Taming Toddlers In Scarament Meetings


chachy
 Share

Recommended Posts

I have a two year old boy who is a nightmare in Sacrament meetings, he throws things, crawls under pews, yells at the people who are giving talks and generally makes his presence felt in the most disruptive ways possible. I am part of a very small ward, and he is the only child his age, so I feel terrible every time he kicks off. Nearly everyone in the ward has been lovely about it, and do their best to make me feel less embarrassed, plenty of the RS will say, "we've all been there" and smile sympathetically, but what I could really do with is some practical advice, we have discovered that sitting in the foyer doesn't work, as soon as he gets back in he's off again, and filling his gob with junk to keep him quiet just produces a sugar fuelled tornado that takes hours to calm down. There is only so long he can hold a toy or crayon until it is sent soaring over the pews to conk some poor member on the back of the head. My other problem, is how do I stop myself from resenting him? Other people may be able to faze him out but I can't! I can't even close my eyes during a prayer without him making a dash for freedom. More often than not, by the end of Sacrament, me and my hubby are snapping at each other and the kids are miserable, what can I do? I don't want to miss Sacrament, not at all, but I don't want to have to put myself through the stress and hassle every Sunday brings either. HELP!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This isn't to sound condescending, but rather to find out more.

Do you have a 'quiet time' at home, so that he learns at home that there are times to be quiet?

Does he know that no matter what you WON'T discipline him in front of other people?

I never had 'serious' problems with my kids because of those two things. We taught them that there were times they had to be quiet and reverent (we gave them books, colors, etc., but it sounds like you have tried that), and they also knew that I was never embarrassed to discipline them in front of others.

I'm not saying my way is right, just that those worked for my wife and me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you have a 'quiet time' at home, so that he learns at home that there are times to be quiet?

Does he know that no matter what you WON'T discipline him in front of other people?

We do have a quiet time at home, every day between about 6 and 7 we try and get them to chill out a bit before bed, but it doesn't seem to work with Daniel (the 2YO), Lexi (5YO) tends to be quiet if you ask her.

I have to admit that I do discipline him in front of people, it never occurred to me that that might be a bad thing, thanks for pointing that out, but could you explain how that helps?

I guess my other problem is he associates church with fun, that's not a bad thing, far from it, but when he's got missionaries and members bouncing him about and letting him tug badges and ties etc, it kind of justifies his behaviour from his point of view. He gets spoiled in church as the next oldest to him is Lexi, he is "The Wards' Baby" Daniel's behaviour has become a bit of a standing joke and I don't want to be mean to everyone by telling them to leave him alone, especially since they are all trying to be so nice about it!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 year olds normally get up in the morning at 6:00 a.m. By 10:00 a.m. it is the Parenting "Happy Hour" or your child's nap time. Toddlers "rocking the clock" or trying to keep themselves awake become quite mischievous. Never allow your toddler to sleep in the car on the ride over to the Church. Then they are so disoriented that they are unhappy.

Never demand that an older sibling give their toys to the toddler to pacify him (or shut him up). Once he becomes a worthy member of the family he will calm down a lot.

Don't run the electronic babysitter nonstop (television). Like was mentioned previously "quite time" is a good tool for helping young ones learn responsible behavior.

You don't have to bring a bag of sugary cereal with you. Pack them a lunch box with a sandwich, cracker, and small water bottle.

Introduce them to Church Members, young & adult. Have someone from YW take your child to the foyer when he is disruptive. (If YW/YM escorted the little ones to the nursery, it would make things much happier)

Family meal time is a good practice to get your 2 year old involved. Let him set out the silverware or napkins (or paper towels). Make sure he has a chair at the table and not a high chair.

Explain to him why some people cry when they are giving a talk at Sacrament and that it is okay.

If your toddler is acting up whenever you need to use the telephone, don't buy him a play telephone. Keep you calls short and return calls if he is screaming. Don't try to pacify him by having him talk on the phone and never allow him to answer it.

Arrive at the Church about 10 or 15 minutes before Sacrament and don't offer to let him "run the halls" before the meeting. Leave the Church promptly after the last meeting and don't hang around talking.

Teach him to close his eyes when he prays.

Bottom Line: Patience (Your Ward Members are right.....their little ones were a lot like yours.....be grateful that they remember and smile back.)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like you are trying the best that you can, and that you just have a very "dynamic personality" that you are going to be able to raise!

They grow out of it, they really do.

I grew up in a ward with a family of 5 boys that were absolute terrors. It was so bad that one day, in the middle of Sacrament meeting, the mother stood up, and with a couple of hymnals, bonked one of them right on top of the head. I mean hard! Funniest thing I've ever seen in a Sacrament meeting, bar none.

All of those boys served honorable missions and are home now. Just teach them correct principles and hold on for dear life!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thankyou for the great replies, one thing, I have been told by a few members that taking kids out during a sacrament meeting is a pretty bad idea as it's only teaching them if they make enough noise they get one-on-one time in the foyer with the poor parent that had to drag him out. How many people agree with this? Is it something I should start doing again? I'm sorry but I always have a constant stream of questions!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My son is 7 months old & I have decided that I don't want to get him into the habit of whenever he makes a noise to take him out... I even discourage others who may be looking after him..

So basically I am against the whole taking them out when they make noise thing...

I just feel that if others are taking care of my son or just holding him that they should respect what I have decided on or chosen...

What I read somewhere that has worked very well for us when putting little man to bed (this could probalby work for allot of other things too)...

Basically the idea is to have the bedtime routine different to the nap time routine...

So basically when it is bedtime for us... His diaper gets changed, then on with the pjs.. I read him a story & let him hold his bedtime toy... Then we say prayers & leave him to fall asleep..

The basic idea is to make things different... Be it a toy he only get at church or only when he is good...

I will have to cross that bridge when I get to it... But I hope it works for you :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It might help to adjust your weekday schedule so that it aligns to the Sunday morning schedule.

Wake your child daily at the same time you wake him to get ready for church. Follow the same routine for dressing and breakfast.

If you have Sacrament Meeting first, then have the first hour at home after breakfast be quiet time. If you have Primary first, have the first hour involved in nursery type activities, story telling, coloring, singing songs, etc, and then have a short break and do something quiet for an hour or so. If the older child is not in school, it will be fun for her too, to have a Primary session every day!

He will get used to the tempo daily, so Sundays will not be so different, except for the place you are in.

Just a suggestion. Good luck! And yes, most of us have 'been there'. :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thankyou for the great replies, one thing, I have been told by a few members that taking kids out during a sacrament meeting is a pretty bad idea as it's only teaching them if they make enough noise they get one-on-one time in the foyer with the poor parent that had to drag him out. How many people agree with this? Is it something I should start doing again? I'm sorry but I always have a constant stream of questions!

Chances are your lo isn't that bad - I had the only small child in a small branch and really struggled keeping her quiet I thought she was dreadful even the Stake President said she wasn't very reverent. My branch was very understanding and most of them were wonderful. Then one day we had visitors and I realised Ellie was just pretty normal. Better than some kids worse than others, I find they all get to about 12:25pm and start to get more restless than they were.

My Branch President one day suggested I take Ellie out with no toys but not do anything like time out, just sit in the room where the service was piped through as though it was sacrament, be reverent myself, maybe use the opportunity to explain some of the talks to Ellie. And also explain to her when she was ready Mummy, Daddy, Heavenly Father and everyone in the branch would be so pleased if she would go into sacrament. Took 2 weeks lol second week we came out and within ten minutes she got up and walked back into sacrament. She has been good as gold since and think I have taken her out twice since. (must be over a year, as she was 2.5 and is now nearly 4) - even listens and joins in with hymns and will occasionally listen to the talks

We also have a bag with books in we only use on Sunday, some healthy treats that she only gets on Sunday and her special sacrament quiet book. It is just a half sheet photo album, with pictures of the Saviour, the sacrament prayers, quotes, hymns, children song book songs, pictures of temples, the prophet, a quote from him, poems about reverence. She only gets that whilst the bread and water is being handed out.

On balance I like my branch presidents advice that a child shouldn't be punished for not sitting still in sacrament it shouldn't be something they dread and should be something they want to attend. Ican still be reverent and listen to the service whilst she plays Ican set the example. I am lucky my branch has several members that will go up and say how pleased they were that they behaved so well in sacrament and how lovely it was to see them. Most of our families are fairly relaxed (there are now 15+ children in our branch after there only being my daughter and 1 ten year old last year), the children if they are playing up can go out with one or two parents and colour, whilst the parents listen to the service, as they all have very reverent older children guess the key is example.

-Charley

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your son could be mine. My husband has just been called to be in the Branch presidency, so he thinks it is great to go up on the stand now. In fact on Sunday I gave a talk, of course he followed me, but would not go to his dad, he kept on going to someone else, It made everybody laugh.

When we first moved into this branch they hadn't had kids there for a long time. And basically this branch only has old people. We got a lot of dirty looks when ever any of my kids made a noise. If my District President saw them give us that look, he would stare them down and then go announce how nice it was to hear children once again, as that is a sign of growth.

AS for going out into the foyer, I hold him on my lap and not let him go. He can't have any toys and it gets pretty boring quickly. I ask him if he is ready to go back in and play with his toys nicely and quietly I go back in. it takes some time but he is getting better.

Just don't expect things to happen quickly, it takes time.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm liking the idea of having toys and stuff that are just for church, and changing our routine to match church, they sound like really good ideas, and I might try "boring time" in an empty room too ^_^

I actually had a really good breakthrough with Daniel that I wanted to share, after reading some of the posts from yesterday, at quiet time, we pulled out the new testament stories book and read about the last supper/first sacrament. Lexi was of course answering all my questions, little swot that she is, but when I asked Daniel what happens during Sacrament at church he sat up, folded his arms, put a finger to his lips and said "shhhhhhh"! I was so pleased, maybe he's taking it in after all!! From now on, I'm constantly going to ask him the same question and see if it makes any difference come Sunday.

Thanks everyone for your wonderful advice!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm liking the idea of having toys and stuff that are just for church, and changing our routine to match church, they sound like really good ideas, and I might try "boring time" in an empty room too ^_^

I actually had a really good breakthrough with Daniel that I wanted to share, after reading some of the posts from yesterday, at quiet time, we pulled out the new testament stories book and read about the last supper/first sacrament. Lexi was of course answering all my questions, little swot that she is, but when I asked Daniel what happens during Sacrament at church he sat up, folded his arms, put a finger to his lips and said "shhhhhhh"! I was so pleased, maybe he's taking it in after all!! From now on, I'm constantly going to ask him the same question and see if it makes any difference come Sunday.

Thanks everyone for your wonderful advice!!

Hey, why not make colour copies of the pictures from that story for him to look at just before sacrement.. And keep it just for that time....

I have seen a few moms who have done something similar & I love the idea.. I hope to do that for my little one one day...

What I do have for him that he is still too little for is a quiet book... Not sure if everyone is familiar with this... But when he is old enough it will keep his little fingers busy. My neices love thier quiet book...

What I did with one of my primary classes a few years ago was I put a picture of the Saviour on the blackboard & told them the Jesus was watching them & making sure that they behave... It worked like a dream :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

a note on having others help out. i am in a small branch and having several young children (the only one with kids) the members all saw my kids like their grandkids and wanted to help out. which was wonderful, but then i noticed some things happening. my kids never wanted to sit with me, they would make noise till i was at the end of my rope and someone else would offer for them to come sit with them and there they would get candy and whatnot to keep them quiet.

i realized on this road i was raising holy terrors and the whole branch was helping. so i set some rules. i talked to the members that had been helping out and said i was more than happy to let the kids come sit with them, and they were welcome to bring my kids treats; but.... no treats till after the meeting was over and i said they had "earned" them; good behavior. they had to sit with the family untill after the sacrament had been passed and if they were reverent and continued to be reverent they could sit with others on occassion as long as it didn't become an every week issue (and they had to ask me first, not just get up and move).

the members were great to support this. it has been working out great. as the kids get older they stay with me more, but on wiggily days they can sit with someone and get one to one attention. the branch members still get to play "grandma/pa" and bring special treats and things for the kids (which meant i didn't have to pack that junk). my kids have developed special relationships with the branch members, which i think is great. lol however they are the only young children that invite "old ppl" to their bday parties. lol it has been good though, i feel supported by the actions of the branch rather than undermined as a parent. it's working for us so far.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Guest Yediyd

Here is a thought...take some family pictures...some of you, your husband, and the kids...place them in a scrap book with pictures of the savior intermixed and pictures from Bible and BoM stories...Only allow him to look at this book during sacrament. Also...Quiet books with little felt animals and things can be fun. Also, Find some different textured scraps of cloth...such as a wallpaper book, (paint stores sometimes give the old ones away) Only let him play with these things during the sacrament. Hope these ideas help.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

I just wanted to let everyone know how we have got on these past two Sundays.

We have been taking some good quiet toys along with us, he has also been taking pass along cards of the temple with him (he has a thing about the temple just now, but I'm definitely not complaining!) and have been practising the "shhh" that he did by himself a couple of weeks ago and I think there has been some improvement, either that, or I'm learning to deal with it better! We haven't had to take him out of sacrament in the past fortnight either, so I'm really happy.

I want to say a really big thankyou to everyone who offered suggestions and encouragement, there is an old saying that goes, "It takes a village to raise a child" Well in this case I would say it takes a forum! Thankyou everyone!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I just wanted to let everyone know how we have got on these past two Sundays.

We have been taking some good quiet toys along with us, he has also been taking pass along cards of the temple with him (he has a thing about the temple just now, but I'm definitely not complaining!) and have been practising the "shhh" that he did by himself a couple of weeks ago and I think there has been some improvement, either that, or I'm learning to deal with it better! We haven't had to take him out of sacrament in the past fortnight either, so I'm really happy.

I want to say a really big thankyou to everyone who offered suggestions and encouragement, there is an old saying that goes, "It takes a village to raise a child" Well in this case I would say it takes a forum! Thankyou everyone!!

Yayyy!!!! :D

That is so great to hear... Thank you for letting us know :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know, being a high priest and having young children gives one more opportunities when a speaker is up there who could bore the paint off the walls. You can either nap during the talk (a bonus for HPs) or tickle your child and when they make noise take them out to the foyer and talk with the other dads. :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share