Jane_Doe Posted February 23, 2016 Report Share Posted February 23, 2016 (edited) A great LDS.org article for everyone with screaming children in Sacrament meeting (or for those people whom have listen to the screaming). https://www.lds.org/blog/to-every-mom-struggling-with-a-toddler-in-sacrament-meeting?cid=HP_FR_2-19-2016_dOCS_fBLOG_xLIDyL2-2_&lang=eng Edited February 23, 2016 by Jane_Doe Backroads 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vort Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 As a parent, I have sympathy for her. But also as a parent, I wonder what in the heck is she doing with her toddler when she takes him out to the foyer? Does she just put him down? News flash: OF COURSE he's going to run around! He's a TODDLER! The key is to make the foyer a much less pleasant place than the chapel, so that the child prefers sitting quietly in the chapel to going out to the foyer. In the chapel, the child can play quietly with his toys or read his books or whatever. In the foyer, the child sits on the parent's lap facing a wall, and is not allowed to move. Older children simply sit on the floor facing the wall. They just have to sit there. You don't scream at them or beat them or cause them physical distress. You simply make the foyer a highly unattractive option. Even the most recalcitrant child will begin rethinking his strategy after a half-dozen trips to sit looking at a wall for five or ten minutes. Of course, this means the parent does not get to sit in the foyer and visit with other parents, or walk around himself/herself. It means the parent is punished as much as the child, probably more than the child. Welcome to parenthood. It's one of the sacrifices you make because you love your child and want to help mold him from being a tiny terroristic barbarian into a social human being. classylady, BeccaKirstyn, kapikui and 6 others 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 My kids know the foyer by it's other name, "the hallway - where there's no fun". NeedleinA, Blackmarch, Sunday21 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slamjet Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 My girls were easy kids and extremely good in sacrament meeting. So good, I'd have to lightly pinch their legs to get them to fuss so I could step out (especially testimony meetings, that ward had a lot of strange folks). Then we had our last two and that changed everything... no more quiet meetings. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 24, 2016 Report Share Posted February 24, 2016 I've been reluctant to make some comments about the article because I've found that whenever I say something negative about someone else having a problem like this, then it starts happening to me -- just to teach me a lesson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
classylady Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 My kids were typical kids who would occasionally act up and I would have to take them out into the foyer. If I could find an empty classroom that's where I would take them and I could hold them tightly on my lap and it was no fun to be taken out. Similar to what Vort would do, but I would do it privately. This worked well for me. My children learned to sit through Sacrament Meetings. I used to pride myself on my good kids and wonder why other parents couldn't keep their children in control. Then, my perspective changed. When we were helping to raise our grandson, no matter what I did, I couldn't keep him under control. We'd be sitting in Sacrament Meeting and then the next thing I knew he (as a toddler) would be running down the aisle towards the podium, and we'd have to run after him. I couldn't seem to keep him under control. Well, we later learned he was on the Autism Spectrum, and what worked for my children did not work for this grandchild. As he got a little older and entered Primary, our Bishop was inspired to give a calling to a special woman in the ward. Her calling was my grandson. She would sit with him in Primary class and during sharing time. She wasn't the teacher, but, she was there to help my grandson stay on track and not disrupt the class. She was wonderful with him. She would even at times have my grandson sit with her and her family during Sacrament Meeting. He loved her and her family. My grandson is 12 now, and no longer needs the extra help. But, I have learned to not be so judgmental. Some children are just more difficult than others. Vort 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) Daughter #2 is certainly a daddy's girl. Because of this, going to the foyer with daddy is not a punishment. If she's misbehaving, I'll take her to the foyer and sit with her on my lap. She just considers it "snuggle-time with daddy" and sits there with her head nuzzled up on my chest. If I get up to take her back, she starts getting weird again. Idunno. Edited February 25, 2016 by Guest Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EarlJibbs Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 But the couch is in the foyer. It's a win win, isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 On 2/24/2016 at 0:04 PM, Vort said: It means the parent is punished as much as the child, probably more than the child. Welcome to parenthood. It's one of the sacrifices you make because you love your child and want to help mold him from being a tiny terroristic barbarian into a social human being. So much wisdom here Vort in your comments. It is interesting, when one of my kids misbehave many times the entire family suffers. We've not gone to activities simply because one child misbehaves. Some might think that is unfair, but it is a very important lesson to learn at a young age- your actions have direct impact on other people, no man is an island. Bad behavior of one person in grown up land can absolutely affect many, many people. However, sometimes I wonder if parents punish themselves unnecessarily. For example, my wife sometimes will feel bad and upset when one child causes them to miss a kids activity. I have to remind her, you are not the one who needs to feel the pain-the kids do. Sometimes it will affect you (i.e. you wanted to talk with a friend at the activity) but the point of discipline is to have the child feel the maximum psychological impact. The best thing about being a parent is I can show my displeasure to my child, then turn around and have a pleasant conversation. I am not responsible for my children's behavior-they and they alone are responsible for their behavior. I however am responsible to demonstrate to them the consequences of their ill-advised behavior :-). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yjacket Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 23 hours ago, Carborendum said: I've been reluctant to make some comments about the article because I've found that whenever I say something negative about someone else having a problem like this, then it starts happening to me -- just to teach me a lesson. Something I learned many years ago with my kids is that I cannot control them, I can only help to mold and shape them. Ultimately, some children simply go bad regardless of the proper parenting. They have their free agency and I have learned not to judge parents by their children, but to judge parents by their reactions to their children and as such I have learned not to judge myself by the behavior of my children but to judge myself by my reactions to their behavior, i.e. do I continually teach my children that I will not tolerate certain behaviors even if they continue to exhibit them. Some children no matter what you do will turn out bad-but it is incumbent upon parents to continue exhibiting loving leadership and discipline to such child. Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 (edited) My wife came up with what I thought was a better (best) solution for our children. Our oldest was by far the hardest. But we did not want our children to grow up not enjoying church or thinking it was a place they could not enjoy being. So she started training our children at home to sit quietly for an hour or more. She taught them to play quietly sitting on our sofa with quiet toys. Then she provided special Sabbath toys and things to do that were only available during church. It worked so well for us – though it might not work as well for others but we found that we could spend more time ourselves listing to the speakers and less time trying to control children. A most interesting side note is that often our children would observe us listening and would try to figure out what we were so interested in. By the time they were 5 or six they started to get more interested in what was going on in the meetings – so my wife would provide extra treats when we go home to the kids that could answer questions about the talks. We also started giving big candy bars for the 5 church things (if they did all five). 1. Be silent during prayers and the sacrament. 2. Bring their scripture 3. Sing the hymns 4. Do not bug or cause problems with the other kids (this also meant being a good example and encouraging the other siblings to be reverent. 5.Attend all the classes without causing problems during the block. Many times we were asked how we got our kids to behave – we bribed them. But to this day all our children remember going to church with the family as a good and enjoyable thing – even though one currently is inactive. When our oldest son returned from his mission - following the first Sunday - he asked where and when he would get his candy bar (he was not joking he really thought he should get his candy bar). We do not give candy bars or treats out any more. Sad how life changes. one last side note - My wife developed this method mostly because she was alone with the children at church - and I was on the stand in the bishopric. I also got special premission for one of my kids to sit with me on the stand - something they considered an honor but a privilidge they had to earn. Edited February 25, 2016 by Traveler Sunday21 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 25, 2016 Report Share Posted February 25, 2016 56 minutes ago, yjacket said: Some children no matter what you do will turn out bad-but it is incumbent upon parents to continue exhibiting loving leadership and discipline to such child. I think we need only look at the war in heaven to recognize the truth of this statement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David13 Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 I don't have kids (never did). But all the noise doesn't bother me. I know that is the future of the Kingdom, so I'm glad they are there. Today I got whacked from behind about ten times. And three times kids appeared from under the pew by my legs, only to be pulled back by the legs. And one tried to grab my iPad from the pew beside me before being pulled backward. I have suffered much worse in life, believe me. I'm glad to see them there, and usually I can hear most of the talk anyway. dc Jane_Doe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jane_Doe Posted February 29, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 1 hour ago, David13 said: I don't have kids (never did). But all the noise doesn't bother me. I know that is the future of the Kingdom, so I'm glad they are there. Today I got whacked from behind about ten times. And three times kids appeared from under the pew by my legs, only to be pulled back by the legs. And one tried to grab my iPad from the pew beside me before being pulled backward. I have suffered much worse in life, believe me. I'm glad to see them there, and usually I can hear most of the talk anyway. dc My 2 years old stole an iPad from our neighbor today.... Thanks David, this makes me feel a lot better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jerome1232 Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 I have three toddlers. One just turned 3, the other will turn 3 in April, and the youngest turns 2 in June. They aren't all biologically mine but they are all in my custody. The youngest repeats endlessly how unhappy he is with the current situation very loudly. He says "N, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n" for the entirety of sacrament meeting, which we spent in the foyer. The two older ones can wiggle out of my lap sometimes, and take off in opposite directions. All of them know how to open doors. I did get the two older ones to sit quietly holding handout cards with pictures of Christ as their reward. Then they started eating the cards and pretending to be very hungry beasts who gobble up missionary handout cards. One fell over throwing a fit once and thought it was funny, then he started throwing his head into the ground and saying ouch! The second youngest thought that looked like fun and started in on it while I'm holding the youngest, who is doing everything in his power to wriggle out of my grasp, while trying to get them to stop. I was tying the second youngest shoes when the youngest came over and threw himself into both of us then started yelling "N, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n, n!" The oldest began jumping up and down and telling me loudly that "JUDAH (the youngest) IS CRYING!" Sacrament is insane for us, we didn't attend our stake conference because we just can't do that for 2 hours, then last sunday I had mandatory overtime and my wife cannot manage the kids by herself due to health issues. This was probably one of our worst weeks, they were a bit out of practice. Sometimes we make it all the way through sacrament with only a fight or two breaking out, and no endless screaming. Just the occasional complaints about wanting to be next to daddy or whatever it is that strikes them at the time. Little ones are just tough, that's life. The good notes, we made it to sacrament meeting on time this week. We made it to sacrament before they got too unruly. My primary lesson went great. Jane_Doe and Vort 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mordorbund Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 12 hours ago, jerome1232 said: I did get the two older ones to sit quietly holding handout cards with pictures of Christ as their reward. Then they started eating the cards and pretending to be very hungry beasts who gobble up missionary handout cards. We had to cut our scripture reading short one night when they turned into a bunch of wild things because I read about Jacob's two-headed "monster" death and hell. At least they were listening jerome1232 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 29, 2016 Report Share Posted February 29, 2016 My son who was barely able to talk or walk would always say "amen" at the end of a prayer. One day in sacrament meeting, someone ended a talk and he let out the loudest "AMEN" I've ever heard from a kid that small. The entire congregation laughed and later commented. The bishop came to us and said, "Well, at least we know you're praying a lot in your home." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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