Birthdays as an adult


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Birthdays were not a big deal in our family. We got a cake and some presents but no parties. 

Maybe because my birthday is so close to Christmas, I felt cheated because I remember getting presents wrapped in Christmas paper and told, "This is your Christmas and birthday present." So, since around my 28th birthday or so, I began my own birthday tradition. I go to a movie, buy myself a present and go out to lunch or dinner. For this reason, I really, REALLY don't like when my birthday is on a Sunday. That's the only variation from my birthday celebration.

For friends, I have a group of 6 girl friends that we get together once a month. During the birthday month of one of us, that person gets to pick the restaurant and we buy gifts for her. I have a couple of other friends that I get gifts for. For my husband, he gets to turn the heat up all day on his birthday (I'm super cheap so our thermostat stays low in the winter--this is a running joke with us that he gets heat for his birthday). 

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Remembering and celebrating my wife's birthday is s-u-p-e-r important. Besides that, I could care less about my own. All of the other adults in my life get an email or text (if I even remember), and that is typically what I get in return on mine. Suppose I did take my mother out to lunch this past year.

Long gone are the days that I care about getting gifts either. The only thing I say when it comes to gifts is, "I don't want a gift, but would not mind simply hanging out".

 

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53 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

How important are your birthdays to you?

Making it to the next one is pretty important. I hope it is to my family as much as to me.

53 minutes ago, Eowyn said:

 How big a deal do you make of your adult friends'/family's birthdays?

My Jacquie's birthday is the focus of some effort, others, not as much. We have a lot of adult children.

Lehi

Edited by LeSellers
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I'm no longer keen about most holidays or celebrations due to all of the negative associations. 

In the case of my birthday, I lost a friend a mere two weeks before my birthday one year. Given that my birthday fell on Thanksgiving that year and we had family down for the holiday, the event was even more chaotic that normal and so I didn't have the time I needed. 

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Guest LiterateParakeet

Ironhold, I'm sorry that happened. :(

I'm kinda like Beefche...I mean that in the past I was sometimes disappointed about the attention I didn't receive, so I decided my birthday is my responsibility.  IT varies each year, but I plan something...dinner or a particular gift I buy for myself, or whatever...by I take charge of my own happiness.  I would be disappointed if my husband and kids didn't remember, but other than that I don't have expectations of other people.

We always go to dinner for family birthdays, and we have presents...rarely parties...I'm just not a party planner.  I do shower my kids with attention on their b-day...they get their favorite cold cereal for breakfast (that is my version of going all out, LOL!), and they are excused from chores...that kind of thing.  

Outside of immediate family...it's a message on Facebook or a phone call if I really like you.  

 

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17 minutes ago, LiterateParakeet said:

Ironhold, I'm sorry that happened. :(

I'm kinda like Beefche...I mean that in the past I was sometimes disappointed about the attention I didn't receive, so I decided my birthday is my responsibility.  IT varies each year, but I plan something...dinner or a particular gift I buy for myself, or whatever...by I take charge of my own happiness.  I would be disappointed if my husband and kids didn't remember, but other than that I don't have expectations of other people.

We always go to dinner for family birthdays, and we have presents...rarely parties...I'm just not a party planner.  I do shower my kids with attention on their b-day...they get their favorite cold cereal for breakfast (that is my version of going all out, LOL!), and they are excused from chores...that kind of thing.  

Outside of immediate family...it's a message on Facebook or a phone call if I really like you.  

 

Thanks.

I honestly don't care about my birthday anymore. It's an excuse for a small splurge on myself, but that's about it. Thanks to my job at the newspaper, I usually wind up working on it now anyway. My parents put more focus on it than I do, but that's often because one of my brothers is up with his family and it's an excuse for his kids to have a party. 

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Growing up the birthday child picked the dinner, kind of cake and flavor of ice cream. We got 1 gift from Dad & Mom,1 from the siblings, and 1 from Grandma. The one from the siblings was generally a piece of clothing. The one from the parents was a toy and from Grandma it was money.

My birthday is the beginning of June, before school lets out. Seldom did I want cake (My mother's chiffon cake won ribbons at the school fair and was much soft after. I hated it. Bleh.) I wanted blackberry pie or blackberry shortcake. No fresh blackberries in June. So, Dad took me to the old railroad tracks in september so I could pick my blackberries. Mom put them up and NO ONE was to open any of jam, jelly or pie filling unless they got my permission first.

One year I wanted blackberry in jello with chocolate angel food cake. Not chocolate frosting but chocolate powder in the angel food cake. That was another of my Mom's award winning cakes, Angel Food.

For dinner I usually wanted bar-b-que hamburgers on slices of Mom's home made white bread. Sliced fresh tomatoes, cucumbers and yellow onions and potato & macaroni salad. We didn't have a bar-b-que, so Dad made up a fire pit in the middle of the back yard, and he and my oldest brother cooked the burgers out there using Mom's 21" cast iron griddle.

First husband never remembered my birthday, ever. Even when I would leave him a big note on the bathroom mirror the day of. After nearly 30 years it became a non-day. Same for all of the holidays. He celebrated all of them, the week before, the week of and the week after - by being drunk the entire time.

During those 30 years I was not to send anything to my family either. They did not exist to him. If I forgot his mother, or sisters & niece then I paid a very painful price.

30 years worth of not remembering is pretty hard to undo. I have been married to Hubby #2 now for 12 years (will be this Aug) and I remember his birthday, but for the life of me I cannot remember my own family members. I have to go into my genealogy program to find the dates. :(

Two years after we moved to Oregon, we agreed to not give each other cards or gifts. We go out to dinner. For my birthday I prefer to go to a restaurant where I get waited on. Hubby prefers Sizzler's, or Arctic Circle drive in, or to a little restaurant where you can get anything on the menu any time of day. Breakfast for dinner, dinner for breakfast, etc. They know us by name and what we like to drink. Ice water for me and Sierra Mist, no ice for him.

Funny note: for the first 8 years we habitually forgot our wedding anniversary. As I was unpacking our framed pictures, the glass on our wedding certificate was shattered. I made sure that the paper wasn't broken and as I looked up at the calendar - sure enough it was our wedding anniversary. Hubby's favorite home made meal is spaghetti - so I made that for an early dinner (late lunch), then after I told him that we had to get to town. We went to see a movie.

We haven't celebrated it since then. Keep forgetting.

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37 minutes ago, Ironhold said:

Thanks.

I honestly don't care about my birthday anymore. It's an excuse for a small splurge on myself, but that's about it. Thanks to my job at the newspaper, I usually wind up working on it now anyway. My parents put more focus on it than I do, but that's often because one of my brothers is up with his family and it's an excuse for his kids to have a party. 

Oh, see, I do insist that I not work on my birthday. As a kid, I never went to school on my birthday and it just happened that my very first job gave us our birthday off, so since then I've always insisted that I have a vacation day for my birthday. The ONLY time I ever worked on my birthday was on my mission. But, I loved being a missionary so much that it didn't feel like work to me, so I was fine being a missionary on my birthday. 

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I really hope that my family stops making any kind of deal about it.  I wish they would all feel the same way about theirs.  All I get out of it is a big headache and much ado about nothing.  It's almost enough to make me want to become a JW.  I tend to feel the same way about some meaningless holidays like Valentine's Day.

Edited by Guest
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The point of a birthday is to remember to celebrate that person.  The number of years is irrelevant. 

12 minutes ago, The Folk Prophet said:

There comes a certain age where birthdays are just depressing.

My father celebrates the "turning 29" every year (which is now a little strange because I'm over 29).

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Guest MormonGator
1 hour ago, Jane_Doe said:

The point of a birthday is to remember to celebrate that person.  The number of years is irrelevant. 

 

Right!  My grandfather said it best: Don't complain about growing old. There are many who are denied the process. 
 

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For my own birthday somewhere around age 12 I stopped caring much and developed the attitude that it's just another day. People are born everyday - so what? who cares?

I'm not big on the need for friends and really don't have any close friends (family works for me). As an adult I have enjoyed having a dinner get together with family, but my favourite birthday in memory I decided to make it all about the kids and planned a party in a park inviting all of my nieces and nephews. I made a giant die around 8x8 inches per side and we played snakes and ladders as our own playing pieces on a big snake made of rock segments (each segment being a space). I also made snake heads to place on certain spots with yarn trailing to another space - I don't really remember what we did for ladders. Any way it was fun to help the kids feel special and wanted enough to be the focal point of their uncle's birthday and I had a lot of fun. We also had a treasure hunt and my wife made these really cute monster cupcakes. 

I know I have been given gifts, but I can't remember any particular birthday gift since I got a Super Soaker 50 when I was 10.

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Guest MormonGator
38 minutes ago, SpiritDragon said:

I'm not big on the need for friends and really don't have any close friends (family works for me).

I'm the opposite. Not big on family, big on friends. Not pejorative, to each their own. 

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