Gossip in the YSA Ward

[LadyHanley93]

So in my Ward their is a lot of Gossip going on in our ward. With the recent switch in Bishopric it seems the ward just went from being somewhat unified to completely spilt and disconnected. I am on the welcoming committee and my co chair wants to do something about it. I have no idea how to approach this. I can walk down the hallways during Sunday school and Relief Society/Elders Quarom classes and hear people gossip. We are all guilty of gossiping in our YSA Ward! However when I hear these things I don't repeat them and I dimiss them because aren't true. I don't have time to take notes on who said what. How does one approach this in an appropriate way?

[Guest]

Stick up for the person being gossiped about. Make a kind observation. This is usually pretty powerful, because no one wants to look like a heel, especially at church (unfortunately).

[LadyHanley93]

Seems like the common sense thing to do. However, I am not sure why our ward all of this sudden has felt the need to regress into this mode. We have some people who have been offended and when the offender or offenders apologize and they don't accept their apology they take it as a betrayal. I can think of numerous people doing this in our ward. It creates division and people are forced to take sides. With every YSA Ward comes drama but this is just plain ridiculous. We are all adults and I wish we could just be adults and not teenagers in high school.

Edited December 18, 2015 by LadyHanley93

[BeccaKirstyn]

Maybe you can bring it to the attention of the Relief Society president and she can sit down one-on-one (like visiting teaching) with those who are gossiping as well as those who are hurt? I'm assuming it's women.....

[zil]

If you want to stick strictly to your calling / stewardship, the only thing I can think of is one of those activities where people are required to get to know each other (and don't know beforehand that the activity will group them at random, so if they show up, they're getting to know strangers - unless they leave).  Offense or tension can be solved simply by the two parties spending time together doing something unrelated.  (This could be a "get to know you", "multiple teams", or "multiple groups giving service" type activity - so so long as people are randomly grouped and each group must work together.)

 

If you want to confront the gossipers but aren't sure how, you could stop and invite the group of gossipers to come to class.  ("Hey, everyone, will you come sit by me in Sunday School?" I mean, unless you're on your way to perform some urgent service, you need to be in class.)  Or briefly invite them to improve.  ("I know you're upset, but this isn't how the Lord wants us to handle our trials.  Please come to class and maybe after, we can find a way to forgive.")

 

If you don't want to address it directly, it seems like leadership need to know (bishop, RS pres, EQ pres) - the bishop seems like the one with the most proper stewardship in this area.  Perhaps it's time for a scripture-based talk - given by a couple of the ones doing the gossiping:

 

D&C 38:27  Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.

 

3 Nephi 11:29 For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

 

D&C 64:10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

 

...when I was a kid, nothing stopped bad behavior faster than a quick scripture read - my parents would sit us down sometimes, open the scriptures*, read a verse, and then tell us we could go (I don't even remember them explaining why they'd done it - they never needed to).  (*I think seeing physical scriptures open made it more effective than had they just quoted it.)

 

Or perhaps you should print different scriptures on those "print-them-yourself" business cards and hand them out as you walk down the hall.

 

There was a good MormonAd about gossip - maybe get / make some cards of it and hand those out.

 

(I know, it all takes guts, but there's no way to solve a behavior problem without dealing directly with the person doing the behaving.)

 

FWIW.

[LadyHanley93]

Maybe you can bring it to the attention of the Relief Society president and she can sit down one-on-one (like visiting teaching) with those who are gossiping as well as those who are hurt? I'm assuming it's women.....

It's a mix of both Men and Women.

[BeccaKirstyn]

It's a mix of both Men and Women.

Wow, that's surprising. 

 

Well I still think going to the RS President and now the Elders Quorum President and bringing this to their attention (if they don't already know)may be a good idea. They can reach out to those who may feel isolated or offended. 

 

I think a ward activity that is focused on service may help. If you can get people to attend, then maybe a team effort to render service unto others may soften the hard hearts that seem to have appeared after leadership changes. 

Edited December 19, 2015 by BeccaKirstyn

[zil]

It's not surprising at all - at least, not in my life, where I've worked with a mix of men and women for decades.  Men are just as likely to gossip as women.  The stereotype that women are the ones with a gossiping problem is utter nonsense.

Edited December 19, 2015 by zil

[Guest MormonGator]

Gossip is actually gravely immoral, isn't it? It can kill your reputation.

[thoughts]

Announcement poster

 

Change is tough.  We're tearing us apart (show picture of pullaparts http://www.listotic.com/42-mouthwatering-pull-apart-recipes/ )

 

Come to a gossip party to get it all out of our systems, get to know each other and learn to constructively solve problems.

 

January 3, right after church.   Refreshments will be (you guessed it), pullaparts.

 

Then have a brainstorming game of what to do when you hear gossip.   Maybe a game of how to turn gossip conversation to interaction that is more healthy.   Maybe a therapist to discuss how bullying can result from gossiping.   Maybe a game of writing down something good about everyone in the ward.