Six year faith crisis...how do you hold on?


madasahatter
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Hello! Sorry this is a little long, but this seemed like a good place to ask for advice. Born and raised LDS, both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I found security in the church growing up and was pretty happy. But when I started to question the church, this also pulverized everything I thought I knew and made me feel broken. Until that point, the LDS church felt much simpler to accept. Now I'm more aware that the LDS church is a complicated thing to accept and that no religion can be guaranteed true, which leaves me with conflicted feelings.

For whatever reason, I still feel the spirit and feel that it's true, despite everything that points to the opposite conclusion. Without it, life seems really dark and meaningless--the promises of being with your family forever just hit too hard home and I don't want to lose that. At the same time, though, I have read too much anti-mormon stuff and been disillusioned with too many of the church's current standpoints (ie: that women can't have the priesthood when many Christian churches ordain women, the exclusion policy affecting LGBT families) to connect it with the church I trusted when I was younger. How can I reconcile all of the conflicting feelings? I want to stay in the church and on a spiritual level I feel like it is the right thing to do, but I just can't trust it and don't know how to anymore. Have any of you felt that way? How do you hold on?

Edited by madasahatter
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Guest LiterateParakeet

Madasahatter,

My situation was a bit different but there are similarities. At one point, I was not sure anymore that God existed. But at the same time, I didn't want to throw away something that had been meaningful to me for so long. 

So I did a couple things...first I decided that I would really like everything to be true. I mean the story of Christ is beautiful. So I decided to "plant the seed" as Alma said. He said even if you just have a desire to believe . . . that fit me. I figured I would try to r Egan those feelings I had had before. As part of that, I made an appointment with my Bishop. I told him what I was feeling. He was very kind and understanding. He suggested that I read the Book of Mormon. (I couldn't. I tried, but the many messages of repentance in 1st Nephi made me feel worse---my shame from childhood abuse was crushing). But I did read the New Testament. Later when I had dealt with the shame, I did read the Book of Mormon and it was helpful.

I kept searching and gradually I found the answers I was seeking. You mentioned that you feel the Spirit, that is good. You  didn't say if you are reading the scriptures. In my opinion the only thing that is going to help you overcome the anti stuff is a serious immersion into the scriptures and some humble prayer. Tell Heavenly Father exactly how you feel. Tell him your doubts and questions...he already knows so why not tell him. Pouring my heart out to God about how angry I was with him was one of the best things I did to heal. 

Pray and read the scriptures sounds like a trite easy answer, but there is tremendous power in those two steps. Hang in there.

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4 hours ago, madasahatter said:

How do you hold on?

I'm on my mobile so I'll be brief.

My advice is to have faith and feast on the words of Christ.  Stop reading anti-Mormon stuff, which poisons faith,  and instead pray and immerse yourself in the Scriptures. Try to be humble and grateful. Forgive and repent.  Most of all remember the great commandment:  Love and serve God and others.

 Maybe these are all Sunday School answers. But I have found that the simple Sunday School answers are very profound.

Edited by tesuji
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On 4/9/2016 at 1:59 PM, madasahatter said:

Hello! Sorry this is a little long, but this seemed like a good place to ask for advice. Born and raised LDS, both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I found security in the church growing up and was pretty happy. But when I started to question the church, this also pulverized everything I thought I knew and made me feel broken. Until that point, the LDS church felt much simpler to accept. Now I'm more aware that the LDS church is a complicated thing to accept and that no religion can be guaranteed true, which leaves me with conflicted feelings.

For whatever reason, I still feel the spirit and feel that it's true, despite everything that points to the opposite conclusion. Without it, life seems really dark and meaningless--the promises of being with your family forever just hit too hard home and I don't want to lose that. At the same time, though, I have read too much anti-mormon stuff and been disillusioned with too many of the church's current standpoints (ie: that women can't have the priesthood when many Christian churches ordain women, the exclusion policy affecting LGBT families) to connect it with the church I trusted when I was younger. How can I reconcile all of the conflicting feelings? I want to stay in the church and on a spiritual level I feel like it is the right thing to do, but I just can't trust it and don't know how to anymore. Have any of you felt that way? How do you hold on?

As I have read and thought about your comments, I can't help but think about the cartoon imagery of a person with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other. You know how it goes, both sides whispering different opposing things to the  individual. While in cartoons this imagery may appear funny, in real life however, it is not very fun at all because it causes "Doubt". Sometimes serious doubt, doubt that paralyzes you, doubt that makes you question everything around you down to your own self identity. Which side is right? Which side is better? Which side is telling me the truth? Which side leads me to happiness? If everything I've ever been taught is wrong, then really who am I? Doubt is real. 

It sounds like you are at a crossroads, is your doubt going to destroy you, OR are you going to allow the Lord to help you turn that doubt around and make you stronger than ever. 

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

You are the not first person to have a faith crisis. You are not the first person to hear, see or read something that appears "troubling" about the church, church history or current policies. You are not alone. In fact there are some of "us" on this very forum who have experienced a faith crisis before. 

At some point you need to make a choice, a real choice... which voices are you going to listen to? Those on your left shoulder or right? You are fence sitting right now, so choose a side. By your own words:

Results of the CHURCH SIDE: 
1. "I found security in the church growing up and was pretty happy."
2. "I still feel the spirit and feel that it's true,"
3. "I want to stay in the church and on a spiritual level I feel like it is the right thing to do,"

Results of the ANTI-SIDE:
1. "made me feel broken"
2. "life seems really dark and meaningless"
3. "I just can't trust it"

 So, what joy, happiness, peace to your soul has all the "anti-mormon stuff" brought you? You sound smart enough to understand why we are advised not to read anti-mormon stuff. If internalized, it breaks us down, takes us to dark places without meaning/hope and creates trust issues... exactly what has happened to you. 

Joshua 24:15 "...choose you this day whom ye will serve...".  
The Spirit trying to pull you back OR the Anti-Mormon stuff?

Conclusion: 
1. Decide to follow the promptings of the spirit that you expressed above in "Results of the CHURCH SIDE"
2. STOP being involved with anti-Mormon stuff (misery loves company)
3. Have faith that the Lord can help you turn this experience into a strength!
4. If you have questions/doubts... ask strong faithful members for faithful answers instead, ask how they deal with complex issues and still remain as strong as ever. 
5. As mentioned above by LP & Tesuji: do your sincere prayers & scripture study to bring the spirit to you on a daily basis. 
6. We are here to help too!

 

Edited by NeedleinA
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Dear Mad,

 If you sincerely want to know if the church is true and you are willing to do whatever God asks of you, then I suggest that you commit to praying to know if the church is true. You could commit to 15 minutes earnest prayer daily. Call this your prayer marathon, 15 minutes daily for as long as it takes. During this marathon commit to the Lord that you will strictly live the commandments, eg attend church, pay tithing, be careful about the media that you watch or listen to, etc.

In addition, I read a very useful book called "Shaken Faith Syndrome" by Michael Ash. It goes through most of the lds responses to the antimormon argue nets. Highly recommend!

i was inactive for more than 20 years. You can do this!

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8 hours ago, Sunday21 said:

If you sincerely want to know if the church is true and you are willing to do whatever God asks of you, then I suggest that you commit to praying to know if the church is true.

I suggest that this is insufficient. It is great advice, but your commitment should be more inclusive — broader and longer.

In Alma, we read about the father of Lamoni whose prayer was a true commitment: "… I will give away all my sins to know thee … ." The commitment is to do what He has commanded. If He answers your prayer, it will be because you have tied your life to whatever that answer will be.

The question then becomes, not what is the answer, but what will you do about it when it comes? Father does not want to condemn you, He wants you back home. But if He reveals Himself to you, and you ignore Him, that would not serve His purpose at all, quite the contrary.

In Moroni, there are several things his promise requires of us; Faith in Christ, etc., but the one we forget is, in some ways, the most important: "with real intent". That's what Lamoni's father did, it's what we all need do.

Lehi

Edited by LeSellers
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19 hours ago, madasahatter said:

(women can't have the priesthood when many Christian churches ordain women, the exclusion policy affecting LGBT families) 

Hi madasahatter,

A good testimony rests on the foundation of knowing what you believe, and why you believe it.  Go through this exercise:

- What do I believe about ordaining women?  
- Why do I believe that?
- If you don't have a good reason, find out what you should believe.

You'd be amazed at how difficult it can be to answer that second question.  You may realize that you have no depths to the issue other than "I believe ordaining women should be ok", and you believe it because "other churches do it".   Push yourself on the 2nd question.  Does it sound like a good reason to believe something?  Can you hear your mother in the back of your head saying "if your friends thought jumping off a cliff was a good thing..."  

Keep in mind, I'm not saying this is your example.  I've gone through the exercise a lot of times across years, and I'm often disappointed with the realization that I just don't have a good reason to believe something I've always believed.  Often I've realized I believe something only because I see other groups saying it's ok.  That's not a good reason.

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I submit that every person on this planet have gone through this at one point in their lives.  It is an integral part of Growing Up.

The most common experience for this is that time in most of our lives when we realize our Parents are Human.  That they make mistakes.  That half the time they don't know what they're doing.  That "I'm smarter than they are"....

To keep the relationship with my parents, I go back to the simplicity of outcome.  So, my dad deliberately lied to me when he told me that if I don't sit down for meals I'll get appendicitis.  It was his way of putting us in the habit of sitting down with the family for meals and not getting up until my dad is satisfied that we've had enough quality time.  It was something his own dad did when he was growing up.  He did not think it was a lie in the same manner that he doesn't think becoming Santa Claus is a lie.  It was simply what he knew was the thing to accomplish his goals.

Anyway, I found out this was so not true about the appendicitis... so, I start to ask, what else did he lie to me about?  Until I realized, hey, quality time was a really good goal.  It may not be the right approach (I'm not doing that approach with my kids, obviously) but the concept was sound.

So, growing up, I start to really dig deeper to understand my father's discipline and where it has gotten me.  And I realize, hey, I am where I am because of my dad's principles.  The principles were sound.  The delivery - some are not too good (like the appendicitis and also sending me to bed without dinner because I got 1/10 on a quiz in first grade - the principle is work ethic and the importance of education - etc.), while others are excellent (like the way he loved my mother and demanded that we show her respect at all times).  

I had a period of time in my life where I hated my dad... but as I grew up, I realized how much I love him and the principles that he stood for that made me who I am today.  So yes, the simplicity of outcome... because good things lead us to good choices and bear good fruit.

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On 4/9/2016 at 0:59 PM, madasahatter said:

I have … been disillusioned with too many of the church's current standpoints (ie: that women can't have the priesthood when many Christian churches ordain women, the exclusion policy affecting LGBT families) to connect it with the church I trusted when I was younger.

Why is any of these things (and all the others you may not have mentioned) important to you?

If the Church does not ordain women, and if the Church is the One, True Church of Jesus Christ, led by living prophets of God, then ordaining women is not His plan.

If the Church does not baptize the eight-year-old children of same-sex "marriages", and if the Church is the One, True Church of Jesus Christ, led by living prophets of God, then baptizing these children is not His plan.

The question is not ordination or how to deal with these children, it's whether the Church is true. Anything else is a side issue.

So, we're now back to "Primary answers". Many people denigrate "Primary answers" because they imagine them to be "simple, mindless". But that is not so. They are Primary answers because they are foundational, fundamental, basic — without them, the rest of the structure cannot stand.

So,
1) Ask your prayers.
2) Attend your meetings.
3) Read your scriptures.
4) Render meaningful service.

Anything else is a side issue.

Lehi

Edited by LeSellers
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I hope "madasahatter" actually comes back to read all the responses.
I often wonder this on certain threads, so I periodically check the "last visited" status on users. Perhaps they have viewed the thread, but simply not logged in? 

Edited by NeedleinA
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On 4/9/2016 at 2:59 PM, madasahatter said:

Hello! Sorry this is a little long, but this seemed like a good place to ask for advice. Born and raised LDS, both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I found security in the church growing up and was pretty happy. But when I started to question the church, this also pulverized everything I thought I knew and made me feel broken. Until that point, the LDS church felt much simpler to accept. Now I'm more aware that the LDS church is a complicated thing to accept and that no religion can be guaranteed true, which leaves me with conflicted feelings.

For whatever reason, I still feel the spirit and feel that it's true, despite everything that points to the opposite conclusion. Without it, life seems really dark and meaningless--the promises of being with your family forever just hit too hard home and I don't want to lose that. At the same time, though, I have read too much anti-mormon stuff and been disillusioned with too many of the church's current standpoints (ie: that women can't have the priesthood when many Christian churches ordain women, the exclusion policy affecting LGBT families) to connect it with the church I trusted when I was younger. How can I reconcile all of the conflicting feelings? I want to stay in the church and on a spiritual level I feel like it is the right thing to do, but I just can't trust it and don't know how to anymore. Have any of you felt that way? How do you hold on?

Some things I don't get. You are disillusioned with the Church's stance on homosexuality?  You do realize that the current popular opinion on homosexuality has only been around for about 10 years. The Defense of Marriage Act was passed in 1996. It wasn't until 2011 that a majority of people in this country believed homosexual "marriage" should be legal http://www.pewforum.org/2015/07/29/graphics-slideshow-changing-attitudes-on-gay-marriage/

That was only 4 years ago. God's word through the scriptures condemn homosexuality and it's practices (Leviticus 18:22). I don't know how old you are, but I'm not that old and I remember when homosexual "marriage" was scoffed at and laughed at.

madasahatter, sorry to be the one to break it to you-but the Church hasn't really changed-you've simply adopted the morals of the world and have in effect left the Church.

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23 minutes ago, yjacket said:

madasahatter, sorry to be the one to break it to you-but the Church hasn't really changed-you've simply adopted the morals of the world and have in effect left the Church.

This is the age-old conflict: does God have an immutable standard, or does He change with the "wisdom" of the times?

The fact is, there is a stable moral ethic that He has revealed to us. Man is what changes, not Him.

But the pride of mankind, of individual men, often trumps the knowledge of God, and they put their intellect above His.

Pride, the scripture tells us, goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before the fall.

Lehi

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Simply read the Book of Mormon with prayer daily.  I almost left the church three years ago.  I cannot as long as I am reading that book everyday (I read 30 minutes minimum).  It is near impossible to leave. I post little snippets from my reading from my Kindle. You can go there and read three years worth of gems I get out of reading that book everyday.  I especially post snippets that help dispel doubt and challenges posed by those against the Church.  https://kindle.amazon.com/profile/D-Eldredge/28706876

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On 09/04/2016 at 4:59 AM, madasahatter said:

Hello! Sorry this is a little long, but this seemed like a good place to ask for advice. Born and raised LDS, both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, I found security in the church growing up and was pretty happy. But when I started to question the church, this also pulverized everything I thought I knew and made me feel broken. Until that point, the LDS church felt much simpler to accept. Now I'm more aware that the LDS church is a complicated thing to accept and that no religion can be guaranteed true, which leaves me with conflicted feelings.

For whatever reason, I still feel the spirit and feel that it's true, despite everything that points to the opposite conclusion. Without it, life seems really dark and meaningless--the promises of being with your family forever just hit too hard home and I don't want to lose that. At the same time, though, I have read too much anti-mormon stuff and been disillusioned with too many of the church's current standpoints (ie: that women can't have the priesthood when many Christian churches ordain women, the exclusion policy affecting LGBT families) to connect it with the church I trusted when I was younger. How can I reconcile all of the conflicting feelings? I want to stay in the church and on a spiritual level I feel like it is the right thing to do, but I just can't trust it and don't know how to anymore. Have any of you felt that way? How do you hold on?

Life says for now the Mormon church acts like the true Christian church, if Joseph Smith lied it's the best of all the lies the world has created about him.

 

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