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truebeauty

Athiest & Mormon

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Hey- so, I'm a Mormon and he's an Atheist- yes, we've been dating for several months now, going strong. However, we are struggling with the Law of Chasity- and unfortunately; we've crossed the line a couple of times. We need help- advice, anything and PLEASE don't say that I need to leave or run away from him; (especially if its because he's Atheist) because it wasn't just his fault; I am to blame to for this as well. Thanks. 

 

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Well yes, you are to blame for it too. It's very good that you are taking personal accountability. That's a great first step. 

But we are a bunch of loyal LDS here (for the most part). Of course we are going to say "stay away" because it's leading you to sin. Believe it or not, it's because we care about you. Yes, it may come out as harsh, but it's based on love. 

 

And basic to LDS thought is that God exists. You can't be an "atheist Mormon", no matter what the dude says. 

Edited by MormonGator

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 PLEASE don't say that I need to leave or run away from him; 

I'll give you the advice you don't want to hear.  You already know the answer-you just are refusing to accept it. That refusal to accept the answer you know to be right will lead to much heartache in your life.

 

Obeying the Law of Chastity when you are young and in love is hard enough as it is, you make it even harder on yourself when you are the only one who believes in it and the other person does not. For an atheist there are only two reasons not to have sex out of wedlock; STDs and babies and both of those are overcome by "protection".

 

No matter what he claims or how strongly he claims to say to you about how he might believe sex before marriage is wrong--deep down in today's modern society there is absolutely no way he can be an atheist and firmly believe it. Not believing in a God, means not believing in scriptures and the scriptures are the only thing in our modern society that makes the claim, definitively sex before marriage is wrong.

 

I'll tell you the other thing you don't want to hear; continue down this path and you will have sex with him.  If that is what you desire then you will get it; if you desire to stay true to God then you already know what you have to do.

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An atheist and a Mormon walk into a bar ...

What is it in your 'Mormonism' that attracts you to an atheist?

You know, a couple of my LDS friends recently tried to set me up with a nice lady ... a nice Catholic lady.  No thanks.  I mean what kind of relationship could I have with a Catholic woman?

We would go our separate ways on Sunday? 

No thanks.

The best way in the world to enter into a relationship that will fail is to start out with two diametrically opposed people.  Now, mind you, you are female (I hope) and he is male.  So that is a big tremendous difference right there.  After that one, you should try to find someone with whom you have something in common.

Please note that I gave thanks to two above who had advice as to how to avoid mistakes.

From you post, it seems the only thing you have in common with this guy is sex, and that is the worst thing to base a relationship on, particularly with your religious affiliation.

dc

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As others have stated, I think you know the answer to this problem, but it's just hard to admit. Physical attraction is normal, but once those feelings have risen and you have acted upon them, there is no going back. Only moving further down the path of intimacy, thus leading to sex.

 

The easiest (yet hardest, I'm sure for you) in this scenario is to stop the relationship now if you wish to stop breaking the law of chastity. There is just no other way for you to avoid committing that sin, knowing that you've crossed some very serious lines already.

 

Try to think of the big picture in this case. What type of woman do you want to be like when you approach The Lord one day? Would He approve of the decisions you have made? If not, what can you do to change it so that you can find true happiness in His presence? Only you can make those choices in the end, not any of us. We can only provide the advice you probably don't want to hear. 

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Frankly, I wasn't sure what his atheism had to do with your chastity issues until yjacket gave insight.

It seems ultimately solving and preventing chastity issues makes for two main solutions: get married or break up. While I won't totally condemn marrying an atheist I won't recommend it. And are you even at an age where you want to get married?

Thus, the likely solution is leave him.

Sorry.

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If judging you and calling you to repentance is going to turn you away from the church, distancing you even further from your eternal goals, then i will not do that. Im sure a close LDS friend or family member can give you that talk.

 

I will say that maybe you should get married? People change all the time, mormons turn into atheists and atheists turn into mormons. If you both really love each other then start your life together and work toward those eternal goals, the Lord works in mysterious ways and the spirit can do miracles.

 

My female cousin has been married for 19 years to a great guy. He has been the bishop of their ward for the past 4 years. In the past few weeks I have learned that they both committed adultery (not sure who did it first) but they are going through a divorce. People change and things happen. What may appear to be good turns out to be bad and what appears to be bad turns out good. We never know so just trust your heart and follow the promptings of the spirit.

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Make your standards clear to him. He'll either respect them or he won't. That should give you a good idea of whether or not you have a future with him.

I'll tell you right now that it's extremely difficult for an atheist and a person of faith to maintain a healthy relationship. My wife was a devout Catholic when we started dating, and that ended quite badly. It wasn't until she abandoned her faith (something I had no part of; we weren't speaking at the time) that we became compatible.

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Whatever "crossed the line" means, each of you needs to ask forgiveness (of each other, and of the Lord).  You may need the bishop's help to complete your repentance.  A big problem is, your boyfriend doesn't understand or believe any of that.  Will he ask you sincerely to forgive him?  Will he understand why this is needed?

 

Without both sides understanding and repenting, a relationship begun in sin can only lead to serious regrets (even if you did end up married, even if he did end up converting).  It may be years before those regrets work their way to the surface and taint the relationship, but I'd say there's a 90% chance they will.

 

I think you need to seriously consider what the future would look like with and without this man.

 

Whatever else is true, a decision about the rest of your life (and that's what any serious relationship is) should not be made without the Lord, and to have His guidance, you need to get right with him, no matter what it takes.

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My female cousin has been married for 19 years to a great guy. He has been the bishop of their ward for the past 4 years. In the past few weeks I have learned that they both committed adultery (not sure who did it first) but they are going through a divorce.

Not to threadjack, but man . . . Bishops are generally 5 year stints so this occurred while he was Bishop?

I feel sorry for the ward and this man and his family; to be called of God and then to lose it all . . . that sucks.

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I will say that maybe you should get married? People change all the time, mormons turn into atheists and atheists turn into mormons. If you both really love each other then start your life together and work toward those eternal goals, the Lord works in mysterious ways and the spirit can do miracles.

People do change; but going into a marriage with him being an atheist and the hope that he will change is the wrong way to start off a marriage.  You've got to accept the person as they are and accept the fact that there is a very strong likelihood that they will remain that way for this life. Are you willing to accept that he may never come to church, he may never bless your home with the Priesthood, may never baptize your kids, may never take you to the temple. You simply have to accept those things as a reality before marriage.

 

Marrying an atheist? Nope, very strongly against it-I will condemn it. As much as religion is a worldview and a way of thinking the same is true for atheism-it gets to the root core of who we are, how we act, what are goals are in life.

 

People can claim to be good people and be atheist, and that may be true-they very well might be good people. However, atheism as a philosophy and a way of life cannot sustain society nor can it teach society to be moral, just, good over the long term. Everyone's goal is to maximize our happiness-even the drug addict is doing his best to maximize his happiness. The farther in the future we are able to see, the more likely that we will do things today that while in the short-term seem to make us unhappy they will in the long-term make us very happy. It boils down to the simple truth that if there is no hereafter, the time horizon for an atheist to maximize their happiness is their death. Therefore as a philosophy and a way of life underlining everything for an atheist is what can I do to live as long as possible and be as happy as possible during that lifespan.

 

What that ultimately means that as a way of life, the moment that an atheist believes that their current situation is not making them happy, they will immediately start to change it regardless of the consequences to other people. Which means it is okay for them to lie or cheat if necessary if they believe it will make them happy. It becomes a very narcissistic way of life.

 

For a person of Faith, we recognize that sometimes we have situations where we do things that cause pain and harm to us personally, with the faith and hope that those decisions will reap rewards in the hereafter. Marriage is a perfect example. For an atheist, if the marriage becomes difficult why bother sticking around? For a couple of Faith, they believe that while it is difficult it will be worth it because they made a covenant to God.

 

All the major life decisions, when to have kids, how many kids to have, why are we having kids, how do you raise kids, what kind of household should we have, are material things really important, do both spouses work, what activities to do, etc. Literally everything is affected by those two diametrically opposed worldviews-one of faith, one not of faith.

 

I recognize that modern culture has sold you a big fat lie about love and romance. Every movie you watch all that matters is that the two people "love each other", yet that can't even define it. It is so squishy and fleeting, a mirage is what movies and hollywood sell, but it ain't the real thing.

 

Yet, I can define it. True love and loving each other is about sticking with each other through the good and the bad. True love is forgiving your spouse and being a helpmeet when they have an addiction to porn; true love cleaning up the vomit on the floor after they have had the flu, true love is being by your spouse when they have a disease or are terminally ill-visiting them in the hospital every day for months on end when you have a full-time job and kids or 100 other things to do, true love is picking up your spouse from the airport from a business trip at 11pm and not complaining, true love is self-sacrifice it is about building each other up and honest to goodness through hell or highwater being side-by-side with that person. It ain't the glamorous things that make true love-it is what happens in the daily grind of life that determines true life.

 

Life is hard enough as it is and believe me-it can be very, very hard-soulcrushing hard. Starting it off with someone of the same faith can make those soulcrushing hard moments just a little bit easier.  My favorite video about love from the Church:

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Whatever it is that you're going to do, remember that the Lord died for you and for me and for us all. Are we not going to choose Him at all times, sacrificing even all that we have and that we may have? Are we going to desecrate our purity and possibly ruin our future as the elect of God? God's promises are so great, and please, just like you were chosen, choose Him.

 

:D

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Ask yourself this:  If you refuse to lie down with him anymore, will he drop you?  Or maybe he will continue dating you, hoping to convince you to give it up?

 

Either way, you've got to ask yourself what your relationship is based on.

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I’m a Mormon married to an inactive Evangelical.

 

A relationship with someone else of a different faith can work, but it is WORK.  For any marriage to be healthy you and your partner need to agree on what’s important and how to get there.  You need a deep understanding and rest of your partner AS THEY ARE (not as you wish them to be).  Don’t lie to yourself with false hopes or illusions. 

 

If you want to be with this man, and not break the Law of Chastity, all of the following are required:

1)   BOTH of you need to deeply want it more than anything else.  If one of only sort-of wants it, then you won’t be able to keep the LoC.

2)   The way you keep the LoC, then you need to avoid temptation.  Do not hang out when one of you is tired and NEVER be alone with him.

 

Just so you’re aware, being with a person of another faith means:

·      You go to church by yourself every Sunday.  Once children come, you hold the screaming baby by yourself while trying to keep the pre-schooler from throwing Cheerios everywhere.

·      A temple recommend is difficult to hold, particulary in regards to paying tithing.

·      You cannot be sealed to your spouse or children.  Your husband will not baptize your children.

·      You organize every church activity, lead family prayers, read scriptures etc without his help. 

·      Your husband may respect your faith, but do your in-laws?  Or are they going to treat your like you have an invisible friend?  

·      Teaching your children: do you teach them to pray while your husband teaches them …. ????  How about the importance of chastity?   Charity?  Repentance?

 

I have a great relationship with my husband, despite him not being Mormon.  But I’m going to be honest with you: it is WORK, and there is a reason why >90% of mix-marriages involve one spouse leaving their faith. 

 

If you want to stay with this boy, you can (tis your choice obviously), but go in with both eyes open and have a serious talk with him about things.

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 . . . PLEASE don't say that I need to leave or run away from him; (especially if its because he's Atheist) because it wasn't just his fault; I am to blame to for this as well. Thanks. 

 

He knows your standards (right?), but he won't help you keep them.  In fact, he actively undermines them.

 

The choice is simple, even if it isn't easy:  It's your boyfriend or your standards.

 

Sorry.

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"Hey- so, I'm a Mormon and he's an Atheist- yes, we've been dating for several months now, going strong. However, we are struggling with the Law of Chasity- and unfortunately; we've crossed the line a couple of times. We need help- advice, anything and PLEASE don't say that I need to leave or run away from him; (especially if its because he's Atheist) because it wasn't just his fault; I am to blame to for this as well. Thanks. "

 

Ok, so you like this guy, but of course the time is not right. I do not know your age, but I imagine you are pretty young. The question you should really ask yourself if what is this guy worth. Is he worth your families disapproval, is he worth the social stigma or the anxiety he might create? and is this just a crush?

 

If he is not the type that can provide, or come from a healthy and wealthy family, my advice is to stay away. Think about his ability to provide resources for your children first. If you were to have any, having to deal with social back lash the only thing that makes that better is financial support. If he is absent of that you're getting off track!

Edited by hobomidget

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I am currently getting baptised in May but before then I was a very active Catholic,  My Husband of 6 years is a Buddhist.   I love my Husband very much he is a very good Husband and Father but sometimes it takes a LOT of effort to make things work, especially with Children being involved and I have had to stop being so "sensitive" about my faith as my Husband will not withhold any punches if he thinks something is wrong.

 

Can't really comment on the moral side of things, Buddhists have quite moral guidelines not dissimilar to our own with no Alcohol, smoking, drugs, sexual misconduct etc..  I think even as a Catholic I would have had problems marrying someone who did not have the same moral focus as myself.

 

My advice is set some boundaries.. if he cannot respect them he isn't the one for you as he cannot respect your point of view.  Also be realistic,  love him for him, I have come to the conclusion that my Husband may never join the Church (well in this life anyway) yes it makes me sad but you cannot force people to do things they do not want to do.    If you are starting the relationship thinking you can persuade him to join the Church you will only end up disappointed.  x

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The problem is that we're talking about dating someone who has -ZERO- interest in helping you with your beliefs.  He may respect your right to believe in whatever you want to, but by definition he has rejected the reality of your beliefs.  That means when you have a moment of weakness in temptation, he ain't gonna be the thing that stands between you and falling down.  The very best you can hope for is that he won't try to pressure you into that situation.

 

Now, shouldn't a prospective spouse be someone who strengthens and supports your beliefs, and not someone who would actually benefit from your temptation?

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Make your standards clear to him. He'll either respect them or he won't. That should give you a good idea of whether or not you have a future with him.

I'll tell you right now that it's extremely difficult for an atheist and a person of faith to maintain a healthy relationship. My wife was a devout Catholic when we started dating, and that ended quite badly. It wasn't until she abandoned her faith (something I had no part of; we weren't speaking at the time) that we became compatible.

 

I'm not an atheist, of course. Nevertheless, if I was one it's not hard to imagine how quickly I would become irritated by my spouse thinking I needed salvation, 'God,' or to join a particular religion. There would be a constant sense of distance, of a holding-out. The problem is obvious enough that the Apostle Paul told the Corinthians that when an unbeliever wants out of a marriage, let them go in peace.  The difficulty is likely to be less evident during the dating phase, and really come out after the marriage is up and running. Bottom line:  Don't start down a road that scripture warns is fraught with danger and failure.

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