Scared of the dark...?


Sannie
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So I'm a grown woman (30) who is scared of the dark. Not in the typical way like a little kid would be. I think it has a lot to do with Aspergers anxiety (I have ASD, nobody can really tell I hope), weird ways of processing tiny house noises other people can filter out, and a dislike of sleeping in my bed alone. So no, I'm not actually afraid of the dark, I have been known to wander about in it on occasion, but darkness makes me feel very vulnerable to bad feelings and generalized magnified worry and fear of...everything, I suppose. Part of it has to do with lingering memories from 22 straight years of almost daily night terrors. Some of them were truly awful. Only one was religious in nature and I was do scared I woke my parents then refused to get blessing when my dad asked. I freaked out so bad he actually forced me to sit down so he could bless me and I immediately calmed down afterward. I was 16 or 17, which is far too old to wake parents in the night over a bad dream. On a side note, my night terrors disappeared literally the DAY I went through the temple for the first time when I got married. 

Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone has advice. I'm seeking advice on two fronts: 1. People with ASD/high-functioning who also get a bit nervous at night and 2. Anyone who has advice of a more spiritual nature, because even though I'm hardcore logical and I'm usually pretty cynical about the presence of bad spirits, thin veils and all that (still unsure what exactly I believe on the topic), I have a sneaking feeling that when I'm up so late like tonight that my fear might actually be a sensitivity to some bad energy or spirits trying to bring me down? It's a bit hippy-dippy to talk energies and spirits, especially because I'm so cynical about it, but the auditory processing issues just don't explain how I'm feeling right now and how many times I've felt this way in my life for no reason.

Thoughts?

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7 hours ago, Sannie said:

2. Anyone who has advice of a more spiritual nature, because even though I'm hardcore logical and I'm usually pretty cynical about the presence of bad spirits, thin veils and all that (still unsure what exactly I believe on the topic), I have a sneaking feeling that when I'm up so late like tonight that my fear might actually be a sensitivity to some bad energy or spirits trying to bring me down? 

First: Truly sorry you having to deal with these concerns and wish you the best.

Second: On a spiritual note. It sounds like even you can clearly admit that spiritual experiences in your life have in fact resulted in positive outcomes regarding your issue/fear. You mentioned finding peace in both a blessing and going through the temple. If those two avenues worked for you before, please don't forget them again. So... my question is this: Even though you are "pretty cynical about the presence of bad spirits", you have taken the time to give it some credibility, "sensitivity to some bad energy or spirits". As LDS we believe in both the good and the bad. Is your anxiety a result of bad spirits, I have no idea. Have you ever dedicated your home?

"Dedicating Homes

Church members may dedicate their homes as sacred edifices where the Holy Spirit can reside and where family members can worship, find safety from the world, grow spiritually, and prepare for eternal family relationships. Homes need not be free of debt to be dedicated. Unlike Church buildings, homes are not consecrated to the Lord. To dedicate a home, a family might gather and offer a prayer that includes the elements mentioned above and other words as the Spirit directs."

This is my first thought/question in perhaps finding some piece of mind.

Edited by NeedleinA
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Thanks for your reply! No we haven't dedicated our home. I think my last one was and I didn't have this issue as often. My parents always dedicated homes but I've never really thought it was necessary because I don't believe in ghosts. I wouldn't even know how to go about dedicating my home, seems kind of pointless since prayer in general has proved itself pointless thus far. But maybe it's worth a try so I can sleep? 

An interesting note though: I was talking to my husband today about the feelings I was getting last night and he of course thinks I'm being weird (the brain is pretty powerful) but also jokingly mentioned when we had a loud knock on our door a couple months ago and no one was there. I figured it was kids and he said maybe it was an evil spirit. Of course neither of us believes that, it was a joke, but it made me realize that I've felt really frightened at night way more intensely and more often lately. It might be stress though. And my house used to be a church so there would be no reason bad spirits would reside here. And if they did I would feel creeped out during the day, not just at night! My husband says the house does have a weird vibe but believes it has more to do with the layout and the unusually quiet neighborhood we live in. 

Maybe it's just my wackadoo brain, but I feel like something else might be happening here. Not ghosts, but...I don't know. I maybe need to pray more, haha.

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50 minutes ago, Sannie said:

No we haven't dedicated our home. I think my last one was and I didn't have this issue as often. My parents always dedicated homes but I've never really thought it was necessary because I don't believe in ghosts. I wouldn't even know how to go about dedicating my home, seems kind of pointless since prayer in general has proved itself pointless thus far. But maybe it's worth a try so I can sleep? 

Dedicating a home is for a variety of reasons, not just "ghosts". As it said above, it is for: worship, growing spiritually, family relationships and safety. The steps for dedicating your house were outlined above too. If you or your husband don't feel comfortable doing it alone as a family, invite your home teachers or bishop to come over and help out.

From one of your other posts on the forum: "I'll admit, I'm not well-read on evil spirits as they pertain to doctrine. I am interested in paranormal to a degree ". 

Perhaps, now is a great time to learn what "evil spirits" are OR rather what they are not in terms of the gospel. I don't believe, and the church doesn't teach, the worldly/hollywood view of ghosts/demons/haunting/boogie men/the paranormal. 

A random knocking on your door in an old church/house sounds like the perfect setting to "scare yourself" if you already had inclinations towards the worldly view of the paranormal. I would start with those two suggestions. Read and learn about "spirits" via the gospel and then consider dedicating your home with a belief/faith in that prayer/dedication. 

  

 

Edited by NeedleinA
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I think the more one focuses on ghosts, scary situations, how awful the darkness is, then one becomes more scared. 

Instead of thinking it's bad spirits, I would focus more on finding positive, happy thoughts--reading good books (that doesn't mean limit yourself to scriptures), watching uplifting TV/movies, avoiding the negative on the internet, etc. If you hear something unusual at night, try to focus on finding the source (was it a pet, critter, etc.?), creaking board, etc.? Old buildings make noise. Sometimes it might be appliances, sometimes it's just the old framework settling.

I do believe in evil spirits, but I don't believe they waste their time knocking on doors or opening drawers or some such things. I think those things are more often attributed to the living.

And do have your house dedicated. I think just having that done will settle your feelings and allow you to focus on how to honor that dedication.  Good luck!

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Guest LiterateParakeet

You said prayer hasn't worked...remember when the Savior told his apostles "this kind cometh not out except by fasting and prayer? (Paraphrased)...my point is some situations require prayer and then some.  The others have given you some great suggestions. I would start there.

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2 hours ago, Vort said:

How I deal with nighttime auditory processing issues.

If I really thought you used these, I might ask if they really work. I unfortunately tend to snore and my wife currently is ready to trade me in for a new model. 

Edited by NeedleinA
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Thanks again for the suggestions! I have not tried earplugs, I will certainly do that!

And for clarification, no I'm not at all suggesting I actually believe my house is haunted! The knock on the door was just kids. I guess what I was trying to say is that I feel a little more fearful and negative than usual (though it's been a regular occurrence throughout my life) and there is no specific cause that I can identify. I spent 2 hours reading conference talks last night to ease my anxiety and nothing helped. So my usual methods of calming myself aren't working and I've thought maybe I should revisit or look into what our theology says about bad spirits, or whatever energy that may or may not be contributing to my excessive fear. I'm a cynic for sure but a family member recently shared a very very frightening experience that made me consider the possibility that I may be wrong about my personal beliefs about the "veil" and perhaps I shouldn't be so willing to laugh off negative spiritual experiences as total baloney (I do have faith in positive ones though!). So when I re-frame my experiences with fear at night in this way it makes me wonder at least if I should go down that road to protect myself and my family or keep acting as if I am not at all affected by bad spirits, assuming they exist in a form that could even do anything to me. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense.

Anyway, for fun we decided to dedicate my house this morning. No immediate feelings of peace, which probably means my house has always been fine, I'm being a crazy person and I should just get some earplugs. :)

it's nice to bounce ideas off of people of my faith who may have better insight aside from "it's probably in your head." So thanks for not making fun!

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3 hours ago, LiterateParakeet said:

my point is some situations require prayer and then some

 

41 minutes ago, Sannie said:

Anyway, for fun we decided to dedicate my house this morning. No immediate feelings of peace

 

5 hours ago, Sannie said:

seems kind of pointless since prayer in general has proved itself pointless thus far.

Like LP and others have pointed out, spiritual things don't necessarily come easily or fast. Consider the difference in response one might receive to their prayers simply based on their attitude to said prayers. 

Person 1: Studies the subject, ponders it, fasts over it and then approaches their pray "with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ".

Person 2: Approaches prayer as if it is pointless but for fun is willing to give it a college try. 

A prayer is not simply what we say, it is also our attitude, faith, belief in what we are saying/asking for too. 

(I'm not trying to point fingers, but does this make sense?)

Edited by NeedleinA
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Yes I see what you're saying and you're right.

Part of my phrasing is just a habit I picked up to sugar coat or avoid discussing things that are personal, embarrassing or just hard to talk about (an ASD coping mechanism). The sillier they sound when phrased in a ridiculous or dramatic way, the less I let myself get too serious and introspective in the company of other people. 

While dedicating the house wasn't "fun" and was borne from a true desire to feel less anxious about something I've been known to scoff at, I do not really believe prayer actually does much when I look at it rationally. I have a strong testimony of the gospel as a whole and I can begrudgingly accept the randomness and sorrow that comes from a mortal life, but I have always had a difficult time with prayer in all its forms. Blessings, etc. I've seen very little evidence in my own life to really grab hold of that piece of gospel. Yet I continue to pray in my head because I want it to work and I don't want to risk losing the positive influence God has in my life, even for a moment. I've never found my keys and in my loneliness a neighbor has never showed up on my doorstep with bread, despite my faith being strong (I'm alluding to the cliche stories of prayers answered I hear every testimony meeting). Patience is not a virtue I have, which also contributes to my lack of faith in prayer, so I know where my weaknesses lie. If left to my own devices I might be a cynical curmudgeon, but the gospel gives me a glimpse of hope that life matters, I matter, so I can find joy and happiness in following the gospel principles the best I can. When I'm afraid I feel like I'm being enveloped in sorrow and darkness and I absolutely hate feeling that way, So whether my fears are based in auditory processing issues or bad juju ultimately doesn't matter. Praying and dedicating won't do anything to help unless I have truly have the faith to back it up.

This devolved into a very different discussion than originally intended. Thanks for discussing it with me, I don't often get the opportunity to be completely open about these things. 

I'll work on this, get some earplugs and call it a win. :)

Edited by Sannie
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Similar to Vort's solution to dealing auditory distractions, I have an old Android tablet with a music app on it and a bunch of slow, soothing type hymns and similar music which plays all night long (it randomizes and loops).  The volume is extremely low (I can only hear it after I've settled into bed).  I find that this helps me sleep more soundly than I do without it, and having MoTab sing me lullabies is very soothing.  (Beautiful Savior, by only the men, is something I could listen to a zillion times and not get tired of it... Wait, that can't be right... :) )

(The only nightmare I ever had was driven away by looking at a small portrait of the Savior - to replace the images from the nightmare - and praying.  So I can't offer any other advice there.)

As for prayer not seeming to do much when you look at it rationally, then look at it more rationally.  Conversation does good, does it not, when the two parties understand each other?  When a child sincerely tells their parent what's going on in their life and asks for help, willing to follow the offered advice and receive the offered assistance, it does good, does it not?  Prayer is no different, except that you can't see the other party, and you have to concentrate really hard to receive the offered answer.  That said, in my experience, it can be very hard to learn to pray and receive guidance or comfort or whatever in response, so you have to keep trying, not just hoping, but believing God is there and will help you.  I have found that the best way for me to have effective prayers is to forget what I want to say, and ask God what I should pray for - and if I'm having a hard time feeling the Spirit, I start with bearing my testimony.  Anyway, from where I sit, there's nothing irrational about it, or any other part of the Gospel (unless you disbelieve in God).

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1 hour ago, Sannie said:

This devolved into a very different discussion than originally intended. Thanks for discussing it with me, I don't often get the opportunity to be completely open about these things. 

Great place to be completely open and share things under the mask of anonymity, I think we all do it to some degree or another. Even though the thread may have taken a turn or curve different than you thought, I hope you are able to find some helpful ideas and thoughts all the same. The thread has only been up for a day, so don't give up hope that someone else might not hit a little closer to home like you had hoped. ;)

p.s. Also, now that you have found us, we hope you will stick around and share other thoughts and ideas with us. Always a new thread!

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Try going to sleep with uplifting music.

But I think you should see a psychologist who uses cognitive behavior therapy (Lots claim they do but few actually do).   It is research proven for both anxiety and depression.  In a few appointments you will learn how to think healthy thoughts and how to get back to healthy thoughts in the midst of anxieties.   Once you learn how to retrain your thoughts,  your fears will be a momentary blip until you reorient your thoughts like you've learned to do.

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