaction and joy than if we just quit when the going gets a little tough.

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I have a brother in town who has, along with his family, been eagerly supportive of me. Add to that the local members of my ward, and along with everyone here, I'm confident I'll make it through intact. 


One thing that will help is my life-long habit of forgiving others quickly. I just can't care about things long enough to hold a grudge. I've ended up friends with every girlfriend I had before I got married, and I talk with two of them on facebook fairly regularly. They both have wonderful families of their own, and I find myself genuinely happy for them in every way with no reservations. What had happened between us so many years back is just part of life to me now. If anything I simply have regrets from not having treated them better, as each of them deserved.


I am quite certain I will get to the same place with this matter after the healing process is done. It's just right now there are moments that bring it all into the forefront of my mind. Having to explain to people at work what happened is tough. Leigh (My new ex) worked at the same hotel I did for a while, and everyone liked her quite a bit. I can tell nobody wants to get too involved in it, and I can't blame them. It's not their burden, and not their problem to worry about. On that front everyone has been fantastic.


For now it seems everything is going as well as could be hoped, so God has been blessing her and I both in spite of what is happening. I cannot fathom what His thoughts are on the matter, given what he knows of us both, but to know he still intends to give us as much happiness as he can at all times is a great boost to my faith and determination to see it through.

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