I want to please my family and friends by being myself.

[Doriette]

Good evening to all of the city of mustard in France!

I want to share something that is close to my heart. Indeed several same.

My name Doriette (my nickname) and I'm 35 years old. I'm single since 2008 and all I've only had two boyfriends and stuff over a total period of two months and two days.

Because in general men saw in me a fat cow with which we play. To date me it was necessary that this is not a passing fancy, so that later it sort with someone it would be serious. After all who wanted to introduce me to his family?

Then I decided to take myself in hand and lose weight.

I succeeded. But here one of my problems: my family would marry an aberration. Why? Because for years I take care of my mother and my aunt, and for them I have to end my life by continuing to do their work (My father and my uncle died). My brother still lives with my mother but he wants to leave after take money from my mother. I take care of it if not most of the time she would be alone. My cousins ​​do the same with my aunt. It has everything their pay (studies, weddings, credits ...) and now she finds herself alone with no one to talk to except me. 

one day, while they talk all about WhatsApp, they started talking marriage. And one of them said anyway I will never marry and that I will end my life to take care of my mother and my aunt. One of my cousins openly confirm my remarks by saying that it suited them, firstly because of the financial terms and secondly because of the trust. He could not trust a stranger to do what I do as soon as there is a concern it is to me a settlement. And suddenly I sometimes carry sums of money for two sisters to go shopping, pay a bill etc ...

In addition to my mother and my aunt and other family members marriage is not solution, some members of my family had troubles with their spouses. A cousin of mine even told me that before getting married or even had to get engaged, how to say this with tact, try. She compared life with men in ice cream, saying that before knowing what perfume is preferred requires every taste and I do not speak Appointment only if you know what I mean. Moreover I am there only member of the Church and I put a point of honor to keep the commandments.

When I heard what they said about me, I was angry and I remind them that I wanted more than anything to marry in the temple and have children. But none of them did see myself housewife and same mother. Moreover I am, for my mother, selfish to want to leave and eventually leave.

One of my cousins told me all the ways to get married, you had to have first try to live with a man.

I was also told that if I had a real Mormon, I should not think of me but to others.

Also I have friends that are not a member and would like me to do most evenings and so me unstuck. Jrefuse do what to do, have sex before marriage. We must try, they said. And I have to exchange wardrobe because, according to them, I am too austere, but now I could have anyone.

I have not lost weight for that, and I do not want to offend anyone, however I want to achieve my dream. But how to impose my choice and refuse to go in night clubs? I have gay friends who want to take me to a special gay party, lesbian, transgender and bisexual. How to say no without upsetting them?

I'm really selfish in wanting to make my life as I hear? I want to please everyone but sometimes it is so difficult ...

Thank you for helping me...

Sorry for the translation but I corrected the mistakes with Google translation...

[Connie]

There is only one person you should think of pleasing and that is your Heavenly Father. Continue to keep the commandments. Wickedness is not happiness. It brings only misery. Resist it.

[Guest MormonGator]

I am sure you are very beautiful and keep praying-you will find a wonderful man! 

 

If anyone speaks French I'm sure they could help you out with some church resources! 

Edited January 17, 2016 by MormonGator

[Guest]

Doriette, this is such a difficult question... is it selfish to live my life according to my standards when it conflicts with family responsibilities?

 

Not knowing how to deal with this question can hurt your marriage so I think it is very important to figure this question out for all of us.

 

This is how I answer this question:  God's commandment is to Lover others as you Love yourself.  Not just others, not just yourself... We need to love others AND ourselves - equally.  To do this, we cannot gauge what we do according to our needs or according to other's needs.  Rather, we have to gauge everything according to what Christ needs for us.

 

So, with your relationship to your mother and aunt... Christ wants you to partake in Eternal Marriage.  It is the path to joy.  At the same time he wants you to bring your mother and aunt into His Eternal Family.  So, does ending your dream of marriage bring you and your mother/aunt closer to Christ?  It doesn't.  So, you already know you can continue to fulfill your dream of marriage.  But how will this bring your mother/aunt closer to Christ?  You can show them by example that marriage does not mean that your mother and aunt cease to be loved and cared for.  You can continue to love them and care for them.  And if you choose a great guy who also understands the importance of family, then he will be open to finding ways to help your mom and aunt too.  You can even teach them the importance of marriage and what it means to the Eternal Family to which they can be a part of.

 

Just some ideas.

[mdfxdb]

Here's my idea:

 

- Move away, let your family fend for themselves.  They are taking advantage of you.

 

You are entitled to your own life unencumbered by guilt associated with their perception that you have to take care of them at the expense of your own happiness.

 

Lose weight, find a priesthood holder, get married, live your own life.

 

You are not abandoning them.  They are adults who have lived their lives.  You can only abandon small children and pets.